Privilege
by robinscorpiofan
Summary: Erin and Jay are working on getting this whole parenting thing down, while also dealing with the struggles that come with marriage and raising children. A to Z one shot series revolving around Linstead as a married couple with four children. Sequel to Trust!
1. Always

**It's here!**

 **This is the sequel to** _ **Trust**_ **and will be a collection of one shots that are all in the same universe, but are not in chronological order. You do not necessarily have to read** _ **Trust**_ **to read this, but I would recommend it for some background.**

 **I'm sorry for the long wait, I've been incredibly busy and I really struggled with how to begin this story, but I think I've finally gotten this to a place where I'm satisfied with it.**

 **Warning you now, this chapter is really long. This will be an introduction to their family and their children and jump around to random points, like learning they are expecting, points in the pregnancy, births, things like that. It will not show all of these moments for each child right now because I have things planned out for other chapters. That being said, I will not have all of these individual moments (births, pregnancy reveals, etc.) for each of their kids. But I do have some planned out for later chapters!**

 **If there is anything you would like to see, please let me know! I don't have all of the letters planned out yet and I really need some ideas, so I want to know what you all would like to see!**

 **Please remember to review and let me know what you think!**

 **A: Always**

 _*Three years, four kids. But times flies when you're having fun, doesn't it?_

Erin Lindsay had never really been the marrying, motherly type. She was born into bad news- her mother was a junkie and her father had been in and out of jail for her entire life. She had practically raised her younger brother, Teddy, for her entire childhood until he disappeared, later for it to be discovered that he had gotten taken into a child trafficking ring. She was a former heroin addict, she had been in too many abusive relationships to count, she had a lot of self-esteem issues, and she had so many walls built up that she didn't blame men for not wanting to even attempt to break them down.

But then, Jay Halstead came along. She wasn't expecting that when she signed up to join the Intelligence Unit, she would be partnering up with the man she would spend the rest of her life with. But her father figure/boss Hank Voight had paired them up and he had had her back ever since. First, they were just sleeping together behind Voight's back, then he was pulling her out of the hole she had dug herself into after Nadia's death, then they were actually dating, then they got engaged, and finally they decided to get married.

Now, she was Erin Halstead and she had never been happier.

It didn't take long after the wedding for her and Jay to find a house that they liked. They had never been big, flashy people, so they found something modest that could fit in their budget. It had three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a decent backyard, and a room that Jay could use for his man cave. It was absolutely perfect, but Erin still felt her heart aching a little bit, and she knew why.

She was ready for a baby.

She and Jay had talked about it a lot. Even before they were engaged, they mentioned it in discussions about their future. They both wanted kids and had agreed that their dream was to have a little boy and a little girl. But now that she was actually wanting one, she wasn't sure how to approach the subject. What if Jay wasn't ready? She didn't want to make him uncomfortable or make him feel like she was trying to pressure him into something. But every time she walked past those two extra rooms in their house, even though they were set up as an office and a guest room, she felt her heart ache a little bit more.

"Erin?" she heard Jay call out her name and realized that he had been talking to her. She was sitting in bed and he had just gotten out of the shower. He was staring at her with a weird expression. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I've been talking to you and you're just staring at the wall and not responding."

"I want a baby." She blurted out. She immediately felt her cheeks flush at the admission and she stared down at her lap.

Erin felt the bed dip as Jay came over to sit next to her. He reached over to grab her hands from her lap.

"Hey, talk to me." He said gently. "What do you mean you want a baby?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry." She tried to pull away from him, but his grip on her was firm.

"Erin." His voice didn't leave any room for argument.

"I've just been thinking about it a lot lately." She admitted. "I didn't mean to blurt it out like that, but I think I am ready to try for a baby. I just can't stop imagining us with a kid, Jay. What's stopping us? We always said that we wanted to get married, have everything be stable at work, and have a house. We have all of that." She finally got the courage to look at him and she was surprised to see a smile on his face. "What?" she asked self-consciously.

"Hey, if you're ready, I'm ready." Jay informed her. "I've just been waiting on you to give me the go ahead."

"Stop, this is serious. We need to have a real conversation."

"Why? Everything you just said is true. We've been married for six months now, everything else in our life is good. I am so in love with you that sometimes I can't believe it's possible. Why shouldn't we share some of that love with a baby?"

And Erin realized he was right. Why did it have to be a big conversation? They had already talked about having kids. They had already discussed how they would raise them and what kind of parents they would be. If they were ready, then they were ready.

"What are you thinking, baby?" Jay wondered.

Erin smiled. "I'm ready to have a baby with you."

"Then let's stop using protection."

She reached over into her nightstand drawer and grabbed her birth control pills. She took the package and threw it into the garbage can. When she turned back around, Jay wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her towards the bed. She giggled as he peppered kisses on her face and neck.

"I love you." He told her, finally landing a kiss on her lips.

"I love you too." She kissed him back more forcefully.

She couldn't believe they were going to try for a baby.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

It was May when she missed her period. They had been trying for two months and they were working a rough case, so it took her a few days to notice that she was late. Four days passed before she let herself get excited with the possibility that she could actually be carrying Jay's baby.

Erin wasn't sure what to do. She didn't know if she wanted to tell him right away or try and surprise him with the news. But when they got a break in the case that made Hank send Jay out to a scene with Alvin and Adam and he told Erin to go home and get some rest, she took that as an opportunity.

She went to the drug store and bought three different pregnancy tests, figuring that they could never be too sure. She was pretty much bouncing by the time she got to the checkout counter; she was ready to get home and know for sure.

She tried not to get her hopes up too much, just in case she wasn't actually pregnant. But with every passing minute, she could feel herself getting more and more attached to the idea that in a couple months, she would be a mother.

Erin got to the house and pulled her car into the driveway. She unlocked the front door quickly, kicked her shoes off, and then ran upstairs to the master bedroom. She pulled the tests out of the boxes and read the directions quickly, and then started to do what needed to be done for them.

It only took three minutes for the tests to tell the results, but it felt like the longest three minutes of her life. Erin left the tests on the bathroom sink and paced anxiously back and forth. She was kind of wishing now that she had waited for Jay; he would know exactly what to say right now to calm down her anxieties.

The timer she had set on her phone beeped and she practically ran over to check out the tests.

 _Positive._

 _Positive._

 _Positive._

She felt the tears fill her eyes as she smiled. She was pregnant. She and Jay were going to have a baby. She took a picture of the tests on her phone, figuring that she might want a memory of this for later.

Now, she wondered how she would tell Jay. She could try and keep it a secret for a little bit and come up with some big surprise, but that wasn't really their style. She wanted him to know as soon as possible.

She threw the tests in the garbage and washed her hands, then went out to the kitchen to start dinner. As she prepared the food, she stared to daydream about what their lives would look like from now on. In less than a year, they would have a baby boy or baby girl in their arms. A little one who was half her and half Jay.

Her hand drifted down to her stomach and she let it linger there for a second. In all of her life, Erin had never let herself imagine the possibility that she could be happy. But now, she finally was.

Her phone lit up with a text message and she looked to see who it was. She wasn't surprised to see her husband's name.

 _From: Jay_

 _Lead was a bust. I'll be home in twenty minutes._

 _To: Jay_

 _Okay. Dinner's almost ready._

She took a deep breath. Pretty soon, she would be telling her husband that she was pregnant with their first child. If someone would have told her that two years ago, she probably would have slapped them.

The tacos she was making were finished before Jay arrived, so she turned the stove off and decided to let them sit. She went over and sat on the couch and almost immediately after, she heard the key in the front door.

She watched Jay from where she sat. The first thing he did was straighten her shoes, which she had kicked off when she ran in instead of organizing them like he was always bothering her about. He took off his own shoes and then looked up and saw her watching. He smiled.

"Hey baby." He greeted as he removed his gun and badge. "I'm gonna go put this stuff away. Have you eaten yet?"

"No, everything just finished cooking."

"Perfect. I'll be down in a second." He went upstairs. She knew he was going to their bedroom closet where they kept the safe that held their guns and badges.

Jay came down a minute later and went straight to her, leaning down to press a kiss to her lips. She put her hands on his cheeks to hold him there for a second and then rested her forehead against his. She knew that this would be their last moment when it was just them.

After he knew, he would be really protective. Everything would become about making sure she was comfortable and happy and safe. He would do everything in his power to create a positive environment for their baby to come into. She knew that he would hover and it would probably drive her crazy. It made her smile.

She was ready.

Erin pulled away from him and she could see the slightly curious look on Jay's face. He could obviously tell that something was going on, but she knew that this was probably the last thing on his mind. She pulled him so that he was sitting down on the couch and moved so that she was straddling his lap. He instantly wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I love you." Erin said, bringing her right hand up to play with the hair on his neck.

"I love you too." He spoke slowly, raising an eyebrow. "Is everything okay?"

"Mmhmm." She leaned forward and hugged him, relaxing in his strong embrace. Jay didn't question it. She took a deep breath and then sat back up so she could look him in the eyes. She moved one of his hands so it wasn't around her anymore and put it on her stomach. "You ready to be a daddy?"

Erin watched his face for any signs of regret, but there was nothing. He definitely looked shocked, but she could see his eyes starting to tear up. "What?" he managed to finally get out.

"We're having a baby, Jay."

"How do you know?" she wasn't sure if he even noticed how his thumb started to stroke her stomach.

"I realized I was late on my period. I stopped and got three pregnancy tests on my way home. They all came back positive."

"We're having a baby?" he repeated.

"We're having a baby." She confirmed.

He hugged her to him tightly and kissed the side of her head. "God, I love you so much. I can't wait to see our baby. We should probably call and set up an actual appointment tomorrow so you can get all of the vitamins and everything that you need."

"I was already planning on it." Erin reassured him. "I'm just not looking forward to having to go on desk duty."

"I know you're not, but it'll be worth it." Jay kissed her again. "This is so amazing, Erin."

She smiled at his happiness. She was so lucky she had found a guy who was just as thrilled to be starting a family as she was.

"Jay, I'm starving. Can we eat now?"

"Of course. Sorry." He kissed her forehead one last time before letting her climb off of his lap.

Erin led the way to the kitchen and started to make her tacos. She could feel Jay watching her and she turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow. "Stop staring."

"I'm sorry. I just can't believe this. Our baby is in there, Erin." He gestured towards her stomach.

Erin saw her phone sitting on the counter and she grabbed it, pulling up her camera. She turned it towards him and took a picture, smiling at how happy he looked.

"Why did you do that?"

"I want to document everything."

"Why?"

"I think I've only seen two, maybe three pictures of me as a kid. Our baby deserves better. I want to remember everything and put it in one of those baby albums for them."

"Can't leave yourself out then." Jay grabbed her phone from her hand and turned it around on her. He snapped a picture. "Perfect."

Erin felt the blush rise to her cheeks. "Just eat your tacos." She tried to move past him, but Jay wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her into his chest.

"I want you to know how happy you have made me. I am so proud to be your husband, and now I can't wait to have a child with you. I love you so much, Erin."

She felt herself tear up at his words. He always knew exactly what to say to her to make her feel like the most special person in the world.

"Thank you, I love you too." She cuddled closer to him, enjoying this moment and letting it sink in that in a matter of months, she would be a mother.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

On February 4th, 2018, Erin and Jay welcomed their little boy into the world. Erin was in labor for almost 24 hours and she had nearly given up, but then, Connor William Halstead was born. The two parents were immediately in love with their baby.

Erin went on maternity leave and Jay was able to take two weeks off before going back to work. The rest of the unit was pretty understanding with the fact that their partners had a new baby at home, so it wasn't uncommon that Voight would send Jay home earlier than the others, or that one of the guys would volunteer to finish Jay's paperwork for him. Things were settling nicely and they were adjusting to being parents pretty well.

Jay finished showering after a long day at work, tossing his towel into the hamper and exiting the master bathroom to see what his family was doing. Erin was lying on her side with Connor in the middle of the bed, her gaze focused on the baby. He went over to the two of them and climbed into bed on Connor's other side, leaning over to kiss Erin quickly. He had fallen even more in love with her since their son's birth, if that was possible.

He turned his attention to Connor. That little boy had definitely captured his heart. They didn't have any baby pictures of Erin to look at, but Jay had gotten a few of his out and they were almost identical to what Connor looked like now. His son had big, blue eyes and a head full of light brown hair, along with all of his facial features. Erin argued that it wasn't fair that she had to deal with being pregnant and then the baby didn't even look like her, but he knew that she secretly loved the fact that Connor resembled him so much.

"When do you wanna have another baby?" Jay asked.

Erin looked like a deer caught in headlights. "Excuse me?" he repeated the question. "This one isn't even a month old. Can we get him to his first birthday before we start talking about having more?"

"So you want to wait until Connor is a year old?"

"I don't know." She sounded exhausted and Jay almost regretted bringing it up. "When do _you_ want to have another baby? Clearly you have a timeline in mind."

"I want our kids to be close in age, like Will and I. I just don't imagine us being one of those couples with a five-year age gap between kids."

Erin wrinkled her nose. "No, I don't think we'll wait that long." She reached out and stroked a finger down Connor's cheek. "I think I would want them to be two or three years apart."

"I was thinking two years." Jay agreed.

Erin's eyes were starting to drift closed. "Can we talk about this when Connor is a little older?"

"Sure, baby." He just wanted her to get some rest now that their son was asleep. "How about you go to sleep? You look tired."

Erin reached out and gently lifted Connor into her arms. She moved him so that he was in his bassinet on her side of the bed. It wasn't unusual for him to sleep in bed with them, but Jay could already see where she was going with this. Erin scooted across the bed and right into his arms, burying her face in his chest. Jay let her cuddle into him and kissed the top of her head and closed his own eyes, feeling sleep overtake him almost immediately. Being a father to a newborn was exhausting, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

 _Positive._

 _Positive_

 _Positive._

As Jay saw the tears well up in Erin's eyes, he wasn't sure what the right thing to say was in that moment. She knew that she hadn't wanted to be pregnant right then. Connor was only five months old and she had wanted to wait until he was at least a year to even _talk_ about the possibility of getting pregnant again. Beyond that, she had only been off of desk duty for three months now and Jay knew that she was not eager to get back on it.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay, babe. This is good news, remember? It might not have been at the best time, but we're going to be parents again! Connor is going to be a big brother!"

"But I'm not ready." Erin told him, her head resting in her hands. "I can't do this."

"Yes you can."

"No I can't!" she raised her head so she could meet his eyes. "This wasn't supposed to happen!"

"Well we haven't exactly been careful and we both know how a pregnancy happens, so it's kind of our fault." Jay tried to lighten the mood. "It's going to be okay."

"How are we going to give Connor the childhood he deserves?"

Now, Jay honestly was confused. "What do you mean?"

"He has only gotten five months with just us. How are we supposed to pay attention to him when we are constantly worried about my pregnancy? Things will only get worse once the baby comes. I wanted to be able to focus on just him for a while. I never had parents around who paid attention; I wanted to do that for him."

"Erin, we still can. A baby isn't going to change that. This isn't a bad thing. We are just expanding our family. Yes, it's earlier than we expected, but this is still good news!" Jay grabbed her hands and put them on her stomach. "Tell me you don't already love this baby."

Erin's tears spilled over and he knew then that she did. She leaned towards him and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him. "I'm scared, Jay."

"This is big news and it's scary." He kissed the top of her head. "But I promise you that everything will be okay."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin didn't take long to come around to the idea of becoming a mother again. She was still really nervous and felt guilty for getting pregnant so soon, but she had started to get excited about the fact that soon, there would be another little piece of her and Jay on this earth.

She sat in the waiting room of Med with six month old Connor in her arms. Today was her first ultrasound and she couldn't wait to get it over with. Connor was not happy, it was over a hundred degrees outside, and she wasn't sure if Jay would be there or not. She had opted to stay home today instead of going in for her usual desk duty and Jay had said he would do everything he could to meet her there, but Intelligence was working a big case right now and they had caught a big lead that morning that had Jay running out of the house before the sun was up.

"Erin Halstead?" the nurse called out. She stood up, shifting Connor to her right hip. She grabbed his car seat and diaper bag in her left arm and followed her back to the waiting room.

"Hello, my name is Angela. How are you today?"

"I'm good, how are you?"

"Good, thank you. I need you to step up on this scale. I can hold him for you if you need me to."

"Thank you." Erin wasn't sure how willing Connor would be to go to her, but she figured she might as well try. She put down the car seat and diaper bag first, then transferred the baby to Angela's arms. She stepped on the scale just as Connor's bottom lip started to quiver.

"I've got it; you can step down."

Erin quickly took Connor back before he started to cry. He was a relatively calm baby, but he didn't do well with strangers. She rubbed his back and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"He's adorable. What's his name?"

"Connor." She answered with a smile. She still found it a little weird that strangers would talk to her just because she was holding a baby, but it was sweet. Her handsome baby definitely attracted a lot of attention.

"I love that name." Angela finished making a note on her chart. "Alright, let's go back to this room." Erin grabbed Connor's car seat and diaper bag again and followed her to the exam room she would be in. She answered the list of questions that she was asked all while trying to keep Connor calm. He was starting to get fussy and she didn't know how they would be able to do an ultrasound while she was holding a screaming baby. "Alright, Erin, you should be good to go. The ultrasound technician should be in to see you in just a few minutes. Before I go, may I ask if you are related to Dr. Will Halstead who works in the ER?"

"He's my brother-in-law." Erin responded. "Do you think that you could page him for me?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Thank you so much."

Angela exited the room and Erin was left alone. She checked her phone and saw that she had no messages from Jay, which meant that he must still be tied up with work.

Connor stared to cry and she knew that meant he was hungry. She had breastfed him since birth, but she had packed him a bottle she had pumped because she knew they would be out and she didn't really feel like having the ultrasound tech or Will walk in on her while she was feeding.

"Shhh, it's okay. You're okay, buddy." She pulled the bottle out and rocked him gently. "You're alright, Connor. Mama's here. Are you hungry?" she stuck the bottle in his mouth and he immediately quieted. "There you go."

She heard two rapid knocks on the door before it opened, revealing the face of Dr. Will Halstead. He looked more worried than she had ever seen. "Hey, is everything okay?"

"Can you sit with me for a little bit?"

"Of course. Where's Jay?" he questioned.

"He got stuck at work. I'm about to have my ultrasound and Connor is really fussy because he's hungry. I'm sure you have other stuff to take care of, but I don't know what else to do."

"Hey, I'm actually pretty bored down in the ER and besides that, there is nothing I would rather do than spend time with my nephew. Hand him over." He held his arms out and Erin transferred her son to him. She held her breath, waiting to see if Connor would cry. Will wasn't a stranger to him, but he definitely preferred her or Jay to anyone else, especially when he was in a fussy mood. But he must have been too engulfed with his bottle to notice because he stayed quiet.

A woman Erin had never met came into the room. "Good afternoon, I'm Amanda, I am the ultrasound technician." she noticed her colleague sitting in the chair. "Hey Will, I didn't know you were married. Congratulations on the baby!"

"Oh no, I'm not. This is my sister-in-law. My brother got held up at work, so I'm just sitting with her and helping out with my nephew."

"Oh, I'm sorry." She looked at Erin. "It's nice to meet you, Erin. I'm going to be doing your ultrasound today."

As Amanda got everything ready for the ultrasound, Erin watched her son. He still looked content, which was good. She was hoping that he would fall asleep on the car ride home so that she could get some cleaning done around the house after this.

Her thoughts drifted to Jay. She really wished that he was here right now. She could feel her nerves starting to settle in at the idea of seeing her baby for the first time. She hoped that there was nothing wrong with her child, and also hoped that Jay wouldn't be upset that his brother was seeing the baby before him.

"Erin, I've got some news for you." Amanda said, bringing her attention back to what was going on.

"What's wrong? Is the baby okay?" she felt her heart start to race as the possibilities started to run through her mind. This would be her karma. She hadn't been excited for the baby at first, so now, it would be taken away from her.

Erin looked at Will, who had a confused look on his face as he stared at the monitor. She knew that he could tell whatever was going on by his expression.

"Will?" she asked anxiously.

"The baby is fine." Amanda reassured her.

"Jay is gonna be pissed he wasn't here." Will chimed in. "Is that…"

"It is." Amanda confirmed.

"Can someone tell me what is going on?" Erin interrupted. She was sick of the back and forth between the two of them. She wanted to know what was going on with her child.

"You're a little over ten weeks along with twins!"

Erin felt like she was going to puke, and then she actually _did_ lean over and puke into the garbage can next to the bed she was lying on. At the same time, Connor must have sensed his mother's mood change because he started to cry.

"It's okay, Erin." Will awkwardly tried to comfort her.

"I can't be having twins." She directed at Amanda. "There's no way."

"Lie back and I'll let you listen to the heartbeat." She said gently, probably understanding now that this was bigger news than she had made it out to be.

But Erin laid back and let the tech run the ultrasound wand across her stomach. She listened as a heartbeat filled the room, and then the sound intensified. She could still remember the first time she had heard Connor's heartbeat and she knew that it shouldn't be this fast or this loud. She knew that this would only happen if there were two.

She closed her eyes and allowed herself to take a deep breath. First, she would take Connor from Will and get him calmed down. Then, she would call Jay and tell him that she needed him to come home. Then, they would figure this out together. They always did.

She opened her eyes again and sat up. Will handed her a towel in silence and she wiped the gel off of her stomach and adjusted her shirt.

"Thank you, Amanda." She told the ultrasound technician. "Do I set up my next appointment at the front desk?" Erin knew that she did, but she said it mostly to calm down the woman. She looked terrified.

"Yeah, you can make it before you leave."

"Thanks."

Amanda left the room, leaving Erin alone with Will and Connor. She got down off the table and grabbed her son from her uncle. After she did, Will got up to take care of the garbage can she had thrown up in. She was surprised; he didn't really seem like the kind of doctor who took care of patients' vomit. But she wasn't any ordinary patient.

"Shhh, you're okay. Calm down, baby. Mama's got you. You're okay." She bounced Connor gently against her shoulder and rubbed his back. She felt him burp and looked over to see some spit up come with it. She grabbed one of his burp clothes and wiped his mouth off and then her shirt. "Do you feel better, Connor? Huh? Was your tummy hurting? You're okay now." She sat down and he cuddled into her chest, quieting down.

"You're amazing with him." Will told her.

"I just get lucky." She stated.

"No, you know exactly what he wants. I had no idea why he was crying. Do you know why you knew what he wanted? Because you're his mom. I can tell that you're scared to have two new babies coming, Erin, but you're an amazing mother. You and Jay are gonna be just as annoyingly good at parenting twins as you are at everything else."

"Thanks." She said, partly because she was surprised by his words and partly because she wanted him to be quiet. She needed to think and she couldn't do that when he was talking. She just wanted to get home.

"Are you going to call Jay before you leave?"

"Yeah, I guess I should do it now." Erin didn't really want to call him while Will was around. She was scared that she would break as soon as she heard his voice and she didn't want Will to see her like that. She didn't know why she was so embarrassed; it's not like it would be the first time her brother-in-law had witnessed her tears.

Erin hit Jay's name in her contacts and waited for him to pick up as she stared down at Connor's face. He was starting to get tired and she was grateful for that at least. She hoped that he would take a good afternoon nap.

The phone went to voicemail and she hung up, deciding to text him instead.

 _To: Jay_

 _Hey, call me when you can. I'm leaving Med now._

"No answer?" Will asked.

"They were working a busy case today." Erin informed him. "He's probably just tied up with a lead."

"He knew that you had an ultrasound though. Why wouldn't he step away to answer?"

"Are you trying to stress me out even more?" she demanded.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." Will shook his head. "I'm an idiot. Do you need help getting down to your car?"

"No, I can take it from here."

"Are you sure?" before he could offer any more help, his pager went off. "I can carry Connor's car seat down for you."

"I'm okay, Will. I promise."

"Alright. Well tell Jay to call me when he gets a chance, okay?" he hugged her quickly and kissed Connor's forehead. "I don't know if you're ready to hear it yet, but congratulations."

"Thank you for being here."

"Anything for you and my nephew." He smiled one last time and then left.

Erin loaded Connor into his car seat and grabbed the rest of her stuff. She made her way to the front desk and scheduled her next appointment, and then got out to the car and buckled Connor in. She realized that her car wouldn't fit three car seats in and that some changes were going to have to be made.

That led to her thinking that their kids would have to share rooms now. She had never wanted that, which was why she and Jay had specifically bought a three-bedroom house. They had planned on having only two children so that they could give them everything that they never had, but how would that change now with three?

She felt a tear slide down her cheek and cursed herself. She glanced at her phone, but there was still no reply from Jay. She started to debate on if she should call Hank and make sure he was alright, but then she convinced herself that she was just freaking out because of what Will had said.

Erin got home and put Connor down for his nap and then started dinner. As she was cooking, she got a message from her husband.

 _From: Jay_

 _Sorry, rough case. Gonna be a late night. Don't wait up._

She felt anger surge through her. He couldn't even bother to ask how the ultrasound had gone? She knew that part of this was hormones. It must be a pretty bad case for Jay's mind to be that far gone that he didn't wonder how her first ultrasound was. But it still stung.

Erin went through the motions of their nightly routine. She fed and played with Connor, gave him his bath, put him to bed, took a shower, and watched TV. She was lying in bed staring at the ceiling when she finally heard the front door open. She glanced over at the clock and saw that it was almost 1am.

She could hear his quiet footsteps coming down the hall. She knew that he wouldn't come to their bedroom yet, and her suspicions were confirmed when she heard Connor's door open across the hallway. It closed a few seconds later and she saw her husband's shadow in the doorway.

"I told you not to wait up." He whispered into the darkness.

"Are you going to shower?" she replied instead.

"Yeah."

"Go shower."

Jay went wordlessly into the bathroom. Erin kept her back to the bathroom door as she struggled against the emotions bubbling inside of her. She wanted to be happy. She knew that she was _supposed_ to be happy. But how was she supposed to handle three small children? Connor was only six months old; by the time these babies were born, they would only be thirteen months younger than him. How would they handle this?

She heard the shower water shut off and she knew that she couldn't keep this from him. She turned the light on and sat up, waiting until he came out. Jay came into the bedroom and noticed her sitting there.

"Erin, you should really get to bed." Jay told her as he threw his dirty clothes into the hamper. "It's late."

"What was your case about?"

"I don't want to talk about work right now."

"Jay, you didn't even ask." She couldn't keep the emotion out of her voice that time. "I want to know what has you so wrapped up in your mind that you can't even ask me what happened today."

He frowned for a second and then realization seemed to dawn on him. "The ultrasound." He sat next to her. "Is everything okay? Is our baby alright?"

"Yeah, our babies are fine."

"That's good." Jay's head snapped in her direction. "Wait…did you say babies?"

Erin's eyes filled with tears. "We're having twins."

Jay pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "Hey, it's okay. Don't stress out about this. This is good news, baby. I know we always said that we wanted two kids, but three kids could be fun. Neither of us know what that's like. We both only grew up with one sibling, so maybe it'll be fun for Connor to have two. Besides that, we're awesome parents. Connor's been alive for six months now without any major damage, and he's pretty cute, so I think that we can make that happen again."

Erin sank into his arms. "I needed you there today."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, and I'm sorry I didn't ask about the appointment. We had a kidnapping case today that didn't have a happy ending." He kissed her head. "These cases have become so much harder now that I'm a dad, but I wouldn't trade that for anything. I love having you and Connor, and now our new babies to come home to."

"I love you." Erin said.

"I love you too." Jay squeezed her tight. "I promise you that we can do this. How hard can two more be?"

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"I hope we're having boys."

Jay was driving to Chicago Med so that they could go to Erin's ultrasound. Today, they would be finding out if their twins were boys or girls.

"Really?" he commented. "We always talked about how we wanted a boy and a girl when we thought we were only having two. I figure that this is probably going to be it for us, so I really hope that at least one is a girl, if not both."

"I'd rather have boys. I've done well with Connor. I can handle boys."

"You would be an amazing mom to a little girl too." He glanced over at her to gauge her reaction to his words and he could see her obvious discomfort. Erin turned her head to look out the window.

This entire pregnancy, she had been…off. It was honestly pretty strange to him. He had always figured that when the time came for them to have a baby, he would have to do some extra convincing with Erin to reassure her that she would be a good mom. It just came with her past and what she had been through and the fact that she had grown up with Bunny as an example of what a mother should be like. But surprisingly, she had been pretty calm throughout her pregnancy with Connor. This second pregnancy was the one that was hitting her much harder.

"What about our little Sophia?" he brought up the name that they had discussed years ago when talking about having a daughter. "We always agreed on Connor and Sophia. If we have twin boys, we'll just have to have one more so we can get our little girl."

"No." Erin shook her head. "This is it. Three is enough."

"Do you have any more ideas for boy names?" Jay tried to change the subject. Up until right before Connor was born, they thought he would be Connor Henry Halstead after Hank, but they ended up changing it to William after his brother. "Maybe Henry?"

Erin turned to him and he could see the gratefulness in her eyes. "Really?"

"You know I don't have a problem with naming our son after Voight. But I draw the line at calling him Little Hank. He's going to have to be Henry."

Erin smiled slightly. "Thank you."

"Does that mean you like the name Henry?"

"I've always loved the name Henry, but I never wanted to step on any toes by using it as a first name in case Justin…" she trailed off, but the implications were made. Her brother was dead now and the only grandchildren Voight would be getting were from her, so if she wanted the name, it was hers. Jay was pretty sure if they brought it up to him, he would try and talk them out of it, so it would have to be something they decided on and didn't mention until they introduced Hank to the baby in the hospital.

Jay grabbed Erin's hand to try and offer some comfort to her. He knew that the subject of Justin's death was still hard for her.

"I like Henry." Erin stated.

"Then we'll use Henry if we have a boy. Any middle name ideas?"

She shook her head. "You?"

"We'll think about it."

They arrived to the hospital and Jay found a parking spot. He got Connor out of his car seat and held him close to his chest. Their little boy was 9 months old now and becoming more and more active. Because it was November and it was cold outside, Jay covered him with a blanket and tried to keep him warm. Erin walked ahead of him and opened the door so that he could enter without taking his hands off of the baby. They got onto the elevator together.

Jay started to envision what his life would be like pretty soon. It wouldn't take long before they had two little babies here. He couldn't deny that it was going to be rough, but he knew that they could handle it. He was excited to meet their babies.

They got into their appointment pretty quickly and Erin entertained herself by focusing on Connor. She had started out by breastfeeding him, but they had switched over to formula not too long after she found out she was pregnant. Luckily, it had been an easy switch and now Jay was able to help out with the feedings more, which gave Erin more time to rest. She grabbed a bottle from the diaper bag and fed the baby so that he would be calm during the appointment.

First, they went through all of the typical things that Erin had to do during an appointment. Then, it was time for the ultrasound. Jay sat next to her and held Connor on his lap as the ultrasound tech, a woman named Stacy, rubbed the gel across Erin's stomach.

"Alright, and there is Baby A." she brought up an image on the screen that brought an involuntary smile to Jay's face. "And there's Baby B." he couldn't help but lean forward and kiss Erin's temple. She looked over and smiled at him. "Everything looks to be normal with both babies' development. I'm just going to check on a few things." She started to move the wand around as she studied the screen. "Both of their hearts look good, head circumference is good, the spines look good, it looks like you have two healthy babies."

"Can you tell what we're having?" Erin wondered.

Stacy smiled. "It looks like you're having two little boys."

"Thank God." Erin breathed out a sigh of relief. "You hear that, Connor? You're going to have two little brothers!" she grabbed the baby's hand and started to play with his tiny fingers.

Jay was happy that he would have two more healthy sons. He had wanted a daughter, but boys were good too. He kissed Erin quickly.

"Two boys, just like you wanted."

"I'm sorry we're not having a girl." She said.

"Hey, healthy babies are good enough for me." He kissed her forehead. Stacy passed her a towel so that she could wipe her stomach off. She printed off copies of their ultrasound so that they could each have one, and they asked for a third that they knew Voight would love.

"The two of you can make your next appointment out at the front desk. Congratulations!"

"Thank you." They said in unison.

Erin made her next appointment and then it was time to go. Jay already knew where they were going; they had to give someone else the good news.

The ride to Voight's was nearly silent. Jay couldn't help but notice the parallels from the last time they found out the sex of a baby. When they learned Connor was a boy, the car had been filled with endless talk of nurseries and clothes and all the things they wanted to do with him.

"Talk to me, Erin." He finally broke the silence. "What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've been different lately. Withdrawn. Quiet. I want to know what's happening inside of your head."

She refused to look at him. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine. I'm not trying to argue with you, I just need to know what's happening. Is it the babies?" he could tell by her expression that he had hit the nail on the head. She had a good poker face, but not when it came to him. "I know that you weren't really sure how to feel about having twins, but I thought we talked through it. I thought you came to terms with it. You were excited for a while and then these past couple weeks, you've been acting different. What's going on?"

Erin bit her lip. "I'm just tired."

"Don't lie to me. Don't sit here with that ring on your finger and two of my sons inside of you and the other in the backseat and act like I don't know you well enough to know when you're lying."

"Bunny."

That one word was enough to explain it all. Whenever Erin's mother came around, she had a way of bringing Erin down.

"What about her?"

"I've run into her a few times."

Jay clenched his teeth, hard. "I love you and you know that I have nothing but respect for you. If for whatever reason you want to try and have a relationship with Bunny, then I trust you to do that and to know when that relationship is becoming toxic. But I don't want my son around her."

"Jay…"

"No, Erin. I have held you in my arms while you've cried too many times because of the aftermath of Bunny. I'm not willing to put Connor through the same pain."

"I don't even know if I want a relationship with her. I've only seen her twice and it wasn't planned."

"Was Connor with you when you saw her?"

"Not the first time, but he was there the second time."

"Did you let her hold him?"

"Yes, but I didn't let her out of my sight with him. We were just at the café and she walked up to me, we only talked for maybe five, ten minutes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to get upset."

"So you just didn't say anything?"

Erin's eyes narrowed. "I didn't know that I had to report back every little detail of my life to you." He knew she was getting defensive now.

"You don't, but you should tell me something that obviously upset you so much that you haven't been acting like yourself. When I brought up that you acting different had to do with the babies, you didn't deny it. What did she say to you?"

"Nothing."

"You see, I'm not buying that." He pulled up in front of Voight's and Erin all but dove out of the passenger's seat. She practically ran into the house, leaving Jay and Connor behind.

Jay sighed and went to get his son out of the backseat. "One day, Mama will realize Bunny is bad news." He grabbed the diaper bag and walked into Voight's.

"…that obviously has you upset. Are you fighting with Halstead?" he heard the older man rasp as he closed the front door.

"No." Erin answered.

"Then what's wrong?"

"I'm fine." Erin insisted.

Jay came into the living room with Connor on his hip. He wanted to sell her out so badly. He knew that with him and Voight tag teaming her, she would give in and tell them what had happened with Bunny. But he also didn't want her to feel trapped or stressed out, so he let it go. For now.

"There he is." Hank's face lit up when he saw his grandson.

"Good to see you too, Sarge." Jay couldn't help but joke. The unamused look on Voight's face even earned a laugh from Erin. He passed the baby over and took a seat on the couch next to his wife.

"We actually came over because we have some important news." Erin told the man who had raised her. Voight looked at her questioningly.

Jay handed him the ultrasound pictures. Voight looked at the twins and he could see his face soften. He moved the photos out of reach as Connor desperately tried to grab at them. As Hank got to the last picture, he looked up at the couple.

"Two boys?"

"Two boys." Erin repeated.

"Congratulations." He pulled the girl he considered his daughter up to her feet and into a long hug. He even hugged Jay. "Two more grandsons. Looks like you're gonna be my only girl for a while longer." He said to Erin.

"We're gonna stop after these two." She told him. "Three is enough for us. We had always planned on only having two, so the twins surprised us a bit, but three is good. Four is a little crazy."

"I had always dreamed of a little granddaughter with your eyes and smile." Hank said. "But three grandsons…that's amazing." He went to hand back the ultrasound picture.

"That's yours." Jay informed him. "We got a copy for you. Figured you might appreciate it."

"Thank you." Hank stuck the picture in his wallet. He turned his attention back to the grandson in his arms. "Are the three of you staying for dinner?"

"If you're offering, I could eat." Erin agreed. Jay wondered if it had more to do with her actually being hungry or trying to avoid the conversation about Bunny. Whatever it was, he didn't want to bring it up now. He would just enjoy the rest of the day with his family.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

It was on March 9th, 2019 that Erin went into labor. She had been at home alone with Connor when the contractions started and she figured that she should probably tell Jay.

She dialed his number and waited for him to pick up, but the phone went to voicemail. She knew that he was at work and the case they were working had gotten an important lead a few hours ago, so it was pretty likely that he was out chasing that lead. She called Hank next, but he didn't answer either. She even called Antonio and Al, but they didn't pick up.

She started to panic a little. She didn't know what she could really do right now. Should she just wait it out? It probably wouldn't be that long until one of them returned her phone call. She made a quick decision and called Burgess, Ruzek, and Atwater too, but all three calls went immediately to voicemail. It was pretty obvious now that they were doing some kind of takedown or else someone on the team would have answered.

Her phone rang and she answered without looking. "Hello?"

"Erin! What are you up to, sweetheart?"

 _Bunny._

She hadn't had much contact with her mother over the course of her pregnancy. She had seen her a few times in passing, but that had been coincidence. She had never purposely planned out a meeting with her, and any consideration of that had gone out the window when Jay expressed his dislike for Bunny being around Connor. She wanted to respect his wishes, and she wasn't particularly eager to expose their son to her mother either.

"Mom." She felt a rush of fluid down her legs as she spoke into the phone and made a quick decision. "I need your help." She absolutely hated admitting that, but Bunny had called and she would most likely be available; it's not like she ever had a job to keep up with.

"What's going on? Need me to come take my grandbaby off your hands for a couple of hours?"

She cringed at the idea of that. There was no way she would _ever_ allow her mother to babysit Connor, especially at a place that was out of her sight.

"I'm in labor. I need you to take me to the hospital."

"Oh wow, okay! Are you at your house? I'll come and get you!"

"Yes. I'll text you the address. Please hurry."

"Where's that husband of yours? Why isn't he doing this?"

"He's at work and he's not answering. I don't have time to answer questions. Just hurry." Erin hung up the phone and sent Bunny her address. She prayed that she wasn't making the wrong decision by involving Bunny, but she wasn't really sure what else to do at this point.

Erin changed her pants and tried to think logically. She grabbed the hospital bag that they had packed and ready to go at a moment's notice. She also grabbed Connor's diaper bag. But as she did that, she realized her fear of leaving her son alone with her mother may come true. Where else would her son go?

By the time Bunny got there, Erin was a worrying mess. Thirteen month old Connor was wobbling around the floor; he had just recently learned to walk and he was constantly on the go now. Erin was faced with another issue; they would have to get Connor's car seat from her car and put it into Bunny's and she was too big and in too much pain to transport it and she wasn't sure Bunny could do it correctly.

"Let's take my car. His car seat is in there." Erin stated, grabbing her keys. She shoved them into her mother's hand and picked up the bags.

"I'll take those." Bunny took the bags from her. "I'm here to help!" she leaned down and lifted up Connor, whose face immediately scrunched up at being picked up by a stranger.

"You're okay, baby. Mama's here. I'm right here." Erin tried to soothe. He reached for her, but Erin was in too much pain to pick him up. "Do you know how to buckle him in?"

Bunny gave her a look. "I realize it's been a long time since I've had a baby, but I'm not stupid, Erin."

"Okay, can you buckle him in, please?" Erin slid into the passenger's seat and checked her phone. She still had no messages or calls from her husband or the rest of the team.

A few minutes later, they were on the way to the hospital. Erin could hear Connor's whimpers from the backseat and she tried to reassure him the best that she could.

Erin focused on her breathing until they pulled up to Chicago Med. She looked at Bunny. "Connor is probably going to cry, but I need you to pick him up. I can't do it myself."

"I'll get him. He'll love his Grandma in no time." She smiled eagerly and got out of the car. Erin struggled to get out of the passenger's seat and they walked into the hospital together.

"I need some help! My daughter is in labor!" Bunny shouted overdramatically. Erin winced at the sound of her voice. Connor was crying in her arms and she wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab him, but she was scared she would drop him if she was standing up. The pain was starting to get worse as each contraction hit. She checked her phone again; still nothing.

"What's going on?" she was relieved to see the familiar face of Dr. Natalie Manning. "Erin, are you alright?"

"I'm in labor." She informed her.

"Can I get a wheelchair?" Natalie yelled. "How far apart are the contractions?"

"I haven't been timing them, but they aren't too far apart."

"How long have you been experiencing contractions?"

"Since this morning when Jay left for work, so around 7am. They weren't too bad this morning and I thought they were Braxton-Hicks at first, but then they started to get worse and I realized it was actually labor."

"Where is Jay?"

"I've tried calling him and the rest of the team, but no answer."

"Okay, don't worry. We'll get you taken care of. I'm going to get you up to labor and delivery." A nurse brought over a wheelchair and Natalie helped Erin lower herself into it. The doctor noticed the crying baby. "Hey little man, it's alright. Mama is just about to have your little brothers!"

"Little brothers?" Bunny commented. "It's two boys?"

"Yes." Erin said through gritted teeth. "Nat, can you hand Connor to me? I need to calm him down."

"How about I calm him down instead and…" she paused, waiting for the name of the woman standing in front of her.

"Bunny." Erin filled in.

"…and Bunny can push you."

"Connor is my grandson. I can calm him down on my own." Bunny stated defensively, holding the baby closer to her. It only made him cry harder.

"And Natalie is his aunt. Mom, just push the wheelchair so I can go have these babies. Let her calm him down."

"Aunt?" Bunny scoffed.

"I'm married to Jay's brother, Will." Natalie filled in. "Can you please hand Connor to me?"

Bunny reluctantly handed the baby over. Natalie gently rubbed Connor's back and spoke to him as she directed Bunny towards the elevators that would lead them to the labor and delivery flood. It didn't take long before Connor had stopped crying and was resting his head against Natalie's chest.

They got upstairs and Natalie once again led the way. "Bunny, you are going to have to wait in the waiting room while Erin gets situated."

"Okay, I'll watch the baby."

Erin could see that Natalie was about to hand him over so she reached out and grabbed Natalie's arm gently, subtly shaking her head. Natalie caught the message.

"I want to keep him with me for a few more minutes. Is that okay?" Erin asked.

"Yeah, if that's what you want. Let's get you situated and page your doctor." Natalie held Connor in her left arm and pushed Erin's wheelchair with her right as they left Bunny in the waiting room. She brought her to a labor and delivery room. "Alright, what's going on with your mom? Do you need me to have security kick her out?"

"She happened to call while I was trying to figure out what to do about getting to the hospital. I don't want Connor to be left alone with her. I don't know what else to do with him, but he can't be alone with her. I don't know if Will has told you anything about my relationship with my mom, but it's pretty rocky. She's a junkie and she's been in and out of my life. Jay is one hundred percent against her being around Connor and I don't like the idea either."

"Alright, I've got it. I'm off shift in a half an hour, I can keep an eye on him, okay? I'll even take him home and he can have a sleepover with Owen and I if you don't want him here at all."

"I just don't know what's going on and I don't want to have to worry about Connor too. I don't know where Jay is." Erin's eyes filled with tears. "What if he's hurt?"

"You can't think like that."

"I called everyone. It's been almost an hour. They all know I'm close to my due date and they wouldn't have been doing a takedown for this long. Something is wrong, Natalie." The tears finally spilled over.

"Hey, calm down, okay? I'm sure everything is fine. We'll get you situated and get Connor taken care of. Those are the situations that we can control right now. I'll find Will and see if he's heard from Jay and have him try and call him. Just worry about staying calm for your babies."

Erin nodded her head, hoping that what Natalie was saying was true. She didn't know what she would do if Jay was hurt.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Jay held his hand over the bullet wound in Adam's stomach, trying desperately to keep the blood flow to a minimum. His eyes were still scanning the room, looking for any sign of danger. He saw movement and held his gun up with his right hand, firing off a round of shots.

"You're alright, Adam. Just hang on, man. Keep your eyes open." The bullet had gone through Ruzek's vest and Jay had already called for an ambulance, but it felt like this was taking forever.

He heard the sound of another body hitting the floor and looked to his left. Atwater had hit the ground hard. Jay couldn't believe it. It was rare for them to even have one man down, but _two_? That was unheard of.

The gunfire stopped and he realized that all of their targets had been taken out. Everyone gathered around Ruzek and Atwater as they tried to assess the situation.

Ruzek had been shot three times, two had been caught by the vest, but one had managed to get through and lodged itself into his stomach. Antonio was looking over Atwater as the rest of the team waited.

"Vest caught one in his chest." He announced. "You're good, Kev."

The sirens of the ambulance could be heard outside and it didn't take long before Ruzek was loaded inside. Jay's hands were covered in his blood.

The rest of the team loaded into cars and followed behind the ambulance, sirens blaring. They were going to follow this through and make sure he was safe and alive. Jay could see that Burgess was shaking, but she seemed to be holding herself together pretty well.

They all ran into Med as a team, following the stretcher as Adam was taken away. Jay was greeted with the sight of his older brother.

"You good?" Will asked.

"Yeah. Ruzek was shot." He informed him.

"I'm sorry."

"He'll pull through." Jay said confidently. Adam had to pull through this. That's when he noticed the blood on his hands again and he sighed. "I'm gonna go wash up."

Jay went to the bathroom and started to scrub the blood off of his hands. He was still in his bulletproof vest and he could see the wild look in his eyes. He hated knowing that Adam was back there and they didn't know anything about his condition. But at least they had some comfort in the fact that the guy who did this was dead.

He returned to the rest of the group and saw everyone sitting in the waiting room. Burgess had her head on Atwater's shoulder. He knew this had to be hard for her. He couldn't imagine what he would be like if it was Erin back there right now.

"Jay!" Will ran over. "Have you checked your phone?"

"No, I've been a little busy." He shook his head at his brother's insensitivity.

"Natalie just paged me. It's Erin."

That caught the attention of the entire team. Jay felt like the breath had been stolen from his lungs. He struggled to form his next words. Luckily, Voight did it for him.

"What do you mean? Why is Erin here?"

"She's in labor."

"Is she okay?"

"They just got her settled into a labor and delivery room."

Jay pulled his phone out of his pocket. He saw that he had three missed calls from her and a few text messages.

 _From: Erin_

 _Hey, so this isn't really something I wanted to tell you over text, but it's baby time!_

 _From: Erin_

 _Jay, you're starting to freak me out. Where are you?_

 _From: Erin_

 _I really hope you're okay. Please call me as soon as you can._

"She called me." Antonio announced.

"Me too." Atwater chimed in.

"And me." Burgess agreed. It was quickly realized that she had called everyone on the team.

Jay felt horrible. His wife was upstairs in labor, in pain and scared, and she hadn't known where any of them were. "What room is she in?" As Will told him the number, he heard everyone else moving behind him. He looked at the group. "You all should stay here and wait for an update on Adam."

"Adam is going to be in surgery for a little while." Burgess told him. "Besides, some good news wouldn't hurt."

Jay couldn't argue with that, so they all went up to the labor and delivery floor. He was greeted almost instantly with the sight of Bunny yelling at Natalie, who was holding Connor in her arms.

"What's going on here?" Jay came over, standing next to his sister-in-law. His son lifted his head upon hearing his father's voice and reached for him and Jay happily took him, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"She won't give me my grandson!" Bunny cried.

"What are you even doing here?"

"I'm the one who brought Erin to the hospital." Bunny turned her focus back to the baby. "I want to watch him while Erin gives birth."

"Well, I'm here now so that won't be necessary." Jay was honestly questioning what kind of relationship Erin had had with Bunny over the past couple months if she had been comfortable enough with her to let her drive her to the hospital. "Nat, can I talk to you?"

"Yeah." Natalie walked with him to the other side of the room, far away from Bunny's listening ears.

"What's going on?"

"Erin said she tried to call all of you, but you weren't answering. She was scared that you were hurt. She told me not to leave Connor with her mother, but she's been yelling at me to give him to her. I told Erin that I would take Connor for the night and he could have a sleepover with us. Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, of course. You know that I trust you with him. Erin didn't mind?"

"No, she was good with that. She just wanted him away from her mother."

"Thank you for dealing with her. She's a lot to handle."

"Yeah, I can see that." Natalie smiled. "I can take you to Erin. She's dying to see you."

Jay followed her down the hall to his wife's room. Natalie knocked on the door before entering. He was surprised to see Erin was already in a hospital gown and lying in bed, looking completely exhausted.

"Jay!"

"I'm here, baby." He went over and sat next to her, kissing her quickly. He put a hand on her stomach.

"I thought something happened to you."

"No, I'm alright." He grabbed her hand. "Ruzek was shot."

She gasped and he saw the tears in her eyes. "How bad is it?"

"He's in surgery. It went through the vest and lodged in his stomach. Atwater was hit too, but his vest caught it. It was a rough day." He stroked her stomach. "Until now."

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too." He kissed her again. "You're still wanting Will and Natalie to keep Connor?"

"Yeah, if Natalie is still willing." The doctor had stepped outside to give them some privacy, so they were alone for the moment.

"She is, she mentioned it to me in the hallway."

"I want her to take him. I want him away from Bunny."

"Speaking of Bunny, how did that happen?" he asked curiously.

"She called me while I was calling all of you guys. I answered without looking because I thought it was one of you. I didn't know what else to do so I had her take me. She drove my car here because I knew that I couldn't buckle Connor's car seat into her car and I didn't trust her to do it, so now we're kind of stuck with her here. I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize. You did what you needed to do to get here. You did the right thing, baby. We can always have someone else take her home or call her an Uber. It's not a big deal."

Erin held his hand. "I haven't talked to her since around the time we found out the babies were boys. I didn't want to bring her into their lives. I promise, Jay. I listened to what you were saying."

"I'm not mad at you, Erin. You don't have to justify yourself to me." He kissed her forehead. "Do you want me to get her out of here?"

"I don't know. I feel kind of bad if we kick her out. She just wanted to try and hold Connor. She hasn't really done anything wrong and she was there when I needed her."

"Then we'll let her stay until she causes trouble." Jay said. "Let her see the new babies once they're born. Maybe we could even work out something in the future with her seeing them with our supervision. But right now, this isn't what you should be worrying about. You just need to think about bringing our boys into this world."

A knock on the door interrupted their conversation and Natalie poked her head in. "Erin, you up for some visitors?"

"Yeah." She agreed.

The team, minus Ruzek, filed into the room. Erin reached her hand out for Burgess, who came to her side. Erin was grateful that she had come to see her when her husband was upstairs fighting for his life.

"Can you finally tell us the baby names?" Burgess requested.

Erin couldn't say no to her puffy red, swollen eyes. "Henry Christian and Noah Alexander Halstead." She stated. She looked to Hank when she said both names. They were both tributes to his family; Henry was for him, while Noah had been Justin's middle name.

"Perfect." Hank said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Connor, Henry, and Noah." Burgess listed. "They sound so good together."

"Thanks." Erin smiled at the group. "Thank you all for being here, but you should go be with Adam. Keep me updated."

Burgess nodded her head. "Keep us updated too. I want to know the second those babies come into the world."

"We'll keep you updated." Jay agreed. The team wished them good luck and everyone gave Erin and Jay hugs and filed out.

"You ready for me to take him?" Natalie asked.

Erin kissed Connor and hugged him close to her. Next time she saw him, he would be a big brother. He looked so much older all of a sudden.

"I love you, baby. Be good for Aunt Nat and Uncle Will. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I love you." Jay kissed Connor too and then passed him off to Natalie.

"I'll send you guys updates and pictures all night." She promised.

"Thank you. We'll let you know when the babies arrive." Erin said. "Take good care of our boy."

"I will." Natalie left the room with Connor safely tucked in her arms.

Now, they only had one thing left to do- have their babies.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin felt like she had been pushing for forever. She didn't remember the pain being so intense with Connor. She screamed out as she pushed down, trying to bring the first baby into this world. She had opted to go for a natural labor, just like with her first son. Because of her past, she didn't like to deal with drugs and pain medication, so she would be doing this all on her own.

"Good job, Erin." Her OB/GYN, Dr. Montgomery, encouraged. "Again."

"It hurts." Erin cried. Her hair was matted to her head with sweat and Jay pushed it all back. He pressed a kiss to her temple.

"You've got this, baby. Pretty soon, we'll have our boys. But you have to push. You are so strong, Erin. You can do this."

Erin pushed again, letting out another scream as she squeezed Jay's hand. She knew she was probably hurting him, but she didn't really care. If she had to be in pain, then so did he.

"Jay." She whimpered.

He rested his forehead against hers and stroked her cheek. "I love you so much."

"Come on, Erin. Push." Dr. Montgomery told her.

Erin pushed down as hard as she could and felt the pressure and pain increase if that was possible.

"I can see the baby's head!"

Dr. Montgomery's words were enough to motivate her to push again. She took a deep breath and cried out as she pushed again.

"The baby's shoulders are out. Again, Erin, just like that."

"There you go, Er. You're doing it!" Jay cheered.

Erin pushed and pushed and then, she heard a loud cry fill the room. She let her head fall back against the pillows. She felt Jay's lips against her own, but all she could focus on was that tiny little cry.

"It's a boy!" the baby was placed against her chest and she reached down, running her hands along his back, just trying to feel his skin. She was already so deeply in love with this baby and she hadn't even seen his face.

"Henry." She whispered. She watched as Dr. Montgomery helped Jay cut the umbilical cord. She saw the proud look on her husband's face, who then returned to her side to gaze down at their baby boy.

The woman standing down by her legs smiled up at her. "Alright, one down, one to go. You ready to push again?" Erin nodded her head. A nurse came over and took the baby so she could get him cleaned up and taken care of.

"I'm so proud of you, Erin." Jay kissed her head. "You're so amazing."

Erin turned her head so that she could kiss him. She needed contact with him right now. It only lasted a second and then she turned her attention back to Dr. Montgomery so she could deliver Henry's brother.

She pushed down and could already feel things moving along faster than they had with Henry. It only took a couple pushes before the baby's head started to come out.

"You're doing great, Erin. Keep pushing." Dr. Montgomery stated.

Erin thought about how much she wanted to meet this baby. She had been so unsure of everything during the entire pregnancy, but if there was one thing she wanted, it was to hold her babies. She pushed hard and then heard a cry as her baby entered the world. He was lifted up and placed on her chest, just like his brother had been.

She reached down to touch him and couldn't help but look at Jay. She caught the confused look on his face.

"What's wrong?" she asked him.

Dr. Montgomery spoke up. "It seems like your ultrasound wasn't accurate. You have a little girl."

Erin's breath caught in her throat. A girl? How could she possibly be a mother to a little girl?

"Dad, want to cut the cord again?"

Erin watched Jay cut the cord and then she saw him look at her. His eyes were filled with tears as he saw her hold their daughter for the first time. He had wanted this so badly and she realized that she had to be happy, regardless of her own feelings, because of how happy he was.

"I guess the name Noah isn't going to work." Jay broke the silence.

"We already know her name." Erin reminded him. "Sophia."

"Sophia." Jay repeated. Erin couldn't help but fall in love with him again because of how mesmerized he was by that tiny baby lying on her chest.

"Sophia Elizabeth Halstead." Erin stated. She knew that giving their baby his mother's name as her middle name was the right thing to do when the tears finally spilled over and Jay cried. She very rarely saw her husband cry, but in this moment, he didn't even try and hide it.

"I need to take her." The nurse stepped in and grabbed the baby.

Another nurse returned with Henry in her arms. She handed him over to Erin, who instantly pressed a kiss to her son's little cheek. She held him close to her and sighed out in relief. The babies were here and they were safe.

"Wanna hold him?" she offered the baby out to Jay and he took him without hesitation.

"Hey, little man." Jay grabbed their son. "God, we make cute kids. Are you wanting to stick with Henry Christian? If you're not particularly attached to it, I think Henry Noah would be a better fit."

Now, it was Erin's turn to tear up. "Henry Noah and Sophia Elizabeth."

As she spoke, the other nurse returned with their daughter. Erin was absolutely terrified of holding the little girl. But instinct must have taken over because her arms reached out and the baby was against her chest in no time.

"I know you're scared." Jay told her. "I know it's scary to have a little girl. I was terrified to have a son and imagine what it would be like raising a boy when I had a horrible example for a father. But I'm not my father, and you're not your mother. You're gonna be the greatest mom to a little girl, just like you've been the greatest mom to a boy. I love you, Erin."

"I love you too." They kissed quickly. Erin pressed her lips against Sophia's forehead. "I didn't realize I wanted a little girl until she was here."

"She's gorgeous." Jay commented. "She looks just like you. Henry has your eyes."

"Everything else is you though. It's not fair. I carry these kids; they should look like me. Connor looks just like you and now Henry?"

"At least you have Sophia." Jay moved Henry's hat. "He's got your ears too."

Erin smiled. "Switch?"

She and Jay switched babies and she couldn't help but stare at him as he took in their daughter's features. She could see his eyes welling up with tears again and one fell down his cheek. He sucked in a breath and held her close to him, kissing her forehead.

"Are you crying?" Erin teased.

"I just never thought that I'd have a little girl and now she's here and she's perfect."

Erin knew that Sophia already had Jay wrapped around her finger. Truth be told, there was just something special about their little girl. Not that she didn't love Connor and Henry with all of her heart and soul, but with Sophia, it was different. She just pulled at her parents' hearts in a different way.

"We're going to get you into a regular room now." Dr. Montgomery told Erin. "Congratulations. They are gorgeous."

"Thank you." Erin said with a smile. "Do you have to take them?"

"They're just going to go to the nursery for a check-up."

"Jay, go with them." She commanded. He was already on his feet and helping to put his daughter in the bassinet. He kissed Erin quickly and then followed them out the door, promising to inform the rest of the team about their births.

Erin watched them go with a smile. She couldn't believe how much had changed in the past couple months, but she already loved those two little changes more than anything in this world.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Connor, Henry, and Sophia took up most of their parents' time. When they weren't at work, Erin and Jay were playing with their kids or taking them to the park or doing something that involved the three little ones. After the twins were born, things had been difficult; parenting more than one child had been a big change, but they embraced it and once a routine was made, things got easier.

All three kids had pretty laid back, easy going personalities. They could all have their moments, but for the most part, they were all pretty happy. Jay felt like their life was pretty much perfect.

"Erin, can you find Soph's boots?" Jay yelled up the stairs to his wife. He was holding his daughter in his right arm and trying to get her coat on her. At the rate they were moving, they were going to be late and they really couldn't keep being late to work. Voight never said anything, but he knew that he didn't appreciate it.

He finally got Sophia's coat on and he set her down on the floor. She and Henry would be two years old in four months, while Connor's third birthday was in three months. They were working on planning him a party and it was only adding to the rest of the stress they had going on in their lives right now.

Jay grabbed Henry as he ran by and got to work at putting his shoes on him. He squirmed and giggled the entire time, thinking it was some sort of game to get away from him. Normally, Jay would have entertained him, but today, they had to go. They were already two minutes late getting out the door. He slid his arms into his coat and then let him run off to play with his sister.

"Connor, let's get your coat on." Jay said to his oldest. Connor was trying to be as independent as possible right now, so he knew that he would most likely want to help. He put his coat on him and waited for him to try and zip it up. He knew that he did not have those skills yet, so the little boy struggled. "I'll help you." He zipped him up. Luckily, he already had his shoes on. Jay went over to the bottom of the stairs. "Babe! We have to go!"

He heard her gentle footsteps and watched as she came into view. Her face was pale and he could see how shaky she was. She had Sophia's boots in her hand.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I don't feel very well." She went over and lifted up Sophia, sliding her boots onto her feet. Erin put on her coat and shoes, waiting on him to do the same. Jay followed her lead and they were finally ready for the day.

"Are you alright?"

"I think I have whatever Connor just got over. I just woke up feeling really nauseous and I threw up." Erin picked up Henry, wincing as he squealed.

"Quiet, Henry." He scolded gently. "You sure you're good to go to work?"

"I'm fine." She carried Henry out. Jay lifted up Sophia in one arm and Connor in the other. Erin locked the door behind them and they went over to her SUV. It took a few minutes to buckle all the kids in but once they did, they were on the road.

"We're going to be late to work." Jay commented.

"It'll be fine."

They got to the daycare soon after and got to work at unbuckling all the kids. Erin ended up with Henry and Sophia that time while Jay took Connor. They moved quickly to sign the kids in and drop them off at the appropriate room before getting back to the car and driving to the district.

Erin pretty much jumped out of the car and ran inside. Jay followed her after turning the car off and saw that she went into the bathroom. He knew that she was most likely throwing up. He waited for her outside the door.

She came out looking even more exhausted than before. He saw that no one was around and pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head. Erin buried her face in his chest for a second and then moved back. They both knew that they had to go. Jay just hoped she'd get through the rest of this day okay.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

A week passed and Erin was still feeling sick. Jay was starting to worry about her. This was definitely not normal for her and he hated seeing how bad she clearly felt.

They had finished their morning routine with the kids and pulled into the district on time for once. Jay held the door open so Erin could walk ahead of him and she put her palm on the Intelligence scanner. They were both surprised to see three men standing at the front of the room. Next to them was Voight, who did _not_ look happy.

Jay could see the defensiveness creep into his wife's posture almost immediately. He wondered for a second if she knew who these men were and what they wanted because he definitely had no idea.

Everyone had already arrived with the exception of Burgess and Ruzek, so they took their seats at their desks. Jay sized up the visitors and tried to figure out their purpose. Nothing stood out to him.

They heard Ruzek before they saw him and a moment later, he and Burgess entered the bullpen. They both stopped talking as soon as they saw the men at the front of the room and quietly took their seats at their desks. Even the two of them, who Jay thought played around more than anyone else in the unit, knew when to keep their mouths shut.

One of the men stepped forward before Voight could even get a word out. "I'm Commander Ashford, this is Detective Matthew Anderson and Detective Ron Madden. We are with Internal Affairs. Recently it has been brought to our attention that Intelligence has not one, but _two_ married couples within the unit. Now, it is against protocol to have a husband and wife working together because of the conflict of interest it poses."

"Excuse me?" Ruzek interrupted. "So you're just going to force us out? This is…"

"Adam, shut up." Voight commanded.

"Because of the high success rate of Intelligence, some exceptions could be made if it was proved that all of the couples involved are acting in the best interest of the city of Chicago and not allowing their relationship to rule their decision making. That is where Detectives Anderson and Madden come in. They will be temporarily assigned to Intelligence to observe Detective Halstead, Detective Lindsay, Officer Ruzek, and Officer Burgess to make sure that everyone is following proper protocol." Commander Ashford continued.

"If you screw up, you'll be transferred out." Voight deadpanned.

Jay wasn't exactly sure how to feel about that. He and Erin were pretty good at keeping things professional. They knew how to make decisions based on the job and keeping people safe. But he would be lying if he said that in those really rough, life-or-death situations he didn't put Erin's safety a little higher on the priority list; they have three kids at home who need a mother.

He glanced across the room and saw Burgess and Ruzek looking at each other. The two of them were definitely worse at maintaining professionalism. Hopefully they could keep it together for the time being. The last thing anyone wanted right now was a shake up in the team.

"Antonio, catch Anderson and Madden up on our current case." Voight barked. Jay could tell by his tone that he was not happy about this arrangement at all. He already didn't love having couples in his unit, but he made the exception because Erin was practically his daughter and…well, he wasn't really sure why he made the exception with Burgess and Ruzek.

Jay looked up and saw Erin's face was completely pale. He knew she still wasn't feeling very well so he hoped that she wasn't going to throw up.

Less than a minute later, she excused herself and left the room. Normally, he would have followed her, but he didn't want to risk it with these two new guys sniffing around. They couldn't take the chance at looking unprofessional.

"Halstead, my office." Voight called out to him. He stood and went inside, shutting the door behind him. "What's going on with Erin?"

"She's been sick the past couple of days. These guys coming around couldn't have come at a worse time."

Voight nodded, but Jay could tell that he was thinking of something else. "Listen, I don't know how this whole inspection thing is going to go. I'm going to try and pull any strings I can to keep this unit the way that it is, but my hands might be tied." Jay nodded his understanding; he had figured that when three random men popped up unexpectedly. "I trust you and Erin to keep things professional, but Burgess and Ruzek struggle a lot more. I don't know if one couple slips up if they're going to split up both couples from the unit. I'm figuring that if that's the case, then they'll let me keep one of each of you."

He suddenly understood where this conversation was going. "You want me to tell you to keep Erin."

"I wanted to have a conversation with both you and Erin on what you think would be the best decision, but I want you to hear me out first." Voight looked a little stressed out and Jay honestly felt bad for him. He was looking at losing part of his team without any notice. "The logical choice to transfer out would be you. You have the military background and sniper skills that other teams would be looking for. Beyond that, you're close with Antonio, which would look good for you."

Jay frowned. "We're all close with Antonio."

Voight sighed. "I didn't think I would have to spell this out for you. Erin's gotten a reputation as being loyal to me. For whatever reason, that's taken as a negative thing. She also bailed out on the Task Force, which doesn't look good. That may put other people off."

Jay understood all of that, but he still shook his head. "That's ridiculous. She's probably the best in our unit."

"I agree, but it's all about playing a game. Burgess and Ruzek are going to be even harder. As you know, some men have issues with female cops, so if Lindsay or Burgess are kicked out of Intelligence because of their relationships, that is going to be attached to them for the rest of their careers. Burgess already has a past breakup with Ruzek and the whole situation with Roman on her shoulders; she doesn't need this one too. Then there's Ruzek, who was a rookie cop pulled straight out of the academy and detailed to work under me. People might say that he isn't as clean of a cop as he could be because of that."

"So you transfer out me and Ruzek. Adam's a big boy; he can handle it." Jay decided. He knew that he was a better choice than Erin based on her past experiences anyway, and he definitely wanted her to stay in Intelligence instead of in a new unit where he had no idea who would have her back.

"But then I come to the issue of who I can partner up with who. I feel like male/female partners work better. Call it favoritism, but I don't want some fresh faced kid coming onto the team and watching Erin's back and I'm sure you feel the same way."

"Pair her up with Antonio." Jay stated. "Put Burgess and Atwater each with a new guy."

Voight nodded his head. "I just needed to hear it from you that you were okay with being transferred out if it came down to it. It could make family dinners real awkward if there was tension from that."

Jay shrugged. "You do what you have to do. I just want Erin safe."

"There may be a chance that I don't have a say in who stays and who goes."

"We'll deal with that when it comes."

There was a knock on the door and Atwater poked his head in. "We just got a call on the location of Maxoff."

Voight and Jay joined the rest of the team out in the bullpen. Jay noted that Erin had returned to her desk, though she was still looking slightly paler than usual.

"Alright, everyone suit up! We roll out in ten!"

Jay followed Erin down to the locker room. He grabbed her vest and helped her strap it on properly. This was one thing that he wouldn't budge on; he didn't care if Madden and Anderson watched him or not.

"You feeling okay?" he asked quietly.

"I threw up." She responded in the same tone. "I feel a little better now."

"Maybe you shouldn't go out."

"No, I'm going out. I'm not risking us getting kicked out of Intelligence because of a stomach virus. I'll be fine." She turned so that she could strap his vest on. "What were you and Hank talking about?"

"What would happen if someone had to be transferred out. I'll tell you about it later."

Madden came over to them. "Mind if I ride with you?"

"Not at all." Erin finished strapping Jay's vest. They went over to load up their weapons and then they all set off to their location.

"So, how long have you all been married?" Madden wondered from the backseat.

Jay could see Erin's grip tighten around the steering wheel until her knuckles were white. He guessed that she wasn't going to be playing nice right now, so he figured that was his job.

"Four years."

"You've got a couple kids, right?"

"Two boys and a girl." He provided.

"Three kids in four years? You've been busy." Madden tried to joke. Jay forced out a laugh, but Erin stayed quiet. He knew that she hated when people made any type of comments about their children. She didn't even like people to know about their kids, which he assumed was a rule that had been enforced in her by Hank.

Conversation picked up again after a few minutes. "So don't you ever get sick of seeing each other? You're together all day at work and then you go home and spend all that time together."

"We knew what we were getting into." Erin finally spoke. "I wouldn't have married him if I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with him."

She pulled up where the rest of the team had parked and the three of them got out of the vehicle. They joined everyone else.

"Alvin, Halstead, I want you on the roof over there." Voight pointed to a point that was higher up and had good visibility over the building the rest of the team would be infiltrating. He turned to Madden and Anderson. "Any preferences on where you'll go?"

"I'll go with them." Madden volunteered, pointing towards the snipers.

"Alright. Everyone get in position."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Detective Ron Madden didn't particularly enjoy his job today. He had heard rumors about Hank Voight and he knew that the man could make him disappear if he really wanted to. He also knew about Voight's connection with Erin Lindsay, and his overall protectiveness over his whole unit and that he was playing with fire by investigating the two couples within the unit.

Lindsay wasn't particularly friendly with him, but Halstead seemed nice enough, as did Burgess and Ruzek. He didn't want to have to kick any of them out of Intelligence. He knew that Intelligence was one of the best teams in Chicago and that the couples clearly weren't affecting the work they had been doing, but still, an investigation had to be done.

Madden was crouched on the roof near Olinsky and Halstead, watching to see what would happen once the rest of the team entered the building. He had definitely gotten the better job between him and Anderson. He wouldn't have to run into a building with bullets flying around him.

He had a pair of binoculars so that he could see all the action and an earpiece so he could hear the rest of the team. He could tell that the two men next to him had done this many times before and he knew from the little amount of research he had been able to do that they both had military background and were specially trained for this.

"Go." He heard Voight's voice and watched from his binoculars as the rest of the team entered the building. Almost immediately, they heard the sound of gunfire.

A few seconds later, he heard a frantic voice over the radio attached to Halstead's hip. "This is Officer Adam Ruzek. We've got an officer down. Roll an ambulance to this location."

"Ruzek, who is hurt?" he heard Voight's gravelly voice yell over the earpiece.

"It's Lindsay."

Madden turned his head to see Halstead's reaction. He could see the man's sharp intake of breath, but watched as he just took a deep breath and let it out. He also saw Olinsky reach over and put a hand on his shoulder for a second, patting it gently.

"Adam, is she okay?" Halstead asked calmly.

"She's unconscious but breathing." He responded.

The gunfire seemed to pick up. Madden noticed that Halstead kept his composure.

"We've got a gas leak!" he heard a woman yell, so he figured it must be Burgess.

"Everyone out of the building!" Voight called. "Ruzek, get Lindsay out."

Madden watched through his binoculars as Ruzek carried Lindsay from the building. She looked limp in his arms as the Intelligence unit ran from the building and to safety. Then, he noticed one of the offenders following after them, gun raised.

Halstead must have noticed too because seconds later, the man hit the ground with a bullet in his forehead.

A minute later, an ambulance and firetruck showed up. Olinsky and Halstead packed up their gear and the three of them ran to meet them on the street. They arrived just in time to see Lindsay being loaded onto the ambulance.

"What happened?" Halstead demanded.

"She was shot, but the vest caught it. When she fell, she hit her head pretty hard." Ruzek explained. "I'm sorry, Jay.

"Did we get Maxoff?" Olinsky wondered.

"Yeah, Burgess and Atwater took him in."

"I'm riding with Lindsay." Halstead informed the rest of the team as he got onto the ambulance. Madden couldn't really blame him; he would want to accompany his wife too if she had just been shot and knocked unconscious.

"We'll follow." Voight responded as he rejoined them. "The building just got cleared. They stopped the gas leak."

Everyone got into their cars and headed to Chicago Med.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin struggled to open up her eyes, but she couldn't understand why. When she finally managed to get them all the way open, she had to close them again because of how bright the room was. She groaned at the dull throbbing in her head.

"Hey, it's okay." She turned her head towards the sound of her husband's voice and opened her eyes again, squinting against the bright light. "You're at Chicago Med."

"What happened?" she rasped out.

"You were shot. The vest caught the bullet, but when you fell down, you hit your head and it knocked you unconscious. You're okay, Erin."

She heard the door open and turned her head to see who entered the room. It was Will with a chart in his hand. "Hey, sleeping beauty. You've just got a minor concussion, I'm sure you know how to treat those by now."

"There's one more thing." Erin looked back to Jay when he spoke. "We found out why you've been so sick lately."

"Why?"

"You're pregnant."

Erin's mouth fell open in shock. "Excuse me?"

"Yep. We're having another baby." Jay smiled at her reassuringly. "I know this isn't what we planned and that we wanted to stop after the twins, but we can do this, Erin. We'll have a two-year age gap between them and the new baby. It'll be a lot easier than last time."

"Is the baby okay?"

"Yeah. They came in and did an ultrasound while you were unconscious. They guessed that you're already twelve weeks along." Jay grinned. Erin couldn't believe that they had done all this while she was knocked out. It was kind of amazing though that Jay had found out all this information before her, and she knew that he was probably loving it.

"We can find someone to come in and do the ultrasound again if you would like to see." Will offered.

"Yes, please." Erin told her brother-in-law. He excused himself to go find an ultrasound tech. "We're having another baby?"

"We're having another baby."

"Did we pass the test?"

Jay frowned. "What test?"

"Do we get to stay in Intelligence?"

He shrugged. "Not sure. I would say it would be pretty difficult for them to kick you out now that you got shot at. Hank and I had already discussed it though and we agreed that if he gets any say in the matter, he's going to keep you. It'll be easier to transfer me out, especially now knowing that you're pregnant."

"Okay." Erin knew that was true so there was no point in arguing. She didn't like the idea of Jay going off to some random unit, but they had to be smart. They had a family and couldn't afford to not both be working right now.

There was a knock on the door and Hank entered. "Hey kiddo. How you feeling?"

"I'm alright, just have a headache." She looked to Jay and subtly motioned to her stomach, trying to ask if Hank knew about the baby. He shook his head. "We have something to tell you."

"I have something to tell you too. I just got off the phone with Commander Ashford. Madden and Anderson reported back to him and said that all four of you were extremely professional, especially in such an intense situation. They were supposed to be here longer, but due to the circumstances, they said they had all the information they needed. Everyone can stay in Intelligence."

"That's great." Erin said with a smile.

"What was your news?"

"Jay and I are having another baby."

"What?" For a second, she thought he might be upset, but then his face quickly turned to a smile. "That's great! Congratulations."

"Thank you." Erin accepted the hug. Hank and Jay shook hands. Erin watched the two men and realized that maybe, this fourth baby wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

On May 22nd, 2021, Erin and Jay welcomed their fourth baby. It had been Erin's worst pregnancy, filled with lots of morning sickness, fatigue, body aches, Braxton-Hicks contractions, and more typical aches and pains. Their baby girl was a little spitfire from the second she entered the world. Emma Camille Halstead.

As soon as she was born, the two of them knew they were officially done. They had said it before, but they knew four was the limit. They couldn't really stretch their money much further, and they had two boys and two girls now. Besides that, little Emma took a lot of her parents' attention. While Connor, Henry, and Sophia were all pretty calm and even-tempered, Emma was sassy and demanding. She was a very vocal baby right from the beginning and everyone joked that she already had Erin's personality.

But despite that, Erin and Jay knew that their family was complete. They couldn't wait for their adventures as a family of six to begin.

 **Up Next…B: Bunny**

 **I don't plan on having any other chapters spanning over this long of a period of time, but I wanted to get all of the introductions to the children out of the way so that I'm able to jump around because they may not all necessarily be born in each chapter. Sorry this ended up being so long!**

 **Please review!**


	2. Bunny

**Thank you all for all of the reviews! I am glad that so many of you seem to be enjoying the story so far. I know that the first chapter was pretty long and had a lot of information in it, but I still have a lot planned out for this story that you haven't seen yet!**

 **This one is also a little on the longer side and will pick up right after the births of Henry and Sophia, then jump ahead in time a little bit. But the whole chapter will revolve around Bunny's involvement in the Halstead family's lives.**

 **Quick question- would it be easier for you guys if I posted at the beginning of the chapter the ages of the kids in that chapter? Or are you okay with me mentioning it in that chapter? Like for example, I could post "Connor- 10, Henry- 9, Sophia- 9, Emma- 7" under the description of a chapter if those were their ages so that you would know right from the beginning. Let me know if you think that would be easier to follow!**

 **Please review and let me know your thoughts on this chapter! Thank you all again!**

 **B: Bunny**

 _*Erin decides to give Bunny one last chance to be in her life when she realizes that her children will never have a grandma otherwise._

Jay was completely in love with his new babies. But beyond that, he had fallen even more in love with Erin while watching her take care of their new son and daughter.

He sat on the couch in the corner of Erin's room with Sophia on his lap, memorizing every feature on her tiny face. She looked just like her mother. Erin was on the bed and breastfeeding Henry; he knew in a minute, he would have to swap babies with her so their little girl could eat.

There was a knock on the door. "Just a minute!" Erin called out. She grabbed one of the baby blankets and lifted it to cover herself. When Jay saw that she was covered, he got up and opened the door. Hank was standing in the doorway and he stepped aside so he could enter.

"Oh wow." He looked at the baby in Jay's arms. "She's a pretty little girl."

"You can hold her." Jay offered. "Warning you though, she's getting hungry."

Hank noticed the position Erin was in. "I can come back…"

"No, it's okay." Erin promised.

Hank took Sophia from Jay's arms and sat down in a chair. "Hello, pretty girl. You're just as pretty as your mama, you know that. I'm so happy to finally have a granddaughter." He glanced at the couple. "Not that I don't appreciate the grandsons."

Erin smiled. "It's just different with little girls."

"It sure is." Hank sighed. "I don't know if you realize this, but Bunny is still here."

Jay had completely forgotten she was even at the hospital. They had been so busy ever since Erin's delivery a few hours ago and he wasn't sure that he would have wanted her to ruin their family time anyway.

"I forgot." Erin admitted.

"What's going on, Erin?" Hank wondered. "What is she doing in your life again? You know that she's always just dragged you down. You can't bring that around the kids."

"She's not in my life." She informed him. "I talked to her a few months ago a couple of times. She happened to call today and I needed someone to take me to the hospital, so I asked her. That's it. There's no ongoing relationship."

"Is there going to be?"

"Is that any of your business?" she cocked an eyebrow as she spoke.

"I just want to be there for you."

Erin sighed. "I don't know. I don't know what to do about her. I feel bad completely kicking her out of my life, but at the same time, I don't really want to deal with her." Jay watched as Erin lifted Henry up to burp him. He shifted his body slightly so that when the cover fell, she wasn't revealing herself to Hank. He knew that the older man most likely wasn't looking, but he wanted to give Erin some privacy. "Hank, could you go get her? I guess we should let her meet the twins."

"Yeah." Hank stood back up and handed Sophia over to Erin. She laid both babies on the bed in front of her. Jay stood at the top of the bed so they could look at them together.

"It's crazy how tiny they are." Erin commented. "I forgot how small babies are."

"I know. We're so used to Connor now." He kissed the top of her head. "Are you good with Bunny coming in here?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"You say the word and I'll escort her out myself."

"Thank you."

A few minutes later, Hank returned. Jay waited for Bunny's loud, obnoxious voice that could usually be heard down the hallway, but he just heard silence. He looked at Hank in confusion.

"Where is she?" Erin asked.

"I don't know. She wasn't out there and I asked if anyone saw her go to the bathroom and a nurse said she saw her get on the elevator. I tried to call, but it went straight to voicemail."

Jay could see Erin's shoulders hunch over and her face fall a little bit. She may have not been particularly eager to see Bunny, but that was still her mother. Here her mother was, standing her up _again_ , and this time it was only hours after she gave birth.

"I'll go look for her." Jay offered. "She couldn't have gone far, right? She drove your car here so it's not like she has a way to leave."

Erin laughed dryly. "What's the point? She's gone, Jay. She left."

"I'll go look anyway." Hank said, exiting the room and leaving no option for her to argue.

Jay sat down next to his wife. He knew that she was right. Bunny had left without as much as a goodbye. While he didn't particularly care to see her, he knew that this would have a lasting effect on Erin. He just hoped that she would work through it.

 **Six Years Later**

"Wait for me before you get out!" Jay called out to his children as he parked the SUV in front of their school. Erin had to go into work early that morning to finish up some paperwork, so he was given the task of doing their morning routine all on his own. It had been interesting, to say the least. He had done it before, of course, but it was never easy by himself.

He went around to the backseat on the driver's side and opened up the door. Three-year-old Emma was waiting to be unbuckled, so he quickly unbuckled her and lifted her into his arms before walking around to the side of the car that was away from the street. He opened the door and six year olds Sophia and Henry flew out, followed by seven-year-old Connor.

"Connor, where's your coat?" he asked his oldest child.

"In the car. It was hot."

"It's March. It's too cold to not have a coat on." He waited somewhat impatiently for his son to climb back in and grab his coat, and then put it on once he got back out. Once all that was over with, Jay locked the doors to the SUV and led the way into the school.

The twins were in kindergarten this year and Connor was in first grade. He and Erin had really struggled with letting the three of them go, and he knew it would be even harder when Emma had to go to kindergarten next year. Since she was turning four that year, she would start preschool in the fall, but for now, she was just in daycare. Jay was sure that they would both cry on her first day. It was hard to know that the kids were growing up and they weren't needing them as much. Even that morning, he had tried to tie Henry's shoes for him, but he refused and told him that he knew how to do it himself.

Jay shook his head and refused to let the emotions get to him. He reached down and scooped up Henry in his free arm because he was starting to fall behind and he _really_ needed to get them to their classroom in the next two minutes or they would be late.

"C'mon, Daddy!" Sophia called out as she ran ahead. She struggled to pull open the front door to the school and Jay wondered not for the first time why they had chosen such a heavy door for an elementary school. But then he remembered that his girl was just as tiny as her mother and not very strong yet, so it was probably more of an issue with Sophia than with the door. He shook his head with a smile and helped her open the door.

"Daddy, look!" Connor shouted, pointing to a painting that had been hung up in the hallway. "That's mine!"

Jay knew that they really couldn't stop or they would probably be late, but Connor looked so excited. He stopped in front of the painting.

"It's you and Mama in a police car!" he explained. "You're going to go catch bad guys."

Jay smiled proudly. He put Henry down so he could get his phone out of his pocket and snap a picture; Erin would love this. "That's really good, Connor." The boy didn't really have any advanced art abilities or anything, but it was the thought of the picture and the message that meant the world to his father. "I love it. Now we've really gotta go."

Connor, Sophia, and Henry started to move a little quicker and he was grateful for the change of pace. They made it to the twins' classrooms and he gave them each a hug and a kiss and sent them inside. Connor's classroom was right down the hall and he repeated the process with him and sent him inside just as the late bell rang.

"Just on time, Emmy." Jay held out his hand and Emma high fived it with a giggle.

"We did a good job, Daddy." She grinned. She could look so sweet and innocent when she wanted to, but Jay wasn't fooled. She was definitely their biggest troublemaker.

"Yes we did."

"Can we have donuts?"

"I've got to get to work and you have to go to daycare." He reminded her as they exited the school, him still holding her securely in his arms.

"Please?" she pouted her lower lip slightly.

"I don't know, Em." He gave in slightly. Jay got to the car and buckled her into her car seat. He got into the driver's seat and sent Erin the picture he had taken of Connor's artwork.

 _To: Erin_

 _He said it's you and me catching all the bad guys._

Her response was almost immediate.

 _From: Erin_

 _That is so sweet!_

 _To: Erin_

 _How busy are you guys right now?_

 _From: Erin_

 _Not busy at all. We're all just doing paperwork. There's no new cases. Why?_

 _To: Erin_

 _Emma's asking if we can stop for donuts._

It took a minute for her to reply. Jay heard Emma humming happily along with the radio in the backseat and he smiled to himself. These were the moments that he had promised himself he would always try and enjoy. He wanted to spend time with his kids when they were little and not let work get in the way of that. He knew that he had to get to the station eventually, but what would it really hurt if they were just a little late?

 _From: Erin_

 _Hank said go spend the morning with our girl. I think she could use some Daddy time anyway._

 _To: Erin_

 _Thank you, baby. Text me if anything jumps off. I'll bring you back a coffee._

Jay drove to the donut shop down the street without telling Emma where they were going. As a father of four, he never really got a lot of one-on-one time with his kids, so when he did, he definitely cherished it. He knew that once she started school, she would lose a tiny bit of her innocence. Right now, her parents and siblings were still her best friends and she thought he was the greatest person in the world. He wasn't ready for that to end.

"Ready for your donut?" he asked her as he parked the car.

"Yay!" Emma cheered, throwing her tiny little fists in the air. Jay laughed, knowing it was something that she had learned from Connor; he had seen him do the same thing after scoring a goal in a soccer game.

Jay unbuckled her from the car and carried her into the shop. He brought her up to the front and let her look at all of the different donuts before she finally settled on one with pink frosting and sprinkles. He selected a glazed one for himself and also purchased a chocolate milk and coffee and went to a booth.

He watched Emma carefully hold the donut in her tiny hands and take a bite, smearing frosting across her cheeks. She smiled up at him and he couldn't help but snap a picture to send to Erin. He knew that she would have loved to be there right now.

"Well, it's been a while since I've seen you."

Jay looked over when he heard the voice and he was surprised at who was standing next to their booth. Bunny had that same smirk as always on her face as she stared at him. She turned her head and looked at Emma and Jay felt a fire rage inside of his body; she had no right to even _look_ at his child.

"Hi, sweetheart." Bunny said.

"Hi." Emma replied, leaning forward to take another bite of her donut.

"You are so beautiful, Sophia."

Emma frowned at the unfamiliar woman, then looked at her father, then back to Bunny. "I'm Emma."

Jay stood up from his seat. He had held his tongue around Bunny plenty of times, but he wasn't sure if he could this time. He wouldn't sit here and let her make his daughter feel uncomfortable.

Bunny looked at Jay. "Are you not with Erin anymore?"

That question stunned him. He wasn't sure where it had even come from. "What?"

"Where are Connor, Henry, and Sophia? Or did you leave my daughter and have a child with someone else?"

Jay shifted his body so that Bunny was forced to step back from the table and away from Emma. He wasn't really sure why Bunny would believe Emma wasn't Erin's; Emma was a pretty even mix between the two of them, but he still saw a lot of Erin in her.

"They are at school." He chose to just answer her first question. Neither question deserved an answer because of how stupid it was, but he wasn't sure how else to get her to leave.

"They're babies! How are they possibly old enough for school?"

"It's been six years since you abandoned your daughter in a hospital bed, Bunny." Jay informed her. "But I guess time flies when you're off on a bender, right?"

Bunny stared at him in shock. "I don't like your tone."

"And I don't like that you continuously hurt Erin, but you still do it."

"Jay?"

He felt like his heart had dropped into his stomach. He looked to his left and saw Erin as she walked over, her face showing her obvious confusion. He definitely didn't want her to have to deal with this.

"Mama!" Emma put her donut on the table and reached out for Erin. Even he could see the nervousness coming off of his youngest child. She was not shy by any means, but she had a stranger standing in front of her calling her sister's name and arguing with her father. He didn't blame her for being upset.

Erin lifted her up, not caring about the fact that she was all sticky. "Hi, baby." She kissed her forehead. "What are you doing here, Bunny?"

"I was here to get some coffee and I saw Jay sitting and I thought I would come over and ask about you."

"Why? You haven't asked about me in six years."

"I figured you wouldn't want to see me."

"You were right."

Bunny sighed. "Erin, I'm sorry for what happened at the hospital. I got nervous, okay? I didn't think you would want me there."

"Me not wanting you somewhere hasn't ever stopped you before." Erin shook her head. "It doesn't matter. It's always the same with you. You give me some fake story about how you're sorry and you're not going to do whatever you did ever again. I can't do that anymore. I've got a family to think about now and they don't deserve having you come in and out of their lives."

"I'm their grandma, Erin! I just want to know them."

"You had a chance to know them. On the day the twins were born, you could have stuck around the hospital and come in to meet them. But you ran out. Instead of being happy about having two new babies, I spent hours worrying about where you were and what I did wrong to make you leave. I'm _done_ with that. I can't handle it."

Bunny's focus turned to Jay. "Please, Jay. You have to understand. Don't you want your kids to have a grandma? Don't they deserve that?"

Jay shook his head. "The only reason you've been around this long is because Erin's wanted you here. I have hated your presence in her life from the day we got together."

Bunny reached into her purse and pulled out a pen. She grabbed a napkin from the table and scribbled something down on it and shoved it into Erin's bag. "You don't even have to speak to me. I just want to meet my grandchildren. I'm sorry for what I've done." She turned and walked out.

Jay took one look at Erin and pulled her into his arms. "I love you." He whispered to her.

"I love you too." She replied. She moved back and sat down, sitting Emma next to her.

"What are you doing here?" Jay wondered.

"Hank told me to meet you guys here. I finished all my paperwork, so I had nothing left to do." She lifted up Emma's donut and handed it back to the little girl. "I just wish that had never happened. Can we not talk about it, please?"

"Yeah, for now." He allowed. They both turned their attention to Emma and let all thoughts of Bunny drift away.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Goodnight, boys." Erin said one last time before turning off the light to Connor and Henry's bedroom. She left the door open just a crack and went across the hallway.

Sophia and Emma were both sitting on Sophia's bed. Erin saw the dimpled smile on her older daughter's face and couldn't help but smile too; she loved that her two girls loved each other.

"What are you two smiling about?" she asked.

"Emma said we have a grandma. Do we really?" Sophia's voice was so eager and it nearly broke her heart.

Erin hadn't realized how much of the conversation Emma was grasping. It was apparently a lot more than she had thought. Maybe she and Jay should have sat down with her and explained what was going on.

"I saw her!" Emma added.

"When can I see her, Mama? My friends at school all have grandmas and they say that they play with them and make cookies and they have sleepovers and they're really fun!" Sophia stated excitedly. "Where's our grandma?"

Erin froze. She had absolutely no idea what to say. How could she tell her six-year-old that her grandmother was a drug addict who had never cared about anyone but herself and there was no hope that she would ever be involved in her life?

"You can do all that stuff with Papa Hank." Erin told her instead.

"Yeah but it's not the same. My friends have grandmas, not grandpas." Sophia sighed. "Emma, I knew you didn't see any grandma. We don't have one."

"I did, Sophia!" Emma cried out. "Mama!" she looked at Erin desperately, trying to get her to back up her story.

"You do have a grandma." Erin told her. "She's my mother. But she hasn't made very good choices with her life and that's why you haven't ever met her before. That's who Emma saw today. I don't know if you'll ever meet her, Soph."

Sophia nodded her head, taking in this new information. "I want to."

"It's time for bed." Erin lifted Emma up and carried her over to her bed. She tucked both of the girls in and gave them hugs and kisses. "I love you."

"Love you." They said back to her. She turned off the light and left the door open a crack.

Erin found Jay in their bedroom, fresh out of the shower. "Kids go down okay?"

"Yeah." She sat on the edge of the bed.

"What's wrong?"

"Emma told Sophia about Bunny and she was asking about her."

"What did she say?" she could tell Jay was trying to tread lightly and she appreciated that.

"That all of her friends at school have grandmas and she wants to have a grandma too. I told her that Bunny hasn't made good choices and that I don't know if she'll ever meet her, but she says that she still wants to."

"She's six, Erin. She wants to meet Santa Claus too."

"Maybe we should let Bunny see the kids."

"Why does she deserve that?" Jay argued gently.

"She doesn't. But they deserve to have some type of family. It's not like they have a lot. She just wants a grandma."

"It's not like Bunny is some type of storybook grandmother. Besides that, even if we did let her see the kids, I'm not letting her around them without one of us being there. I absolutely refuse to budge on that and I'm sorry, but I don't care how you feel about that. Their safety comes first."

"I one hundred percent agree." Erin sighed. "I don't know when I'm going to stop giving her more chances. I just want to believe that she's actually doing things for the right reason, you know? What if this is the time she changes? What if having grandkids around is enough to change her?"

"Do you honestly think it will be?" Jay sat down next to her. "Baby, it's been six years. Why is she interested now?"

"She's my mom, Jay." Erin looked at him. "Do you know how hard it is to accept the fact that your mom will never love or care about you?"

She saw his face soften at her words. She knows that he hates Bunny, but she also knows that he loves her more and that he will do what is best for their family.

"If you want to try and give her one more chance, then we can. But I have three conditions. First, she's not allowed in our home. I want to meet in a public place. Second, the kids don't leave our sight. Third, you make it clear to her that this isn't about her fixing a relationship with you right now and that she's meeting the kids." Erin didn't really understand his last condition, but before she could ask, he continued. "I'm sick of seeing you get hurt by her. If she comes around once or twice and then leaves, I doubt it will affect the kids that much. But I can't handle watching her shatter you into a million pieces every time she breaks your heart. I know that it's hard for you to deal with her and I know that you want to have a good relationship with her. But Erin, it most likely won't happen. You need to go into this with the mindset that you're going to be civil with her and introduce her to our kids and that's it."

"Okay." Erin agreed. She understood everything Jay was saying and it made sense. It would be hard, but he was right. She needed to try and stay neutral with Bunny. "I'll call her tomorrow and set up something."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin stood at the end of the slide, watching as Henry and Emma ran up the stairs, slid down the slide, and then repeated the whole process over and over again. She glanced over and saw that Jay was still at the monkey bars. He was hunched down under the monkey bars with Sophia on his shoulders. She was holding onto the bars as if she was crossing them by herself. Connor was actually crossing by himself with little difficulty, which Erin noticed was an improvement from last time they had gone to the park.

"Careful, Henry." She called out as he ran a little too fast and knocked into Emma. She looked over again and noticed that her voice had caught Jay's attention. He glanced from her over to their kids and once he saw that everything was fine, he turned his attention back to Sophia.

"Hello, Erin."

She took a deep breath. "Bunny." She studied the woman. She looked older than she had a few years ago. She was wearing a button up blouse and a pair of jeans, which wasn't exactly proper playground attire.

"How are you?"

"Fine. How are you?" Erin didn't know why she was bothering with the pleasantries or giving her mother the opportunity to complain.

"Oh, the same as usual." Bunny's gaze searched the playground. "Where are they? I'm assuming the one on Jay's shoulders belongs to you."

"Yes, that's Sophia." Erin watched as Emma slid down the slide, giggling the whole way. "You've already seen Emma. Henry is…" she looked around, but didn't see her younger son.

"I've got him, Er." Jay joined them with Sophia still on his shoulders and Henry and Connor right behind him. He grabbed Emma after she slid down the side. "Hi, Bunny."

"Hello, Jay." She gave him a polite smile.

"Guys, this is Bunny." Erin told her children. "Bunny, this is Connor, Henry, Sophia, and Emma."

Erin watched for their reactions. She had given a brief description of who Bunny was to the kids so they knew she was their grandmother, but she and Jay had agreed not to label her as such so if she exited their lives it would be less personal. They hadn't wanted to talk about her at all, but Sophia had told her brothers what Emma had told her and they were kind of out of luck on that subject.

Sophia was the first to step forward while Erin noticed Emma clung tighter to Jay. Sophia wasn't exactly shy, but she wasn't incredibly outgoing either. It was uncharacteristic of Emma though to stay so close to her father when there was a new person around. Erin figured it had something to do with their first meeting.

"Will you push me on the swings?" Sophia questioned Bunny.

"Okay." Bunny agreed.

"Let's all go over by the swings." Jay instructed. The kids started to run in that direction eagerly. Erin made eye contact with Jay, who gestured towards Emma. She nodded her head to show that she had noticed the fact that she was _still_ holding onto him.

They went to the swings and Connor, Henry, and Sophia immediately chose a row with three in it; Jay took Emma over to the baby swings right next to it and buckled her in. Bunny stood behind Sophia and started to push her.

"So Erin, how is everything?" Bunny asked.

"No. This isn't about me and you. This is about you meeting my kids and getting to know them. Talk to them."

"But I don't know…"

"Exactly." Erin interrupted. "You don't know anything, so ask them. They're very smart. They can tell you about themselves."

Bunny pushed Sophia's swing again. "So, what's your favorite color, Sophia?" Erin could tell that she was _way_ out of her comfort zone here.

"Pink." Sophia answered without hesitation. "What color do you like?"

"I like yellow." Bunny answered. "What about you boys?"

"Blue." Connor responded.

"I like green." Henry chimed in.

"I like purple!" Emma called out from where Jay was pushing her in her swing. She had been listening intently once she heard the older kids talking. Erin couldn't help but smile; she was always trying to fit in with them and do what they were doing.

"Do any of you play sports?"

"I play soccer." Connor informed her. "Daddy is my coach. Our team is so good. I score lots of goals."

"Wow, that's good!" Bunny said. She actually sounded genuine. Erin wasn't sure if she even knew anything about soccer, but Connor didn't know that.

"Mama, is dance class a sport?" Sophia wondered.

"I guess it kind of is." Erin told her.

"Then I do dance." Sophia stated. "Henry plays baseball. Emma's too little to play sports. Emmy, what sport are you gonna play when you're bigger? Are you gonna do dance too?"

"Yeah!" Emma cheered. Erin knew her youngest only said that to be like her older sister; she wouldn't be surprised if she chose a different path.

As the chatter continued, Erin looked over to Jay. His gaze was focused on her and he smiled reassuringly. She returned the smile. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

After another hour at the park, they decided it was time to go. Both Erin and Jay were shocked at how well the visit had gone.

"They're great kids." Bunny commented. "Could I see them again soon?"

"I'll call you and set something up." Erin confirmed. "Guys, say goodbye."

"Bye!" normally, it took a lot to get the kids away from the park, but they were all cold and ready to go, so it didn't take much.

Erin scooped up Emma in her arms while Jay grabbed one of the twins in each of his. Erin took Connor's hand in her free one and they headed towards the car.

"That went well." Jay said, his tone showing he was treading lightly.

"It did." Erin agreed.

"You want to meet up with her again?"

"We might as well, right?"

"If that's what you want to do."

"The kids didn't seem to be uncomfortable with her and she wasn't bad with them. I think I'll call her tomorrow and set up another day."

"Sounds good to me, baby." Jay set Sophia down so he could unlock the car door and opened up the back door, allowing the kids to climb in. Erin went around to the driver's side and buckled Emma in, then climbed into the driver's seat. She just hoped that Bunny continued to be a positive person in her children's lives.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin and Jay allowed Bunny to see the kids over the next two months. Jay knew that Erin was still being careful to respect his boundaries that he had set, which he appreciated. She still hadn't been to their house or been alone with the kids; he didn't think he would ever be comfortable with the latter.

The kids were starting to grow more aware of her presence in their lives. They didn't ask for her when she wasn't around or call her grandma or anything like that, but when they saw her, they weren't shy anymore. It made the already awkward visits a whole lot less awkward.

They had just had a visit with Bunny that morning and everything had gone relatively well, from Jay's perspective at least. He knew that Erin was starting to get attached to Bunny again and that if she left, she would be crushed. It absolutely broke his heart to know that his wife was still being caused pain by her mother, but he knew that there wasn't anything he could do for her.

"Alright guys, time to start getting ready for bed." He announced. "Ice cream bowls in the sink."

The kids jumped up from their places at the dining room table and put their bowls in the sink before heading down the hallway to their bedrooms. Jay glanced at Erin.

"Do you want to do the boys' baths or the girls'?"

"I'll do the boys'. I did the girls' yesterday."

Jay nodded his head in understanding and went to the girls' room. He picked out their pajamas quickly and ushered them into the master bathroom while Erin took the boys into the main bathroom.

"Let's go, ladies." Jay filled the tub with warm water, undressed Sophia and Emma, and sat them in the tub. After a few minutes, Sophia stared up at him.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, Soph?"

"I hafta tell you somethin'."

"Okay."

"Does Mama love me?"

He knew she wasn't technically telling him anything, but he didn't bother to correct her on her grammar. He was honestly shocked by the question.

"Are you kidding? Of course she loves you, Sophia. Mama loves you and your brothers and sister more than anything in this whole world."

"Does Mama love you?"

"Yes she does."

Sophia's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Jay tried to understand why she was struggling to process this information.

"What's going on?" he prodded, trying to get to the root of the issue.

"Does Mama love people?"

"Mama loves a lot of people. She loves her family and friends and she loves keeping people safe. That's why she became a police officer."

"Is it hard for her to love people?"

"I don't think so."

"I want Mama."

"You're almost done with your bath, okay? Let's finish up in here and then you, me, and Mama can talk."

Sophia looked nervous, but she nodded her head. Jay definitely picked up the pace after that. He had no idea what she was talking about and it worried him.

He quickly did the nighttime routine with the girls, then switched rooms with Erin and did the boys' routine. Once it was time to say goodnight, he hugged and kissed Connor, Henry, and Emma and then lifted up Sophia and brought her to their bedroom.

Erin looked at him in confusion. She had already said goodnight to the girls and had thought Sophia was still in bed.

"What's wrong, Soph?"

Sophia snuggled closer to Jay, which did not go unnoticed by either of her parents.

"Sophia, you asked if it was hard for Mama to love people." Jay reminded her. "You also wanted to know if she loved you and me. Can you tell us why you're thinking about that so we can try to help you?"

He saw her bite her lip in a similar way to what Erin would do when she was anxious about something.

"When we were at the park with Bunny I asked why she's not like my friends' grandmas. I told her that my friends all have grandmas who like to make cookies and play games and they knew their grandmas since they were babies." Sophia rambled. "Bunny said Mama isn't good at loving people and she never loved Bunny, so she couldn't see us when we were babies."

Jay felt his temper flare immediately so he couldn't even imagine what Erin was feeling. He looked up at her and saw that her face was completely blank.

"Did she say anything else, Soph?"

"She said Mama doesn't know how to be a mama and she does things wrong and that's why we can't have sleepovers with her or go to her house or she can't come to our house. And she said Papa Hank took you away from her. And that you say mean things to her and call her bad names and that it's cause you don't love people, and that if you are mean to me then I can come live with her."

Jay clenched his fists tightly. Bunny would never, _ever_ be near his children again. He would do anything to make sure that happened.

"Did Bunny just say this to you?" Erin questioned.

"Uh-huh."

"What were you guys doing?" Jay realized his wife had asked a good question. When had Bunny even been alone with Sophia long enough to tell her all this?

"She was pushing me on the swings."

"Sophia, I know that what Bunny said to you was probably confusing." Erin began. "But she was wrong. When I was a little girl, Bunny made some very bad choices and she wasn't a very good Mama to me. Papa Hank did take me away from Bunny, but it was because she couldn't take good care of me like parents are supposed to. Bunny didn't want him to take me away, but it made my life better and I was happier and it was a good choice. It made Bunny very angry and we fight a lot because of that, and because she wasn't a nice Mama when I was a little girl. That is why you didn't know her when you were a baby and why you can't have sleepovers or go over to her house. Daddy and I want to keep you, Connor, Henry, and Emma safe."

"Mama is so good at loving people." Jay picked up. "Sophia, do you love your mama?"

"Yeah." She said, her voice tiny.

"Does Mama love you?"

"Yeah." Her voice got a little stronger as she spoke that time.

"Bunny doesn't think Mama can love people because Mama had to stop letting Bunny talk to her as much because she was always saying mean things to her. Sometimes, she fights with Bunny and they say mean things to each other, but that doesn't make Mama bad." Jay tried to simplify for the six-year-old. "Mama is a great mommy and she does everything for you and your brothers and sister. She loves you all more than anything in this world and Bunny doesn't know that because she didn't love her kids more than anything. And Sophia, I'm sorry to break it to you, but you're stuck with us. You will never, ever be allowed to go live with Bunny, no matter what happens."

Sophia frowned. "I don't like Bunny that much."

"If that's how you feel, then you're allowed to make that decision." Erin told her. "Do you understand everything we told you?"

"I think so." Sophia scooted over towards Erin. "I love you, Mama. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, baby." She hugged her tightly. "I love you so, so much."

When Sophia pulled away, she looked back at Erin. "So Bunny was mean to you when you were a little kid and Papa Hank took you away and now Bunny is still mad at you?"

"Kind of." Erin explained. "It's a little more complicated than that, but I'll tell you all that when you're older."

"I'm glad Papa Hank took you away. You should have nice parents, Mama."

"Thank you, Sophia." Erin kissed the top of her head. "Do you have any questions at all?"

"Do we have to see Bunny anymore?"

"No." Jay answered before Erin had the chance.

"She's a liar."

"She did lie about some things, and some things she just tried to make sound bad when they aren't actually bad things." Erin agreed. "It's time for bed now, okay?"

"Okay."

"Say goodnight to Daddy." Jay said his goodnights and watched as Erin carried Sophia out. He was nervous to see how his wife reacted once it was just the two of them.

A few minutes later, Erin came back in. She was completely quiet as she got back into bed. She lifted up the blankets and immediately cuddled into him. Jay wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you." He told her. "You are an amazing mother. You are a perfect wife. You are a great detective. You deserve so much more than having to deal with her."

"This is the last time." Erin lifted her head up so they could make eye contact. "I'm done, Jay. I won't let her sit around and manipulate our children. We are supervising her every move with them. How is she still bold enough to try and tell Sophia that I'm a bad mom and that I don't know how to love people?"

"Because that's who she is, Erin. She's just trying to get to you. She just wants to drive a wedge between you and our kids, but she didn't really think it through. She obviously doesn't know the bond that we have with them. You know this was all about trying to get them to come live with her, right? That last little comment about how if you're ever mean to Soph, she can come live with her just showed her whole purpose."

"I genuinely thought she had changed. She came to all the scheduled visits, she was on time, she seemed pretty sober to me, she was actually engaged with them. How could I be so stupid to let her around them?"

"It wasn't stupid, Erin. You wanted them to have family. You gave her that chance and she failed miserably. We just won't give her the chance to screw up again."

Erin laid her head back down on his chest. "I'm not looking forward to having this conversation with her."

"I'll do it." Jay volunteered. "I have absolutely no problem with kicking her out of our lives for good."

"No, it needs to come from me." She sighed. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize. This is on Bunny, not on you." He stroked her back gently. "Let's get some sleep, okay? We'll deal with this tomorrow."

"Okay." Erin agreed. "Love you."

"I love you too." He held her in his arms tightly as they both drifted off.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin watched from her booth as Bunny walked into the diner. They made eye contact and the older woman made her way over.

"Good morning, Erin." She greeted. "Where are my little ones? I was hoping you were inviting me to have breakfast with you all before they went to school."

She was not at all surprised that Bunny was acting like nothing had happened. She wasn't really sure how to lead into this, so she decided the best thing to do would be to just be straightforward.

"Actually, you won't be seeing them anymore."

Bunny's mouth dropped open and Erin fought the urge to roll her eyes at her dramatics. "Excuse me?"

"I'm not doing this anymore with you. I actually thought that there was a chance that you had changed. I thought that your grandchildren were enough to make you grow up a little and act your age, but apparently I was wrong. You continue to just take advantage of me and make me look stupid over and over and over again."

Bunny gave her a look. "Jealousy isn't pretty on you, Erin."

Erin opened her mouth, then closed it, literally in shock at her mother's words. She didn't even know how to respond. " _What_?"

"You're jealous of my relationship with your children. You're upset that I have a better relationship with them than I do with you. It's pretty obvious."

"You couldn't be more wrong. The reason you're not allowed to see them anymore is because you told Sophia that I don't know how to love people, that Hank took me away from you, that I am mean to you and call you names, that if I'm ever mean to her then she can come live with you. Are you kidding me? Did you honestly think that she wouldn't say something to Jay or I? She's _six_ and you confused her."

"She should know the truth about her mother."

"The fact that you honestly believe any of that just shows how delusional you are. You don't think I know how to love people? I've still longed for your acceptance, tried time and time again with you, sat up at night wondering where you were and if you were even alive! If that's not love, then I don't know what is. It's _you_ who is incapable of love. It's _you_ who has repeatedly chosen everything in the world over me. Now, you're going to have to live with that because I'm done. I may not have been able to put myself before you and break that cycle in the past, but I have no problem with putting my children before you. I'm not going to let you hurt them the way that I've let you hurt me. This is it, Bunny. I don't ever want to hear from you or see you again. If you see me or Jay or the kids, keep walking. As far as we are concerned, you don't exist. Do not come near us again or I swear to God, I will make you regret it." Erin got up and left.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Mama, are we ever gonna see Bunny again?"

Erin wasn't surprised by Connor's question. It had been two weeks since she had cut Bunny off. She and Jay decided that they weren't going to sit the kids down and explain the situation to them; they would just tell them if they asked.

"No, Connor. You're not."

"Why?"

"Bunny made some bad choices and said some bad things and it's better for our family if she isn't around anymore." She explained to him. "Get your shoes on, please. We have to leave in a minute."

"Okay." He went to grab his shoes and completely ignored the subject of Bunny. Erin wasn't sure how to take that, but she was hoping it meant he wasn't affected.

Jay came into the room with Emma and Henry in each arm. "These two are ready. Where's Soph?"

"C'mon, Sophia!" Erin called out. The little girl came out of the bathroom, already completely dressed and ready.

"Let's go, guys." Jay ushered everyone out the door, locking it behind them. He strapped Emma into her car seat and got into the driver's seat. He pulled up to the elementary school first.

"I'll run them in." Erin offered. She helped Connor, Sophia, and Henry out of the car and walked them into the building. As she was giving them their hugs and kisses, she felt her phone vibrate. She looked down and saw that it was a message from Hank telling them to meet at an address instead of at the district.

"Did you get that message from Voight?" Jay wondered.

"Yeah. Wonder what we're about to go into."

The drive to the daycare was filled with Emma's tiny little voice as she chattered away about anything and everything. Erin ran her inside too and then came back out to the car. Jay drove to the address they had been sent.

When they pulled up they saw police cars and a few ambulances had already arrived. They got out and walked up towards the house.

Voight walked out of the house and Erin could see by his expression that this case was something different. He spotted her and came over.

"Erin, I want you to take the day off."

"What?" she demanded. "No."

"You need to go."

"I'm not leaving."

"Halstead, get her out of here."

Erin looked to Jay, who was obviously just as confused as she was.

"What's going on?"

Two paramedics brought out a stretcher and Erin immediately recognized the woman lying there. She felt her stomach tighten.

 _Bunny._

"I'm good." She looked from the stretcher and back to Hank. "If I leave, I'll drive myself crazy thinking. I need to be here. My head is on straight."

Hank studied her for a few seconds, then sighed and gave in. "We've got some kind of laced heroin out on the streets. Deaths are piling up. Three bodies inside."

"Is Bunny alive?" Jay wondered. Erin had been wanting to know too, but she couldn't bring herself to ask.

"She wasn't when we arrived." Hank answered. "Erin, I'm sorry. I know that the two of you have a rough relationship, but she's still your mom and I know this has to be tough. If this gets too hard, you tell me, okay?"

"I will." She agreed, even though they all knew she wouldn't. She glanced over her shoulder just in time to see the paramedics pronounce Bunny's death.

Her mother was dead.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Jay woke up and immediately reached his arm over. He sighed when he felt that the bed was empty again; it had been almost every night since they found out about Bunny's death. It had been nearly a week and he knew Erin wasn't sleeping, or really eating. She was still here physically and she was still helping with taking care of the kids, but she had checked out mentally. He had absolutely no idea what to say to her to make this all better.

He got out of bed and walked down the hallway, glancing at the clock as he passed it. They would have to start getting the kids up soon. Today, they would be attending Bunny's funeral. He hoped that after this, Erin could finally start healing.

Jay was expecting to see Erin in the kitchen, but it was empty. He went to the girls' room first, but they were both still asleep. He heard her voice and peeked into the boys' room.

Erin was lying in Connor's bed with him. Their oldest was cuddled next to his mother as he spoke.

"Why can't I go?"

"Because, Connor. You need to go to school. This isn't a place for kids."

"But I wanna go with you. I don't wanna leave you."

"It'll be alright. Funerals are boring. People just talk a lot about grown up things. There will be a lot of people you don't know there. Wanna know a secret?" Erin whispered.

"Yeah."

"I don't even want to go."

"Then don't go."

"I have to. Grown-ups have to go to funerals. You're lucky that you're a kid and you get to go to school instead." Jay watched as she held him close and kissed his forehead. "C'mon, it's time to get up and get ready."

"Fine." Connor grumbled.

Jay made his presence known at that point. He opened the door wider and turned the light on. "Good morning." He greeted.

"Morning." Both Erin and Connor answered. Neither of them seemed particularly enthusiastic, though he couldn't blame them. He sighed; today was already rough.

Erin got out of Connor's bed and went over to Henry's. "Henry, time to wake up." She ran her hand through his hair.

The little boy sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Mmmm."

"Wake up." Erin repeated. "Your clothes are laid out at the end of your bed. Get changed for school, okay?" she stood up. She tried to walk out of the room, but Jay blocked her path. He pulled her into his arms before she could say anything. He didn't speak; he just held her for a couple of seconds. He felt her melt into his embrace and he held her tighter.

"You're gonna get through this." He whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She nodded her head at his words and then pulled back. She smiled at him gratefully and went to get the girls up.

Jay started to make breakfast for everyone. They still had to do their morning routine, but they had gotten up a little earlier so he and Erin had more time to get ready for the funeral. Right after he had the thought, he heard the shower turn on.

"Daddy?" he turned around when he heard his youngest daughter's voice. Emma was two days shy of turning four years old and he couldn't believe that they had reached this point. He lifted her into his arms, not caring about the fact that she was still in her pajamas instead of getting dressed like she was supposed to be.

This was supposed to be a happy time. They should be thinking of only Emma's birthday party and how their baby was growing up. Instead, they were getting ready to go to a funeral.

"What's wrong, Emmy?" he kissed her cheek and continued to flip the pancakes he was making.

"Mama's cryin'."

Jay's heart stopped. He flipped the last three pancakes onto the plates they belonged to and turned the stove off. He put each child's plate in their proper seat and sat Emma down on hers. Right as he did, Connor and Henry came down the hall.

"Eat your breakfast, boys. I'll be back in a minute. Don't make a mess."

He went down the hall to the master bedroom and he could hear Erin crying as soon as he walked in the door. It was the first time he had heard her cry since they found out Bunny had died. She had been bottling up her feelings for the past few days and he knew they were bound to explode, but he hadn't imagined that it would be now.

Jay let himself into the bathroom and he moved the shower curtain back. Erin was sitting on the floor of the shower with her knees drawn up to her chest as she sobbed. She still hadn't seen him and when he put his hand on her shoulder, she jumped.

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay. Get out of the shower."

He started to help her, but she stopped him. "I haven't washed my hair." She cried out.

Jay squirted shampoo into his own palm and rubbed it into her hair. He washed her hair properly. He repeated the process with conditioner all while Erin continued to cry. He helped her stand and quickly washed her body and then rinsed her off.

He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her, then lifted her over the side of the shower. He dried her off thoroughly and then hugged her, rubbing her back.

"I'm here for you, but I only know what you're feeling if you let me in."

"I'm so confused." Erin sobbed into his shoulder. "She's my mom and I always wanted her to love me, but she treated me so badly."

"That doesn't mean you wanted her to die. You might not have known how you felt about Bunny, but you never wished bad things for her. You're allowed to grieve, Erin. No matter what, she was your mother. No one will blame you for being upset." Jay held her for another minute. "Now you've got to try and get ready and I need to go check on the kids."

Erin nodded her head. "I love you."

"I love you more."

Jay left her in the bathroom and went out to the kitchen. All four kids had finished their food. The older three were still looking pretty clean, while Emma's hair had syrup in it. Jay cursed himself for not thinking to put it in a ponytail.

"Guys, brush your teeth and get your shoes and socks on." Jay commanded. "Sophia, grab your brush and sit on the couch. Mama or I will help you with your hair in a minute." Jay definitely wasn't good at hair, but he knew Erin wasn't really in the mindset to deal with getting the kids ready that morning.

He lifted up Emma and went to the bathroom. He turned on the shower, stripped her out of her pajamas, and set her under the water. He washed her hair quickly for her and then let her wash her body and then got her out. If they weren't running late before, they were definitely running late now.

He heard the hair dryer turn on in the bedroom and he was grateful for that at least. He brought Emma back into her room and helped her get dressed, not really giving her time to do it herself even though she was fully capable. Then, Jay brought Emma into the master bedroom and to Erin.

"Can you dry her hair when you're finished with yours?"

Erin turned off the hair dryer. "Why did you give her a bath?"

"She had syrup all over her. There's pancakes in the kitchen if you're hungry."

"I'm not…"

"You should really try and eat, baby."

"I'm okay. I feel like I would throw up if I ate. Maybe we can get something to eat afterwards."

"Okay." Jay agreed. That was the closest she had come to agreeing to eat, so he would take it.

He jumped in the shower and by the time he got out, it was time for them to leave. He knew then that they were _really_ late.

"Get ready." Erin told him. "I'll make sure the kids are ready to go."

"Okay."

He got himself dressed for the funeral and fixed his hair and then went out to the living room. Erin had all four kids sitting on the couch with their shoes, backpacks, and jackets on and she had already done Sophia and Emma's hair and was now cleaning up the kitchen. He didn't know how she always managed to get everything done so quickly.

"Your coffee is right there." She pointed towards the counter. "I saved you some pancakes too. I figured you hadn't eaten."

"We don't really have time…"

"Jay, eat your pancakes. We're already late anyway. Let me brush my teeth and then I'll go put the kids in the car while you eat."

"I'm supposed to be taking care of you." He reminded her.

"You are. And this is a nice distraction."

Fifteen minutes later, they were dropping the kids off at school. Erin was driving, so Jay was responsible for running them inside. He lifted up Sophia in his right arm, grabbed Henry's hand in his left, and Connor led the way inside of the school. They got in the door right as the bell rang and he held in his cuss words at the fact that they were late. He moved quickly and gave them all their hugs and kisses before dropping them off at their classrooms.

The next stop was Emma's daycare. They were a few minutes later than usual, but no one noticed. Jay signed her in and then returned to the car.

Erin was quiet the whole way to the funeral home. It was starting to worry him. He had hardly heard her voice since Bunny's death, unless it was absolutely necessary. He knew that it was her shutting down. All he wanted was for her to be okay.

"We're here." Erin announced. He realized that they had pulled up to the funeral home. Erin and Teddy had been the ones to plan the funeral and Jay knew that was just pouring more salt into the wound. Even though Bunny had treated Erin horribly, she was still forced to plan the woman's funeral.

They got out of the car and Jay was shocked when Erin reached over and grabbed his hand. He squeezed it reassuringly and reminded himself that her strength was all just an act. He just had to be there for her and try to get her to open up to him.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin didn't cry during the funeral. She didn't feel the urge at all. She knew many of the people who had shown up and she knew that the majority of them were drug dealers or junkies who Bunny had met at some point in her life. She stayed right by Jay's side, gripping onto his hand like it was her lifeline and honestly, it was. She was so scared that she might lose herself.

She didn't know why this was affecting her so much. She had spent so much time hating Bunny and now that she was dead, she had mixed feelings. She was upset, but at the same time, she was relieved, and that was the worst feeling of all.

After the funeral ended, she and Jay rose to leave. They had decided that they wouldn't be staying for the refreshments afterwards, so she was leading them towards the door.

"Erin!" she heard a voice call out.

Her skin felt like it was crawling. She must have tensed up and she knew Jay felt it because she heard him ask what was wrong, but she didn't answer. She just kept moving towards the door.

"Hello, sweetheart." Then, he was blocking her path. She froze completely. "It's been so long since I've seen you, but you still look the same as you did all those years ago. You are still so beautiful."

Erin felt Jay step closer to her. She knew that he wouldn't put himself into the conversation. He always let her handle herself at first.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded, surprised that her voice came out as strong as it did.

"I came to pay my respects."

"You shouldn't be here."

"Now, I didn't come to stir up any trouble." He took a step forward and Erin instinctively leaned back. Her back hit against Jay's chest and that was apparently enough for her husband because he stepped forward after that.

"You heard what she said. You can go." He instructed.

She watched as he turned his gaze to Jay. "And you are?"

"Erin's husband. Leave."

"Then we're family." He smiled. "I'm Erin's stepfather."

She scoffed. "Bunny divorced you a long time ago."

Before she could speak again, Teddy came over. She watched her little brother's expression as he realized who she was talking to.

"Tim." He sounded unimpressed. "Were you on your way out?"

Tim laughed. "Sure, Teddy. I just wanted to make sure that I said hello to Erin first. Don't be upset, but she was always my favorite." He reached out to touch her.

Before she even realized what happened, suddenly Erin's fist hurt. She looked up and saw that she had punched Tim in the face. He rose up as if he was going to hit her, but Jay moved to stand in front of her.

"Go." Jay commanded.

"Hopefully I'll see you another time, sweet Erin." He turned and exited.

"Let me see your hand." Jay said as soon as he had made sure Tim was really gone. Erin held out her hand and he examined it. "It doesn't look like anything is broken, but it's going to hurt." He kissed her knuckles. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Thanks." She put her fist back at her side, flexing her fingers to try and get rid of the soreness that was already settling in. "I don't know why he was even here."

"Who was that guy?" he wondered. He knew there was a chance Erin or Teddy would refuse to say anything, but he had to take a shot.

"His name is Tim. He was Bunny's second husband. He was horrible." Teddy summarized. "Who wants to go get a drink?"

"We were talking about going out to eat." Erin told him. "Wanna come? We can go somewhere that has drinks."

"Sounds fine to me."

As they exited the church, Erin felt Jay put his hand on her lower back. She could also see him scanning the parking lot and she knew he was looking for Tim. It felt good to know that he had her back and that he would always be looking out for her.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Everyone go to bed okay?" Erin asked when Jay came back into their bedroom that night.

He nodded his head. "Yeah, Henry put up a little bit of an argument, but other than that, they were all fine." He pulled his clothes off and changed into a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt. He sat on the bed next to her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her until she was sitting on his lap. Erin didn't put up a protest.

She cuddled happily into Jay, resting her head on his shoulder. He kissed her forehead and rocked her slightly. "You good?"

Erin debated her answer. She could tell him she was fine, but she would be lying, and she knew that he would know she was lying. Or, she could just skip right to the inevitable and tell him the truth now.

"Bunny sucked." She stated bluntly. "She used me and she made me feel bad about myself and she always had a way of bringing bad things into my life. But she was my mother." Jay nodded his head along with her statement. "This was on me, Jay."

"How is this your fault?"

"She was doing okay. She was showing up to our agreed meetings, she was interacting with the kids, she seemed like she was good. You even said that she looked sober when she met up with us. And then I cut her off. I'm the one who forced her to turn back to drugs and that's what killed her."

Erin lifted her head up so she could look at Jay's expression. She was surprised to see anger on his face.

"Why are you so hard on yourself?" he demanded. "You don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, you know, but you insist on doing it anyways. Why wouldn't you tell me this earlier so I could tell you how wrong you are?"

"Because I'm not wrong! I don't need you to sit here and lie to me and tell me what you think I want to hear…"

"Erin, Bunny may have been showing up to those meetings, but she was feeding our children lies! Do you not remember the situation that went down that caused us to cut her off? What she said to Sophia? Besides that, just because she _looked_ sober doesn't mean she actually was. I don't think she seemed high or drunk while she was with the kids, but I wouldn't bet on the fact that she wasn't doing those things in her own free time." He gently grabbed her chin in his hand so that she was forced to look at him. "You did _not_ put that needle in her hand, Erin. You didn't force her to do anything. You gave her a chance to get to know her grandchildren and she took advantage of it. _Bunny_ chose to do drugs. Is it unfortunate that she overdosed? Yes. But that isn't on you."

As his words got through to her, Erin felt the pressure in her chest start to release. She had been wound up so tight ever since she found out Bunny had died and now, it felt like a dam was breaking. Tears started to fill her eyes and they spilled over quickly until it was impossible for her to stop them. A sob escaped her lips and Jay just pulled her close to him and rocked her back and forth.

"You're okay, baby. It's all gonna be okay." He promised her.

"M-My mom is dead." She sobbed.

"I know. We'll get through this, Er. We always do. It's alright. Just let it out."

Erin cried for an embarrassingly long amount of time in Jay's arms. She cried for all the pain Bunny had brought into her life, she cried for all the things Bunny had never been to her, for the fact that they would never mend their relationship, and that now there was no chance for her children to know their last grandmother. Jay held her through it all, whispering reassurances to her and stroking her back and hair.

Once her tears had finally run out and her throat was raw, she looked up at him.

"Thank you." She rasped out.

"You don't have to thank me. I love you. I want you to talk to me when you're feeling bad about something. Most of the time you don't deserve to feel that way." He kissed her. "I love you." He kissed her again and turned her so that she was sitting on her side of the bed. Jay got under his side of the blankets and Erin followed his lead.

"Love you." She mumbled. She scooted as close as she could to him and buried her face in his chest.

Bunny may be gone, but Erin knew that she would survive. She had survived most of her life without her, so it's not like this would be any different. She promised herself for the millionth time that she would be a much better mother than the one she had been stuck with.

 **Up Next…C: Coach**


	3. Coach

**Thank you all for the reviews! I'm still so surprised at the response for this story and that you all love it this much only two chapters in! Sorry for the long wait, I've been very busy lately and I haven't had much time to write.**

 **After last night's episode, I don't really know how much longer we're going to have Linstead since the writers seem like they're going in the direction of a breakup. I am really, really hoping that Erin and Jay work through their issues, but the episode was so frustrating. Question- would you be interested in seeing anything with Abby coming into play in this story?**

 **Thank you again and please let me know what you think of this chapter, along with anything you would like to see!**

 **C: Coach**

 _*Jay signs up to be the kids' soccer coach, but he doesn't know what he's really getting himself into._

 _ ***Kids' Ages: Connor- 4, Henry- 3, Sophia- 3, Emma- 10 months**_

"Look at me, Daddy!" Connor yelled out as he kicked a soccer ball around the backyard. Jay watched the four-year-old's eagerness with a smile; he reminded him a lot of himself as a child.

"Good job, buddy!" he called back to him. He held his youngest child tighter to his chest, making sure her coat was wrapped securely around her. It was February in Chicago, which meant that the temperatures were pretty low. Connor didn't seem to care as he continued to run around.

The backdoor opened and Jay turned his head slightly, watching as Erin exited the house with the three-year-old twins. Henry and Sophia immediately joined their older brother and the three of them started to chase the ball together.

"They act like it's not freezing out here." Erin commented as she came over to stand closer to him. He wrapped an arm around her, tucking her closer to him so they could share body heat. She reached over and pulled Emma's hat down a little bit further.

"We should look into finding a soccer team for them." Jay's attention was still on the three kids. "I played soccer when I was their age. I'm sure we could find something."

"You think so?" Erin looked at their children. "It would be pretty cute, and maybe help them burn some energy off. When does soccer usually start?"

"Spring soccer starts in March."

" _March?_ " she gave him an incredulous look. "Are you kidding me, Jay? You want our kids running around in shorts and t-shirts in Chicago in _March_?"

He smiled. "I was actually thinking they could do indoor soccer for the spring and then outdoor for the fall, if they really liked it."

He felt Erin relax against him. "I'll let you do the research on that then. Let me know what you find out."

Jay kissed her forehead. As soon as he went in, he was going to start looking into it.

"Emma is _finally_ asleep." Erin told her husband as she joined him in their bedroom. He had his laptop out and looked focused on whatever was on the screen. "What are you doing?"

"So I found an indoor place that will allow a three and four-year-old co-ed team to play. Problem is that they don't have teams signed up."

"So what would be the next step?" Erin wondered as she climbed into bed next to Jay.

"We would have to find someone willing to coach and at least 12 players."

"Then we get the word out. Gabby and Casey's little girl is four, maybe she would like to play. We know a couple others with kids around that age and I'm sure they do too. You could always coach."

"I don't know about that. Games are on the weekends and we've got our on-calls."

"Then I'll take your on-calls." Jay looked at her in surprise. "Did I ever tell you that I've never played a sport in my entire life? I had so much more to worry about that something as simple as playing soccer never ranked high on the priority list. I want our kids to have that, Jay. I want them to have their dad calling out to them what to do and their mom cheering them on from the sidelines. I'll take your on-calls so that you can coach our kids' soccer team because that's making a sacrifice so our kids can have the childhood that I never did."

Erin was surprised when Jay leaned over and pressed his lips to hers. "I love you."

"I love you too. Tomorrow, you should call Casey. Maybe he'll coach the team with you. You could always talk to other parents at the daycare too and see if they would be willing to sign their kids up."

"You're a genius." Jay kissed her again. "Our kids are going to be little soccer superstars."

"Let's go, guys!" Erin called out as she climbed out of the SUV. She went around to the backdoor, smiling at the excitement of her children as they all practically bounced in their seats. She unbuckled Sophia from her car seat and lifted her down, then reached back to unbuckle Henry. Connor let himself out of his booster seat. Jay had already gotten 10 month old Emma out of her seat and then they were walking inside.

March had come quickly and now, it was officially soccer season. It hadn't been hard for Jay to assemble an indoor soccer team. He and Matt Casey would be coaching the team together, and Casey and Gabby's four-year-old daughter Carina would be playing. They had fourteen players total, the other eleven being a mixture of kids from the daycare and the children of various doctors, cops, and firefighters. Their team had been named The Hurricanes.

Jay held open the door and Erin led the kids into the building. She was immediately greeted with the sight of different soccer fields with nets and walls built around them to keep the ball from rolling out. She saw a game and concession stand area and knew that it wouldn't be long before her kids did too.

"We're on field four." Jay told her. "I think it's this way." He led the way to the left and Erin grabbed Connor and Sophia's hands and followed after him, making sure that Henry was right next to them.

The kids were all dressed in their blue jerseys (provided by the CPD), black shorts, and long, blue socks that she knew hid their shin guards. Jay had informed her that in outdoor, the players wore cleats, but for indoor, they wore regular gym shoes so they didn't tear up the turf. Sophia's long, dark curls were held back in a ponytail and she was wearing a blue headband that matched her jersey. Erin had already snapped plenty of pictures and she knew she was going to take a million more.

"There it is." Jay pointed out the field and they went over to where a group of their players were waiting. Because the CPD had offered to sponsor them, they had been able to get some pretty nice jerseys. Each player had a number on the back, along with their last name (though the Halstead kids had to have their first initial also). Sophia was number 4, Connor was number 7, and Henry was number 11. As they all three ran to look at the field, Erin snapped another picture of them since their backs were all facing her and she could see each of their numbers along with "S. Halstead", "C. Halstead", and "H. Halstead". It almost brought tears to her eyes that her babies were so grown up.

"Erin, Jay." She looked over and saw Matt and Gabby approaching, Carina between them. When she saw the Halstead kids, the little girl ran off to greet them.

"Crazy that they're old enough to play soccer, isn't it?" Erin asked Gabby. The other woman looked just as ready to shed tears as she was.

"I've been taking pictures all morning. I can't believe she's four years old." Gabby shook her head. "At least you've still got a little one you can cuddle. All I have is Carina, and she just wants to show how independent she is."

"It doesn't matter how little Emma is; she's the exact same way." Erin said with a laugh. "She's always trying to walk and if it's not that, she's crawling all over the place. She's the complete opposite of her brothers and sister. They were all so sweet. She's my little terror."

Jay came over with Emma still in his arms. "We're going to our box to set up."

"Okay. Will you help me put on her carrier thing really quick? I want my hands free so I can take pictures."

"Yeah."

Emma was passed to Gabby, who eagerly took the baby. Jay helped Erin strap on the carrier much like he would strap on her bulletproof vest. He understood that it would be protecting precious cargo, so he was careful with the straps and buckles. Once it was secured, he took the baby and put her into it so she was facing Erin.

"Alright, I'll see you after the game." Jay leaned down to kiss Erin's lips quickly.

"Good luck."

"Thanks." He went to round up his team and get them into their box on the other side of the field.

Gabby smiled. "The two of you are so cute."

Erin rolled her eyes. "You sound like Burgess."

"What? You are. I hope other people think of Matt and I the way they think of you and Jay."

"You and Matt are great together. You always have been." Erin reassured her. "Is Carina going to be an only child, or are the two of you planning on having more?"

Gabby shrugged. "I don't know. We've just been really busy lately and haven't talked much about it."

Erin laughed. "From what I've learned, it's best not to really talk about it and to just let it happen."

The game started not too long after and Erin and Gabby were practically glued to the sidelines. The Hurricanes had only had two practices before this game, but the kids seemed to have picked up at least a little bit of what they were being taught. For only being three and four, they were pretty good.

It didn't take long until Carina got the ball. She kicked it hard and Connor was nearby. He went to it and dribbled it slightly before kicking it into the goal. Everyone erupted into cheers.

Erin had snapped pictures of the entire event and she was cheering louder than anyone. "Great job, Connor! Good pass, Carina!" she screamed. She looked down at Emma. "Your big brother just scored a goal!"

She heard her phone going off and held in a groan. Today was one of the weekends that she had to take Jay's on-call shift and she had been hoping that nothing would jump-off. Unfortunately, it didn't look like she was going to get lucky on that front.

Jay couldn't believe that Connor had scored the first goal of the game. It had made his heart swell with a pride that he never imagined he could feel. He had heard Erin yelling from the other side of the field and he knew she was just as happy.

"Great job, guys! Now go back to your spots!" he instructed. The referee waited patiently for the kids on both teams to go back to their correct spots, understanding of the fact that the kids on each team were young and it was only their first game.

"Kick the ball, Sophia!" Casey called out. Jay watched as his daughter took the ball down the field. A kid on the other team kicked it away from her before she could score, but she just turned and chased them, ready to work to get it back. "Your kids are naturals, man."

"Good work, Soph!" he yelled. "Thanks. I played soccer as a kid and I guess I passed that down to them. Carina's pretty good too. I think they're a pretty solid team so far, especially with how young they are."

"Hey."

Jay turned to the side at the sound of his wife's voice, surprised to see her using the coach's entrance. She had an employee by her side.

"What's wrong?" he immediately asked. "Is Emma okay?"

"She's fine. Ruzek just called and said that something jumped off. I have to go in." he noticed Erin's attention drift towards the game and his heart broke for her and the fact that she wouldn't get to see the rest of their kids' first soccer game. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm leaving and ask if you want Emma. Gabby said she would take her if you couldn't…"

"No, I'll take her."

Erin quickly strapped the carrier onto him and then put Emma inside. She gave him a kiss and then looked out at the field one last time.

"Tell them I'm sorry and we'll go out for ice cream later, okay?"

"They'll understand, Erin." Jay reassured her.

She sighed. "No they won't. I'll see you later. I love you."

"I love you too. Ruzek's with you?" she nodded. "Be safe."

"I will."

After Erin left, Jay's heart felt like it was missing a piece. He felt guilty that she had to leave for his on-call shift. He wanted her to be there to experience this.

By the end of the game, Connor had scored two more goals, Sophia and Carina had each gotten one, and another kid on the team had gotten one. Henry had done a good job, but he hadn't scored any goals. Overall, Jay and Casey were proud of their team.

"Great job today, guys." Jay high-fived each of the kids, though he was being careful of Emma, who was asleep in the carrier.

"Where did Mama go?" Connor wondered.

"She had to go to work. Something big happened with some bad guys and she had to go help. But she saw your first goal, Connor, and she said that we can all go get some ice cream to celebrate when she gets home."

"Yay!" the three kids cheered. Jay smiled at the happiness, knowing that it had distracted them from Erin's absence.

He got them all into the car with little argument, then strapped Emma into her car seat last. The drive home felt pretty quick and the kids all looked ready to crash by the time they got there.

Jay made lunch and Henry, Sophia, and Connor ate at the table while Jay fed Emma in her high chair.

"I'm done, Daddy." Sophia announced.

"Okay. Do you all want to watch a movie?"

"Yeah!"

"Once everyone is finished, I'll turn one on in the living room."

It only took a few minutes before the kids all finished up. He turned on a movie and sat the three older ones on the couch. Jay took Emma into her room and laid her down for a nap, relieved to see that she didn't seem like she was fighting it today.

He vacuumed the floors, did a couple loads of laundry, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, and cleaned his and Erin's bathroom. By the time he finished, the kids were passed out on the couch.

Jay sat down on the end that was free and looked at the TV. He wasn't even sure what movie he had chosen and as he tried to figure it out, he felt his own eyes getting heavy. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

Erin was so happy to be home. She was relieved that today hadn't been too long and that everything had been pretty black and white. She and Ruzek had only been at the scene for a couple of hours and then they were both back home to their families.

She took off her boots and hung her coat up on the rack by the door. She was surprised when she didn't hear any little feet running to greet her, or hear any voices. She knew that everyone was home because she saw the SUV in the driveway.

Erin rounded the corner and smiled at the sight in front of her. Jay was asleep on the couch, half sitting and half laying. Sophia was sprawled out on top of him and Connor had his head resting on Jay's leg. Henry was on the other side of the couch with his head on the arm and his feet digging into Jay's back. She realized that her baby wasn't there and looked around, trying to see if she had just been left to her own devices. She figured that she must be in her crib and that theory was confirmed when a moment later, a cry rang out from the baby monitor.

She silenced the monitor and grabbed her phone to snap a picture of the moment, then went down the hall to see what her troublemaker was doing. Emma was wide awake in her crib and reached her arms out to her when she saw her. Erin scooped her up and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Hi, sweet girl." She cuddled her to her chest as she carried her over to the changing table. She changed her diaper quickly and then went back out to the living room. She put Emma down to let her play and went to the kitchen to start on dinner.

Erin heard Jay groan slightly. "Em? How did you get out here?" she watched him look over when he noticed the noise she was making in the kitchen. "What time is it?"

"A little after five."

"How was the case? Nothing too intense?"

"No, it wasn't too bad."

"That's good. I'm sorry you had to miss the first game. Gabby took a bunch of pictures though and she said she would send them to us."

"Good. Did they end up winning?"

"Yep. Connor got three goals all together, Sophia got one, and even Carina got one. Henry played really well too. I think they've got a natural talent for soccer, babe."

Erin smiled. "Then it was worth missing part of the game so that they could have their dad as their coach. How long have they been asleep?"

"I don't know, maybe two hours?"

"Wake them up. They're never going to go to sleep tonight."

Erin finished dinner while Jay took care of the kids. She smiled to herself; her life honestly felt pretty perfect right now. She couldn't remember a time she had ever been this happy.

"Jay." Jay felt someone shake his shoulder. "Jay, wake up." He sat up quickly. "Hey, it's okay. It's just me." He recognized Erin's voice and it calmed him down immediately. He noticed that it was light outside, but he could tell it was still early. She was already completely dressed. "Burgess just called. I have to go into work."

It took Jay a second to register her words. He knew that she was on call this weekend; it was another one of his on call shifts that Erin had taken so that he could coach the kids' soccer team. He nodded his head.

"Is it anything serious?"

"Won't know until we get there, but I'm hoping it's not. You've got to get the kids up in like a half an hour anyway to start getting them ready for their soccer game. Do you want me to go wake them up before I go?"

"No, we'll be okay." He promised. "I love you, baby. Be safe." He leaned forward and kissed her.

"I love you too." She ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing it down against his head. "Tell them good luck for me, okay?"

"I will."

"Alright, I've gotta go." She tried to move, but Jay circled his arms around her waist, pulling her into him against so that he could kiss her. She melted into him and allowed it for a few seconds, but then pulled away. "Jay, seriously."

"I wish you could stay."

"Me too, but I have to go. Burgess is waiting for me. I'll call you when I get a chance."

"Okay." Jay kissed her quickly again and then watched as she walked out.

He took a quick shower and then went to wake up the kids. He laid out their soccer uniforms for them and told them all to get dressed. Then, he changed Emma's diaper and outfit and fed her.

"Daddy, I need help with my hair." Sophia informed him.

"I'll help you, Soph. Just give me a second." He put Emma down on the floor for her to crawl around and then pulled Sophia's hair into a ponytail. "There you go."

"Thank you!" she smiled, showing off her dimples.

Jay set out cereal for all three of the kids and waited for them to eat while he made sure they all had filled up water bottles and their socks and shin guards.

"Finished!" Connor announced, pushing his bowl aside.

"Take the bowl to the sink and come here so I can help you with your shin guards." Jay instructed. Connor did as he said and he helped him first, followed by Sophia, and finally Henry. The kids ran off to brush their teeth while Jay grabbed the baby carrier that he could strap to his chest so that he could take care of Emma.

Finally, everyone was ready and they could leave. He scooped up his youngest child and led the way out the door. He helped everyone with the buckles on their car seats and headed off towards the indoor soccer field.

After they arrived, Jay lifted the kids down one by one and had them stay close to him. He slung the diaper bag over his left shoulder and held Emma in his left arm and grabbed Sophia's hand in his right hand. Henry walked on his left side and Connor was next to him as they entered the building.

"Wow Jay, I don't know how you handle getting four kids out the door by yourself, and looking so in order. I can barely do it with one." Casey joked when he saw him.

"Trust me, it's not easy. Can you hold Emma for a second?"

"Yeah, of course."

He transferred his youngest to the other man so he could strap the baby carrier to his chest, then he put Emma into it so she would be taken care of during the game. The other three children were occupied with talking to Carina.

Gabby came over to the group. "Jay, if you want me to watch Emma for you, I can."

"No, it's alright. I've got it. Maybe if she hears me coaching all these little ones, she'll learn all the tricks to soccer and she won't make any mistakes when she's old enough to play." He said with a smile.

Gabby shook her head. "You're pretty much super dad."

"No, I'm just a dad." He reached out just in time to catch Henry as he nearly fell while running by. "Alright, Hurricanes! Time to get to our box!"

Jay and Casey led their team to their box so that everyone could put down their water bottles and get out on the field to do a few practice drills. Casey was in charge of most of them because of the fact that Jay had Emma strapped to his chest, but the team was still doing well even without their lead coach being their main instructor. Before they knew it, it was time for the game to start.

Immediately starting off, the other team scored a goal. Jay knew that defense was a lot harder than offense on a team full of three and four year olds, so he wasn't necessarily surprised, but he knew it would have to be something they worked on.

"Alright, Hurricanes! Time to score!" Jay shouted from the box, watching his team. He had Sophia and Connor in the middle, Carina on the left side, and Henry was back towards defense while children of acquaintances of his made up the other positions.

The kid in the center of the field on the other team definitely wasn't the size of a normal four-year-old, especially when compared to tiny three-year-old Sophia. She had Erin's smaller stature and would probably be small for her entire life. When that kid and Sophia charged towards the ball at the same time, there was a clear winner right from the start. Sophia ended up getting slammed to the ground and she just laid there.

"Get up, Soph." Jay said to himself. His hands unconsciously went up, holding onto Emma. If he couldn't hold his oldest daughter, he could at least hold his younger one. "Come on, Sophia! You're okay!" he called out to her.

When she heard his voice, she sat up and burst into tears. She looked in his direction. "Daddy!"

The referee blew the whistle so he could check out what was going on with her, but Jay wasn't going to wait. He threw open the door and ran out on to the field.

"Hey, you're alright." He told her when he got to her. He scooped her up into his arms, careful not to crush Emma. "Wanna take a break?" she nodded her head and then rested it against his shoulder. "Come sit down for a little bit. You're okay though, Soph. You just got knocked down. You're brave. You can get back out there and show them how it's done." He carried her off the field as Casey chose another child to sub in for her.

"That boy pushed me." Sophia pouted once Jay set her down on the bench.

"He was just trying to get the ball. It was an accident."

"He's bigger than me."

"A lot of people are going to be bigger than you. You're small. But that's okay because you're brave and smart and sweet and beautiful."

Sophia's lip quivered. "It hurt."

"I know." Jay gave her a hug and kissed her forehead. "You're okay."

"I want Mama."

"Mama's at work. You'll see her later." He kissed Sophia's head again. "Drink some water, Pretty Girl. I'm going to watch the game so I can tell everyone what to do."

Jay was so busy talking to Sophia that he didn't notice his phone ringing. He turned his attention to the game and began to call out directions to the kids.

"Daddy, there's Adam!" Sophia said excitedly.

Jay looked at her in confusion, but then followed to where her tiny finger was pointing. He saw Adam Ruzek standing on the opposite side of the field next to Gabby and he knew by the expression on his face that something was wrong. He immediately got a sick feeling in his stomach.

The referee blew the whistle signaling that the quarter had ended and the kids could take a water break. The gate opened and Ruzek walked across the field towards him. Jay met him halfway.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"Jay, man, it's Lindsay."

He took a deep breath. "What happened? Is she okay?"

"She got shot. I don't know how serious it is. Kim called me and told me to come here and tell you. If you want, I can go to the hospital and check on things and then call you when I know more so that you don't have to leave the kids."

"No, I'm going with you. Let me tell Casey." Jay jogged back over to the firefighter. He pulled him to the side and away from the children. "Erin was shot. I've got to go."

Casey's face fell. "I'm sorry, man. If you want Gabby and I to keep the kids, we can. That way you don't have to worry about them while you're trying to get everything figured out with Erin."

Jay thought it over. Originally, he had been planning on grabbing the kids and taking them with him, but it didn't really make sense to drag them along. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, of course. We'll keep them as long as you need."

"Thank you so much. I'll keep you updated. Let me get Emma's car seat out of the SUV and then I'll give Gabby the keys. You guys can take the SUV or just take their car seats, whatever you want to do. It really means a lot, Matt."

"No problem. I hope Erin's alright. I'm sure Gabby wouldn't mind holding onto Emma too."

"It's okay, I can take her with me. Thank you." Jay went over to his kids. "Hey guys, I've gotta go to work. You're going to stay with Matt and Gabby and Carina, okay?"

"Okay!" the three kids said excitedly.

Jay pulled Connor, Sophia, and Henry into his arms. "I love you all so much."

"You're squeezing too tight, Daddy." Connor informed him.

"We love you too." Henry added.

"I'll see you all later." He gave them each a quick kiss on the head and then followed Ruzek off the field.

They caught Gabby up on the situation and she followed them out to the parking lot. Jay grabbed Emma's car seat and then gave his keys to Gabby. He put the car seat into the back of Adam's car, then strapped in his youngest child.

"All I can think about is what I'm going to do if she's not okay." Jay admitted.

"She's gonna be okay." Adam stated.

The rest of the drive to Chicago Med was done in silence. When they finally arrived, it didn't take long to find the rest of the team. Voight, Burgess, Olinsky, and Atwater were already gathered together.

Jay had Emma in his arms and Ruzek behind him as he came to the group. "Where is she?"

"We haven't heard anything." Voight graveled out.

Jay went over to the desk. "My wife, Erin Halstead, was brought in with a gunshot wound. She's a detective. Do you have an update?"

The nurse scanned the computer. "She's being examined right now."

"Thank you."

Jay went over and sat down. That information was pretty much useless. He needed to know if she would be okay. He turned to Burgess, who had been Erin's on call partner for the day.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. One minute, we're walking into a warehouse and the next, we're dodging bullets." Burgess explained. "We were ambushed out of nowhere."

Jay focused his attention on Emma. He wished he was as oblivious as to what was going on as she was. He would do anything to let her keep that innocence.

"Jay?"

He looked up at the sound of his sister-in-law's voice. Dr. Natalie Manning was standing in front of the group of police officers with a chart in her hand.

"What's going on with Erin? Is she okay?"

"Erin is going to be okay. We removed the bullet from her left side. It missed everything major and it shouldn't leave any permanent damage, besides the scar from where we stitched her up. She's got a few bumps and bruises, but other than that, she's alright."

Jay let out the breath he was holding. He pulled Natalie in for a hug. "Thank you."

"Would you like to see her?" he nodded his head. "Follow me."

Jay passed Emma to Burgess and followed Natalie down the hallway. They found Erin's hospital room quickly. She looked tiny in the white gown she had been put in and her skin was a shade paler than usual.

"She lost a lot of blood, so we did have to give her a blood transfusion." Natalie added, which explained the paleness. "She should wake up within the next few hours."

"Thank you."

"You know I would do anything for you guys." Natalie smiled. "I'm going to go check on a few other patients. Let me know if you need anything."

Jay sat down in the chair next to Erin's bed. That nauseous feeling in his stomach finally subsided now that he could see her and he knew that she would be okay. He couldn't even explain how terrified he had been when Ruzek told him Erin had gotten hurt.

"I love you." He whispered, grabbing her hand and pressing a kiss to it.

He sent a quick text to Gabby, telling her that Erin was alright. Gabby offered to keep the kids for as long as he needed and he thanked her again. Jay and Erin weren't usually ones to accept help from others, but right now, he was so appreciative that Gabby and Casey had taken the older three. The last thing they needed was to see their mom in a hospital bed.

Jay spent the next couple hours talking to the rest of the unit and holding Erin's hand, hoping that she would wake up soon. It was going on the third hour that he had been there when he heard her voice.

"Final score?"

He nearly dropped his phone in shock. "What?"

"What was the final score of the kids' game?"

"I have no idea. I left when I heard you got hurt." He smiled at her. "I thought I told you to be safe."

Erin raised an eyebrow. "I didn't take your on-calls for you to slack off on your coaching duties."

Jay felt the guilt course through him again. If he had been at his on-call shift instead of her, she wouldn't be in this hospital bed right now.

"Hey, don't do that." Erin squeezed his hand. "This isn't on you."

"You were working my shift."

"So? People in our unit switch shifts all the time. The only person at fault is whoever was holding the gun."

"They caught him, by the way." Jay told her.

"Good."

There was a knock on the door and Voight entered with Emma in his arms. "Erin, I'm glad you're awake."

"Me too." Her eyes were planted on her baby's face. "Let me have her."

"You're not supposed to strain yourself." Jay stated.

"I won't be. I'll still be lying in bed. Please, Jay. I just want to hold my baby."

Jay sighed, but didn't protest again. Voight brought Emma over and Erin happily took her into her arms, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Where are the others?"

"Casey and Gabby have them."

"You should go get them and take the kids home for the night."

Jay shook his head. "I'm not leaving you."

"I don't want to mess up their usual routine or take advantage of Matt and Gabby. They're too young to understand that one of their parents was shot, so it's up to you to keep up the normalcy."

"I'll go get them." Voight offered. "I'm sure they would love a sleepover with Papa Hank."

"Thank you." Jay said before Erin had the chance to speak. No matter what she said, he wasn't leaving her.

"So how bad was my injury?" Erin asked, changing the subject.

"You took a bullet to the left side. You lost a lot of blood, so you had to have a transfusion. The bullet didn't cause any major damage and Natalie said everything should heal up nicely." Jay explained.

"But you're going to have to take a little time off work." Hank added. "Just a couple weeks to make sure everything heals completely."

Erin groaned. "This sucks."

"No, what sucks is if you had an injury that would affect the rest of your life or your career. You got off easy, Erin." Hank reminded her. "Try and be grateful for that."

She nodded her head. "I guess you're right. I just hate being useless."

"You won't be useless. You can spend more time with the kids." Jay said. That earned a small smile from his wife as she kissed the top of Emma's head.

"Alright, Emma looks exhausted. Can you take her now, Hank?"

"Yeah."

"Be good for Papa, baby." Erin kissed her youngest child.

Jay leaned down and took her. "I love you, Em." He gave her a hug and a kiss. "Are you going to stay at our place or take the kids back to your house?"

"I was planning on going back to my house."

"Gabby took our SUV with all the car seats in it with her, so you're good there. Emma's is in the waiting room with her diaper bag." Jay informed the man. "You'll probably need more diapers and stuff for Em and clothes for the kids, if you go to our house, I can walk you through where everything is."

"Sounds good." Hank said with a nod. He leaned down and kissed Erin's forehead. "Get better, kid." He took Emma from Jay. "Call me if anything happens."

"You do the same."

They watched as Hank exited with his youngest grandchild tucked safely into his arms. Jay sat back down in his chair next to Erin's bed.

"Don't ever do this to me again, okay? I was so worried about you." He kissed her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too." She smiled at him. "Now tell me about that soccer game, Coach."

 **This idea really had a mind of its own. Originally, my main plan was just that Erin had to go to work and Jay had to coach a soccer game with Emma strapped to his chest, but then I got the idea of Erin getting hurt and couldn't get it out of my head! I hope you all like how this turned out!**

 **Up Next…D: Danger**


	4. Danger

**Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! I won't do an Abby chapter since everyone seems really opposed to it. Don't forget to let me know your thoughts on this chapter!**

 **D: Danger**

 _*Jay and Erin know every morning when they go to work that there's a chance that they might not come home. When Jay gets hurt, Erin is the one who has to tell their children what happened._

 _*Kids' Ages: Connor- 10, Henry- 9, Sophia- 9, Emma- 7._

"Friday at last!" Ruzek called out as he entered the bullpen. "Now, we can all finally relax."

"Speak for yourself." Erin scoffed. "This weekend, Sophia has a dance recital, Connor has a soccer game, Henry has a baseball tournament, and Emma is going to two birthday parties."

Jay looked up from his desk. "Those birthday parties are _this_ weekend?"

"Yeah. Clara's is on Saturday, Norah's is on Sunday."

He groaned and let his head hit the desk. "God, that's great."

"Actually, it is. Now we don't have to worry about entertaining her while we're busy this weekend. I already spoke to both of their mothers and they're fine with her coming a little early and leaving a little late if we need it." Erin informed him.

"Wow, I take back all the thoughts I was having about kids' birthday parties." Jay said with a grin.

"So how are you guys going to go to all of the kids' stuff?" Burgess wondered from her desk.

"Well Connor's game is on Saturday, Sophia's recital is Sunday, and Henry has a game on both days at the same time as both of the other events. So on Saturday, Jay is going to Connor's game obviously since he coaches the team and I'm taking Sophia with me to Henry's game. Then, on Sunday, Jay and I are going to the recital and Hank is taking the boys to Henry's game."

"How did you get him to agree to that?" Atwater wondered.

"He volunteered. Sophia's recitals aren't as often as the boys' games, so Hank knew that she would want both of her parents there. He likes baseball and spending time with his grandkids, so he even wanted to take Connor when we easily could have taken him with us. It works out because now Soph gets a little one-on-one attention and the boys get time with their grandpa." Erin explained.

"We caught a case." Hank announced as he came up the stairs and into the bullpen. All the talk of dance recitals and baseball games was immediately dropped as they got into professional mode. He started to explain how they were looking into a chain of clubs that had been robbed.

Erin hoped that this case would be quick and simple, but she knew that was hardly ever the case.

Hank informed them that they had a lead with one of the club's owners, who believed he could identify one of the individuals who had robbed his club. He immediately assigned Erin and Jay to go and talk to him.

They got into the car together, Erin taking the driver's seat. She sighed. "I was really hoping that today would be simple."

Jay smiled. "Wishful thinking."

"I just wanted a nice, relaxing evening with the kids. Now, who knows how long we're going to be here?"

It was so much easier for her to devote herself to her work before she was a mother. But now, a chunk of her heart was always with her babies and they were always on her mind.

"Maybe if things start to hit a dead end tonight, we'll ask Voight if you can go home with the kids. There's no reason for all of us to just sit around and stare at each other." Jay offered.

Erin shook her head. "No. I don't want any special treatment."

"How is that special treatment?"

"Burgess and Ruzek have kids too and you don't see them asking to leave early. I'll stick it out, just like everyone else. It just sucks."

The rest of their ride was driven in comfortable silence. They arrived at the club and Erin immediately took the lead. The man they met, Victor Montoya, told them that one of the robbers took his mask off and that he had seen him before. He described him and the fact that he had a tattoo of a dragon on his neck.

"Thank you for helping out." Jay told him. They got back into the car and he called the rest of the team to tell them this new development. "Maybe dragon tattoo will be easy to find."

"I hope so."

As they drove back to the district, Erin got a call. "Go for Lindsay."

"Erin, it's Hank. We found a man with a dragon tattoo by the name of Emilio Rodriguez who we believe is responsible for this whole operation. He lives not too far from two of the other clubs that were robbed. Ruzek is going to send Halstead the address of his home."

"Got it." Jay responded.

"Meet us there."

"We're five minutes out." Erin said as she flipped the sirens on and turned left, ignoring the cars beeping at her.

When they arrived, the rest of the team was already there and waiting for them. They all gathered together.

"Rodriguez has a long rap sheet, including arson, robbery, and assault. He's got a tattoo of a dragon that wraps around his neck." Burgess briefed the rest of the team. She showed them a picture of what he looked like.

"Alright, let's get in there. Atwater, Alvin, go around back." Hank ordered.

Erin took her spot at the front, right behind Jay. Ruzek knocked the door down and then they were inside, searching for any sign of the man who was responsible for these clubs being robbed.

"CLEAR!" she shouted, hearing Jay call out the same thing from the room over. It was quickly determined that the house was empty.

"Ruzek, Atwater, I want this place searched from top to bottom. Olinsky, Burgess, talk to neighbors, see if they have any information on Rodriguez and the last time he was here. Halstead and Lindsay, get me more information on Rodriguez. Don't forget if he was involved in this robbery, he's part of a six-man crew. We need to identify those other members. I want to know who he's been talking to and where he could be hiding out."

Everyone split up to do what they had been instructed to do. Erin and Jay went back to their car, both bummed that this lead had been a bust. They headed back to the district.

It was already nearing lunch time and the team had been working tirelessly to try and find Rodriguez. That's when Erin found what they had been searching for.

"Hey." She called out. Everyone else was still out on the streets, but Jay looked up from his desk and Hank came out of his office. "There's a connection between all of the clubs. They are all invested in by a man named Matthias Robertson."

"So is someone targeting him?" Jay asked.

"That's not it. Matthias had a daughter named Victoria, she was 16 years old when she was raped and killed by a man named Cristian Rodriguez. This was a year ago."

"Rodriguez as in…" Hank began.

"Emilio Rodriguez, our suspect with the dragon tattoo. Cristian is his younger brother. Cristian was sent to prison for what he did to Victoria. What if this is his way of getting back at Matthias Robertson for getting his brother sent to jail?"

"Do we have an address on Matthias Robertson?"

"Yeah."

"Send Al and Burgess over there to talk to him. Good work, Erin."

"That's not all. Cristian's cellmate, Alonso Rivera, was released from prison two months ago. He was in prison for robbery and he's tied to the Latin Kings. I'm thinking that maybe he and Emilio linked up and planned this whole thing out. I've got his last known address here."

"Alright, send Al to talk to Matthias Robertson. Get everyone else over to Alonso Rivera's. Suit up."

Erin and Jay went to the locker room. He nudged her with his shoulder. "My girl is so smart."

She shook her head. "There's not anything connecting Rivera and Emilio Rodriguez."

"Except Cristian. It's a good lead, Erin. Hopefully it's what we need to solve this case." He strapped her bulletproof vest on and then turned so she could do the same to him.

The entire team, minus Olinsky, arrived outside of Alonso Rivera's last known address. They grabbed their guns and prepared to enter.

Jay was the first one inside and he went to the right with Erin behind him. Hank took the left, Burgess watched the stairs, and Ruzek and Atwater circled around back. After clearing the first floor, Erin went towards the stairs. She walked up with Burgess covering her.

"Nothing looks like it's out of place." Burgess commented. "Not like he left in a hurry or anything."

They cleared the upstairs and Erin went back to his bedroom to search for clues. That's when she heard a quiet noise. She wouldn't have even noticed it if she was breathing a little heavier, or her footsteps weren't as light as they were.

She went over to the closet and opened up the door. There, on the floor, was a bomb and it was counting down from fifteen seconds.

"EVERYONE OUT OF THE HOUSE! WE'VE GOT A BOMB!" She yelled into her radio as she took off out of the room. She could hear the scrambled footsteps of the rest of her team as they all frantically raced against time to get away from the impending explosion.

Then, she heard a loud pop, heat against her back, and her feet lifted from the ground. She blacked out after that.

"Erin? Erin, wake up. Erin." She groaned, feeling pain throughout her body and a ringing in her ears. She opened her eyes and saw Ruzek kneeling over top of her, his hands on her shoulders. "Are you okay?"

She could barely hear him over the ringing in her ears. She was confused. What had happened?

Then, it all came back to her. They had gone into Alonso Rivera's home. A bomb went off.

Where was Jay?

They had split up when she went upstairs. Where had he gone? How close to the blast was he? Was he out?

She went to sit up, but Ruzek held her down. "Calm down. The paramedics need to check you out."

"Where's Jay?" she demanded. She could see it in his face that something was wrong. "Adam, where's Jay?"

"I don't know."

She turned her head to the side and saw that the house had been completely destroyed. There were firefighters digging through the wreckage and police officers setting up tape to keep onlookers away. She tried to sit up again, but Adam kept a hold on her shoulders.

"I need to find Jay."

Gabby came over and kneeled down next to her. "What going on?"

"She was out for a few minutes, she hit the ground pretty hard after the bomb went off."

"Alright. Erin, I'm going to check you out, okay?"

"No, that's not okay. I need to find Jay."

"Everyone is doing everything they can. We need to worry about you right now." Gabby said.

"Don't you want to be sure that your kids have one parent safe?" Adam questioned.

That's when it really hit home for Erin. She stopped fighting and let Gabby examine her. It was determined that she was perfectly fine, just a little scraped up. When she was cleared, she and Adam both stood.

"Where's the rest of the team?" she asked for the first time.

"Searching for Jay."

"Everyone else got out okay?"

"Yeah, they're all good." Ruzek reassured her. "Let's just find him so we can go."

Erin felt her panic growing as she looked at the scene in front of her. The severity of it all hit her when she realized that Firehouse 51 was here to find her husband.

She _needed_ him to be okay.

"We've got him!" Severide yelled after what felt like forever. He and Casey were working together to pick up a piece of concrete. The rest of the guys ran over to assist them. Erin scrambled to go over to them, but Atwater stopped her.

"Let them work." He told her.

"He's been impaled through the stomach." Casey stated. Erin felt the tears prick her eyes. "He's breathing."

"Alright, let's cut that shrapnel down as small as we can get it and transport Detective Halstead to Chicago Med." Chief Bowden ordered his team.

"I'm riding with him." Erin announced unnecessarily.

The firefighters got to work with trimming down whatever had lodged itself into Jay's stomach until it was at a manageable size. Erin knew they couldn't remove it for fear that they wouldn't be able to stop the blood loss. Finally, they lifted him onto a stretcher and moved him into the ambulance. She climbed in after him.

As soon as she saw his face, her breath caught in her throat. He was so pale. She had never seen him look this sickly before. She squeezed her hands into fists, digging her fingernails into her palms so that she wouldn't cry. She had to be strong right now.

Gabby and Sylvie worked quickly and efficiently, doing everything that they could for her husband. It didn't take long for them to arrive at Chicago Med and when they did, it was Will who opened the ambulance doors.

"What happened?" he demanded.

"You shouldn't be on this case." Gabby stated as she moved to help lower the stretcher.

"I wish someone would try and stop me."

"She's right, Will." Dr. Ethan Choi stepped in. "What do we have here?"

"House explosion. He was inside when the building collapsed. Something lodged itself into his stomach. We stabilized the wound, but didn't remove the debris for fear that it would cause him to bleed out." The lump in Erin's throat grew at Sylvie's words.

"We're going to Baghdad." Dr. Choi instructed as everyone started to push the gurney. Erin followed after them. When they got him inside, Natalie was waiting.

"Both of you need to sit in the waiting room." She said to Erin and Will.

"Like hell I do." Will tried to brush past her, but she grabbed his arm.

"You're too close to this. He's your brother."

"Which is exactly why I should be in there!"

"No. Sit down, or security will remove you from the hospital." Natalie said calmly. "Erin, please sit in the waiting room."

Will practically threw himself into a chair. Erin went over and sat down next to him. She took a deep breath to try and calm herself.

"What happened to him?" Will demanded.

"There was an explosion and…"

"No, I know what they said. Why didn't you have his back? You're supposed to be his partner."

"I was the one who found the bomb. It was in an upstairs bedroom and it was counting down from fifteen seconds by the time I found it. We didn't even know it was there."

Will shook his head. "How could you let this happen?"

"That's enough." Natalie interrupted. "This is not on Erin. If I hear you say that again, then I'll throw you out myself. You're not the only one hurting here, Will. That's her husband on that table."

Will rested his head in his hands. "I'm sorry, Erin. I've just been in this position too many times with him."

"I know." Erin reached over and hugged him. "He'll be okay. He has to be okay."

Erin heard her phone ring and she looked down at the message. It was from her babysitter, Beth. She and Jay relied on the college student to pick the kids up from school and keep them until they got off work. Some nights that was later than others and she was very flexible, which helped a lot, so they paid her well.

 _From: Beth_

 _Hey Erin! I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to watch the kids today. I'm having a family emergency. I'm really sorry!_

Erin could have screamed. What else could go wrong today? She texted back that she hoped everything worked out with her family and she would see her on Monday.

"The babysitter just cancelled." She looked to Will and Natalie. "How am I supposed to tell my kids about this?"

"They can handle it." Will reassured her. "Bring them here. I'll help you tell them. They're strong and smart. They'll be okay."

Erin nodded her head. "I don't have my car…"

"I can go get them if you want me to." Natalie offered.

"I need to do this."

"You can take my car." Natalie handed her her car keys. Erin grabbed them and stood up.

"I'll be back. Call me if anything changes."

"We will." Will promised.

Erin exited the hospital, knowing her partner was in good hands.

"Hi Mama!" Sophia ran over to her, wrapping her arms around her waist in a hug. "Where's Beth?"

"She couldn't come today."

"I'm happy it's you. I love when you get us from school." The nine-year-old smiled, her dimples showing proudly.

"I love it too." Erin said, trying to keep her heart from breaking. She knew she was going to have to give them the bad news in a few minutes. She opened the back door and Sophia climbed into Natalie's car.

Erin continued standing next to the car, waiting on the other three. Connor was the next one outside. Her ten-year-old gave a small smile when he realized she was the one picking them up.

"Hey Mom."

"Hey Connor."

"Why don't you have our car?"

"I borrowed Aunt Natalie's."

He got into the front seat without another word.

Henry and Emma exited the school at the same time, talking to each other. Erin couldn't believe that they were nine and seven now. It _still_ shocked her that her youngest child was seven years old.

"Hey guys." She greeted.

"Mama!" they ran to her and hugged her tightly. She relished the feeling of their tiny arms around her and then opened the back door of the car, letting them climb in next to Sophia.

Erin started to drive as they all talked about their day and what they were doing this weekend. It was Connor who spoke after a few minutes and ruined the happy little picture she was trying to paint for them.

"Where are we going?"

"What?" she asked, trying to avoid the question.

"We're not going towards home."

"I'll tell you in a few minutes."

"Is it a surprise?" Emma said from the back, her voice laced with excitement.

"No, it's not." The car was silent.

"Where's Daddy?" Sophia wondered.

Erin kept her attention on the road, ignoring her daughter's question as she pulled into the parking lot of Chicago Med. She could see Connor's agitation growing.

"Mom, where's Dad?" he repeated his sister's question.

"Let's go inside and talk." Erin ordered after parking the car. She waited for the four of them to get out of the car and then led the way inside. Emma and Sophia each grabbed one of her hands, while the boys walked a few steps behind her.

"Look who's here!" she heard a familiar voice call out. She turned her head just in time to see Ruzek, Atwater, Burgess, and Al walking towards the entrance of the hospital.

Sophia let go of her hand and ran over to Ruzek. The man lifted her up, balancing her in his arms and carrying her inside. Erin picked up Emma while Burgess walked next to Henry and Connor. She noticed immediately how quiet her oldest child was.

They all got onto the elevator and Connor looked at her. "Is it Dad or Papa Hank?"

"What?"

"Who's hurt? They're not here and we're at the hospital. You look sad. Who is it?"

The elevator dinged, signaling that they had arrived on their floor. Will and Natalie noticed that they were there and went over to greet them all. Erin looked at the group and her eyes focused in on Sophia. She could see her bottom lip trembling and her chest starting to rise and fall rapidly.

"Hey, what's wrong, Soph?" Adam noticed the change in her demeanor too and asked the question Erin had been wondering.

"Uncle Will and Aunt Nat wouldn't be here if Papa Hank was hurt. It's Daddy." She broke down in sobs.

Erin passed Emma to Will and took Sophia. She held her tightly and tried to calm her down. Natalie ushered everyone over to the waiting area. Will sat down with Emma on his lap, then Connor, and then Burgess with Henry on her lap. Erin sat on the table in front of them, balancing Sophia on her own lap.

"Daddy was hurt at work today." She explained to her children. "There was an explosion and he was still in the house when it happened. We don't know how badly he was hurt, but the doctors are doing everything they can to try and fix him. Daddy is strong and he can pull through this, okay? He's going to be fine." She felt her own voice trembling as she spoke.

Each of the children started to cry. They leaned into the adult they were sitting with for comfort. Erin reached out and pulled Connor to her so she could hug him too. She knew that he and Sophia had pretty much figured out everything before she had said it, so it was hitting them the hardest. She clung to both of them, trying to reassure them that it was okay and they still had her.

"I love all of you so much. It's going to be okay." Erin stated.

Dr. Choi came out then with a clipboard in his hand. Erin stood up, keeping Sophia in her arms and wrapping an arm around Connor so he would stay pressed against her side.

"We need to take Jay up to surgery. We were able to remove the debris and we determined that he has some internal bleeding. We need your consent, Erin."

She stepped forward and signed her name on the clipboard. "Take care of him."

"I will do my best."

"Save my dad." Connor told the doctor. "We have a soccer game tomorrow."

It was the simplest thing, but it was what finally caused Erin's tears to fall. She had been holding it together so well, but she couldn't do it anymore. She felt someone take Sophia out of her arms and then a person was hugging her. She didn't even have to open her eyes to know that it was Hank.

"He's gonna get through this." He said. "He's got too much to lose."

"I should have gotten him out of there."

"How could you have done that? We had, what, fifteen seconds to get out of the building? You're not superwoman, Erin. There's no possible way you could have gotten him out. He was in the basement."

Erin let herself cry for a few more seconds before she pulled away from Hank. She wiped the tears off her cheeks and sat back down.

"Guys, do you have any homework?" Connor, Sophia, and Henry nodded. "Let's try and get it done now. We've got a busy weekend ahead of us so you won't have time."

Erin got the three of them set up around the table with their homework, then handed Emma her phone to play a game on. After the kids were occupied, she gestured towards Hank to step to the side of the room.

"Where are we at with the case?"

"It looks like the bomb was triggered when we opened the front door. It was on a timer and counted down from five minutes. This pretty much confirms that Alonso Rivera is working with Rodriguez."

"So what's the next step?" Erin demanded. "We've got to catch these guys."

"I'll have everyone put out word to their CIs. Al said that Matthias Robertson mentioned that Cristian Rodriguez was always hanging around with a guy named Everett Ruiz. Figured we could take a crack at him."

"Good." Erin nodded her head at that information. "You guys should go."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. We'll be fine here. I want the guys who hurt my husband to get what's coming to them."

Hank went over to the rest of his team. "Alright, we're rolling out."

"What?" Ruzek questioned. "No."

"Yes." Erin insisted. "We need to catch the guys who did this. Please."

"We'll go." Burgess stood and gave her a hug. "Let us know if you or the kids need anything.

"Thank you."

Erin accepted the hugs from everyone on the team, promising to let them know when she knew anything about Jay's condition. They all loaded onto the elevator, leaving just Erin, Will, Natalie, and the kids.

Hours passes slowly and it felt like it had been forever since Jay went into surgery. The kids had finished their homework a while ago and they were now watching movies on Erin's and Will's phones. Finally, they saw Dr. Choi. Erin practically flew to her feet.

"How did it go?" Will quizzed.

"Surgery went well. He did crash once while on the table, but we revived him. We managed to stop the internal bleeding. We did a CT scan and an MRI to be sure and it shows that there was no brain damage and no further damage that we can see. He is still heavily sedated, but he's out of surgery and should be awake in a few hours."

"Can I see him?" Erin wondered.

"Yeah, follow me."

"We'll watch the kids." Natalie assured her.

Erin followed Dr. Choi down the hallway and to her husband's room. She was glad to see that a little bit of the color had returned to his cheeks and he didn't look nearly as pale as he had in that ambulance. She kissed his forehead.

"Thank you, Dr. Choi."

"You're welcome. Let me know if you need anything." He excused himself from the room.

"God, you scared me. You better not decide to crash again or anything." She let her forehead rest against his. "I love you so much, Jay."

A few minutes later, Will walked into the room. "Hey."

"Hey, come in." she moved back a little bit so that the older Halstead had a chance to see his brother.

"Natalie took the kids down to the cafeteria to get something for dinner."

"That's good. Thank you guys for helping me entertain them."

"It's no problem." Will sighed. "When Jay was in Afghanistan, he was in an explosion. We thought he was dead. Mouse was able to get to a phone and call me and tell me what had happened; they couldn't find him for two days. But somehow, he pulled through."

"He's gonna be okay, Will." Erin promised, grabbing his hand in her own. "He has to be."

Will nodded his head. "Yeah."

They both sat in silence for a while, just looking at Jay, waiting to see when he would wake up. An hour passed before the door opened again. Natalie poked her head in.

"I didn't know if you wanted the kids to come in or not."

"Yeah, they can come in." Erin allowed.

Natalie opened the door wider and Erin watched their faces. Henry was the first one to walk in and he just went straight to Erin, sitting on her lap. Connor was next and he went to Erin's side, but looked at his father the entire time. Then came Sophia, who looked terrified as she stared at her father from her spot near the doorway.

Emma came in last and she walked right over to the bed. She grabbed Jay's hand in her own.

"Hi, Daddy. Aunt Nat said you're sleeping cause the medicine the doctors gave you to fix where you got hurt, but you'll be up soon. I love you and I want you to wake up, okay?" she started to climb onto the bed.

"No, Emma." Erin scolded gently.

"She's okay." Will reached forward, lifting Emma up so she could sit next to Jay. "Just don't sit on him, alright? Try not to touch him too much."

"Okay." Emma kept her hold on Jay's hand. "Today at school we got to watch a movie. Mama let us watch movies on her phone too, and I got to play a game. But I don't want to watch movies anymore. I wanna play with you, Daddy. And I want you to play tickle monster and tell funny jokes and kiss Mama."

Erin felt her heart tighten at her little girl's words. How could her seven-year-old manage to have a conversation with her unconscious father, but Erin didn't seem to know what to say?

"Mama's been sad and she's crying. You have to wake up so she won't cry anymore. We don't want you to be hurt." Emma sighed.

Erin's phone vibrated and she looked down at the message she had received.

 _From: Hank_

 _We got them._

She let out a sigh of relief. Now, all she needed was for Jay to wake up and this nightmare could be over.

"Daddy?" Emma said.

"Hi Em."

Erin's head shot up at the sound of her husband's voice. He was awake. His voice sounded gravelly and he clearly wasn't feeling his best, but he was awake.

Will jumped forward, grabbing Emma from the bed and holding her in his arms. He pressed the button to call the nurse and then got Jay a cup of water.

Erin stood up, sitting Henry down in the chair she had been on and went to her husband. She held his cheeks in her hands and kissed him gently.

"I love you." She whispered.

"Love you more." He groaned. "I feel like I got hit by a truck."

"You were in an explosion, you had debris stuck into your stomach, then surgery to repair some internal bleeding where your heart stopped. I would say you should feel pretty crappy."

Jay reached his arm up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm okay. No more crying." He wiped the tear away that was falling down her cheek.

"I got Daddy to wake up!" Emma cheered.

"Yes you did, baby." Erin told her, though she wasn't entirely sure that was the case. "Jay, you've got a couple of visitors who would like to see you."

Erin sat down and let the kids crowd around Jay's bed, scolding them only when they got a little too rough with him. She finally felt like the weight had been lifted off her chest and she could breathe again. She knew that this probably wouldn't be Jay's last injury, but it was definitely his most serious and she would never forget that. She just hoped that she would never have to see those looks on her kids' faces again while she explained to them why their dad was in the hospital. She smiled to herself, glad that this horrible day was finally ending.

 **Up Next…E: Edge**


	5. Edge

**Thank you everyone for the reviews on the last chapter. I am so sorry that this took so long to update. I've been struggling with inspiration for this story, especially after the news that Sophia is leaving the show. I started watching Chicago PD because of her, so now that she is leaving, I'm not sure if I will watch again next season. I really want to finish this story though, so I will try my best.**

 **Thank you for sticking with this story and I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

 **E: Edge**

 _*Erin and Jay are new parents to three children and have just found out that Maddie and Gavin's latest foster home is abusive. Now, they must decide where to go from here and if they will help the two children. Connects to the chapter 'Darkness' in "Trust"._

 _*Kids' Ages: Connor- 2, Henry- 1, Sophia- 1._

Erin had always been the type of person to put others about herself. She believed that it was something that had started when she was young and had to constantly watch over Teddy and take care of Bunny. This trait had carried on when she moved in with the Voights and tried to take care of Justin as much as he would let her.

After getting married and having children, it was like these instincts had multiplied. She couldn't imagine putting herself before her husband or kids. But with dedicating so much of her life and time to her own family, she hadn't put much thought into those she could be neglecting.

Two of those people were Maddie and Gavin, her former friend Sarah's children. Sarah had given her oldest daughter, Allie, away to repay a drug debt and she ended up being killed. Erin and the rest of Intelligence had found out about Sarah giving Allie away instead of her being kidnapped from Gavin, who had witnessed the whole thing. After Allie's death, Maddie and Gavin were removed from their mother and placed in foster care.

Their foster parents, Tina and Mark, were great people. They already had two children of their own and they were looking to help others. Erin and Jay visited as much as they could; they even had the kids in their wedding. Erin honestly thought that Tina and Mark would end up adopting Maddie and Gavin and she was sure that would be the best thing for them.

Erin still visited, but she had gotten consumed with her own life. Things were pretty stable until a few weeks after she gave birth to Connor, she found out that Tina and Mark were moving to a different state. At this point, Maddie was 6 and Gavin was 7 and they had been with them for over a year. Erin had spoken to them and found out that they had talked to many people and tried to make it possible for Maddie and Gavin to come with them, but they were denied permission.

Unfortunately, there weren't any foster homes that were able to take both children, so they were split up into different homes. Erin could still remember visiting them like it was yesterday. Gavin's home had a single woman with four other children living under her roof. It wasn't perfect, but it was manageable. Maddie's home, on the other hand, had been picture perfect. It was a married couple with two sons and they had been wanting to add a little girl to their family for a while. She had been treated like a princess; dressed in the best clothes and bought whatever she wanted.

Erin was shocked when she found out that this couple wanted to adopt Maddie. She knew that they were pretty happy to have her, but she didn't imagine that Gavin and Maddie being separated would be a permanent thing. She could still remember her conversation with those foster parents.

" _Maddie has a brother who is a year older than her. They need to be together."_

 _The woman shook her head. "We already have two little boys, Detective. We were hoping to just add a little girl."_

" _That's not fair to her. You're taking her away from the one person she has always had with her. Did you know that she had an older sister, Allie? That her drug addict mother sold Allie to pay for a drug debt? That Allie ended up dying? Maddie and Gavin need to be together. You can't take away another sibling from her."_

 _That seemed to stun the couple. But the man shook his head. "I'm sorry, but we just want Maddie."_

" _You may dress her like a little princess, but she isn't going to be the perfect child that you want. Too much has happened to her in her short life."_

The couple ended up backing out of the adoption and Erin felt like she was partially responsible. At the same time, a foster home opened up that Maddie and Gavin could go to together. They were placed with a man and woman who had a daughter who would be the same age as Allie.

Jay had tried to reassure Erin that things would be okay, but she wasn't so sure. She didn't know how the kids would react to being reminded constantly that they didn't have their older sister. Jay tried to tell her that maybe they were too young to understand, but she knew that wasn't true.

Shortly after going to stay with that family, Maddie started to act out at school. She stopped listening and paying attention and her grades were being affected. Her teacher was aware of the sudden 180 in her behavior and talked to their case worker about it. Maddie continued to act out more and more until finally, the family told the case worker that they couldn't keep Maddie anymore, but they would take Gavin.

Erin's heart was broken at the fact that no one wanted _both_ of the kids. She considered taking them in herself, but that's when she found out that she was going to be having twins. She knew that she would have too much on her plate and she wouldn't be able to give Maddie and Gavin her full attention.

They were put into another foster home with no other children. The couple that had them seemed nice enough, and Erin thought maybe this would be another Tina and Mark. The kids were happy and everything was going well.

Then, the foster parents unexpectedly told the case worker that they couldn't handle the kids anymore. That led to them being shuffled around to four different foster homes over the period of a year and half. Finally, they were given to the DeAngeles family.

Their names were Kevin and Andrea and they were okay; much better than the last couple of foster homes. By the time they arrived in that home, Maddie was 8 and Gavin was 9.

Erin and Jay were allowed to visit twice before Andrea spoke to them.

" _Bye guys!" Erin called out one last time before she and Jay were led to the front porch by Andrea DeAngeles. The front door closed behind them. "Thank you for letting us visit."_

 _Andrea sighed. "I don't think you should come here anymore."_

 _Erin was shocked. "What?"_

" _Every time you leave, they are upset. I don't know what all these other foster parents let you do, but I'm not really comfortable with the two of you coming and going as you please. Kevin and I want to give Maddie and Gavin consistency, and you being around is not consistent."_

 _Erin frowned. "I'm not going to abandon them."_

" _We are the eighth foster family these children have had in the past three years. As they move around more and more, the chances that they will be put somewhere permanently decreases. I want to help them, but you have to let me."_

 _Erin knew that she didn't really have a leg to stand on here. "_ You _are going to be the one to tell them that you won't let me come back."_

" _That's fine with me. It's nothing personal; we just don't want you to disrupt their lives."_

" _C'mon, Erin." Jay led her towards the stairs. "You better tell those kids how much we love them and that we only want the best for them."_

" _I will." She nodded her head._

 _Erin felt the first tear slide down her cheek. Jay got her into the car and then leaned over to hug her. "It's going to be okay, baby. Maybe she's right. Maybe the coming and going isn't good for them. Plus, it sounds like she's serious about keeping them. Maybe this will be their permanent home."_

" _I don't like not being able to check on them."_

" _I know, but they're not our kids." He reminded her gently. "We have to do what's best for Maddie and Gavin and if this is it, then we have to respect that."_

It had been six months since Erin had seen Maddie and Gavin. She tried not to think about it so much, but it broke her heart that she had abandoned those kids.

"Somebody wants Mama." Jay came into their bedroom with Henry in his arms. The one-year-old lit up as soon as he saw her.

"Hi, baby boy." She reached out and grabbed him, feeling him immediately snuggle into her. Her babies were the best medicine when she wasn't feeling too great.

"You okay?" Jay asked, climbing into bed on her other side. It was a little after 7am on a Saturday morning; much too early for them to be awake, but their kids didn't seem to understand the concept of sleeping in.

"Mmhmm." Erin rolled over to lay on her back, shifting Henry so he was laying on her chest. He was perfectly content to just be close to her.

"You sure?"

"I'm just thinking about Maddie and Gavin. I miss them."

She knew that Jay understood. In the time that he knew them, he had grown to love them. She knew the kids hadn't had a strong male influence in their lives (or a female, but that was a different story) so they had immediately bonded with Jay.

"Me too." He agreed. "They're still with the DeAngeles family though, so hopefully that means they're going to be adopted soon."

"Yeah, I hope so."

Erin let her eyes drift shut as she ran her hands through Henry's hair. She knew she wouldn't have much more time to sleep because Connor and Sophia would be up soon.

"You're such a sweet boy, Henry." She whispered to her son. "I don't ever want you to grow up."

"Mama?"

Erin opened her eyes at the new little voice and saw that it was Connor. He was sleeping in a toddler bed now, giving him much more freedom to get up whenever he wanted. It was both a blessing and a curse on a normal day, but right now, she didn't mind.

"Good morning, Connor." She shifted Henry a bit so that she could lift up Connor, putting him between herself and Jay. He nestled himself into her side.

"Wow, so you get two kids cuddling with you and I get nothing." Jay joked.

"Sorry, they like me better."

"Just wait until my princess gets up. She'll choose me."

Right on cue, they heard Sophia over the baby monitor. Jay got up to go get her.

Erin shut her eyes and just enjoyed the love she was getting from her boys. She knew they were both still awake, but she was happy they were content with laying down.

Jay reentered the room and as soon as Erin opened her eyes, she saw Sophia reaching out for her.

"Don't betray me, Soph." Jay said as he laid down. But as soon as his arms weren't around her, Sophia crawled across the bed, nearly trampling Connor, so she could be next to her mother. Erin shifted Henry over so that she could hold both twins close to her. "Wow."

"Sorry. The babies have spoken."

"So what's the plan for today?" Jay wondered, reaching his arm over Connor to gently run his hand up and down his wife's arm.

"I was thinking maybe the park and then Hank asked if we wanted to come over for dinner tonight. I didn't answer him because I wanted to ask you first so it's up to you."

"Yeah, that's fine." Erin knew there was a time when Jay would be extremely uncomfortable with going to her father figure/their boss's house. But he knew how much his children loved their Papa Hank and while he probably wouldn't ever be completely comfortable at Hank's, he wasn't absolutely dreading it anymore.

"Alright, so we can do breakfast, go to the park, naps, then baths, and then Hank's?"

"Perfect." Jay pressed a quick kiss to Erin's lips. "Who's hungry, guys?" just like that, the three kids were suddenly up and jumping on him. "Wow, they only want me when I'm offering food. They definitely got your appetite."

Erin punched his arm. "Go cook us some breakfast, house husband."

"Yes ma'am. Who wants to be my helper?" A chorus of 'me!' broke out, so Jay lifted each of them down from the bed. They watched together as they ran out of the room.

"You got this? Can I take a shower really quick?"

"Yeah, of course. Do what you've gotta do, babe. I can handle them."

"Thank you." Erin kneeled on the bed so she could reach Jay to kiss him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her for a couple extra seconds. "You're such a good dad."

"And you're an amazing mom." He gave her one last kiss on her forehead and then smacked her butt. "Go shower."

Erin smiled and watched him leave. How could her life be any more perfect?

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin struggled to open up the front door while balancing a sleeping Henry in her arms. Jay was right behind her with Sophia, but he shifted her to one arm and unlocked the door, then held it open for Erin and Connor to walk through.

They had had a great day at the park and then having dinner with Hank, but they were all tired. It was already close to 10 o'clock and usually the kids were already in bed.

"C'mon, Connor." Erin whispered to their oldest. "Will you put Sophia in bed and I'll get the boys ready?"

"Mmhmm."

Erin leaned over and kissed Sophia's forehead. "Goodnight, baby. Connor, say goodnight to Daddy."

"Night night." Connor hugged Jay's legs. Jay ran his hand over Henry's head and then they both went to put the kids in bed.

"Did you have fun today, buddy?" Erin asked Connor as she quickly changed Henry's diaper.

"Uh-huh." Connor climbed into his bed. "I wanna go to the park tomorrow."

"Maybe we can." Erin and Jay were off tomorrow too and she knew that would make the kids happy. She put Henry in his crib and he immediately rolled over and fell back asleep. "Goodnight." She gave Connor a hug and a kiss.

"Night, Mama." Connor buried himself under his blankets and his little eyes fluttered shut.

Erin shut the boys' door and went to her own bedroom. Jay was already changed and in bed, so she quickly followed his lead. A minute later, she was crawling into his arms.

"Love you, babe." Jay said, squeezing her closer to his chest.

"Love you too." She pressed a kiss over his heart and drifted off.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin sat straight up in bed. The first thing she noticed was that it was still dark out and she was confused on what had woken her. Then, she heard her phone loudly ringing from the table next to her.

"Hello?" she answered, not bothering to check to see who it was. She figured it must be Hank; he was the only person who ever called in the middle of the night and it usually meant they had caught a case. As her eyes adjusted, she realized it was a little after 2am.

"Hello, is this Detective Erin Lindsay?"

"Yes." She woke up a little more when she realized it wasn't Hank. The voice was unfamiliar and it sounded like a woman.

"Hi, this is Alina Bradshaw. I work for the Department of Children and Family Services. I'm sorry to call you at such a late hour."

"It's okay. What's going on?"

"I am currently at Chicago Med with Madeleine and Gavin Matthews."

"Are they okay?" Erin interrupted before the woman could tell her anything else.

"Is there any way you could meet me here to discuss this further?"

"Yeah, of course. I'll be there as soon as I can." Erin hung up the phone. She went to get out of bed, but Jay grabbed her arm.

"What's wrong?"

"That was someone working for DCFS. They have Maddie and Gavin at Med, I'm going to go down there and see what's going on." Jay started to get up too. "You stay here with the kids. I don't want to take them out at two in the morning. I'll call you as soon as I know anything."

"Okay." Jay gave in, though she could tell he didn't really want to. He had grown to care for the two kids.

He watched her get changed and ready to go. Erin went over and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Thank you for staying. I love you."

"Love you too. Call me when you know."

"I will."

Erin drove to Med as quickly but as safely as she could. She was directed to the Peds floor and ran to the nurse's station. "I'm here for Madeleine and Gavin Matthews."

"Are you family?" the unfamiliar nurse wondered.

"Yes."

"They're in 506."

"Thank you." Erin rushed down the hallway and found a woman standing outside of the door. "Are you Alina Bradshaw?"

"Yes, you must be Detective Lindsay." She shook her hand.

"What's going on?"

"Erin!" she looked up and saw her sister-in-law, Dr. Natalie Manning. "Hey, I asked Alina to call you. I'm sorry about the timing."

"Don't worry about it. What happened? Why are they here?"

Natalie gave her a look and Erin immediately knew it would be bad. "They were beaten."

Erin frowned. "By who?"

"Their foster family. From what the officers on duty gathered, Kevin DeAngeles was the one who hurt them while his wife, Andrea, stood by and let it happen." Alina explained.

"Who are the officers?" Erin demanded.

"You'll be happy with that information." Natalie promised. Right as she spoke, Erin saw Alvin and Adam walking down the hallway.

"Hey Erin." Alvin greeted.

"You two were on the scene?" Erin asked. They nodded their heads. "Tell me about it."

"A neighbor called it in. They said that the man, Kevin DeAngeles, had been drinking heavily earlier that evening and he was breaking beer bottles in the street. It escalated at around 1am when they heard yelling and screaming coming from the house." Ruzek explained. "Al and I came by thinking it was just a domestic dispute, but when we knocked, he pulled a knife on us. I took him down and then we noticed Maddie and Gavin there."

Erin swallowed heavily. "How are they?"

Natalie took over. "They are both covered in bruises in different degrees of healing, showing that the abuse has taken place over a long time. Gavin's left arm was broken but no medical attention was given, causing it to start to heal incorrectly. We had to rebreak the bone and reset it. Maddie has a concussion, her left ankle is sprained, and her right wrist is broken. They are both dehydrated and have lost weight since the last time they were here."

Erin could feel her blood boiling. "Can I see them?"

"Of course." Natalie opened the door.

Erin entered slowly. The kids each had their own beds and they were hooked up to IVs. Though they looked at her, they were silent.

"Hey guys." She pulled a chair up between their beds. "How are you feeling?"

"The same as we look." Maddie said, staring straight at her with a blank look. There was none of the happiness in her eyes that had been present the last time Erin had seen her. "Why are you here?"

Erin was surprised at her question. "Why wouldn't I be here?"

"We haven't seen you in forever. We didn't fit into your perfect family."

If her heart wasn't broken before, it definitely was now. "That's not true at all."

"Maddie…" Gavin tried, obviously feeling awkward about his sister's attitude.

"It's true, Gavin! Erin could have taken us after we got taken away from Mom if she wanted, but she didn't! She wanted to be with Jay and have her perfect little babies." Even Gavin didn't have a response for that.

"Maddie, I'm sorry." Erin stated. She tried to touch her hand, but the little girl pulled away. "I wanted you guys to have a good family. At the time, I wasn't ready to have kids or be a mom. I thought that you would be adopted by a nice family and that you would be happy there."

"Well, we didn't get adopted. Nobody wants us, not even you, so you should just leave again."

"No. I'm not leaving."

"Why? You left us already after we went to this home."

"That wasn't my choice. Kevin and Andrea told Jay and I that we couldn't come back. They said that they didn't think it was good for the two of you to have us coming and out of your lives."

She could see Maddie's face change. "Really?"

"I've never lied to you before. I don't plan on starting now."

Gavin's voice caused Erin to look in his direction. "They told us that you didn't love us anymore and you didn't care what happened and that's why you stopped coming."

"I have missed the two of you for the past six months." Erin reassured them. She reached out and Gavin grabbed her hand. She tried again with Maddie and was relieved when the little girl gave in.

"I missed you too."

"Me too." Maddie smiled slightly. "Your friend Adam came to get us. I knew it was him cause he was at the wedding. I was scared, but I knew he wouldn't hurt us cause he would be too scared you would beat him up."

Erin laughed. "That's right."

Gavin sighed. "Erin, do we have to go back there?"

"No. You will never, ever have to go back there or see them again." She kissed Gavin's forehead, then Maddie's. "We'll find you somewhere safe where you'll get adopted, okay? I promise."

Maddie looked sad. "Why can't we stay with you?"

"My house isn't very big, sweetie. We wouldn't all fit."

"I can share a room." Maddie offered. Gavin quickly nodded his agreement.

"It's not that simple. We'll figure something out, okay?"

"Where are Jay and the babies?" Gavin asked.

"They're at home. It's really early in the morning, so we couldn't wake them up. Jay stayed with them, but I'm sure he'll be here as soon as they wake up."

Maddie yawned. "Will you stay?"

"Of course. You get some sleep, alright? I'll be here."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

When morning finally rolled around, Erin was exhausted. She hadn't slept at all since she arrived. She had been too busy talking to Natalie and DCFS and Adam and Al about what went on last night and where things would go from here.

"…and both kids are probably going to need some therapy to work through everything that has happened." Natalie said as she and Erin stood outside of Maddie and Gavin's room.

Erin had been listening, but then she heard footsteps come down the hallway. She realized it was Jay and she completely abandoned her conversation so she could go towards him. He opened his arms and pulled her close to his chest.

"Hey." Jay kissed her forehead. "Everything okay?"

"No." she rested her head against his chest for a couple of seconds, accepting the comfort he gave her. Then, she grabbed his hand and walked back over to Natalie. The doctor proceeded to explain everything all over again for Jay's sake, knowing that Erin was reaching her breaking point with the situation.

Jay's jaw was clenched and Erin could see his fists tightening with every word Natalie said. She knew that he was going to be upset about this. He hated when little kids were hurt and it was so much harder since this was Maddie and Gavin.

"How were they when you talked to them?" he asked Erin after Natalie had gone to check on another patient.

"They were angry. Kevin and Angela had told them that we abandoned them because we didn't care about them. It's bad, Jay. They weren't acting like themselves at all, especially Maddie. Eventually, she calmed down when she realized that it had been a lie, but she was convinced that I didn't care about her anymore."

"We'll figure this out. We'll make it better for them."

"Maddie said that she and Gavin weren't good enough for our perfect family and that's why we didn't take them when they were first taken away from Sarah. I told them that we weren't ready to be parents yet, but it made me feel sick to my stomach. I should have taken them. I could have made it work."

Jay grabbed her face gently between his hands. "Hey, listen to me right now. This is not on you. Don't start blaming yourself for something that was out of your control. We never imagined something like this could happen, or that they wouldn't be adopted right away."

"Maybe we should have just let the families that wanted them adopt them. They would have been better off."

"But they would have been separated. You have to let this go. The past doesn't matter right now. We only need to think about how to go from here."

"How? How do we walk in that room and tell them that they're going to yet another foster home? This was my worst nightmare as a child, you know. This is exactly why I put up with Bunny and the drugs and her boyfriends. It's horrible knowing that you have nowhere to go."

Jay studied her. "So what are you thinking?"

"I don't know. I don't know how we could possibly take them. We only have three bedrooms in our house. What if we kept Connor and Henry in their room, put Maddie in with Sophia, and made the mancave into a room for Gavin?"

Jay considered it. "It could work temporarily. We could stay there for a while, save up some more money, and then buy a bigger place. Would you want to adopt them or foster them?"

Erin sank down to sit on the floor. Jay sat down next to her and waited for her to speak.

"Does it make me a terrible person for not wanting to adopt them?"

"No, of course not."

"I just keep thinking about how we would manage five children. Even if we had the room in the house, are we able to give that many kids the right about of attention? Could we love them all equally? I love Maddie and Gavin, but it is completely different from the love that I have for Connor, Henry, and Sophia. What if something happened to us on the job? Who would be willing to take in five kids that aren't theirs and raise them? What kind of lasting issues are Maddie and Gavin going to have from this? Natalie already said that they're going to need therapy. How can we balance their needs with also raising three small children?"

Jay nodded his head. "I get what you're saying. It'll be so much harder, and not just on us, but on all five of the kids. It's okay to not want to adopt them, Erin. No one thinks you're a monster for that."

"Maddie and Gavin will. They have always wanted to live with us. How do I look them in the eyes after they've just been beaten by their foster parents and tell them no?"

"What if we just foster them? We can be involved with the interview process for finding adoptive parents. We'll find someone who we can trust and who want to actually adopt them, not just foster. This time, we'll take control."

Erin leaned her head on Jay's shoulder. "We should probably get in there."

Jay stood and reached his hand down to pull his wife up. They walked into the room together.

Gavin was just waking up and he smiled when he saw the man. "Jay!"

"Hey, Gav." Jay went over and sat next to his bed. "Did the nurses sneak you any extra bacon on your breakfast tray?"

"No. The food was horrible!"

"It was?" Erin asked. "I can go out and get you guys something else."

"Don't leave." Maddie mumbled as she started waking up. Erin went and sat with her. "Hi Jay."

"Hey Maddie." He smiled at the little girl. "You guys wanna know something? My brother Will works here. I bet he could get us something good from the cafeteria. How does that sound?" both kids agreed, so Jay texted Will and asked him to bring something up when he had a second.

"When are they coming?" Maddie wondered.

"Who?" Erin questioned.

"The new foster parents."

Erin sighed. "We need to talk to the two of you about that. We haven't spoken to Alina yet about this, but we are trying to come up with something that will work for all of us. Jay and I are thinking that we can foster you until they find an adoptive family. We will run checks on them, meet them, interview them, do everything in the world to make sure that they are good people and that they will love and take care of you."

"We can't stay with you forever?" Gavin sounded disappointed.

Jay took over. "I'm sorry, buddy, but you can't. But we will keep you until they find a safe and happy place for you to go. Erin and I love both of you very much and we will do everything we can to protect you."

"And this time, we won't let your new parents push us away." Erin added.

Maddie just nodded and then laid back against her pillows. The adults in the room could clearly see the exhaustion and disappointment in her face.

"Hey everyone!" Will entered the room with an armful of food. "Breakfast here isn't the best, so I brought a couple of my favorite things. I've got grilled cheese, chicken nuggets, potato chips, apple juice, pudding cups, and yogurt."

"Thank you." Erin mouthed to him once the kids started grabbing for the food. He nodded at her. "Jay, I'm gonna go talk to Alina. I'll be right back."

She went out into the hallway where she had seen the social worker. She quickly discussed her plan with her and Alina agreed, knowing that the children were going through a trauma and were attached to Erin.

"I just got word from Dr. Manning that the children would be released as soon as we found somewhere to place them. If you will fill out the paperwork, you can take them home with you."

"Thank you."

"I will start looking for prospective adoptive families. We won't let these kids get hurt again."

Alina handed over the paperwork for Erin to fill out. It took her about a half hour, but it was worth it. She reentered the hospital room to find Jay, Gavin, and Maddie eating pudding cups and laughing at a cartoon on TV.

"Alright guys, you're free!" Natalie announced from behind her. Erin hadn't even noticed she came in. She brought in clean clothes for both kids. "I'll need to see you both back here in two weeks to check on your progress. Erin, will you be bringing them in for therapy?"

"Yes, I scheduled appointments with Dr. Charles for Wednesday."

"Gavin, Maddie, I'll see you soon!" Natalie smiled. "You guys call me if you need anything, okay?"

"We will." Jay promised. Natalie left.

As soon as the kids were dressed, they headed towards the door. Maddie was limping because of her ankle, so Jay lifted her up. She winced and he realized he had hit a bruise. Erin could tell how angry he was just by his facial expression.

They loaded into the car and Erin drove them home, knowing this would be an interesting experience.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

A week had passed and the Halstead house had definitely changed a lot already. Erin and Jay were doing everything they could to keep up with the changes.

Maddie and Gavin had started therapy and while Erin agreed that it was good for them, she hadn't seen a change yet. Both kids were happier being with Erin and Jay, but she could see their anxiety about going to another foster home. They were both back in school now and it was hard trying to get the little ones to daycare, Maddie and Gavin to school, and getting to work on time.

The house was also extremely crowded. They had been able to get a twin bed for Maddie, so she slept on it in Sophia's room. Gavin slept downstairs on the couch in Jay's mancave, which wasn't ideal, but it was working out for now.

On the negative side, Erin had been feeling really sick lately. Jay was worried about her, but she insisted that it must just be some kind of bug.

Everything changed for them after Erin was shot on the job. Her vest caught it, but she fell and hit her head, resulting in her being knocked unconscious. At the time, the Intelligence unit was being observed to make sure the two couples in the unit- Erin and Jay, and Burgess and Ruzek- were behaving professionally. They had gone to the hospital and Jay learned the news that would change his life- Erin was pregnant again.

That night, they both walked into the house in absolute exhaustion. Alvin's daughter Lexi had been babysitting and even she grimaced when she realized how tired they looked.

"Thanks for watching the kids, Lex." Erin said as she handed her some money.

"It's not a problem. They were angels, as usual. Maddie let me paint her nails and do her hair and everything; she's quite the little diva."

Erin smiled. "We really appreciate it."

"Don't hesitate to call if you need me again!" Lexi leaned forward and kissed Erin's cheek and then exited.

"How do you feel?" Jay asked once they were alone.

"Drained. Confused. Scared." Erin sat down on the couch and held her head in her hands. "What are we gonna do?"

"The same thing we did when you were pregnant with Connor and the twins. We'll take it one day at a time."

"This isn't the same. We have Gavin and Maddie here too. What are we supposed to do if no one wants to adopt them? Then we will be keeping them because we promised that we would have them until they got adopted by someone else. How are we going to fit another baby into this house?"

Jay sat next to her. "First of all, Gavin and Maddie will be adopted. There's no way that there isn't someone out there who wants two perfect little kids. Second, we'll figure it out! If we did end up keeping them, then we would figure it out. If it's another boy, we could move Connor down with Gavin and put the baby in with Henry. If it's a girl, we could put the boys in the mancave, Maddie could take the boys' room, and Sophia and the baby could share. We have options, Erin. We'll make it work."

Erin didn't respond because she was suddenly overwhelmed with nausea. She knew she was going to throw up and she got to the toilet just in time to empty the contents of her stomach. Jay pulled her hair back and whispered reassuring things to her, promising that everything would work out. Erin wanted more than anything to believe him.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

It took two months before they had a family who was considering adopting Maddie and Gavin. By this time, Erin was already five months along. It was January and they had been able to celebrate Christmas with all five kids. Money was tight, but it had been a good year with both Maddie and Gavin describing it as their best Christmas ever.

Now, they were preparing for Gavin's 10th birthday next week and also trying to find the perfect family. Erin felt horrible for wanting them to go somewhere else, but she knew that that was what had to happen.

After doing extensive background checks, Erin and Jay went to meet the people considering adopting Maddie and Gavin. They were both in their mid-20's and they had no other children.

"Hi, I'm Grace. This is Tony." The woman introduced, shaking Erin's hand enthusiastically.

"I'm Erin. This is my husband, Jay." They all sat down at the table in the DCFS office.

"We are so excited." Grace said. "You're Maddie and Gavin's foster parents?"

"Yes."

"Why aren't you adopting them?" Tony questioned. "Is it because you're having a baby of your own?"

Immediately that put him on Erin's bad side. Jay could tell and he reached out to grab her hand, squeezing it to try and tell her not to freak out.

Erin took a deep breath. "That has absolutely nothing to do with why we're not adopting them. They are the birth children of an old friend of mine. We were just keeping them until we found a good home for them."

Tony scowled. "You make it sound like they're animals."

"Tony!" Grace gasped. "I'm so sorry. Tony came from a foster home and he's got some strong opinions about foster parents."

Jay gave him a look. "We've done everything we can for these children. They went to many homes before us and since they've been with us, they've flourished."

"Then why didn't you take them in the beginning if you were such good friends with their birth parents?"

"I'm done." Erin stood up, grabbing her stomach as she did. "Grace, you seem like a really nice woman. I'm sorry."

Jay put his hand on her back and led her from the office. They both went to Alina's office.

"So? What do you think?"

"No." they said together.

"Why not?"

"Well, the husband accused us of not adopting them because we're having a baby, then said we talk about them as if they're animals, and then questioned why we didn't take them in from the beginning if I was such good friends with their birth parents." Erin explained.

"I'm so sorry." Alina apologized.

"Not your fault."

"I'll start looking again."

"Thank you." Erin and Jay left the building together.

"I'm glad we didn't tell Maddie and Gavin about this." Erin said after they were driving towards home.

"Me too. That was awful."

It didn't take long for them to get back to the house. Burgess had been babysitting, so they knew the kids were in good hands.

"We need groceries." Erin commented as they walked up to the front door.

"If you make a list, I can run to the store. I'll take some kids with me so you can have a bit of a break."

"Thank you."

They walked inside and saw Kim watching a movie with the children in the living room. Erin waved to her and then grabbed a pad of paper out of the drawer and wrote down a quick list for Jay.

"Anyone specific you want me to take?" he wondered.

"No."

"Maddie, Gavin, want to go to the store?" both kids jumped up immediately and went to put their shoes on. By this point, their broken bones had healed and they were started to act more like themselves. It had been an amazing change. "C'mon, Connor. You can come too." He lifted up the two-year-old.

Erin sat down next to Kim and lifted Sophia onto her lap. She kissed the side of her daughter's head. She looked down at Henry, who was lying on the floor, and saw that he was happily watching Finding Dory.

"How was everyone?"

"Good, as usual. We had a fun time. They all ate some chicken nuggets for lunch, then we played outside, and then started the movie."

"See you soon." Jay leaned down and kissed Erin as he walked by the couch. "Thanks, Burgess."

"No problem." They watched as Jay, Connor, Maddie, and Gavin left. "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Of course."

Kim sighed. "As you know, Adam and I have been trying to have a baby." Erin nodded her head in understanding. "We went to a fertility doctor, just to make sure everything was okay since we've been trying for almost a year now. We found out that I can't have kids."

"Oh wow." Erin leaned forward and hugged her. "I'm so sorry, Kim."

"I just don't know how to feel. We wanted a family so badly and now our chances are ruined."

"Not necessarily. There are still other ways. You could look into surrogacy or adoption. There's always a way."

Kim nodded. "I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I will never have a baby that is half me and half Adam."

"I'm sorry."

"How did your meeting go? How were the adoptive parents?"

"Horrible." Erin recapped how the meeting had gone.

"He really said you talk about them like they're animals? He sounds like a jerk."

"He definitely was. We just got up and walked out."

"Good. They're not good enough to have Maddie and Gavin." Kim looked at her phone. "I guess I better get going. Adam and I are going out to dinner tonight."

"Have fun! Thank you for watching the kids today."

"You can call me anytime. You know I love them."

Erin walked Kim out and then came back over to the couch. She laid down and Sophia immediately buried herself into her side. After a few minutes, Henry wandered over and laid on top of her chest. As she saw both kids falling asleep, Erin decided she could take a little nap too. It didn't take long until all three of them were asleep.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

January passed quickly and when February came, all talk shifted to Connor's birthday. He was turning three this year and Erin couldn't believe how old her little boy was.

They planned a birthday for him and the whole unit came, along with Will and Natalie, Alvin's daughter Lexi, Gabby, Casey, Sylvie, and a few other doctors and firefighters. Connor was basking in the attention.

Erin was almost six months along now and she felt more and more exhausted. She let Jay take more of a lead role in being the host of the party while she spent most of her time sitting on the couch fawning over Gabby and Casey's new baby, a little girl named Carina.

"She's so tiny and cute!" Natalie gushed. "I can hardly remember Owen being this small." Her little boy was six already.

"You should have another." Gabby told her.

"Yes! We need more Halsteads." Erin joked.

"I don't know. Will and I have talked about it, but we haven't made any decisions."

"You need to do it." Sylvie agreed.

As they talked, Erin noticed Kim standing to the side. She realized how uncomfortable she must feel. Everyone was talking about babies and she couldn't have one of her own.

The rest of the party, Erin tried to be careful with what she talked about when Kim or Adam were around. She noticed that they both occupied themselves with her children and that Connor, Maddie, Sophia, Henry, and Gavin absolutely adored the two police officers. She vowed to try and let them spend more time together.

A few hours later, pretty much everyone had cleared out besides Will and Natalie, Kim and Adam, and Voight.

"C'mon, Owen. We've got to get home so you can get a bath. You have school tomorrow." Natalie reminded her son.

"But I wanna play with Connor."

"You'll see him soon, Little Man." Will lifted up the child. "See you all soon. Happy birthday, Connor."

"Thanks, Uncle Will!" Connor smiled at him, his mouth covered in the blue icing from his cake.

"God, he looks so much like Jay. It's crazy."

"Goodbye, everyone!" Natalie said before the three of them left.

"I'm gonna run too." Voight announced from his spot on the floor with Sophia and Henry. The two were showing him all of their toys and couldn't be happier with the amount of attention Papa Hank was giving them. He gave each child a kiss on the head, then kissed Connor's head. He gave Maddie and Gavin a hug, then kissed the top of Erin's head. "You've got a good bunch here, kid."

"Yeah, they're pretty amazing."

"I'll see you at the district tomorrow. On time." He gave her a pointed look.

Erin smiled. "We'll try."

"Daddy? Can we watch my new movie?" Connor questioned.

"It's your birthday, bud. You can do whatever you want." Jay popped the movie into the DVD player and the five kids were immediately enthralled.

Erin went over to Kim and Adam, who were drinking beers in the dining room. She pouted as she took a seat. "I miss beer."

"You'll be able to have some in three months." Kim reminded her. "I can't wait until she's born. She's going to be just as gorgeous as Sophia."

"She sure will." Jay joined them. "I think we had a pretty good party."

"I agree. This is a great ending too." Erin looked over her shoulder to where the kids were sitting. "Alina called a few hours ago. She said that she's got another set of adoptive parents for us to consider."

"When's the meeting?" Jay asked.

"Wednesday at 4. I already told Hank we'll have to leave early and he said as long as the case isn't too serious, we're good to go."

"Can we ask you guys something?" Adam interrupted. Erin nodded her head. "Would you consider letting us adopt Maddie and Gavin?"

Erin was honestly shocked. Out of everything she thought he might ask, that wasn't even on her radar. But then she thought about it. Adam and Kim were great with kids, she knew they were good people, and she would still get to see Maddie and Gavin. Why shouldn't she consider it?

She glanced over at Jay and could tell by his expression that he had come to the same conclusion.

"Are you serious?" she wondered.

"We have been trying for a long time to have a baby." Kim stated. "When we found out that we wouldn't be able to have kids of our own, my whole world felt like it was crashing down. But slowly, we've started to think more and more about adoption. Then today, I thought about the possibility that we could take Maddie and Gavin. They need a home, we want children more than anything, and it would take the extra stress off the two of you. It would be nice too because you could still see them whenever you wanted and the transition would probably be easier. We completely understand if you say no, and I feel kind of awkward even asking, but I thought we could at least try."

Erin grabbed her hand. "Kim, you shouldn't feel awkward at all. I hadn't considered this before, but now that I'm thinking about it, it doesn't seem like a bad plan. I know that the two of you will be amazing parents and that's exactly what Maddie and Gavin need."

"I completely agree." Jay chimed in.

"Would you be willing to go to DCFS and talk to Alina?" Erin asked.

"Of course." Adam immediately nodded his head.

"I don't think this is something that we would do just all at once. A gradual transition would probably be for the best since Maddie and Gavin have already been through so much."

"That sounds good. If you can give us Alina's number, we'll call first thing in the morning."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

It took three weeks for Kim and Adam to be cleared with DCFS. Over that time, Erin and Jay talked more and more about how this could be a good thing. They hadn't mentioned it to Maddie or Gavin yet because of the fear that something would go wrong, but as time passed, it seemed more and more likely that Kim and Adam would be adopting them.

To try and prepare them, Kim and Adam came over a lot more. Any time Erin and Jay needed a babysitter, the two of them would volunteer. Erin found herself planning extra dates with Jay just so Kim and Adam would have an excuse to come over. She could see Maddie and Gavin getting more comfortable with them and she knew it would be a good thing in the long run.

They got the phone call from Alina in the beginning of March. It was close to Sophia and Henry's second birthday, so Erin had been out shopping for party decorations. She nearly dropped her phone when she heard the news.

As soon as she got home, she pulled Jay into the bedroom so they could talk alone for a minute. "Alina called today."

"And?"

"Kim and Adam have been cleared. They can adopt Maddie and Gavin."

Jay crushed Erin to him in a hug, being careful of her baby bump. "That's awesome. Maddie and Gavin are going to have a great life. We can finally stop stressing about the possibility of them being sent to another sucky home."

A second later, Jay's phone rang and he answered once he found out it was Adam. "WE GOT CLEARED!"

"I know, Alina called. Congratulations, man."

"We have to go down and fill out some paperwork tomorrow, but after that, we're ready."

"Erin and I will tell them tonight."

The rest of their evening was spent in nervous anticipation. They bathed the three little kids, then put them to bed. Once they had finished, Maddie and Gavin were sitting in the living room doing homework.

"Can we talk to you guys for a second?" Erin asked.

"Uh-huh." Maddie shut her workbook. "I just finished my math."

"Me too." Gavin shoved his textbook into his backpack.

"Come sit down." Erin patted the spot next to her. Maddie and Gavin quickly went to either side of her, while Jay sat on the coffee table across from them. "We found a family who would like to adopt you."

She saw the emotions play out on their faces. She could see the sadness instantly.

"When do we have to leave?" Gavin said quietly.

"We're not sure yet, but this is a good thing, guys. You're finally getting a new mom and dad!"

Maddie leaned against her. "I want to stay here forever."

"Me too." Gavin agreed.

"We all knew that this wasn't a permanent arrangement." Jay reminded them. "I think you'll be happy too once you find out more about your new family."

"Can you tell us about them?"

"They live in Chicago." Erin began. "They are both really, really nice. We've known them for a long time. They will take good care of you and love you and they want you more than anything in this world. They are police officers. They will let us see you whenever, and any time you want to see us, you'll be allowed to call. Their names are Kim and Adam."

Maddie's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Really. Kim and Adam have been working with Alina to try and see if they could adopt you. They found out today that they are allowed."

The kids seemed a little less nervous after that. Gavin looked to Jay. "We can still see you all the time?"

"I promise." Jay confirmed. "Your life is going to be amazing, guys."

As Maddie and Gavin cuddled into her, Erin realized that they might not be so upset about this after all.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"This is my room?" Maddie asked, looking around the large, empty space in Kim and Adam's home. She held Erin's hand as she walked.

"It sure is." Kim confirmed. "You'll be able to decorate it however you want. The bed should come by tomorrow. Right next to your room is Gavin's."

Jay, Gavin, and Adam were already inside, talking about possible designs for the walls. The little boy smiled when he saw her. "Look, Erin! A big room all to myself!"

"It looks perfect, Gav."

"Maddie, did Kim and Erin tell you they're getting a pool in the backyard?" Gavin looked so excited that he was nearly bouncing.

"Yes! It's gonna be so fun!" she ran over and hugged her brother. "We finally have a home, Gavin!"

Erin blamed the fact that she started to cry on the pregnancy hormones. Jay came to her side and wrapped an arm around her before pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"They're gonna be okay." Erin stated. She finally felt like she was doing the right thing.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin was eight months pregnant by the time they moved Maddie and Gavin into Kim and Adam's place. By this time, Gavin was 10 and Maddie had celebrated her 9th birthday. The kids were sad to leave Erin and Jay, but excited for what the future held for them.

Erin walked around Maddie's room one last time, inspecting it for anything that could be wrong or something she might need. Her eye caught a picture sitting next to the bed. It was of Erin, Jay, Maddie, and Gavin on their wedding day. She had given it to her years ago so she could remember it.

"It's my favorite picture." Maddie said as she came in and noticed her looking. "I always kept it at all the foster homes."

"It's a good picture." Erin pulled her to sit next to her. "I want you to know that I love you so, so much. I'm sorry that Jay and I can't adopt you, but Kim and Adam are going to be great. You will have such a good life."

"I know. I love you too." Maddie hugged her. "I used to be mad at you for not wanting us, but I see now that you do want us. It's hard to have a lot of kids."

"It definitely is."

"Can you go with us one day to take Kim and Adam to meet Allie?"

Erin bit her lip to try and hold in her emotions. She nodded her head, knowing that this was the ultimate sign of trust for the little girl. "Of course I'll go with you."

"You're my best friend, Erin."

Now, Erin couldn't stop the tears. "You're my best friend too, Mads."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Emma Camille Halstead's arrival gathered lots of visitors. Erin had been proud to show off her new baby to all her friends, but she was exhausted. Jay was asleep in the chair next to her bed and Voight had taken Connor, Henry, and Sophia for the night.

"Are you up for a few more visitors?" when Erin heard Kim's voice, she sat up straight again.

"Hey Kim."

"I've got two little people who really want to see you."

Erin smiled. She was tired, but not too tired for Maddie and Gavin. "Bring them in."

The two children immediately ran over to the bed. "Careful, guys." Adam scolded gently.

"Sorry, Daddy." Maddie apologized.

Erin's eyes widened. She mouthed the word 'Daddy?' to Kim, who just smiled. That must have been a new development.

"This is Emma." Erin introduced. "Emma, this is Maddie and Gavin."

"She's so pretty!" Maddie said. "Can I hold her?"

"Sure. Adam, can you lift her up next to me?"

Erin scooted over, waking up Jay in the process. He seemed surprised to see their new visitors and Erin couldn't help but laugh at his confused face. Adam lifted Maddie onto the bed and Erin gently placed the baby in her arms.

"You want to make sure to support her head with your arm." Erin instructed. "Good job."

"Hi, Emma. You are so cute and tiny. My name is Maddie. I'm gonna be your friend forever." She leaned down and kissed the baby's forehead. "Guess what? You have the best mommy ever. Erin is so nice and pretty and she can even be funny sometimes. And Jay is the best daddy too and he likes to play silly games and he's fun. We can both have good families. I have a mommy and a daddy now too and I know that you're lucky to have good ones, so always be good, okay?"

Erin felt Jay grasp her hand at Maddie's words. She could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks as Jay reached up to wipe them away. Somehow, they had gotten the perfect ending to all of Maddie and Gavin's troubles. Erin knew that there wasn't anyone in the world who deserved it more.

 **Up Next…F: Five**


	6. Five

**Sorry for taking so long to update! I've started the new season of Chicago PD, and I just don't love it the way that I used to. I still want to try to finish this though, and I'll update when I can. Thanks to everyone who keeps reviewing! Don't forget to review this one! Let me know if there is anything you want to see!**

 **F: Five**

 _*When Erin saw that little pink positive sign on the pregnancy test, she was a lot happier than she should be considering that they have absolutely nowhere to put a baby._

 _*Kids' Ages: Connor- 10, Henry- 9, Sophia- 9, Emma- 7._

When Erin walked out of the bathroom, she was surprised to see Jay sitting on the bed with a bag in his hand. She gave him a confused look. "Did you go to the store?"

"Yeah." He held the bag out to her.

"What's this?"

"A pregnancy test." She started to protest, but he shook his head. "You've been sick for a couple days now, Er. I know we're definitely not trying, but we've had a few slip ups. It could be possible."

Erin just nodded her head, grabbed the bag, and went into the bathroom. She couldn't believe that she was taking a pregnancy test right now. She was at a point where she thought she was done with having children (which she pretty much thought after every child she had). Her youngest was 7 now. Could they really start all over with a baby?

When Erin saw that little pink positive sign on the pregnancy test, she was a lot happier than she should be considering that they have absolutely nowhere to put a baby.

"Jay?" she called out. Within seconds, he had the door opened and was standing in front of her.

"Well?" he looked incredibly anxious.

"It's positive." She could feel herself smiling slightly. Sure, she had never imagined that she would be the type of person to have five children. For a long time, she didn't want any, and then she talked herself into one or two when she met Jay. But five? That was a lot.

She looked at Jay and she could tell her was trying to hide a smile. Of course he would be happy about this. Maybe she could let herself be happy too. She would have a nice, happy pregnancy that would end in yet another beautiful, perfect baby.

"How do you feel about this?" Jay asked cautiously.

Erin just threw herself into his arms. "We're having another baby!"

He kissed the top of her head. "We're having another baby." She could hear him smiling and she knew that everything was going to be okay.

After the kids were in bed that night, Erin and Jay sat down to discuss logistics. Erin crossed her legs and turned towards him on the couch.

"One of our biggest issues is space. Where are we going to put another baby?"

"I don't know. We don't know how far along you are, but Emma will most likely be 8 or just turning 8 by the time the baby is born. It's kind of a stretch to put a newborn in with an 8 and 10-year-old if it's a girl, or a 10 and 11-year-old if it's a boy. Even if we had the space in their bedrooms, which we don't, the kids would never be able to sleep." Jay replied.

"We could keep the baby in our room with us for a little while, and then get bunkbeds for two of the kids and put the baby's bed in there."

"Or we could turn the mancave into a room for Connor and Henry and put the baby in their room so he or she wouldn't bother any of the older kids." Jay sighed. "I wish we could just buy a new house. It would be so much easier."

"That's another one of our biggest issues. Money." Erin reminded him. "How are we going to afford another baby? The kids are all getting to the point where they want more expensive clothes and shoes and they'll need money to hang out with friends. They all play sports, which isn't cheap. We got rid of all of our baby stuff from Emma and pretty much all the baby clothes because we didn't think we would have another one. We'll have to buy all new stuff."

Jay nodded. "We could find a cheap crib and car seat and stroller and all that somewhere. How many baby showers is a woman allowed to have?"

Erin shrugged. "I think one."

"Well maybe you could have another one since there's such a big gap. Then we could get clothes and toys and all the little stuff. At least our cars are big enough to fit another kid." Jay opened up his arms and Erin leaned into him without hesitation. "No matter what, we'll figure this out. Yeah, it's not the smartest thing in the world, but we're going to love this baby so much. I'll take extra shifts, get some overtime."

Erin groaned. "That reminds me of another thing. All of our kids are in school right now, so we haven't had to worry about daycare for a while. We're going to have to budget for that now too."

"We'll be fine. We can make it work." Jay kissed her forehead. "We'll figure it out. We always do."

Jay and Erin went to Chicago Med the next morning after they took the kids to school. Work had been slow all week, and Hank agreed to let them take the morning off as a personal.

Luckily, they didn't see anyone they knew. Jay didn't want to have to explain anything to his brother or sister-in-law about why they were there before they knew what was going in.

It didn't take long for Erin to get into a room. She changed into a gown, peed into a cup, got a blood test, and laid down to be examined. Her OB/GYN, Dr. Montgomery, came into the room.

"Hello, Erin." She smiled. "It's good to see you. Your blood and urine tests came back and both determined that you are pregnant. Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"It's been a while since you've been pregnant. How old is your youngest now?"

"Emma is 7." Erin answered. "We weren't exactly planning this, but we're happy."

"That's good. I know your baby will be born into a fantastic home with loving parents, and four older siblings who I'm sure will be excited." Dr. Montgomery set down the clipboard she was looking at. "Alright, let's do your physical exam."

"Do you want me to go?" Jay questioned.

"No, you can stay." Erin told him. He sat down in a chair next to her as she lifted her legs into the stirrups. He watched as she stared at the ceiling uncomfortably as Dr. Montgomery performed her exam.

"Alright, all done." Dr. Montgomery pulled off her gloves. Erin lifted her legs down and turned to look at him.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine." She confirmed, grabbing his hand.

"Now I have a few questions." Dr. Montgomery started to go through a list about Erin's medical history, if she had experienced any bleeding or cramping, when her last period was, and another related questions. When she finished, she pulled over the ultrasound equipment. "Let's take a look now at this new little one."

Jay gripped Erin's hand as her gown was pulled up and the gel was squirted on her stomach. It never got old seeing their baby on that screen for the first time. He couldn't believe that he had married this beautiful woman, and now she was going to give him his fifth child in a couple months.

Dr. Montgomery started to point out the baby's different parts to them on the screen. "Everything looks good. I would say that you're about nine weeks along."

Jay leaned forward and kissed Erin's cheek. He had no clue how they were going to afford this baby, but he couldn't be happier.

"That's our baby." He whispered.

"That's our baby." Erin confirmed.

Dr. Montgomery finished the ultrasound, then handed Erin a paper towel to wipe off her stomach. The doctor left the room after congratulating them again, and then Erin changed back into her clothes. After she was dressed, Jay pulled her into his arms.

"Thank you." He said into her hair.

"For what?"

"Our life. Our kids. Marrying me." He kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

They made her next appointment at the desk and then drove to the station. Jay could see the slight smile on her face and he knew that she was happy about this. He would do anything to keep her happy.

"So, are we going to tell everyone?" Jay wondered.

"I guess so. It's still a little early, but they're all going to know anyway when I tell Hank and he puts me on desk duty. It's not like this is the first time we've been through this." Erin pulled into the parking lot. "I want to wait to tell the kids though until I'm out of the first trimester."

"I completely agree."

They walked upstairs together and Jay put his palm on the scanner, allowing the door to open. Everyone turned to look at them.

"Look who finally decided to show up and put some work in like the rest of us." Ruzek teased.

"Yeah, did you two 'oversleep'?" Atwater joined in, using quotations around the word oversleep.

Erin looked to Jay with a slight nod, as if she was giving him permission to tell their news. He grabbed her hand. "Actually, we have something to tell all of you." Jay saw Hank come over to stand in the doorway of his office. "We're having another baby."

"Congratulations!" Atwater slapped him on the back and then picked Erin up and spun her around.

"You don't spin a pregnant woman!" Antonio scolded once Erin's feet were back on the ground. He grabbed her cheeks in his hands and kissed her forehead. "I'm happy for you guys." He pulled Jay into a hug that Ruzek quickly joined in on. Jay watched Al give Erin a gentle hug and kiss her cheek. Burgess hugged both of them.

Hank came over and stood in front of them. He smiled at Erin and gave her a hug. "You just love being on desk duty, don't you?"

"Trust me, that's the worst part of this." She mumbled into his chest.

Hank came over and hugged Jay. If someone had told him years ago when he joined Intelligence that one day, he would be standing in the middle of the bullpen, hugging his boss/sort of father-in-law, he would have fallen over and died. But now, it didn't feel like the strangest thing in the world.

"Congratulations, Jay."

"Thanks, sir."

"Alright everyone, let's get back to work." Hank told the others. They all went back to their desks.

"We're not telling the kids yet, so if you see them, don't say anything." Erin announced. "You guys are the first to know."

"Your secret is safe with us." Ruzek made a zipping motion over his lips before he sat down at his desk.

Jay couldn't even focus on his paperwork. He was beyond excited to add to his family. He noticed himself starting to daydream a few times, but he snapped out of it. He needed to be professional. Once they got home, he could think about the new baby. Right now, he needed to focus.

"Can't we just stay up a little later?" 9-year-old Sophia asked. "Please?"

"You guys need to get in bed so you can get up on time for school tomorrow." Erin told her. "Come on, into your rooms."

10-year-old Connor, 9-year-old Henry, and 7-year-old Emma pulled themselves up off the couch and headed upstairs. Erin followed after them. She went to the boys' room first and waited until they were under their blankets to sit down. She went to Connor's bed first.

"I love you, Connor." He kissed his cheek and felt his arms wrap around her neck in a hug. No matter how old he got, he would always be her first baby. She couldn't believe that he would be 11 in a couple months. She smiled to herself; at least she would still have a baby in the house.

"I love you too, Mama." He usually called her 'Mom' now, so it surprised her when he said that. She gave him an extra kiss on the forehead and then went to Henry's bed.

"Goodnight, Henry. I love you."

"Love you too." He accepted her hug and kiss. "This weekend, can we go see Papa Hank? I wanna tell him about my field trip to the museum!"

"I'll see what I can do." She stood and went over to their light. "See you guys in the morning." She shut the door.

She walked to the girls' room and found them both already under their blankets and waiting for her. She went to Sophia first, giving her a hug and kiss. "Love you, Soph."

"Love you too." Erin went to stand. "Mama, when I'm bigger, are you still going to give me hugs and kisses when I go to bed?"

"I'll give you hugs and kisses for as long as I'm around." She promised her. Sophia giggled and pulled the blankets up to her chin.

Emma was sitting up and when Erin came over she climbed onto her lap. "Can we have one story? Please?"

"Sorry, Em. It's time to go to sleep. We all know how cranky you are in the morning if you don't get enough sleep." Erin tickled her sides.

"Yeah, Emmy. You better go to sleep or else you'll be grouchy." Sophia commented.

"I will not!" Emma rolled her eyes exaggeratedly. "When's Daddy coming home?"

"After he finishes up at work." The day after they told the team Erin was pregnant, a case had started and Jay was coming home late every night. She knew the kids missed him.

"I miss him."

"I know you do. He'll find the bad guys soon and then he'll be home."

"Why aren't you helping him, Mama?" Sophia wondered. "You and Daddy are partners. You're supposed to have his back."

"I got to leave early so I could come be with you guys. But all the other guys have Daddy's back, don't worry." Erin kissed Emma's head. "Alright girls, time to go to sleep. I love you, Emma."

"I love you too, Mama." Emma squeezed her tightly in a hug. Erin turned off the light and shut their door.

Erin went downstairs to make sure the kitchen and living room were cleaned up. She wasn't sure when Jay would be home, but she didn't want him to come in and feel like he had to clean the whole house, considering how much of a neat freak he is. After putting all the dishes in the dishwasher and picking up Henry's sweatshirt and Emma's backpack, she went upstairs.

Erin took a quick shower, letting out a sigh of relief at the feel of the hot water hitting her back. She was already exhausted and she wasn't even out of the first trimester yet. How was she going to survive this pregnancy?

After she showered, got dressed, and laid in bed, she heard the door open downstairs. She could tell it was Jay by his footsteps. He walked into the bedroom.

"Hey baby." He greeted. He went to the closet and unlocked the safe before putting his gun and badge inside.

"Hi." Erin smiled at him, knowing he was just as exhausted as she was. It had been a rough week. He pulled his shirt off and she saw a large bruise on his back. "What happened to your back?" she got out of bed and went over to him, gently placing her hand on his bruise.

"Got tackled." He moved his shoulders back and she could hear his back crack. She grimaced. Jay turned around and kissed her. "Kids okay?"

"Yeah. Emma said she misses you. I told her you'll find the bad guys soon."

"I miss them too. I've only seen them in the mornings for the past couple days." He sighed. "We closed the case though, so I should be off at a normal time tomorrow."

"Good." She wrapped her arms around him. "Coming to bed?"

"I'm going to shower first." He kissed her forehead and moved out of her arms to go to the bathroom.

Erin laid back down and waited for him to finish. His shower was quick and then he came out, pulled on a pair of sweatpants, and joined her in bed. She immediately scooted towards him and he hugged her tightly against him.

"Rough case?"

"Mmhmm."

Erin knew that if he wanted to talk about, he would say something. She figured this was one of those days where he just needed to hold her and know that she was there. She felt his hand drift down to her stomach.

"Guy killed his pregnant wife." Jay mumbled into her hair. "They had another kid at home. He thought the baby wasn't his, so he killed her." His arms tightened around her. "I can't even imagine…"

"It's okay." Erin ran her fingers through his hair. "We're okay." She kissed the spot on his chest over his heart. "I love you."

"I love you too." He pulled back slightly so he could look at her. "How are you feeling? Have you gotten sick at all?"

"Not since this morning. Maybe I'll get lucky and the morning sickness will happen only in the morning."

He smiled. "Hopefully. Maybe this little one will be nicer to his or her Mama than their older siblings." He stroked her stomach gently. "I'm so excited for this baby."

"Honestly, I am too." Erin admitted. "I thought that I would be scared or nervous once the idea really settled in, but I know we'll figure it out."

"I'm glad you can actually enjoy this pregnancy. I know things were rough when you were pregnant with the twins, and you had a hard pregnancy with Emma. I want you to be happy this time."

"I will be." She leaned up to kiss his cheek. "I know that I have you there to calm me down if I get scared."

"I'll always be there for you." He held her tightly again. It didn't take long for Erin to drift off in his arms.

Before long, Erin made it out of the first trimester. She and Jay were ecstatic that everything had been going well so far and their new little baby was healthy. Now, they just had to worry about telling the kids.

They had debated on doing something bigger, but in the end, they knew that wasn't really their style. They would just sit the kids down and tell them.

They waited together for the kids to get out of school. Connor was the first one, and he looked at them curiously. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We wanted to come pick you up today." Erin stated.

"That's weird." He got into the third row of seats without another word.

Sophia and Henry were next and they had a much happier reaction. They threw their arms around their parents happily and then got into the car.

Emma was last and she cheerfully greeted them before getting into the second row of seats next to Henry and Sophia. Jay drove them home with the sound of the kids talking in the backseat.

"Shoes and coats put away." Jay ordered. His children could be just as messy as Erin. They all walked inside and the kids went to put their stuff away. "Come back down here when you're finished."

"You're freaking me out." Connor commented.

"Everything's fine, Connor." Erin reassured him. She sat next to Jay on the loveseat as they waited for their children. "How do you think they'll react?"

"They'll be happy. They might be a little upset right now because it's something new, but they'll be happy." Jay promised her. He hoped that that was true.

The four kids came stomping down the stairs and they were told to sit down on the couch. Jay had out his phone to record their reactions; Erin wanted to document everything for this pregnancy the way she had with the three previous ones. They had never had the experience of telling their kids they would have a sibling before; when the four of them were born, they were all too young to really understand what was going on.

"Guys, we have some important news to tell you. In a couple of months, you'll have a new baby brother or sister."

Henry and Sophia immediately started to cheer. Emma's face turned to a pout, and Connor looked kind of indifferent.

"What's wrong, Em?" Jay asked.

"I don't want a baby!" she crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm the littlest!"

"Now you'll get to be a big sister!" Erin reminded her. "You'll get to teach someone how to do all kinds of cool stuff, just like your brothers and sister do with you!"

Emma still didn't look convinced. Connor turned to his mom. "Where are we going to put this baby?"

"We're still figuring that out." Erin answered.

"When will it be here?"

"The baby is due on June 9th."

"This is so cool!" Sophia squealed. "Is it a girl or a boy?"

"We don't know yet. What would you rather have?"

"A boy!" Sophia said. Connor agreed with her, while Henry and Emma said they would rather have a little sister.

"We just want you all to know that, no matter what, we still love you so much." Jay told them.

"Love you too, Daddy." Henry told him.

"Alright. Go get started on your homework." Jay stopped recording. After the kids disappeared from view, he looked to Erin. "That wasn't too bad, right?"

"No, it wasn't awful." She agreed. "And like you said, they'll be happy after the baby is born."

Jay smiled. It felt like the hardest part was out of the way. Now, they just had to buy baby stuff and get ready for their little one to arrive.

"JAY!" Jay had been making bacon and waffles for everyone when he heard Erin scream for him. He immediately dropped the spatula and reached out to turn off the stove.

"Don't touch the stove!" he yelled to Emma and Connor, who were sitting at the table and looking at him in confusion. He ran up the stairs, nearly slamming into Henry as he passed him. He threw open the door to his bedroom and saw Erin standing in front of their mirror with her shirt up over her stomach.

"What's wrong?" he looked her over for any visible signs that she was hurt. "Baby, what happened? Are you okay? Is it the baby?"

"Look!" she pointed towards her stomach. "Can you see the bump?"

Jay could still feel his heart racing, but he felt himself calm down as soon as she saw the huge smile on Erin's face as she gently cradled her stomach.

This was everything he had wanted for her with her previous pregnancies. She had the first-time parent nerves when she was pregnant with Connor, she been so scared and on edge the whole time she was pregnant with the twins, and her pregnancy with Emma was just rough all around. But now, he could genuinely see how happy she was, and how excited she was for this baby.

"I see it." He smiled at her and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He took a picture of her. "You're beautiful."

"It's just so crazy that soon, this little one will be here." Erin walked over to him. She noticed how hard he was breathing. "Are you okay?"

"You scared me! I thought something was wrong when you yelled for me like that."

She laughed. "I'm sorry." She glanced over his shoulder and saw the kids standing in the hallway with curious looks on their faces. "Come in here, guys."

"Mama, are you okay?" Henry wondered.

"I'm fine, baby. I'm sorry I scared you guys." She pulled her shirt up again. "Do you see the bump where the baby is growing?"

Jay always laughed at the sight of the kids' eyes widening. He couldn't help but take a picture of them too, and then pictures of them as they touched Erin's stomach. It was almost as if her stomach had grown overnight; he was always touching and rubbing her belly and he felt like he would have felt it if there was an obvious bump.

After the kids had all had a chance to feel where the new baby was growing, Jay went over and pressed his hands to his wife's stomach. "We can't wait to meet you, little one."

Erin put her hands over his and then leaned up to kiss him. They broke apart when they heard Emma making fake gagging noises. As Jay hugged his wife, he had never been surer that his life was perfect.

"I'm so excited!" Sophia practically danced down the hallway of the hospital, her long, brown curls flying out around her.

"Me too!" Emma agreed. She had definitely started to come around to the idea of having a younger sibling.

The boys weren't as vocal about their enthusiasm, but they were both smiling. Erin squeezed Jay's hand as they led their kids to the exam room where they would find out if they were having a son or daughter.

"Hey Mama? Could the doctor just tell us if the baby is a boy or a girl and then we can surprise you? Some of my friends at school said that their moms had parties like that, but I just want to do a little surprise. Please?" Sophia practically begged. Throughout the pregnancy, she had been the most excited.

Erin thought it over. What could it possibly hurt to let the kids tell them the new baby's gender? Plus, it would let them get more involved in things. She glanced at Jay, who shrugged.

"Okay, we can do that."

"Yay!" Sophia looked at her siblings. "You can't tell Mama or Daddy if the baby is a boy or a girl, okay? We'll have Papa Hank help us make them a surprise!" Connor, Henry, and Emma quickly agreed with her plan.

The nurse opened the door for them to walk into the exam room. "Change into a gown and the ultrasound tech will be in with you in just a minute."

"Okay." Erin agreed.

"C'mon, guys. Let's wait in the hallway so Mama can change." Jay ordered. He shut the door behind him and then Erin was alone.

She changed quickly into the gown and then opened the door so they could come in. She sat on the table and Jay took the chair next to her bed. Henry and Connor took the other chairs and Jay pulled the girls onto his lap.

"Wow, we have a full house in here today!" the ultrasound tech said as she entered the room. "My name is Jillian, I'll be doing your anatomy scan for you today. How are you feeling, Erin?"

"I feel good." She responded.

"I bet you guys are pretty excited to have a new little brother or sister, huh?"

"Yes!" they all answered together. Erin couldn't help but smile.

"Is it a boy or girl?" Henry wondered.

"I'll be able to tell you that pretty soon, sweetie." Jillian answered as she finished putting her gloves on. "Are you doing a gender reveal party or anything like that?"

"The kids want you to just tell them." Erin informed her. "They're going to have their grandpa help plan out a surprise."

"That sounds like a lot of fun." Jillian pulled the ultrasound equipment over. Erin pulled the blanket up to cover her waist, then lifted her shirt so her stomach was visible. Her bump had grown even larger and she was surprised by how much she loved it. In her previous pregnancies, she had felt fat and ugly, but she didn't mind this time. "Erin, have you been able to feel the baby move?"

"Yes, I started feeling it around 17 weeks."

"Dad, can you feel the baby kicking?"

"Not yet. I've tried, but I can't feel it." Erin could practically hear Jay's disappointment. She knew that he would be able to feel it soon though, and she couldn't wait. The kids would probably love feeling it too.

"That's alright. It happens at all different times." Amanda pulled the gel out. "I'm sorry, this is going to be cold." She squirted it on Erin's stomach and then started to move the wand around.

"What are you doing to Mama?" Emma questioned.

"I'm looking at your baby brother or sister and making sure that they are growing the way they are supposed to be. This thing lets me see into your mom's tummy so I can look at the baby, and then we see a picture right here." She pointed at the screen.

Emma's nose wrinkled. "That doesn't look like a baby."

"It will once he or she gets bigger." Jay told her. "Let's let Jillian look at the baby, okay?"

Erin waited nervously as the ultrasound tech scanned over her baby. It felt like forever had passed as she watched Jillian stare at the screen.

"Alright, everything looks good! I checked over the baby's brain, heart, face, spine, and the other organs, and everything is developing right on track. You've got a healthy little boy or girl. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

"Yes, please."

Jillian flipped a switch and a loud thumping noise filled the room. The kids all stared at the screen in surprise.

"What is that?" Henry wondered.

"That's the baby's heart." Erin said to her son. "Were you able to tell the gender?"

Jillian smiled. "Yes. Would you mind if I take the kids out into the hallway to tell them?"

"That's fine." Erin agreed. "Guys, go with Jillian. She'll tell you if you're having a brother or sister."

The children followed eagerly. Erin glanced at Jay and let out the breath she was holding.

"Baby's healthy." Jay said, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "Everything's good."

"I'm just so relieved. It always makes me nervous."

Jay grabbed some paper towels and started to wipe off her stomach. The kids came back into the room with huge smiles on their faces and Jillian right behind them.

"You can get dressed and make your next appointment out by the desk. Congratulations!"

"Thank you." Erin responded. Jay helped her sit up and then took the kids back into the hallway so she could change. She was excited to know if she was having a boy or girl, and even more excited that her kids would be the one to tell her. She couldn't wait until later.

"Mama, can I have your phone?" Emma asked once Erin came out.

"For what?"

"So I can call Papa Hank!"

Erin unlocked her phone and went to Hank's number. She pressed it and handed the phone to Emma. "I'll handle this, guys." She told her siblings. "Papa Hank! I've got serious business to talk about with you." Erin couldn't hear Hank's response, but she couldn't help but laugh at her youngest (for now) child. She saw Jay was smiling too. "We need you to help us plan a surprise for Mama and Daddy…we're gonna tell them if the baby is a boy or a girl…no I can't tell you right now, they're right here…okay…love you too…bye!" Emma handed the phone back to Erin. "Papa Hank said he'll be there to get us at 4 o'clock."

"Alright." Erin laughed. "We better get home so we'll be ready for him."

Jay wrapped his arm around Erin's waist and kissed her temple. "I love you."

"Love you too." She smiled up at him.

While they waited for their kids and Hank to return, Erin and Jay sat on the couch. Jay pulled Erin's feet onto his lap and started to rub them, knowing they had been hurting her the past couple days. She smiled gratefully.

"We haven't really talked about baby names." She told him. "Do you have any ideas?"

Jay shrugged. "I'm not sure. All of our kids have middle names that have to do with family, but our families are pretty sure and we've kind of run out of names."

Erin smiled. "I'm sure we could think of something. Tell me some first names you like."

"How do you feel about Annabelle?"

"It's okay. I've really liked the name Mia lately."

"I like that too." Jay agreed. "Connor, Henry, Sophia, Emma, and Mia."

"Do you have any ideas for a middle name?"

He sighed. "Like I said, we usually do family names. We've already used Camille and Elizabeth after our mothers. We don't really have any other women to name her after."

"I was thinking Natalie. She's been such a big influence in our kids' lives, and she's always been there when we need her."

"Mia Natalie Halstead." Jay said. "It does sound nice."

"Alright, then can we tentatively agree on that name for a girl?"

"Yeah." Jay felt accomplished after that. "What about boy names?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

"Me either." Erin laughed. "We shouldn't have used Noah for Henry's middle name and then that could have been the first name."

"Well it's not like we had planned to have more. We'll just have to hope the baby is a girl and we don't have to plan boy names."

"The baby's kicking." Erin sat up, pulling her feet off his lap. "Try and feel." She grabbed his hand and pressed it to her stomach.

Jay felt a tiny little thumping against his palm. He smiled. "I can feel it!" he kissed her. "Wow. That's our baby."

"You know, I never thought that this could be my life. But now it is, and it's perfect. You've given me everything, Jay."

"Hey, you're the one giving birth to the kids. I think it's you giving _me_ everything."

"I don't mean just the kids though. You've taught me how to love someone, and how to accept that I can be loved. You deal with all of my flaws and I know there's a lot, but you don't ever complain." She hugged him. "I don't know where I would be if you weren't here."

Jay knew this was partly the hormones talking, but he also knew that Erin meant what she was saying. He hugged her tightly. "You've changed my life so much, babe. If you had never come into my life, I would be a mess. This is all because of you."

They heard a key in the doorknob and knew that meant Hank was back with the kids. Erin quickly wiped the tears off her cheeks and sat up so the kids wouldn't know she was crying. They came running inside.

"Go upstairs." Connor ordered. "We've gotta set up!"

"Okay, okay." Jay pulled Erin to her feet. They went upstairs to their room and shut the door. "What do you think they're going to do?"

"Considering Hank helped them, I have no idea. I don't know what kind of ideas he would even have." She smiled. "Hopefully there's cake involved because I'm _really_ craving some right now."

"If there isn't, I'll go out and get you some." Jay promised.

A few minutes later, Henry came running into their room. "You can come down now."

Jay followed behind his wife. He was surprised to see a banner that said, "Boy or Girl?" hung up on the wall. There was a cake sitting on the coffee table, and the kids were blowing on noise makers. They were each holding something in their hands.

"What are those?" he asked.

"They shoot out blue or pink streamers!" Sophia said excitedly. "Sit down!"

Jay and Erin went to the couch. Hank was smiling as he handed a knife to the woman he considered his daughter. The kids all stood on the other side of the table, their streamers ready to go.

"So just cut the cake?" Erin wondered.

"Cut the cake and it'll be pink or blue. Then, we'll shoot the streamers." Connor explained.

"Wanna help me?" Erin asked. Jay nodded and they grabbed the knife together. He could see Hank recording this, and he was glad. He wanted to remember all of this.

They sliced into the cake and pulled a piece out. All the kids were practically bouncing with excitement. The inside of the cake was blue.

The kids all shot their streamers towards them as they jumped up and down and yelled. Jay was in shock. He was having another son.

"A boy." Erin said. She turned to him and he pulled her into a hug. "Of course it's a boy when we couldn't think of any boy names."

He laughed. "We'll figure it out." He kissed her. "We're having another son!"

"I'm so excited." Erin admitted. "Now let's eat some cake!"

Time passed quickly for the Halsteads. They moved the boys into the mancave and redecorated their room. Jay painted the walls light blue, just like Erin wanted, and they decided on a dinosaur theme. They had a baby shower for all the little things they needed, and they bought a crib and car seat, while Hank surprised them with a stroller, highchair, changing table, and baby swing. Everything was ready for their baby boy's arrival.

Except a name.

Erin and Jay constantly debated on boy names, but they couldn't agree. Neither of them understood why, considering they had easily chosen the other four kids' names.

"What about Atticus?" Jay asked one afternoon.

Erin frowned. "Are you reading a name list from the 1700s?" he rolled his eyes. "What about Isaac?"

"No. I knew a kid named Isaac in high school and he was a punk. Andrew?"

"No. James?"

"I don't hate it, but I don't really like it either. Jack?"

"No. Wyatt?"

It was Jay's turn to frown. "No."

"This is hopeless." Erin groaned. "I don't love any boy names! What if we just call him Jay Jr.?"

"No, he should have his own name."

Finally, after what felt like forever, they managed to narrow it down to four names. Once they decided, they sat the kids down to ask their opinions.

"We're going to take a vote." Erin said. "No promises that the winning name will actually be the baby's name, but we want to at least have an idea. Are you guys ready?" the kids nodded. "The names are Caleb, Bennett, Dominic, and Lucas."

"No Caleb." Sophia answered immediately.

"Why?"

"Cause Connor's name starts with a C and we all have our own letters."

"So, which name do you like then?" Erin prodded.

"I like Lucas, and we can call him Luke."

"I like Bennett." Connor said next.

"I like Dominic." Henry answered.

"I like Luke too." Emma agreed with her older sister. "What do you like, Daddy?"

"I like them all." Jay told his daughter. He glanced at Erin, who still didn't look like she was sure on a name. "Erin?"

"I still don't know." She admitted.

"That's okay." Jay reassured her. "We'll figure it out. We've still got a while to go."

Because she was on desk duty, Erin usually got to leave by 6 every night. Sometimes, the guys were held back to work on a case or to finish paperwork, but Hank was pretty good about getting her out on time.

"It's six, Erin. Go ahead and go." Hank ordered.

Ruzek groaned. "Boss, can't we all go? I've looked at this paperwork so long I can't see straight."

"Finish it and then you can go." Hank nodded at Erin. "Get out of here."

She went over to Jay. "Get done so you can see the kids. Don't let Ruzek pull you into a game of trashcan basketball."

"I won't." he promised, leaning up to kiss her. "Are you feeling better?"

Erin had been a little sore today, but she didn't feel bad right now. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Good. Take it easy when you get home." He kissed her again. "Drive safe."

"I will." She went down to the parking lot.

It didn't take her long to get home. She unlocked the front door and went inside.

After school, Maddie would go pick up the kids from school and watch them until Erin or Jay got home. She was 16 now and extremely responsible, and Erin trusted her to keep an eye on the kids.

"Hey Maddie." She greeted.

"Hi." Maddie smiled. It was crazy to see how much she had changed from that tiny little girl into a beautiful teenager. Being with Adam and Kim had definitely helped her a lot. "They were all perfect angels, as usual. Everyone got their homework done and they had pizza for dinner. I saved you and Jay some in the refrigerator."

"Thank you." Erin kissed her cheek as she passed her. She sat down on the couch and pulled her shoes off, sighing at the relief.

"How long do you have now until the baby comes?" Maddie wondered.

"Three more months." Erin leaned back against the couch. "I can't wait. Where are the kids?"

"Connor's in the shower, Sophia was reading in her room, Henry went to put all the stuff away from his backpack, and Emma ran upstairs to get something."

"Hey Mama!" Emma came skipping down the stairs as soon as her name was mentioned. She had a coloring book in her hand. "I'm gonna show Maddie the animals I made." She frowned. "Did you spill something?"

"No, what do you mean?" Erin asked. Emma pointed towards her lap. Erin looked down and her heart felt like it had stopped.

Her jeans were covered in blood.

Maddie was staring at her in horror, clearly understanding what that blood could mean. Emma was oblivious as she pulled out her coloring book.

"Maddie, can you take Emma upstairs please?" Erin asked.

"Erin, I…"

"Please, Maddie." She almost begged.

"Yeah, of course." Maddie lifted up Emma. "C'mon, squirt. Show me your animals in your room."

Erin grabbed her phone as soon as Emma was out of view. She called Jay, feeling the tears building up as the phone rang.

"Miss me already?" he joked.

"Jay." Her voice came out in a sob.

She could hear a loud noise that sounded a lot like his chair hitting the ground. "What's wrong?"

"I'm bleeding. A lot." She put a hand over her mouth to try and hide her cries so the kids wouldn't hear. "I need you."

"I'll be there in a few minutes. I'll call an ambulance. Are you at home? Is Maddie still there?"

"She's still here." Erin whimpered. "Something's wrong."

"It's okay, Erin. It's going to be okay. I need to get off the phone so I can call an ambulance, okay?"

"Please don't hang up." She cried. She felt safer talking to him, as if none of this was happening."

"I'm so sorry, baby. I'll call you right back, okay?"

"Okay." She choked out.

Two minutes later, her phone rang again. She picked it up without checking. "Jay?"

"Yeah, it's me. An ambulance is on the way. I'm almost there."

"I don't wanna lose this baby." She cried openly now. She knew she could probably be heard upstairs, but she couldn't stop.

"I know, neither do I. We'll get to the hospital and we'll figure this out. It's okay." She could hear his car outside. "I'm here."

Seconds after he said that, the door busted open and Jay ran in. He had that wild look in his eyes that he sometimes got after a shootout. He dropped his phone and ran over to her, lifting her into his arms.

She clung to him as he ran out the door. The ambulance pulled up in front of the house and they pulled out a stretcher. Jay put her on top of it and started to ramble off information to the paramedics, but she couldn't listen to him. All she could see was Emma and Sophia in their bedroom window, crying as their mother was taken away.

The ambulance ride felt like it took forever. Erin held Jay's hand and listened to him whisper reassurances. Finally, they arrived at Chicago Med and she was pulled out of the ambulance. She could see Jay running next to her and she decided to focus on his face. It was much easier than thinking about the alternative.

The curtain surrounding her room was shut. Her shirt was pulled up and a fetal monitor was attached, and someone took her bloody jeans off. She couldn't focus enough to understand what they were saying. She kept her hand glued to her belly, willing her baby boy to stay alive.

"Lucas." She snapped. Jay was standing next to her with tears in his eyes and when he heard her voice, he turned to look at her.

"What?"

"Lucas. I like the name Lucas." She said through her tears. "Lucas Jay Halstead. Luke."

"Luke." Jay repeated. He kissed her cheek and rested their foreheads together. As she felt his tears drip onto her, she knew this was real. She was losing her baby.

"Erin, I'm going to examine you now, okay?" Erin heard Dr. Montgomery's voice. She nodded her consent and whimpered as she felt her examine her. Jay held her hand to his lips as she winced in pain. Dr. Montgomery did an ultrasound and looked over the monitors.

"What's going on?" Jay questioned.

Dr. Montgomery sat down next to Erin. "Erin, Jay, I am so sorry, but we aren't picking up a fetal heartbeat. From what I can see on the ultrasound, it looks like your placenta detached from your uterus."

If Erin was crying before, she was sobbing now. Jay stood and pulled her close to him. He cried too as they thought of the baby they would never know.

Erin looked down at the tiny little bundle in her arms. Her baby had only lived inside of her for six months. She had felt like she was pregnant for forever, but hardly any time had passed. And now, he was here. He would never breathe or laugh or play with his siblings. Just like that, he was gone.

Lucas Jay Halstead, or Luke as they had wanted to call him, was the tiniest baby she had ever seen. He wasn't completely developed yet, but she could see his little features and he was absolutely beautiful. She knew that he would be another baby that looked exactly like Jay.

They sat together in her hospital bed, holding that tiny little bundle for as long as the doctors would let them. Erin had had to deliver him, which had been the ultimate pain. Jay begged her to take some of the drugs they were offering because he knew she was already in a lot of pain, but she refused. She wouldn't be drugged up for the tiny amount of time she would get to hold her son.

"Luke would have been perfect." Jay whispered. "I bet he would have loved sports, just like his brothers. Maybe he would have liked basketball just to be different."

"All the kids would have been so protective over him. I can just see Emma yelling at any girl who would break his heart." Erin's eyes filled with tears. "He was here earlier today. He was kicking this morning. How could this happen?"

"I don't know, baby."

"This is my fault. When I felt those pains…"

"Erin, there's no way you could have known. There is nothing that could have stopped this. It's not your fault."

Erin leaned her head against Jay's shoulder. "How are we going to tell the kids?"

"We'll figure it out." He kissed her forehead. "They're strong. They can handle it."

She passed the baby to him to give him a little more time. She grabbed her phone and took a picture. "This isn't how it was supposed to be, but I still want to remember him."

They both cried as they took the only pictures they would ever have of their son. When the doctors came, Jay held Erin close to him to try and stop her screams for their baby.

Just as quickly as he came, their fifth child was gone.

 **Sorry for how dark this chapter was! Someone had asked me a while ago to write a chapter where Erin and Jay dealt with losing a child, and I thought it would be interesting. I hope you like how it turned out!**

 **Would you ever want Erin and Jay to have another child? I feel like four is enough, but if a lot of people wanted to see it, I could try and write it in. Please review and let me know, along with anything else you want to see!**

 **Up Next…G: Goosebumps**


	7. Goosebumps

**Sorry for the long wait! In the last chapter, I asked people to review and say if they wanted Erin and Jay to have another baby or not. I wasn't planning on adding another baby to the story, but a couple people did say they would like to see it. I'm still kind of undecided on this, so if you really do want them to have another, review and let me know and maybe I can work it in. Also, please let me know anything you would like to see because I still don't have anything planned for I, L, N, Q, and Y, so if you have some specific for one of those letters, I would love to hear it!**

 **Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter!**

 **G: Goosebumps**

 _*As Erin yelled back at Jay, she caught a glimpse of Henry hiding in the doorway and her skin immediately prickled as she was reminded of her own childhood, and of when she was that child hiding while her parents screamed at each other. Heavily connected to 'Five'._

 _*Connor- 11. Henry and Sophia- 10. Emma- 7._

Jay walked into the house, not at all surprised to see that there was still a mess left over from dinner. The kids' coats, shoes, and backpacks were thrown carelessly into the living room. He sighed and started to clean up.

As he cleaned, he wondered what Erin was doing right now. He hoped she was sleeping, but he wouldn't be shocked if he walked upstairs and found her drinking. Her alcohol consumption had definitely increased in the last month.

He dragged out the cleaning as long as possible and finally finished after about a half an hour. He walked upstairs to his bedroom. He could see light from the room spilling under the doorway.

Jay hesitantly pushed open the door, holding his breath in anticipation of what he would see. He found Erin sitting in the center of the bed, holding a photo album in her lap. He could see that there were pictures surrounding her, but he couldn't see what they were.

"Hey baby." He greeted hesitantly. He hated feeling like he had to tip-toe around her, but he didn't want to set her off.

"Hi." Erin's voice was emotionless.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he walked over to the closet, putting his gun and badge in the safe next to hers, which hadn't been touched in the past month.

"Finally getting Luke's baby book together." She laughed, but it wasn't her normal laugh. It was dry and there was no joy behind it. "We suck at staying updated on the other kids', but it'll be easy to finish his."

"Erin." He slid his shoes off with a sigh and walked over to the bed. He reached out to take the photo album from her. "Why don't we do this later?"

"Because I need to do it now. I want to do it." She snatched the album out of his grasp. "Just let me do this."

"Can I help you?" Jay asked gently.

Erin stared at him in silence for at least ten seconds. He felt himself taking a deep breath, preparing for the argument that was coming. It seemed like all they ever did was fight now.

"Stop treating me like a child! I am perfectly capable of making a baby book for my dead son on my own!"

" _Our_ son." Jay corrected. "He was mine too, but you seem to forget that. I want to be there for you. I want us to grieve together for our child, but you won't let me in!"

"BECAUSE YOU DON'T GET IT!" Erin screamed, jumping up from the bed. Jay towered over her, but she wasn't scared by that at all. She pushed him. "It is MY fault that Luke is gone. I have to do this. You can't help me."

"It's not your fault!" Jay finally yelled. He was so, so sick of her blaming herself for the baby's death when there was no way she could have prevented it. "The placenta detached, Erin. It is horrible and heartbreaking, but it happens. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault." He grabbed her gently by the shoulders, hoping she would listen to his words.

"Get off of me." Erin shrugged him off of her. "I need to leave. I can't do this."

"You can't do what? Talk about your feelings for once? You've barely even looked at me since we lost him."

"You don't ever say his name." Erin shook her head. "You're so disappointed in my that you can't even say the baby's name."

"That's not true."

"Then say it." Jay was silent. Erin looked up at him. "Say it, Jay. Say his name. Luke. Lucas. Say it."

"Maybe we should just go to bed. It's getting late." He tried to walk around her, but Erin grabbed his arm.

"Say his name!" she yelled. Tears finally started to pour down her cheeks. Jay had seen her yell and scream and throw things in the past month, but she rarely cried.

"I can't." he whispered.

"Then you don't get to talk about him." He reached for her, but she brushed him off again. "Don't touch me. You blame me for this, I know you do. I blame myself for it. None of this would have ever happened if I had just gone to the hospital. I could have saved him!"

"Erin…"

"THIS IS ON ME!" she yelled. As she took a deep breath to continue, she turned her head and looked towards the doorway. There, standing and watching everything with tears pouring down his cheeks, was Henry. His big hazel eyes stared at her in confusion.

Erin felt goosebumps prickle her skin and suddenly, all the fight left her. She glanced back at Jay and saw his defensive posture, the slight blush to his cheeks, the clenching of his fists. Had she really made him into that person? They rarely fought before losing Luke and now, it seemed like that's all they ever did.

"If you say that one more time, I…"

"Stop." Erin interrupted. She turned away from him and she could feel his frustration with her. But right now, that didn't matter.

Erin walked to the doorway where her son was hiding. She reached out and pulled him into her arms. He immediately burst into tears and his little body shook as she held him close.

"Shhh, it's okay, baby." Erin sat down on the floor, pulling Henry down to sit on her lap. He was getting taller and she knew that he would inherit Jay's height instead of her own small stature. But for now, he was still small enough that she could hold him and she was grateful for that.

Erin glanced up at Jay. He had tears in his eyes and she could see that the tension had left his body too. He came over and sat next to her on the ground. She took a deep breath and leaned her head on his shoulder as they listened to their son cry.

Erin couldn't help but think when it was her in Henry's position. She would stand quietly in the doorway of her mother's bedroom, listening to her scream and yell at her father until he finally hit her. She would run back to her room and hide under her blankets, crying and hoping that Bunny was okay. The next morning, Bunny would be in the bathroom trying to cover a black eye and would still kiss her father goodbye in the morning as if nothing happened. Erin had never understood how she could put herself in the position to be hurt over and over again. She had never felt more fear than she did in this moments where she watched her parents, and later Bunny and her guy of the week, scream and argue with each other. She was convinced that whatever man Bunny was fighting with would finally get mad enough to kill her, and where would that leave Erin?

Erin held Henry the way that Bunny had never held her as she whispered reassurances into his ear and stroked his hair. She could feel Jay's body shuddering next to her and she knew he was crying. She reached out and grabbed his hand and squeezed it; he squeezed back and she knew that they were okay, for now.

"Mama?" Henry asked, his voice thick with emotion.

"Yeah baby?"

"Are you and Dad gonna get a divorce?"

Erin's eyes shut at his words. She hated that she had scared him. She realized the kids had probably heard all of their arguments lately. She didn't blame them for being scared.

"No, Henry. Daddy and I aren't getting a divorce." Jay squeezed her hand at her words, confirming her statement.

"Then why do you fight all the time?" Henry scooted back slightly so he could see her face.

"Because we're trying to work through some stuff. Fighting isn't the way to do it, but sometimes, arguing makes you feel better for a little bit."

Then, Henry asked a question that made her heart stop. "Is it really your fault that Luke died?"

Erin felt slightly dizzy as she struggled to come up with an answer. Luckily, she didn't have to.

"No. It is absolutely, one hundred percent not Mama's fault that the baby…that Luke didn't make it."

Erin's head snapped towards Jay. That was the first time he had said Luke's name. She could see his body take in a gasping breath as he finally let himself grieve for his son.

"Okay." Henry kissed Erin's cheek. "I love you, Mama. I know it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry Luke had to go to Heaven."

"Me too, buddy." Erin kissed his forehead. "Are you okay?"

"Uh-huh. I'm gonna go back to bed."

"Are you sure?" Henry nodded. "We love you."

"I love you too." Henry hugged Jay quickly and then went down the hallway. Erin wouldn't be surprised if she found Henry sleeping in Connor's bed the next morning; she could tell her boy still needed some comfort, but right now, she needed to worry about her husband.

Erin got up and shut the bedroom door. Jay was still sitting on the floor, tears streaming down his cheeks. She moved so she could straddle his lap. She grabbed both of his cheeks in her hands.

"We need to get it together. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for yelling and fighting with you and not being there when you need me. We need to be there for each other because I don't want one of our kids to ever be scared again that we are going to get a divorce, or to hear us argue like that. So right now, you need to let yourself feel, okay? I'll do the same and we will get through this, together."

Jay nodded his head. His entire body began to shake as he sobbed. Erin leaned forward and rested her forehead against his as they both cried for their son. He gripped tightly to her back, holding onto her for dear life.

Eventually, the sun started to peak through the blinds in their bedroom. They had both finally stopped crying about a half an hour ago, but Erin was still sitting in Jay's lap, her head resting against his chest while he stroked her hair. Things weren't better, but at least they had finally let some of their pain and anger out.

"I love you, Erin." Jay said, breaking the silence. "I love you more than I have ever loved anything else in this world, and nothing can change that. But I think that we need to talk to someone."

"What do you mean? Like therapy?"

Jay nodded. "We could make an appointment with Dr. Charles. It wouldn't be the first time we talked to him, and right now, we need it. I intend on being married to you for the rest of my life so we need to work on this."

"I agree." Erin said, surprising herself. She hated therapy every single time she went, but if Jay wanted to do it, she would. She would do anything for him.

"Do you want to finish getting the baby album together before the kids get up?" Jay wondered.

"Mmhmm."

They went over to their bed together, both of them glancing over the pictures. Erin had already filled out his name, weight, height, time of birth, and all the other information that applied to him. They started to sort through the ultrasound pictures, pictures of their kids during their gender reveal, pictures of Erin's belly, the pictures they had taken of each other, and finally, the few pictures they had of Luke after he was born. Erin traced her finger over his tiny little face.

"He would have looked just like you." She whispered.

Jay kissed the side of her head. "He was perfect."

"Yes, he was." She slid the last picture into its proper place in the book. "All finished." She turned the book around and Jay saw the words 'Lucas Jay' stitched into the white cloth in blue.

Jay traced over the letters. "Saying his name, it makes it…real."

"It is real." Erin reminded him. "Now, we just have to move past it."

"You're amazing." Jay pulled her into his arms. He never would have imagined that the Erin who was screaming and fighting with him last night would become his normal, rational wife again. But seeing Henry watching them fight had done something to her and it seemed to snap her back into reality. He hated that their son had to see that, but at least it had helped her.

The alarm went off in their bedroom and Jay realized he hadn't slept at all. Erin smiled at him.

"Can you take a sick day? Maybe we can get in to see Dr. Charles today."

Jay nodded his head. "Yeah, of course. I'll call Voight and let him know, and then I'll call Dr. Charles. You wanna start getting the kids up for school?"

"Yep."

As they parted ways, Erin couldn't help but realize how normal this all felt. Maybe there really was a chance that they could get past this.

 **Next up…H: Holidays!**


	8. Holidays, Part 1

**Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! This one is really long, and there will be a second part to it. Let me know your thoughts on this chapter and what your favorite holiday was so far!**

 **H: Holidays- Part 1**

 _*A year full of holidays with the Halsteads._

 _*Connor- 7/8. Henry and Sophia- 6/7. Emma- 4/5._

 **Connor's Birthday- February 4** **th**

"Connor." Erin shook her son's shoulder. "Wake up, Connor."

The oldest Halstead child rubbed his eyes as he slowly sat up. He looked around and saw both of his parents standing near his bed. He realized what day it was and his smile grew.

"It's my birthday!" he announced.

"Happy Birthday!" Jay scooped him up and gave him a hug. "Our big eight-year-old."

"How does it feel to be 8?" Erin asked as she took Connor from Jay's arm and gave him a hug and a kiss.

He laughed. "I dunno, the same."

Erin put him down, ignoring the little ache in her heart from the fact that he was getting so big that she could hardly hold him anymore. "Alright, so we're going to send your brother and sisters off to school and then you get a day with us."

It was a tradition in the Halstead house that when it was someone's birthday, they got to spend the day doing whatever they wanted with just Erin and Jay. It gave them the chance to have some one-on-one time with their kids, plus made them feel special.

"Are we still going to laser tag?" Connor questioned.

"Of course! It's your birthday, we're doing what you want. Start thinking about what you want for breakfast." Erin went over to Henry's bed. Her younger son had been woken up from their talking. "Come on, Henry. Time to get ready for school."

"Okay." He said with a sigh. Erin handed him an outfit and he started to get dressed.

"I'll get the girls up. You take a shower." Jay told her.

While Erin showered, she couldn't help but think about the fact that eight years ago on this day, she had become a mother for the first time. It was crazy that all those years ago, she thought that she couldn't do this. Now, being a mom was her favorite thing in the world (being Jay's wife was a close second).

After showering, she got dressed and put on her makeup. She went downstairs and saw that the kids were getting ready for breakfast.

"Why does Connor get to go somewhere special?" Emma demanded, her little arms crossed over her chest.

"Because it's his birthday. You'll get to pick something special on your birthday too." Jay reminded her. "Do you want toast or cereal, guys?"

Erin glanced over at Connor and saw the conflicted look on his face. "Hey Daddy? Can you just make pancakes for my birthday?"

Jay turned. "Are you sure, bud? We can go out somewhere."

"No, I just want pancakes."

Erin's heart swelled. Connor was the best big brother, and he had the biggest heart. She saw Henry, Sophia, and Emma all smile as they realized what their older brother had done.

"If that's what you want, I can make pancakes for everyone." Jay agreed. "Chocolate chip or blueberry?"

"Chocolate chip!" Connor chose. The kids cheered and sat down at the table.

Erin swooped in and brushed the girls' hair for them, making sure to pull their hair up so that it wouldn't be covered in syrup.

"Pancakes for everyone." Jay put a stack of pancakes on the table. "I'm going to shower."

"Can you eat with us too, Daddy?" Connor asked.

Jay looked to Erin, silently asking if they had enough time. She nodded her head, so the six of them ate their breakfast together. Erin told herself that they had to start doing this more often.

"Time to go." Erin said after everyone had finished eating. "Jay, get in the shower. I'll take the kids to school. Connor, you can watch TV."

Henry, Sophia, and Emma followed Erin over to the door with their coats, shoes, and backpacks on.

"Bye, Connor!" Sophia called out. "Happy Birthday!" Henry and Emma quickly repeated the phrase.

"Thanks guys!" Connor smiled at his siblings. "See ya later!"

Erin took the kids to school, listening to their happy chatter. When they arrived, she parked and took Emma to her preschool class and the twins to their 1st grade classrooms. She said her goodbyes and then went back home. When she walked in, she found her boys dressed and ready to go.

"Can I have my present now?" Connor was practically bouncing in excitement. Erin saw a similar expression on Jay's face.

"Go ahead."

"Yes!" Connor ripped through the wrapping paper and his eyes widened when he saw the newest version of the Xbox. "THANK YOU!"

"Look at what it can do." Jay started to point things out to him on the back of the box. Erin rolled her eyes; the Xbox had been Jay's idea, and it was a little pricier than they usually liked for birthdays. She knew that Jay partly wanted it for himself, but she had given in.

Erin paid some bills and threw in a load of laundry while Jay set the Xbox up in the mancave. She knew that she would hardly see Jay this week after the kids' bedtime because he would be too busy playing video games.

"Are you guys going to mess around with that all day or are we going to go do laser tag?"

"Laser tag!" Connor shouted, dropping his controller. Jay was less enthusiastic, but he put his controller down too and turned off the console. They walked out to the car together.

Connor talked a lot on the drive to the laser tag building. All of their kids could be pretty talkative, but they were all much chattier when they didn't have their siblings around to constantly interrupt. Erin waited patiently for Connor to get out of the car and he grabbed one of each of his parents' hands. Jay smiled at her over Connor's head and she knew he was thinking the same thing as her; though their boy was eight now, he was still their baby.

Jay went up to the counter to pay for a couple games of laser tag while Erin and Connor looked around the arcade to see what kinds of games they had. Finally, it was their time to play.

There were only six other people in their game with them, which wasn't surprising since it was noon on a weekday. Jay helped Connor strap on his vest and showed him the proper way to hold his gun. Then, he turned his attention to his wife.

"You're going down, Lindsay."

"In your dreams, Halstead."

Connor giggled at his parents' banter. "I wanna go with Daddy!"

"Go ahead. I'll just have to beat both of you." Erin smiled when they heard the alarm go off, signaling that they could go in. "Good luck in there."

Erin immediately ran to find a good place. The second alarm went off and all of the guns were activated. She moved quickly and quietly through the room. She and Jay were both extremely competitive, and she needed to beat him.

She heard her husband's voice, followed quickly by her son's laughter. She peaked around the corner and saw that three of the random kids that were playing had circled Jay and they were shooting him. Jay's size wasn't doing him any favors because he couldn't really hide. He looked over his shoulder and they made eye contact and he shook his head with a smile at the situation he was in.

Erin leaned up and shot each of the kids' vests, allowing her husband some time to actually join in on the game.

"Thanks, baby." He leaned down to Connor. "Connor, shoot Mama."

"Sorry, birthday boy." She shot Connor's vest too, then ran off to hide.

As Erin ran around the room, she shot random people's vests too, while also targeting Jay. By the time the round ended, she was in first place.

They went out to check the rankings. Out of nine people, Jay had placed 8th while Connor had taken 6th. Jay shook his head. "This game is rigged."

"No, I think it's just you."

Connor laughed. "I think I'm gonna be on Mama's team this time."

"Wow, you're going to leave me? Okay, I see how it is. Let's see who wins this time."

The second round started and they went back inside. Erin quickly grabbed Connor's hand and showed him how to hide behind the different props and walls spread out around the room. She spotted Jay around the corner and saw that he had been cornered again by a couple kids.

"Lean over and shoot those kids so they can't get Daddy." Erin whispered to Connor. She watched proudly as he hit each vest with one shot. Jay turned to see who had shot the kids and saw that it was Connor. She saw the pride on his face, until Connor shot him too.

"Sorry, Dad!" Connor giggled, running to find a new place to hide.

"Guess he takes after me." Erin said with a laugh as she walked past Jay, knowing he couldn't shoot her because his vest was deactivated for the time being. As soon as it lit up again, she shot him again. "Oops, sorry."

When the round ended, Jay had placed dead last. Erin was 1st again, while Connor made it to 4th. They both laughed at the expression on Jay's face.

"We're going to start coming here more often." Jay stated as they walked out to the car.

"Face it, babe. You're just not that good." Erin told him.

"We'll see." He climbed into the driver's seat. "Wanna take him out to lunch since he was so nice for having his breakfast at home with his siblings?"

"Mmhmm." Erin got into the passenger's seat and turned to look at Connor. "Where do you want to eat lunch, baby?"

"I want pizza!"

"We can do pizza." Jay started to car and reversed out of the parking lot. "I let you guys win, by the way."

"Yeah, we know." Erin sent Connor a wink, letting him know that he was kidding.

"Yeah Daddy, you were the best." Connor said, hiding a laugh.

Erin was guessing that laser tag would become a regular event for Connor's birthday if his smile was anything to go off of.

 **Valentine's Day**

Erin groaned as she felt something tickling her neck. As she woke up a little more, she realized it was Jay, pressing kisses to her skin. She let out a deep breath.

"Good morning." He kissed his way up to her lips. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"Happy Valentine's Day." She managed to get out before he leaned in to kiss her lips. Erin wasn't a huge fan of Valentine's Day; she thought that it was a holiday created by stores so that they could make more money, but Jay was a romantic. He absolutely loved any excuse to do something special for his wife.

His kisses left her breathless and as she pulled away to take in some air, Jay moved lower, returning to her neck.

"Don't start something you can't finish." She warned him, grabbing onto his hair. As soon as she finished saying it, she heard a knock on the door. Jay groaned, letting his forehead rest against her chest as they both tried to regulate their breathing.

"To be continued." Jay told her before rolling out of bed. He opened the door and they saw Sophia standing out in the hallway.

"I need help." Her head was barely visible from inside her shirt and she was struggling to get her arms into the sleeves.

"It's backwards." Jay told her with a laugh. He took her shirt off and turned it around so that she could get it on easier. "There you go. You're up early today."

"It's Valentine's day!" she threw her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. "Happy Valentine's Day, Daddy!"

"You too, Princess." Jay smiled down at her. "Why don't you tell Mama while I get your brothers and sister up?"

"Okay!" Sophia ran into the room and climbed onto the bed. Erin smiled at her outfit; she had on a white, long-sleeved shirt with a pink heart in the middle, a red tutu, and pink and red striped leggings. Sophia was definitely their girly-girl, and she loved any opportunity to wear something pink, so it was no surprise that she had picked that outfit. "Happy Valentine's Day, Mama! Can you help me put my pink bows in my hair?"

"Of course I can." Erin sat up and Sophia frowned. "What's wrong?"

"What happened to your neck?" Sophia put her finger on the left side of her neck. "You have a bruise."

Erin immediately knew what it was. "I must have hit it on something." She lifted Sophia up before she could ask any more questions. "Come on, let's go help Emma get ready."

After helping Emma get dressed (in a much more casual outfit of black leggings and a red shirt with little white hearts on it), Erin brought the girls downstairs. Jay had picked out a red button-down shirt and jeans for Connor, and Henry was wearing a pink polo and jeans. She smiled at them.

"I'm going to have to take a picture of all of you. You all look so cute today." She went over to her husband and rolled her eyes at the fact that he was cutting the kids' toast into heart shapes. "I'm going to kill you."

"Why?" he turned to face her and his eyes immediately went to her neck. He grinned proudly.

Erin punched his arm. "It's not funny."

"It kind of is."

"Yeah, it was _hilarious_ when your daughter asked me why I had a bruise on my neck."

Jay stifled his laughter. "Sorry, babe."

"Mmhmm. You sound really sorry." She rolled her eyes at him and went over to the kids. "All of you, get together so I can take a picture."

By the time the kids finished posing for their pictures, breakfast was ready. Jay passed plates out to the kids. He wrapped his arms around Erin's waist from behind.

"Wanna join me in the shower?"

"Sorry, I don't think that's happening this morning." She shoved him off of her. "We don't have a lot of time so hurry up."

"You should join me then and save time."

"I'm just going to use dry shampoo today." She grinned mockingly at him. Jay huffed and walked to the bedroom, making her laugh. She sat with the kids.

"Mama, I'm so excited!" Sophia practically gushed. "My class is gonna love my valentines and I bet I'll have the best ones!"

They had taken the kids to the store last week to pick out their valentines. Sophia had chosen Frozen (Erin didn't know why it was still popular so many years after it came out), Emma went for puppies, Henry picked dinosaurs, and Connor chose Captain America. Their valentines were pretty cool, in Erin's opinion, even if it had taken forever to fill them all out.

Jay came downstairs so Erin got up. "I'm going to get dressed. When I get down here, you better all have your shoes and coats on. Girls, I'll fix your hair in a minute."

Erin went upstairs and got dressed quickly. She put some dry shampoo in her hair and did her makeup, making sure to cover up her neck. When she came downstairs, the kids were all ready to go.

Erin grabbed Sophia's pink bows she wanted. She left her hair down, but parted it so that she had two little ponytails on the top half of her hair. She added a pink bow to each of the ponytails. She quickly braided Emma's hair and then they were ready to go.

"Wait! Before we go to the car, I need another picture now that the girls' have their hair fixed."

Connor, Emma, and Henry groaned, while Sophia eagerly posed for the pictures. Erin snapped a couple of just Sophia, loving how excited she was.

"Grab your valentine boxes."

The school had instructed all of the kids to make their own valentine boxes. It had taken Erin and Jay _hours_ to help their kids get them done, but they looked really good. Sophia's was bright pink and had heart, puppy, and kitten stickers all over it. Emma's was filled with a couple hearts, but mostly puppy and kitten stickers. The boys' boxes were filled with superhero stickers and a few hearts. There were a couple little sparkly cupid stickers on all four boxes because Jay had said they were cool when they were at the store; immediately, all four kids had grabbed them and stuck them on, wanting to impress their dad.

"Come on guys, we have to go." Jay opened the front door. Connor was the first out the door, followed by Emma, then Sophia, and finally Henry. Erin was next and she waited for Jay as he locked the door. The kids ran to the car and were pulling the door handles. Jay hit the button to unlock the car doors and they all climbed in. "You wanna drive or you want me to?"

"I will." Erin grabbed the keys from his hand and got into the car.

When they arrived at the school, Jay brought the kids in. He was only ten feet away from the car when Emma and Henry shoved their valentine boxes into his hands. Erin shook her head; she knew he would carry them without any complaint.

A few minutes later, Jay came back to the car. He got into the passenger's seat and looked at her with the smile that could still make her heart skip a beat, even after over ten years together. He pulled a box out of his pocket.

"Happy Valentine's Day, baby." He handed her the box.

"Jay, we said no presents." She looked at him pointedly.

"I know, but I wanted to get you something and the kids helped me pick it out."

Erin opened up the box and found a bracelet. It had five little charms on it with a 'J', 'C', 'H', 'S', and 'E'. It wasn't too flashy. She absolutely loved it.

"Thank you." She reached out and grabbed his chin gently, pulling him close so she could give him a kiss.

"Love you."

"Love you too." She gave him another quick kiss. "We've gotta go. We're gonna be late."

When they walked into the bullpen, everyone else had already arrived. Of course, Atwater had a giant smile on his face. "Wow, look who's late. And on Valentine's Day, no less."

"Shut up, Kev." Erin scolded, making him laugh. Hank was standing in the doorway, looking extremely unimpressed. She gave him her best dimpled smile. "Wanna see your grandkids? They looked super cute this morning."

She pulled out her phone and showed him the pictures. She glanced and saw his smile and knew that she was off the hook, for now. That is, until his gaze landed on her neck. Hank smacked his lips as he glared at her.

"How do you think those grandkids of yours got there?" Ruzek joked, making the rest of the room start laughing.

Erin rolled her eyes and went back over to her seat. Jay was staring at her with the biggest smile on his face. She flipped him off.

"All of you, get to work." Hank said before going back into his office.

Erin looked down at her bracelet. She looked up at Jay and saw that he was still smiling at her. She could see how much he loved her just from the look he was giving her, and she hoped that he knew she felt the same way.

Maybe Valentine's Day wasn't so bad after all.

 **Henry and Sophia's Birthday- March 9** **th** **(Thursday)**

Because Henry and Sophia were twins, it was a lot harder for Jay and Erin to follow the one-on-one on your birthday tradition. Instead, they usually picked two days around it, usually the day before and after their birthdays, to celebrate. This year, they decided they would take Henry out on the 7th and Sophia out on the 8th.

Jay honestly wasn't sure what Henry would choose to do for his birthday. Connor loved anything athletic, Sophia loved girly stuff, and Emma was a huge fan of animals. But Henry didn't have one clear thing that he loved.

"Good morning!" Jay greeted the boys as he walked into their room. Connor sat up immediately and grabbed the clothes that Jay had put at the end of his bed. "You ready to celebrate your birthday, Henry?"

"Uh-huh."

"What do you think you want to do today?"

Henry smiled widely. "Roller skating."

Out of all the things he could have chosen, Jay would have never anticipated that. He shook his head with a laugh. "Alright, if that's what you want."

Jay nearly ran into Erin in the hallway, who was coming from the girls' room. "Did he pick yet?"

"Yep."

"What does he want to do?"

"I can't imagine that it's something you're going to like."

"What is it?"

"He wants to go roller skating."

Erin frowned. "I've never been roller skating."

"It's pretty easy, you'll get the hang of it."

"I hope so. I'm gonna shower. You good?"

"Yep." Jay went downstairs. Henry and Sophia came down a moment later. "Do you want to go out for breakfast, Henry?"

"Nope, I think I want scrambled eggs and bacon."

Jay was proud of his son for following Connor's example and including his siblings in his birthday breakfast. "Alright, eggs and bacon it is."

He made Henry's plate first, then Sophia's. While he was working on the other kids', he listened to the twins talk.

"Daddy, why does Henry get to do his birthday first?"

"Because he's older."

"But that's not fair. We have the same birthday."

"Sorry, Soph. Either we do it like this or you guys don't get your own special days. Your day will be tomorrow."

Sophia pouted slightly. "I wanna come too."

"She can come if she wants, Dad." Henry agreed.

"No she can't. You each get your own day for your birthday. Sophia, yours is tomorrow."

"Fine." She started to eat her eggs.

Connor was the next one downstairs and Jay slid a plate in front of him. He looked at the kids in confusion. "Where's Emma?"

"Right here." Erin came into the room with Emma on her hip. "Someone decided not to wake up when I told her to the first time."

"I'm tired." Emma whined.

"That's too bad. Eat the breakfast Daddy made for you."

"I don't want it." She slid it away.

"Emma…" Erin began.

"NO!" Emma shouted. She hit her tiny fist on the table. "I said I don't want it!"

"Emma Camille, the attitude stops now." Erin told her. "Eat your breakfast."

Emma started to cry. "Daddy…"

"Sorry, Em. You heard what Mama said."

Henry was the first one finished. Jay gave him permission to watch TV, which just made Emma even madder.

"I wanna watch TV with Henry!" she cried as she tried to get down. Erin lifted her back into her chair.

"You can watch TV for a minute if you eat breakfast. You need to eat or you're going to be really hungry at school."

"No." Emma sobbed, resting her head on the table as she continued to cry.

Jay sighed. It wasn't often that Emma had meltdowns like this, but when she did, it wasn't pretty.

The rest of the morning was miserable. Emma made it hard to get out the door, and even Sophia was a little moody. Jay could tell Erin was close to pulling her hair out.

"I'll take the kids to school, you spend some time with Henry."

"Are you sure?" she asked. He gave her a kiss as if he was saying yes and then got the kids out the front door.

When he came back, he found Erin on the couch cuddling with Henry. He pulled out a phone and took a picture of them.

"How were they?" Erin wondered.

"Emma straightened up as soon as she saw one of her friends. I guess she didn't want to embarrass herself." Jay couldn't resist leaning down to steal a kiss from his wife; she was just so perfect when she was taking care of their children. "I'm going to shower and get ready."

"M'kay." Erin stroked a hand through Henry's hair. Their younger son was definitely the quietest of the kids and he was generally well-behaved, so sometimes, it felt like they neglected him a little bit. Jay was excited to spend some time alone with him.

After a quick shower, they were ready to go. Erin and Jay walked to the car with their son.

"Why did you choose roller skating, Henry?" Erin wondered.

He looked at the ground. "We don't have to go if you don't want to, Mama."

"No, of course I do! I just wanted to know what made you choose it."

"The kids at my school go roller skating all the time and I never went before." Henry informed her.

Jay made a mental note that roller skating may be something they had to take their kids to do more often. Erin gave him a nod, showing that she had thought the same thing. They wanted their kids to fit in and have the opportunities to go do things their peers were doing.

They arrived at the roller skating place. There were a few families scattered around, but like with Connor's birthday the month before, they had the rink mostly to themselves.

"Daddy, do you know how to roller skate?" Henry asked as they walked up to the counter.

"Of course I do. I used to be able to skate backwards."

"Really?" his eyes lit up. "Can you teach me?"

"Maybe. We'll have to see if I can still do it, it's been a long time since I skated." Jay pulled his wallet out and paid for their shoes.

"Mama, have you skated before?"

"Nope. We can learn together."

Erin grabbed Henry's shoes and led him over to a bench to get them on. She kneeled down in front of him and slid the shoes on.

"Make sure you lace them up nice and tight." Jay told her.

"You do it. I don't want to mess up." Erin scooted out of the way.

Jay leaned down and tied his son's shoes. Erin had sat on the bench next to Henry to get her own shoes on, and Jay reached out and tied her shoes for her too.

"Why does it have to be tight?" Henry wondered.

"So that you don't hurt your feet or ankles if you fall." Jay sat next to Erin and put his own shoes on. Once he was finished, he stood up. "You guys ready?"

Henry and Erin looked at each other wearily, but they both nodded. Jay made them pose for a quick picture and he laughed at the nervous looks on both of their faces.

"Alright, come here, Henry." Jay held his hands out. Henry stood up and immediately rolled. He grabbed Jay's hands like his life depended on it, and Erin quickly put her hands up to steady him. "You good?"

"Uh-huh." Henry stood completely still next to his father, trying not to move so he wouldn't roll.

"Your turn." He reached out his arm to Erin.

"I think I might just watch."

"No, Mama. We have to learn together, remember?"

Erin sighed at her almost seven-year-old's words. She bit her lip as she stood up. She was surprised that she didn't immediately fall over. She held Jay's arm in a death grip as she tested out her skates, moving slowly over to him.

"See? Not so bad." Jay wrapped his arm around Erin's waist and kissed her forehead quickly. "You guys wanna roll around on the carpet for a minute or do you want to try the rink?"

"Rink." They answered together. Jay wasn't surprised; the Halsteads weren't the type of people to back down from a challenge.

"C'mon."

"Hold onto him." Erin said quietly to her husband.

"I will." Jay let go of Erin and grabbed one of Henry's hands. They moved a couple feet and Henry nearly fell, but Jay held him up by his arm and helped steady him. He turned to look behind him and saw that Erin was on the ground. "Hold on, Henry." He reached down to help Erin up, but she ended up just falling again because she couldn't keep her skates from rolling. He put his hands under her arms and lifted her off the ground and back onto her feet.

"I hate skating." She deadpanned.

Jay couldn't help but laugh. "I'll hold onto you too. Come on." He kept his right arm around Erin's waist and his left hand in Henry's as they slowly moved towards the rink. "It's a lot more slippery out here. Are you guys sure you don't wanna go on the carpet?"

"Nope." Henry let go of Jay's hand. He scooted his feet over to the edge of the rink and then got onto it. He made it about five feet from the edge before he fell.

Erin lurched forward to try and go to him, which made her nearly fall. Luckily, Jay still had his arm around her and he kept her on her feet.

"Henry?" she called out.

"I'm alright, Mama." He got himself back onto his feet. "Let's go!"

Jay and Erin were still on the carpet. As they got closer to the rink, he felt Erin's grip on him tighten.

"Daddy, make sure you hold onto Mama so she doesn't get hurt." Henry told him.

"I will, buddy."

Jay let go of Erin so he could go onto the rink. He reached his hand out to her, but she scooted forward until she was completely in his arms. He was surprised how scared she was of skating, until he remembered her childhood. Erin had never had the opportunity to do things like this. As a child, you were fearless and didn't mind falling down a couple times until you learned. He guessed that it was a lot scarier as an adult, knowing all the ways you could get hurt.

"Nice and slow, baby." He pulled her onto the rink. Her feet slid out from under her, but he held her up. "Come on. Slide your feet."

Jay turned around and saw that Henry was already moving around the rink. He was way ahead of them and he could see the huge smile on his face.

"He's a natural." Jay commented.

"Good for him." Erin's voice showed her lack of amusement. She grabbed onto his arm, digging her nails into his skin when she nearly fell again. "I hate this."

"Just do it for Henry. I've got you."

They moved very, very slowly around the rink. Henry came up to them after already completing his first lap.

"Daddy! Daddy, did you see me!"

As Henry came barreling towards them, Jay remembered that he hadn't had the chance to teach him how to stop. Henry went straight towards Erin, slamming into her and sending them both crashing to the ground.

"Sorry, Mama." Henry giggled as he managed to stand himself up. "Did you see me go around?"

"Yeah, you're doing so good!" Jay praised. "Wait right here so you can do a lap with us." Erin was lying flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling. "You good, babe?"

Erin didn't answer. She tried to get up, but she fell again, her butt slamming hard against the floor.

"You can do it, Mama." Henry encouraged.

"Just leave me here and go do a lap."

"Okay." Henry rolled forward.

"No." Jay reached out and grabbed Henry's shoulder, stopping him from moving. He lifted Erin off the ground again and got her onto her feet. "Slide your feet."

"I am."

"No, you're lifting them. You don't lift your feet when you skate."

"I'm trying to slide them!" Erin moved too far forward and nearly fell face first. Jay caught her.

"Mama, I'll teach you." Henry came over and held Erin's right hand.

"No, it's okay. Thank you though." Jay knew that she just wanted both hands so she could hold onto him, and his thought was confirmed a second later when she tightly gripped onto him.

"We're almost halfway." Jay informed her. "You've got this." He let go of her with his left hand, but she dug her nails into him.

"Jay Halstead, don't you dare let go of me."

"I'm not." He put his left hand back where it had been.

Erin made it another fourth of the way around the rink without falling. Henry sighed.

"Can you go faster, Mama? You're too slow!"

"She's still trying to learn, bud." Jay gently corrected his son. He knew it was Henry's birthday and he should be racing him around the rink if that's what he wanted, but he couldn't just leave Erin.

Erin ended up moving her leg over too far and it got tangled with his. They both came crashing to the ground, Jay landing on top of his wife. To make things worse, Henry turned to try and help them, but he ended up tripping and falling on top of Jay.

"Up, Henry." He commanded, trying to help his son stand up. Jay quickly moved back so he was kneeling; he knew he was a lot bigger than his wife and that he could have hurt her.

Erin grimaced as she forced herself into a sitting position. "Can I just watch you guys?"

"Are you alright?" he quickly checked her over, making sure there weren't any visible cuts or bruises. "Did I hurt you?"

"I'm okay." She took a deep breath before trying to get up. She was able to stand on her own. "Jay, did you see that? I did it!"

"Good job, babe." He hugged her to him. "Are you sure you're okay? I fell right on top of you."

"You're not as muscular as you like to think. I'm fine." She patted his chest.

"Oh really?" he flexed his arms. "I guess me and my non-muscular body will go skate with Henry…"

"No." Erin grabbed his arm and pulled on it, bringing herself over to him.

Jay laughed. "Alright, let's get you out of these skates before you break a bone."

"I'm not that bad!"

"Erin, we've been here for at least a half an hour and we still haven't completed a full lap."

"We'll make it." She looked determined as she slid her feet forward. "Come on."

Jay held onto her and they managed to make it the rest of the way around without any falls.

"Good job, Mama!" Henry reached his hand up for a high five.

"Thank you!" she high fived him. Jay gripped tightly to her waist to keep her steady. "Wanna do another lap?"

"Seriously?" Jay looked at her in surprise.

"I'm not a quitter."

"Let's go then."

It took three laps (and a _lot_ of falls) before Erin let Jay only hold onto her with one arm. Henry had gone off on his own and he was flying around the rink. He fell a few times and every single time, Erin and Jay would get worried, but he would jump right back up.

"He's got a lot of determination." Erin stated.

"That comes from you." Jay kissed her temple. "Finished yet?"

"Nope, I want to make it a lap without falling."

They skated around together (though it was at a much slower pace than everyone) and Erin didn't fall. She smiled widely at him, showing off her dimples. Jay couldn't help but give her a kiss.

"Great job."

"Thanks for holding onto me."

"Always."

"I wanna try one on my own. Go skate with Henry."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm. It's his birthday, he should have you with him. Plus I wanna see you skate backwards."

"You're really sure?"

"Uh-huh."

"Okay." Jay leaned in and gave her another kiss. He skated off to meet up with Henry.

When his son saw him, he laughed happily. "Hey Daddy! Where's Mama?"

"She's trying on her own."

Henry looked across the room. "She fell."

Jay's head snapped to the side. Erin had fallen, but she was holding onto the wall and pulling herself up. _"That's my girl."_ He thought with a smile.

"Can you go backwards?" Henry questioned.

"Let's see." Jay turned around and found out that he was still able to skate backwards. Henry laughed and tried to catch him as he continued to go backwards. They caught up with Erin.

"Show off." She said with a roll of her eyes.

"Jealous." He teased back. "Give me your hands, Henry."

Henry reached out and grabbed Jay's hands. He stared to skate backwards, pulling Henry with him.

Suddenly, he felt the ground slipping out from under him. He fell to the ground with a loud thud. Henry tripped over him and he barely managed to catch him before he bashed his head into the floor.

Jay could hear Erin laughing as she came over to them. He sat up and saw that she was laughing so hard that she had tears pouring down her cheeks. Jay started laughing too, which made Henry start laughing. Erin leaned over slightly and grabbed her stomach, making her lose her balance and fall. Luckily, she put her hands out and caught herself before her face hit the ground.

"That's what you get." Jay said smugly. He lifted Henry up before hoisting himself off the ground. He knew he would feel that fall tomorrow, so he wondered how Erin was going to feel. He rolled over to her and helped her up.

"I think we've had enough skating today." Henry commented.

"I think you're right." Jay agreed. "Wanna race to the door?"

"Yeah!" Henry took off.

Jay looked to Erin. "You good?"

She smiled. "Yeah, I'm good."

He raced after their son, losing by only a couple inches. Henry slammed hard into the wall and almost went down, but Jay lifted him up into his arms. He made it out to the carpet with Henry balanced on his hip.

"I love you, Daddy." Henry wrapped his arms around his neck. "This is the best birthday ever."

"I love you too, buddy." Jay kissed the side of his head. "How many times do you think Mama will fall before she makes it over here?"

Henry giggled. "At least one hundred."

"One hundred?" Jay looked shocked. "No, it'll be more like a million."

They stood together on the side, laughing as they saw Erin fall. She glared at them and Henry shook his head. "Go get her, Daddy."

"I'll be right back. Stay right here." Jay skated out to her. "Come on, Mrs. Halstead. Time to go." He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her with him. They made it out without any other falls.

"Mama, Daddy said you would fall a million times before you came over here!"

"Wow, way to rat me out." He joked. Erin glared at him. "Sorry, babe. Skating isn't really your thing."

Jay helped Erin and Henry get their shoes off, then took his own off. They went out to lunch and before they knew it, they had to pick up the other kids.

Later that night after the kids were in bed, Erin was changing into her pajamas. Jay turned and caught a glimpse of her back.

"Jesus, Erin." He went over to her. "You have a giant bruise on your back."

"That's not even the worst one." She pulled off her jeans, throwing them carelessly to the side. She pulled her underwear down and Jay saw that her entire left butt cheek was covered in shades of yellow and purple.

"Oh wow." He gently touched the bruises, making her yelp. "Sorry."

"I'm never going skating again." She pulled her underwear back up. She turned to face him, letting him see the various bruises that littered her arms and legs.

Jay nodded. "That's probably for the best."

The next morning, Jay grimaced when he saw Erin limp into the kitchen. The kids were chatting happily at the table as Jay made Sophia's breakfast choice- waffles and bacon.

Erin came to him. "Did Sophia tell you what she wants to do yet? If it's anything physical, I'm tapping out. I'll watch."

"She wants to go to Build-A-Bear."

"Thank God." Erin leaned her forehead against his chest. "I haven't felt this bad since I tackled that guy who was holding a gun on you that had over a hundred pounds on me and was at least six feet tall."

"I remember that." Jay kissed her forehead. "You can stay home if you want. I'll spend the day with Soph."

"No, I'm coming." She walked over to the table and sat down. "Morning, babies."

"Morning, Mama!" Connor, Emma, and Sophia all shouted, starting to talk at once. Erin focused on Henry's face, who was smiling at her sadly.

"You alright, Henry?" she questioned.

"Does your butt hurt?" she nodded. "Mine too."

Erin couldn't help but laugh, causing Henry to join in. "Roller skating was fun though."

"Yeah, but maybe you should watch next time."

"Yeah, maybe."

Jay brought breakfast over, dropping a kiss onto each of their heads as he gave them a plate. He sat between Erin and Emma.

Everyone ate quickly and then it was time to drop them off at school. Jay volunteered to take them again, knowing that Erin wasn't feeling too great. When he got back, he saw that she and Sophia were laying on the couch watching _Moana_.

"Here." Jay handed Erin a couple of Ibuprofen and a bottle of water. "Get it together, Super Mama."

"I'm trying." She took the medicine. "Can we go after the movie?"

"Yeah, Daddy. Please?"

"Of course, birthday girl." Jay smiled at Sophia's eager face. He couldn't believe that the twins would be seven tomorrow. It was crazy how old they had gotten.

Jay did some cleaning while his girls finished their movie. Sophia came running up to him in the laundry room.

"Daddy, it's over! Can we go?"

"Yeah. Get your shoes and coat on."

When he came into the living room, Erin looked a bit more like herself and she wasn't limping when she walked.

"Daddy, look. I'm wearing my best dress cause it's my birthday." She spun around, her pink ruffled dress flying around her.

He smiled. "You look beautiful, Soph. Maybe we can get you and your Build-A-Bear matching outfits."

She gasped. "Really?" she grabbed Erin's hand. "Come on, Mama, let's _go_!"

Sophia led the way out the door. They climbed into the car and Erin drove them to the mall.

When they pulled up, Sophia practically leapt out. She waited patiently for her parents to get out and then grabbed her mother's hand.

"What kind of animal do you want, Soph?" Erin wondered.

"I dunno yet, I have to look at them."

Jay held Erin's other hand as they walked around together. He listened to Sophia's happy chatter and he knew that he and Erin had done something right when it came to their kids. They were almost always happy and cheerful. They were polite and well-taken care of and everything he could have possibly asked for.

"There it is!" Sophia's excitement visibly grew as she saw the store. She started to run, dragging Erin along behind her. Jay let go of her hand so she could be pulled by their daughter.

They walked inside the brightly colored store. Sophia's mouth dropped open as she stared at all of the stuffed animals and clothes.

"Look at all of them before you choose." Erin reminded her.

The two detectives followed their daughter around the store as she carefully examined each of the stuffed animals. Jay knew that if Emma was here, she would have grabbed the first one she saw, but Sophia was a lot more careful. She liked to see every single detail and think about all of her options.

"I think I want this one." Sophia circled back around the store. She lifted up a light pink bear that had sparkles embedded in its skin.

"I like that one." Erin said.

"Me too." Jay agreed.

"Are you ready to fill up your bear?" one of the employees asked. Sophia nodded her head as the woman led them over to the machine. "Let's fill her up with cotton."

Sophia pressed down the handle, watching as her bear grew. Erin snapped pictures, laughing at the surprised expression on her daughter's face.

"Here's the heart. Give it a kiss and make a wish." Sophia kissed the tiny red heart and stuck it inside her bear. "Did you make your wish?"

"Uh-huh."

"Now you need to pick out a name. Do you have any ideas?"

"Mmhmm. Dreamy."

"That sounds like an awesome name! I'm going to print out Dreamy's birth certificate while you choose her outfit."

"What was your wish?" Jay asked once the employee had walked away.

"I can't tell you or it won't come true!"

"That rule doesn't count for parents. You can tell us."

Sophia smiled. "I wished that all the Halsteads will always be happy and love each other."

Erin poked Sophia's dimple on her right cheek. "That's really good, Soph. Why don't you pick out an outfit?"

Sophia went over to the clothes section. Jay looked at his wife. "No matter how the other three turn out, we did something right with that one."

"She's pretty perfect." Erin agreed.

Sophia's eyes lit up as she found multiple outfits that she loved. Finally, she came over to her parents with empty hands.

"I don't know what to get."

"Pick whatever you like." Erin said.

"But Daddy said I could get a matching outfit, but I really like this one too." She led them to the rack where they saw a pink skirt, a white shirt with rainbow polka dots, and pink rainboots.

"Get both." Jay told her.

"Thank you, Daddy!" Sophia threw her arms around him and gave him a tight hug. She grabbed the outfit, then went over and chose a matching pajama set for her and her bear. Erin found her size and handed it to her right as the employee came over with the birth certificate.

"There you go! I can check you out at the register." Jay paid for everything, smiling as he saw Sophia's dimpled smile. It was so easy to make her happy. "Happy birthday, Dreamy!"

They walked out of the store. "Mama, did you hear that?" Sophia practically whispered.

"Hear what?"

"Today's Dreamy's birthday! It's almost the same as mine!"

Erin smiled. "That is pretty cool."

"When I get home, can I put on my pajamas?"

"You can do whatever you want, Princess." Jay scooped her up. "This is your special day."

"It's the best day ever." She hugged him tightly. As Jay's eyes met Erin's he knew that she was thinking the same thing as him.

They had the most amazing kids ever.

 **St. Patrick's Day**

"Kiss me, I'm Irish!" Sophia yelled as she ran up to Erin in the kitchen.

Erin lifted her up and kissed her. She sat her down on the counter next to where she was making everyone's toast. "Happy St. Patrick's Day."

"Mama, I don't have any green bows."

"Yes you do." She grabbed her purse and pulled out a brand-new pack of green bows. "Daddy and I stopped at the store yesterday and got you these."

"Yay! Thank you!" she hugged her tightly. As Erin hugged her back, she felt a sharp pain in her leg. She turned around.

"You're not wearing green, Mama." Connor told her with a giggle.

Erin just smiled at him and turned back around. Both of her kids were wearing green shirts- Connor's was white with a four-leaf clover on it, and Sophia's was green and said, "Kiss Me, I'm Irish" in black letters.

"Toast is ready, get to the table." She told her kids. Erin lifted Sophia down from the counter and then brought over a plate for each of them. She started to smear butter and jelly on them when she heard more footsteps coming from upstairs.

"Hi, Mama." Henry greeted her before going to his spot at the table. His shirt was black and said, "Happy St. Patrick's Day" in green letters. Emma was right behind him with a white shirt with little green four-leaf clovers all over it.

"Hey, baby." She kissed his forehead as she handed him his toast.

Erin went back over to the counter to clean up her mess. She felt a sharp pain in her butt and turned around, glaring at Jay as he pinched her butt.

"Where's your green?"

"Don't pinch me." She reached out to pinch him back, but he caught her hand. He pulled her closer to him until their foreheads were touching.

"Kiss me, I'm Irish."

Erin leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Happy?"

"Very." He pulled her in for another kiss. They heard a noise from the table and when they both turned, Connor and Emma were pretending they were throwing up.

Jay rolled his eyes. "I will kiss your mother whenever I want to." He gave her another kiss to emphasize his point.

"Ewww!" all four of the kids yelled.

"How do they think they got here?" Jay whispered. Erin punched his arm with a laugh before going to finish getting ready.

They finally loaded the kids into the car and drove to their school. Jay was driving, so Erin ran them inside. She was happy to see that, for once, they were actually on time.

They got to the district and walked in. Before anyone could even get near her, Erin looked around. "I'm not wearing green. Do not pinch me unless you want a black eye."

Jay laughed. "Sorry, guys. She's not really in the holiday spirit today."

"I'm not Irish. I honestly don't even know what St. Patrick's Day is about."

"Green, food, and beer." Ruzek informed her.

Antonio rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I don't think so, Ruz." He looked to Jay and Erin. "Are you guys taking the kids to the parade?"

"We might." Jay agreed. "They were all pretty excited about St. Patrick's Day this year. It might be cool to take them to see the river get dyed too." Every year on St. Patrick's Day, the Chicago River was dyed green. They had taken Connor when he was a baby, but it was usually too cold to go any other year. Now that they were a little older, it might be more fun.

"We'll see how they feel when they get out of school." Erin told her husband. He nodded his head.

The day went pretty quickly. They were able to wrap up a case they had been working on since last week, so they had a lot to do.

Erin walked into Hank's office. "Hey, do you care if I bring the kids here after school?"

"No, of course not. I would love to see my grandkids."

"Make sure you have something green on. They pinch pretty hard."

Hank smiled. "You're a great mom, you know."

"Thank you." Erin walked over to Jay's desk. "I'm going to pick up the kids."

"M'kay." He glanced at his phone. "Will texted me earlier. He said that Natalie is making my grandmother's corned beef and cabbage recipe, and that they're going to go to the church service."

"Is that something you want to go to?"

Jay shrugged. "I don't know. It's been a long time since I've been to church."

"You're the one who's Irish, babe. If that's how you want to spend St. Patrick's Day, that's what we'll do."

"Really?"

"Really." She leaned forward and kissed him quickly. "I'll be back in a little bit." As she walked, she felt his hand reach out. She slapped it away. "I told you to stop pinching me!"

When Erin arrived at the school, her kids were all still in a great mood. Emma described how a leprechaun had destroyed her classroom and left them a pot of gold filled with candy.

"Where's Daddy?" Sophia wondered.

"He's at work. We're going to meet him there."

"Yes!" all four kids cheered. They loved going to the police station.

When they pulled up, they all jumped out of the car, but waited patiently for their mother to tell them to walk, just light they had been taught. She grabbed Emma's and Sophia's hands and led them inside.

"Well look who it is! The Halsteads!" Platt came around from the desk to see them.

"Hi, Trudy!" they all greeted.

"I see you all have your green on." She eyed Erin. "Except you."

"I don't own green."

"Did you all pinch your mom?"

As soon as she said it, all four kids got big smiles on their faces and ran forward to pinch her. She looked up and saw Jay coming down the stairs.

"Excuse me, hands off my wife." He jokingly told them.

"DADDY!" they all ran to him. Erin rolled her eyes; they had just seen him that morning, so she didn't know why they were acting like it had been years.

"Come on, let's go see everyone. I know Papa was waiting for you."

They ran up the stairs. Jay put his palm on the scanner and the door opened. The kids ran inside, immediately going to their Papa Hank's office.

"Well if it isn't my favorite little leprechauns." He gave them all hugs.

"Papa Hank, do you like my shirt? It says, 'Kiss me, I'm Irish'!" Sophia announced.

"Of course." He leaned in and kissed Sophia's cheek. "Let's see the rest of your shirts."

As Hank talked to the kids, Jay sat in his chair and Erin sat on his desk. "Did you decide what you want to do?"

"I would like to go to church and have dinner with Will and Nat, but I also want them to see the river."

"Then we'll do all three. What time is the service?"

"7pm."

"Are they wanting to do dinner before or after?"

"Before, I think."

"Finish your paperwork so we have time to go to the river."

Erin turned just in time to see Emma sneaking up behind Atwater. She reached up and pinched his leg.

"Ah!" Atwater flinched, turning around. "Wow, Emmy. You're gonna do me like that?"

"Sorry, Kev!" she laughed. Emma ran over to Ruzek's desk.

"No way, kid. I have on a green shirt." Ruzek told her, pointing to his green and black plaid shirt.

"I know. I just wanna sit with you."

Ruzek lifted her up to sit on his lap. She immediately cuddled into him and Erin smiled at the happy look on his face. She grabbed her phone and took a picture.

"Send that to me." Burgess told her.

"I will."

"I'm done." Jay logged off of his computer. "Halsteads, let's go!"

Hank brought the older three kids out of his office. "What are your plans for the evening?"

"River, dinner with Will and Natalie, and then church." Jay answered. "Do you wanna join us?"

Erin wasn't completely surprised that Jay invited her pseudo-father. He understood that Erin and their kids, and now him, were the only family Hank really had.

"Papa Hank, please come." Connor said.

"Please?" Sophia gave him the puppy dog eyes and dimples. Erin smirked; it worked every single time.

Hank smiled. "Let me grab my coat. All the rest of you, get out of here. We'll finish up tomorrow."

"You don't gotta tell me twice." Ruzek leapt out of his chair, still holding Emma in his arms. "Kim, let's go before he changes his mind."

"Adam, will you come with us too?" Emma asked.

"Kim and I are going to get our kids and take them to the river. Maybe we can all meet up."

"Yeah, definitely." Erin agreed. "Anyone else want to go?"

Antonio shrugged. "I have Diego tonight. I'm sure he wouldn't mind going."

Atwater put his coat on. "I have nothing better to do."

"What about you, Al?" Erin questioned.

"I don't know. I might just go home."

"Nope, you're coming." Erin decided for him.

They all decided where to meet and then got ready to go. Erin looked to Jay as they walked out with the kids.

"Should we stop at home and get them more layered up? It's getting cold out."

"Good idea."

After a quick stop home, they finally arrived at the river. Jay pulled into his parking spot and turned to look at the kids.

"There will be a lot of people here. Because of that, you need to make sure that you stay with Mama and I. We don't want you to get lost or hurt."

"Okay, Daddy."

"Come on."

They all got out of the car. Jay hoisted Emma up and grabbed Connor's hand, leaving Erin to hold Sophia's and Henry's hands. Erin led the way.

"There's Papa!" Henry pointed towards the older man. He tried to run, but Erin gripped his hand tighter.

"No running off, remember?"

"Sorry, Mama."

They made it over to Hank and Henry let go of his mother to hold onto his grandpa instead. Erin noticed that Atwater, Diego, Al, and Antonio were standing nearby.

"We're here!" Burgess and Ruzek came over. 14-year-old Maddie and 15-year-old Gavin immediately came over to hug Erin. Burgess held 4-year-old Adam Jr., and Ruzek held 3-year-old Norah. They had adopted the two younger kids as babies, and they had decided that four was enough for them.

"Hey guys." Erin kissed Maddie's forehead, then Gavin's. They were both taller than her now; it was crazy how quickly they had grown up.

"Maddie!" Emma called out.

"Sorry, Erin. I've gotta go get my girl." Maddie moved away from Erin and grabbed Emma from Jay's arms. "Hey, Ems!"

"I missed you!" Emma hugged her tightly. Maddie and Emma had always had a close bond, and the little girl absolutely adored her older "cousin".

"There's Will and Natalie." Jay pointed out. The last couple finally joined them. 11-year old Owen was next to Will, who was holding 3-year-old Julian. Natalie had a hand resting on her expanded stomach; she was pregnant with their third child, and they were finally having a girl.

"Hey guys." Will came over and gave Jay a hug, then Erin.

"Alright, let's go." Erin did a quick scan to find her kids. Maddie was still holding Emma, Hank had Henry, she was holding Sophia's hand, and Connor had run over to Owen. She didn't exactly love that Connor wasn't with an adult, but she knew that Natalie would keep an eye on him.

They all started to walk together towards the river. There were a lot of people and it was hard to move around. She felt a hand on her back and she knew without turning around that it was Jay.

Sophia moved closer to her, not really loving the fact that random people were bumping into her. Erin leaned down and lifted her up, resting her on her hip as she continued walking.

"Mama, I don't like all these people." Sophia told her.

"I know, Soph. We're almost there."

As they were walking, a man stumbled into her, nearly knocking her down. He was obviously drunk.

"Hey, watch it." Jay pushed him back a step. "There are kids here."

The guy looked like he was about to start a fight. Erin grabbed Jay's hand and pulled him along. "It's not worth it."

"Daddy!" Sophia reached out to Jay. He took her from Erin, then grabbed his wife's hand. Luckily, it only took them another minute to teach the river.

"Do you see the water?" Jay asked.

"No."

He lifted Sophia up so she could sit on his shoulders. "Why is it green?"

"For St. Patrick's Day. They use special dye."

"Wow. That's a lot of dye." Sophia continued to look out at the water.

Erin scanned the area again for her kids. Gavin was holding Maddie now, Hank still had Henry…where was Connor?

"Mama?" she turned around and saw Connor standing behind her. She pulled him towards her. "I can't see."

"Come on, let's see if we can get closer." She grabbed his hand and looked to Jay, who seemed to know what she was doing. He nodded, showing that he understood. She led Connor up until they made it to the edge.

He stared out at the water in amazement. "That's so cool!"

"You know, Daddy and I brought you here when you were a tiny little baby. You were only a month old."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm. I have pictures somewhere, I'll have to find them when we get home."

They stayed for a little while longer, talking to everyone and looking around. Finally, it was time to go. They all started to say their goodbyes.

"Are we going home now?" Emma asked as Maddie handed her over to Erin.

"No, we're going to Aunt Nat and Uncle Will's. Papa's coming too."

"Okay."

"Can I ride with Papa?" Connor wondered.

"Me too!" Henry agreed.

"That's fine." Erin allowed.

They finished saying goodbye to everyone and then Erin and Jay brought the girls back to their car. Jay glanced over at his wife.

"How do you think that went?"

"It was alright. The crowds were horrible."

"I know. I can't imagine if only the two of us tried to take the kids. We would have lost someone for sure."

"Maybe next year, we can do the parade instead."

It wasn't a far drive to Will and Natalie's. The three cars pulled up at the same time and they all walked in together.

"Everything is almost finished." Natalie told them.

"Can I help you with anything?" Jay questioned.

"Yeah, I could definitely use some help."

Erin stood next to Will. "So, how's everything with you guys?"

"We're good. We're just trying to get everything ready for the new baby." They both looked over to where Hank was sitting on the floor with the kids, helping them set up a game. "You know, days like this are amazing to me. I can't believe how far Jay has come."

"He's pretty great."

"If you had known Jay growing up, you would have never imagined that this is how he would turn out. After Mom died, he was so angry. I would get nervous every time my phone rang, thinking that it was someone calling to tell me Jay had been killed. He was reckless and careless. But now, he's got his life together. He has a good job, he married a great woman, and he has four beautiful kids. It's crazy."

"That was all Jay. He had straightened up by the time I came into the picture."

"No, not completely." Will shook his head. "You changed him for the better, Erin. Back then, I would have never imagined that my brother would be in the kitchen helping my wife with dinner, but now we're here." He smiled at her. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, I guess."

"Everything's ready!" Natalie announced. They all moved into the dining room. "Sorry we don't have a huge table, we don't really have guests that often."

"It's fine, Nat. Everything looks good." Erin reassured her.

The food was passed out to everyone. Jay looked to his kids. "This was your great-grandma's recipe. Uncle Will and I used to eat this every year on St. Patrick's Day when we were growing up."

After learning that, all of the kids were a little more eager to try it. Everyone dug in.

Jay and Will smiled at each other from across the table. Natalie noticed the exchange. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Nope. It tastes just like Grandma Halstead's recipe." Will informed her.

"It's great, Natalie." Jay agreed.

As they all ate, Erin studied Hank. It had been a while since she had seen him smile so much. She really needed to start having him over for dinner more, or taking the kids over to his house for dinner. She didn't want him to be lonely.

Erin and Will were given the task of cleaning up since Natalie had cooked the meal and Jay had helped. They washed all of the dishes and found everyone sitting in the living room.

"We need to get going if we're going to make it to the church on time." Jay reminded them.

After everyone had their coats and shoes on, they went out into the cold. Erin shivered as Jay wrapped an arm around her. There was a church around the corner, so they had decided to walk.

"Thank you for today." Jay told her.

"What do you mean?"

"St. Patrick's Day used to be pretty important to my family. Thank you for letting me celebrate it the way that I did growing up."

"I want to know your family traditions, Jay. It's important that we teach them to our kids so that they understand their family and where it came from. You don't ever have to thank me for helping you show our kids something your family did."

Jay just leaned over and kissed her. Erin may not have been big on holidays, but she would make sure from now on that St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in their home.

 **Erin's Birthday- April 11** **th** **(Sunday)**

When Erin woke up, the sun was already up. It felt like it had been years since she had slept in, so she was a little confused. She glanced over at the clock and saw that it was 9:43am.

She sat up quickly. The bed was empty, and she didn't hear the kids. Where was her family?

Erin rolled out of bed, stretching her arms high above her head. She hadn't felt so rested since Connor was born eight years ago. She went to the bathroom and then walked downstairs.

She was surprised to see a large banner stretched across the dining room that said, 'Happy Birthday'. She smiled.

"SURPRISE!"

Erin nearly had a heart attack as Jay and all four of the kids jumped up from behind the kitchen counter. She was shocked they had been quiet enough to actually scare her.

"Happy birthday, Mama!" suddenly, she was being attacked with hugs and kisses. She hugged each of the kids and thanked them.

"Happy birthday, gorgeous." Jay pulled her into his arms and planted a kiss on her lips.

"Thank you." She leaned into his chest. "What is all this?"

"It's your birthday party!" Sophia informed her. "Daddy said that you don't like parties, so we made our own for you."

"Thank you, guys! This is so great!"

"Daddy made us breakfast." Henry added. "Can we eat now?"

"Yep. Everyone get to the table."

The kids all scrambled to the table. Erin laughed; it had clearly been a while since they woke up if they were this hungry. She went over to her husband and wrapped her arms around him from behind.

"Thank you for letting me sleep in." she kissed his shoulder.

"Anything for you, birthday girl. Go sit down so I can serve you your breakfast."

Erin did as he said. Jay brought over French Toast and bacon (Erin's favorite) for everyone. Then, he brought over a coffee cake and a pack of candles.

"What's that?" Emma said, her nose wrinkling in disgust.

"It's coffee cake."

"I don't like coffee."

"It's not actually made of coffee, Em. Mama doesn't really like cake, so we're going to have this instead. You'll like it, I promise." Jay grabbed the candles. "I don't know if I'll have enough."

"Shut up." Erin glared at him.

"Well, you are getting older."

"You're older than I am!"

Jay just laughed and started to stick candles into the cake. He lit them and they all sang happy birthday. Jay snapped pictures as Erin blew out her candles.

As the room quieted down while everyone ate, Erin started to get sad. Her birthday would always represent the day that Nadia died. Today would be 12 years since she lost her friend.

"I love you." Jay told her quietly, grabbing her hand. How did he always know exactly what she was thinking?

"Love you too." She whispered. She shook her head; she needed to be happy today, at least for the kids. She could be upset later.

"Mama, what do you wanna do for your birthday?" Connor wondered.

"All I want is to lay around and watch TV with my babies."

"That's boring!"

"It's Mama's birthday. If that's what she wants to do, then that's what we're going to do."

"I would also really like to go to dinner. We can get all dressed up and go out to eat together."

"Yay!" Sophia cheered. The boys and Emma were less enthusiastic about getting dressed up, but they were excited to go to dinner.

"Alright, all of you need baths today. Connor, why don't you go up and get in the shower?" Erin suggested.

"Okay." He put his plate in the sink and ran upstairs.

Erin got up to take her own plate, but Jay stood and took it from her. "I'll handle the cleaning up. You just go relax."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep."

Connor came back downstairs holding something behind his back. Erin eyed him curiously. "What do you have, Connor?"

"It's for you!" he handed her an envelope. Erin opened it up and saw homemade cards from each of her kids. Connor's said, "Happy Birthday Mama! I love you" and had a bunch of hearts on it. Henry's said, "Happy Birthday! You are pretty Mama" and had a picture of the two of them. Sophia's had every color in the rainbow on it and it said, "You are the best Mama ever I love you". Emma's said, "Happy Birthday, Mama. You are nice and beautiful and you are my favorite Mama", which she noticed was in Jay's handwriting.

"Thank you, guys! These are beautiful." She gave them each a hug and a kiss.

"I'm going to take a shower now." Connor went upstairs.

"What movie are we gonna watch?" Henry wondered.

"How about _The Lion King_?" Erin questioned. She knew that she couldn't pick an adult movie and expect the kids to sit with her and watch it, and _The Lion King_ had always been one of her favorites.

"Yes!" Henry, Sophia, and Emma raced into the living room.

Before Erin could join them, Jay blocked her path. "Do you want your present?"

"Yes please."

Jay opened up the kitchen cabinet above the refrigerator that only he was tall enough to reach. He handed her a card and a blue gift bag.

Erin opened the card first. She read the words that had been already printed on it, and then what Jay had written on the inside.

 _Baby,_

 _Happy Birthday! You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you have made me into a better man. Thank you for marrying me and giving me the life I never dreamed of having. Thank you for our four beautiful babies, and for always standing by me. You are absolutely perfect, Erin, and I hope you never forget how much I love you. You deserve the world, and I will spend the rest of my life giving it to you._

 _Jay_

Erin gave him a hug. "Thank you. I love you." She tilted her head up and puckered her lips slightly. He leaned down to give her a kiss. When he saw that the kids were busy choosing where to sit and grabbing their blankets, he gave her another, letting this one last a little longer.

"Love you too." He handed her the bag. "Open it."

Erin pulled out a black picture frame. On the inside, it said important dates in large font, and what they meant in smaller font underneath. It had the day they first met in Intelligence, the day they got engaged, their wedding date, and the days of the kids' birthdays and their names. At the bottom, it said "What a difference a day makes".

She smiled. "It's perfect. I can hang it in our bedroom. Thank you."

"Mmhmm. There's one more thing."

She pulled out a little black box. She opened it up and saw a necklace that said, "Halstead" in silver letters with little diamonds.

"You may not get to go by my last name all the time, but now, people will know that you're mine."

"Thank you." She turned around so he could put it around her neck. "It's beautiful."

"Mama, come on!" Sophia called from the living room.

"I have one more gift for you, but I'll show you later."

Erin shook her head. "This is enough, Jay. Really, you shouldn't have even done this."

"Well it's not something I can take back, so you'll just have to accept it."

She smiled. "You're insane."

"Insanely in love with you."

She rolled her eyes. "Cheesy." She went into the living room to start the movie. She sat down in the spot the kids directed her to. She had one of the twins on either of her sides. Emma was on the loveseat and Jay came over and sat next to her, letting her cuddle into him. Connor came down and sat on Henry's other side and they all watch their movie together.

Jay pulled into the parking lot of Erin's favorite Italian restaurant. He was wearing dress pants and a blue button down, while Erin had chosen a red dress. The boys were dressed similarly to their father with Connor in blue and Henry in light purple. Sophia was wearing a pink fluffy dress, while Emma had chosen a more toned down blue one. Emma had even let Erin put a bow in her hair.

They walked into the restaurant and the hostess smiled. "Name?"

"Halstead."

"Right this way." The woman led them through the restaurant. She took them to a private room. "You'll be in here."

"Thank you." Erin reached out to open the door.

"SURPRISE!"

Erin was shocked to see everyone from Intelligence and their families sitting in the large room. Jay came up behind her.

"Surprised you again." He whispered in her ear.

Erin walked in and was immediately pulled into a hug by Atwater. Everyone took their turns greeting her with a hug and telling her happy birthday. She was shocked to see her brother was among the guests.

"Teddy! What are you doing here?" she gave him a big hug.

"Couldn't miss my big sister's birthday." He kissed her cheek. "You've got a pretty great husband if he organized all this."

"He's the best." She agreed. Erin took her seat next to Teddy. "How's New York? Tell me everything."

"It's good, my job's good, school's going well. I couldn't be happier." He smiled. "Well, unless I got to see you and my nieces and nephews every day."

"Hi, Uncle Teddy!" Emma greeted. She ran over to him and climbed onto his lap. Emma was rarely shy, so Erin was surprised that she had so eagerly said hello to her uncle, even if she didn't see him very often.

As Erin looked around the room, she was proud to call these people her family. Hank, Antonio and his kids and Brett, Burgess and Ruzek and their kids, Natalie and Will and their kids, Atwater and his siblings, Al and his daughters, Gabby and Casey and their daughter, Teddy, Olive and Daniel, Platt, and obviously Jay and their children. She knew that she could depend on them and, even more importantly, that her children would always have plenty of people in their lives.

As dinner went on and everyone continued to chat, Erin went over to Jay. He turned his body so that she could sit on his lap and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Having fun?" he asked as he kissed her shoulder and then rested his chin on it.

"Mmhmm. Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me."

"I'm glad you like it. I wasn't sure how you would react."

"I love it and I'm so happy to see everyone. How did you get Teddy to come?"

"I told him I was having a party for you. It didn't take any convincing; he wanted to be here." He kissed her cheek. "I'm just happy you're happy."

"So, what's my other present?"

Jay smirked. "You'll see later."

"You're making me a little nervous."

"Don't be." He leaned up and kissed her.

"Alright, love birds. There are kids here!" Ruzek shouted.

"It's my birthday. I can kiss my husband if I want to." Erin argued, though she did pull slightly away. Jay wrapped his arms tighter around her and pulled her closer to him.

"Do you need us to take the kids for you tonight?" Burgess joked.

"Nah, we'll keep 'em."

After that, everyone started to say their goodbyes. Erin hugged and thanked everyone. By the time she was finished, it was nearly 9pm. She knew they had to get the kids home and into bed because they had school the next day.

The drive home was pretty quiet and when they walked in, the kids immediately went to their rooms.

"Boys or girls?" Jay asked.

"I'll take the girls."

They divided and went into the separate rooms to help the kids get into their pajamas and read them their nightly stories. By the time Erin finished the book, the girls were already asleep. She gave them each a kiss and then went to the boys' room. She saw that Jay was finishing up their story.

"Night, Mama." Connor said.

"Goodnight." She gave him a hug and kiss, then repeated her actions with Henry. Jay did the same, then went across the hall to give the girls a kiss. After the kids were all tucked in, they walked into their room.

"Ready for your present?"

"Yes!"

"Sit on the bed." Erin did as he said. "Promise you won't be mad?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"Just promise me."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to promise you when I don't know what it is."

Jay stared at her for a moment. Then, he reached down and pulled his t-shirt off. There, over his heart, was black writing.

Erin jumped up from the bed and went over to him. She saw, "Erin" written on his chest in black cursive. She started laughing.

"That's not real."

"It is."

"No." she reached out and touched it, noticing that it didn't come off. "Jay, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"You got my name tattooed on your chest?"

"Not just my chest. Over my heart." He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I gave you that necklace so that people would know you're mine. I wanted to get something so people would know that I'm yours." He shrugged. "Plus, I was a little drunk."

"Oh my God." Erin laughed again. "I can't believe you have my name tattooed on you."

"Ruzek and Will got one too."

"Did they get 'Kim' and 'Natalie'?"

He snorted. "It wasn't anything that sentimental."

Erin couldn't stop laughing. "You got a tattoo as a birthday present to me."

"Do you like it?"

She finally calmed down. "I don't hate it. I'll have to get used to it thought." She reached out and traced the letters. "You know tattoos are permanent, right?"

"So is our relationship, so it's not like I'll ever regret it."

Erin held onto his shoulders and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. "You have no idea how much I love you."

"Not as much as I love you." Jay lifted her up and carried her over to their bed. He laid down and she cuddled into him.

Erin smiled. This had been one of her best birthdays yet.

 **Easter**

Erin and Jay sat on the couch together, each of them with a cup of coffee in their hands. There were four Easter baskets sitting on the dining room table, waiting to be opened. Erin leaned her back against Jay's chest.

"The kids don't need baths, do they?"

He kissed the top of her head. "Nope, they had showers yesterday morning. They should be alright." They could both hear footsteps upstairs. "Here they come."

Sophia was the first one down. Henry was close behind her, followed by Connor, and finally Emma. The youngest did _not_ look happy to be awake. Her light brown hair was sticking up everywhere and she was pouting.

"Happy Easter." Erin called from her spot on the couch.

Emma stomped over to her parents and held her arms out to her mother. Erin lifted her up and she cuddled into her chest. Erin's heart melted; Emma would be five next month, and as she had gotten older, she had gotten less cuddly. She was a lot more independent now, so it was rare that she wanted to be cuddled up with one of her parents, so she always took advantage of it.

"Don't you want to look at what the Easter bunny brought you?"

Emma shook her head. "I'm tired, Mama."

"It's alright." Erin kissed her cheek. She turned her head slightly to look at her husband. "Will you take pictures of them?"

"Yep." He carefully moved out from behind her. Erin scooted back so her back rested against the arm of the couch.

Each of the kids had a different colored Easter basket with the first letter of their name on it in white. Connor's was blue, Henry's was green, Sophia's was pink, and Emma's was purple. The older three brought theirs over so Erin could see what they got, and Sophia grabbed Emma's.

"Here, Emmy. Look at what you got!" Sophia put the basket in front of her little sister. "Mama, look. A jump rope, chalk, and a new dance leo!"

"That's pretty cool, Soph."

"I got a new videogame!" Connor held up a soccer game for his Xbox. Jay had picked it out and Erin had tried to talk him out of it, but he refused.

"I got a new bat!" Henry grabbed his baseball bat and pretended like he was going to swing it, but Jay grabbed it out of his hand.

"No bats in the house." He scolded.

"Sorry, Daddy."

Jay turned to his youngest. "What did you get, Em?"

Emma reached into her basket. A smile lit up her face as she pulled out bubbles, chalk, and a soccer ball. "Connor, look! I got a soccer ball!"

"That's cool, Emma! Maybe we can bring it to Papa Hank's today and play!"

"You can." Erin permitted. She glanced over at the clock. It was a little after nine, and they agreed to be at Hank's by 10:30am. "Alright, you can each have one piece of your candy and turn on a show."

Jay took a picture of Erin and Emma, then reached his hand out to help his wife up. "Are you showering?"

"Yep. You good?"

"Yeah. Don't use all the hot water."

"I won't."

Erin showered quickly. As she started to put her makeup on, Jay came into the bathroom and got in the shower.

"What are Will and Natalie doing today?"

"Going to see Owen's grandma." Though Owen called Will 'Dad', he knew that he had a biological father who passed away before he was born. Natalie still took him over to see her pretty often, and Julian even called her 'Grandma'.

"That's good."

"Are Olive and Daniel going to be at Hank's?"

"Nope. She's visiting with her family. I know Hank's kind of upset about it, but I don't blame her for it." She stared into the mirror as she put on her mascara. Jay turned off the shower and grabbed a towel, drying himself off. He wrapped his towel around his waist before coming over to her. "What are you wearing?"

"Grey button down and jeans. You?"

"Jeans, the dark green sweater on the bed, and some nude colored boots with a heel."

"Gorgeous." He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, being careful not to smudge her makeup. She smiled at him in the mirror and he went into the bedroom to get dressed.

"Check on the kids when you're dressed, please!"

"Already on it, babe." He had pulled on his jeans and wife beater and was walking out of the room.

Erin finished her makeup and then blow dried her hair. After that was done with, she got dressed. She walked down the hall to the boys' room to make sure they were getting ready.

They were putting the kids in dress clothes for Easter. It had always been Hank and Camille's rule that you had to wear your Sunday best, and though Erin was wearing jeans, she wanted Hank to see that she had made the effort to keep that tradition going with her kids.

Jay was kneeling on the floor and buttoning up Henry's shirt. Henry was in light blue and Connor wore a light gray. They both had on black dress pants, black dress shoes, and little black bowties.

"You guys look adorable." Erin gushed from the doorway. Henry smiled proudly up at him mom, but Connor didn't look as amused.

"Let's fix your hair, guys." Jay ordered. "Come to the bathroom." Connor and Henry walked past her without a word, but Jay stopped and smiled down at her. "You look beautiful, Erin."

"You don't look too bad yourself." She leaned up on her toes to press a quick kiss to her lips. "Are the girls getting ready?"

"Yep." He stepped out of her embrace and went to help the boys. She went to the girls' room.

Sophia had already put on her dress and she was spinning around the room. Her dress was white and fluffy with dark and light pink flowers all over it. She had on white pantyhose and black dress shoes.

Emma was struggling to get into her dress. Erin knew that her youngest didn't love dresses nearly as much as her older sister, but she would wear them occasionally. She hoped today was one of the days where she was in the mood because she didn't feel like arguing with her.

Erin pulled the dress down over Emma's head. Her dress wasn't as fluffy as Sophia's, but it did fly out a little bit if she twirled. It was light purple with a white ribbon around the middle. Erin tied it into a bow and then grabbed her pantyhose. She helped her slide them onto her legs, and then buckled her dress shoes.

"You girls look gorgeous." Erin complimented them.

"Thank you." They replied in unison.

"Let's get your hair ready. Soph, what would you like?"

"Pigtails!"

Erin grabbed Sophia's brush and got to work at taming her long, dark curls. She had the thickest hair and she was the only one with curly hair, both of which had been inherited from Jay. Luckily, she wasn't tender headed, so it wasn't too bad to brush. Erin pulled her hair into two pigtails on the sides of her head and then added pink bows to each one.

Emma was next. Her light brown hair wasn't as thick or long as Sophia's, so it was definitely easier to brush. "How do you want your hair, Em?"

"I dunno."

Erin chose to part the top of her hair into two little pigtails, but left the rest of her hair down. "Will you wear a bow today?"

"Mama." Emma groaned.

"Please? It would look so pretty with your dress."

"Look, Emmy! You could wear this one." Sophia dug through her large container of bows until she found two white bows with purple flowers.

"Fine." Emma gave in. Erin clipped the bows into her hair and smiled at how beautiful her girls looked.

"Let me take your picture." She pulled her phone out. Sophia immediately hugged Emma and gave her a big, dimpled smile. "C'mon, Emmy. Smile."

Emma smiled and Erin snapped the picture before she could change her facial expression. She got individual pictures of both of them. "Alright, go sit in the living room. No running around, okay? I don't want you to mess up your outfits."

"Okay."

She nearly ran over Connor in the hallway. She stopped him and took his picture, then grabbed Henry when he came out of the bathroom and got his too. "Go downstairs with your sisters. Don't mess up your clothes."

Erin went through the upstairs and turned all the lights off. She went downstairs and saw that her family was standing near the front door, all wearing their coats and shoes. She smiled.

"You all look so good! I need a picture."

"Come here." Jay grabbed her phone. They all gathered together and Jay took a picture of them. "God, we're a good looking family."

"Let's go before Papa Hank starts to think we're not coming." Erin said. "Emma, let Daddy carry you."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to get dirty."

Jay scooped Emma into his arms. She held the door open for everyone, then locked it behind them. They walked down the stairs and over to the car.

Jay drove them to Voight's house and they made it there at 10:42. Technically, they were late, but that was really good timing for them.

"There's a big puddle outside the door, let Daddy lift you out." Erin told the kids. Jay lifted Connor out first, then Sophia, then Henry, and finally Emma, who he kept in his arms. They all walked up to the house together. Hank had the door opened by the time they made it to the porch.

"Well look who it is. You all clean up nicely." Even Hank was wearing dress pants and a button down shirt. Erin held in a laugh when she saw that his shirt was gray; it was funny to see her father and husband dressed almost identically.

Jay put Emma down and the kids all ran into the house. He looked to Erin. "I can't believe you got Emma to wear bows in her hair."

"I don't think they'll last. I'm surprised she didn't take them out in the car."

"Breakfast is ready. Sit down at the table." Hank announced.

Erin shook her head as she passed the living room, seeing four pairs of shoes already taken off. She wasn't surprised by that at all. She knew the boys' ties and Emma's bows would be next.

Hank had made toast, scrambled eggs, ham, sausage, bacon, biscuits, pancakes, and muffins. The kids were ecstatic and immediately dug in. They told their grandpa all about what the Easter bunny had brought for them.

"Papa, did you see the Easter bunny when he was hiding the eggs in your yard?" Henry wondered.

"Of course I did."

All of their eyes widened. "What did he look like?" Sophia asked.

"He was big and white and he was wearing a pink bowtie."

"That's just like the one we saw at the mall!" Connor whispered (loudly) to his siblings. "Hurry up so we can go do our Easter egg hunt!"

The kids practically shoveled food into their mouths. Jay shook his head. "You all better slow down or you're going to be sick and then you can't go outside."

"Come _on_ , Mama! You're being so slow! Eat faster!" Connor complained. "I wanna go outside!"

"Excuse me? I know you don't think you're going to get away with talking to her like that. Apologize." Jay chastised.

Connor sighed. "Sorry, Mama."

"Lose the attitude, Connor William."

"I'm sorry! I'm just really excited and I want to know what the Easter bunny brought!"

"I know you are, baby. We'll go out in a few minutes." Erin promised.

"Can we look out the window?"

"Nope. No cheating."

Finally, it was time for the Easter egg hunt. Hank had hidden 100 eggs throughout his fenced in backyard. He passed out a grocery bag to each of the kids.

"Alright. 3…2…1…GO!" Jay shouted. The Halstead kids busted through the backdoor and into the yard, running around to find eggs.

"I'm going to help Emma." Hank announced as he went to his youngest grandchild.

Jay and Erin sat on the stairs to the back porch and took pictures. They both laughed as Connor tried to jump up to reach an egg hidden on a tree branch, and then Hank came over and lifted Emma up so she could grab the egg. After a couple minutes, they couldn't find anymore.

"Come over and count them." Erin instructed. Each of the kids sat down and dumped their eggs out and started to count, though Hank had to help Emma. Connor had 29, Henry had 23, Sophia had 24, and Emma had 30.

"That's not fair!" Connor complained. "Papa helped Emma."

"Emma's littler than you. She needed help." Erin defended.

"The Easter bunny told me that there was a special golden egg. Who found it?" Hank wondered.

Each of the kids scrambled to search their pile of eggs for the golden egg. Sophia jumped up. "I have it!"

"Open it up and see what's inside." Jay told her.

Sophia opened the egg. "It's ten dollars!" she jumped up and down excitedly.

"No fair." Connor and Henry said at the same time.

"Boys, you know better than to be sore losers. You both have a lot of eggs with good stuff inside."

"But Emma got the most and Sophia got money!" Henry whined.

"Maybe next year you'll get the golden egg." Hank said. "Now get together so I can take your pictures."

Hank and Jay took a couple of pictures of all of the kids, then Hank took some of Erin and Jay with the kids, and Jay took some of Hank and Erin with the kids. They all ended up turning out really well.

"You guys can get your things the Easter bunny brought and play outside." Erin told the kids. Sophia ran inside, coming back out with her chalk and Emma's soccer ball. The twins began to draw with the chalk while Connor and Emma played soccer.

"I really appreciate you bringing them over." Hank said to Erin and Jay as they all sat on the porch together. "It's good to be with family on days like this."

"Yes, it is." Erin agreed. "Camille would have loved to be here."

Hank smiled. "She would have been out there running around with Connor and Emma." He turned to the woman who was practically his daughter. "She would have loved those kids so much. And you." He nodded towards Jay.

"I wish I could have met her."

"I wish you could have too." Erin leaned her head over on her husband's shoulder. She may have lost Camille, but at least they still had Hank. She promised herself right then that they would always make the effort to spend time with Hank, especially the holidays.

"Papa, come play!" Connor shouted. Hank stood without hesitation and joined his grandchildren. When they saw their grandpa coming, Henry and Sophia went over to play soccer too.

"Come on, Daddy! We need another player!" Henry insisted.

Jay smiled at Erin before going to play with their kids. As she took pictures of them all running around, Erin realized just how perfect her life was.

 **Mother's Day**

"Mama?" Erin's eyelids fluttered. "Oh Mama! Wake up!"

She opened her eyes slowly, coming face to face with Sophia. Her daughter giggled as she saw the expression on her mother's face.

"Hey Soph." her voice was even raspier than usual as she blinked, trying to adjust to the light.

"Happy Mother's Day!" Sophia leaned forward and hugged her. Erin hugged her back, moving her to where she could cuddle her. It didn't take any persuading; the twins were both very cuddly, especially Sophia.

Erin shut her eyes, trying to drift back to sleep. Then, she heard voices getting closer to the bedroom. The bed dipped down.

"We know you're awake, Mama." Henry said. She opened her eyes again and saw him standing on the bed and looking down at her.

"Time for breakfast!" Connor climbed onto the bed on Jay's side, putting him on the other side of Sophia. Henry dropped down onto the bed, crushing Sophia's legs under him.

"Ouch, Henry!" she kicked him.

"It was an accident!"

"Alright, guys. Stop it." Erin turned her head when she heard her husband's voice. He was holding a plate in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other. "Happy Mother's Day."

Erin smiled as Jay came over, placing the plate and flowers on the table next to her side of the bed. He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss.

"Where's Emma?" she asked.

"Right here!" she felt tiny hands digging into her back as Emma used her as a grip so she could climb onto the bed. She grimaced when her nails dug into her skin, causing Jay to reach down and lift her up and put her on Erin's other side.

"You're squishing me, Emma!" Henry shouted.

"Stop fighting! It's Mother's Day and Mama doesn't wanna hear us yell!" Connor yelled, completely contradicting his statement.

"Connor, be quiet!" Sophia groaned, pulling the blanket over her head.

"Yeah Connor, be quiet." Emma echoed her older sister.

"How about you all be quiet or you're going to go sit in your rooms while Mama eats breakfast?" Jay suggested. Erin could tell that they had been driving him crazy all morning.

"Mama, eat your breakfast. We made it for you." Sophia said as she came out from under the blankets.

"You didn't even make anything, Soph. You came in here!" Henry argued.

"It was my idea to make heart toast."

"Did you guys not just hear me?" Jay interrupted. "Next one to start an argument is going to their room." They all quieted down.

Erin sat up so that she could see what they had made her. She had heart shaped toast, a sunny side up egg, and bacon. She smiled. "It looks delicious. Thanks, guys."

The kids started to chatter as she ate their breakfast. She looked to Jay, who gestured towards the kids and shook his head. She couldn't help but laugh; they were definitely in rare form today.

Jay's phone rang. Erin held in a groan; he was on-call this weekend and she had a feeling that it was going to be work. By his expression, she knew he felt the same way. He grabbed his phone.

"Shhh, Daddy's on the phone." Erin quieted the kids.

"Halstead…when…send me the address…yeah, I'll meet you." He hung up the phone with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Erin."

"It's okay. Go do what you have to do." Jay went to the bathroom to get dressed. Erin put her plate on the table. "What are we going to do while Daddy is at work?"

"Paint!" Emma shouted out enthusiastically.

"We can paint." Erin agreed. "Let's go downstairs."

Jay came out of the bathroom as the kids ran towards the door. "I promise I'll make it quick, okay?"

"It's not a big deal. I can just spend Mother's Day being a mother." She gave him a hug. "Thank you for making me a mom."

"You're perfect." Jay squeezed her in his arms. "I promise I'll make it up to you."

"There's nothing to make up. You're good, Jay. Go to work."

Erin went downstairs to join the kids. She helped them put newspaper down all over the kitchen floor, and then passed out paper. As she was opening the paints, Jay came downstairs.

"Guys, say bye to Daddy."

"Bye!" the kids all called out, but they didn't bother to get up from their spaces. Jay gave Erin a quick kiss and then he as gone.

Erin sat at the table and scrolled through her phone while the kids painted their pictures. She had the radio on and Sophia was singing along to whatever was playing. A nice, quiet afternoon with her kids was enough of a Mother's Day for her.

 **Emma's Birthday- May 22** **nd** **(on a Saturday)**

"I can't believe she's five." Erin whispered as she and Jay stood in the doorway of Emma and Sophia's bedroom. Today was Emma's fifth birthday, and they were both pretty emotional about it.

"I thought all the milestones would be hardest with Connor because he was our first, but it kids so much harder when it's our baby." Jay stated. "So how are we going to do this?"

It was a little harder to go along with the Halstead birthday tradition when a birthday fell on a Saturday. They had to find somewhere else for the other kids to go so they could take the birthday girl/boy out to do something special.

"I called Kim last night. She's bringing Maddie and Gavin over to hang out with them. They'll be here at 11."

"Did Emma mention what she wanted to do?"

"I think she said the aquarium."

"Of course she did. Our girl loves her animals." Jay gently shut the bedroom door. "We should get a dog."

Erin led the way downstairs. "I don't know about that."

"We've talked about it before. You love dogs."

"Yeah, but we already have four kids and they're a lot of work. I can't imagine adding a puppy onto our already long to-do list for each day."

"The kids would love it."

"Yeah, they would. But it's not a good time right now. Maybe when they're a little older and they can help out more." She started the coffee pot and glanced over at her husband. "Are you seriously pouting right now?"

"No."

"Jay, we're not getting a dog right now." She came over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You give me everything in this world that I could ever want or need. I want to do the same for you, but it's not responsible to get a dog right now. In a couple of years, we can do it. You can pick it out and everything."

"I already know what I want. I want a German Shepherd."

"Then in a few years, we'll find a German Shepherd." Erin promised. He finally put his arms around her waist, accepting what she said. They heard one of the kids running down the stairs and they weren't surprised to see that it was Emma.

"I'm five!" she yelled.

"Happy birthday, baby girl." Erin lifted her up and gave her kisses all over her face. Emma giggled as she was then passed to Jay, who kissed her forehead and tickled her.

"What did you want to do today?"

"Aquarium!" Emma cheered.

"That sounds like a lot of fun." Erin agreed. "Do you want to go out for breakfast?"

"No. Daddy, can you make waffles?"

"If that's what you want."

"Why doesn't anyone ever ask me to make their birthday breakfast?" Erin wondered.

"Mama, your food's gross." Connor said as he came downstairs.

"Wow, good morning to you too."

"Sorry." He gave her a hug. "But seriously, Dad's food is better."

Erin pouted. Jay laughed. "Hey, they choose you for everything else. At least let me have the title of best cook."

They all ate breakfast together. When they finished, Erin looked to her kids.

"You all need to get dressed. Maddie and Gavin will be here soon to babysit you." Connor, Sophia, and Henry excitedly ran upstairs to get ready for the day. "Em, I put an outfit on your bed for you to wear today. Go get changed and then we'll leave."

"Okay!" Emma jumped up and ran upstairs.

"Our baby is five." Erin said sadly.

Jay wrapped his arms around her from behind. "If we've survived five years with our little spitfire, we can survive anything these kids throw at us." Erin laughed; Emma was definitely their hardest child.

It didn't take long for them all to get ready. At 11 o'clock on the dot, the doorbell rang. Emma ran to answer it.

"Hey birthday girl!" Maddie greeted.

"It's my birthday!" Emma reached up and Maddie lifted her up.

"I know it is! What are you going to do with your mom and dad today?"

"Go to the aquarium."

"You're gonna have so much fun." Maddie kissed her cheek. "I got you something."

Emma's eyes widened. "You did?"

"Uh-huh." Maddie took off her backpack and reached inside. She pulled out a little purple box and handed it to the girl.

Emma opened it up and smiled. "Thank you!" she hugged her.

Erin had been watching them the whole time and she felt tears start to build up in her eyes. It was amazing to see the progress that Maddie had made over the years, and how much her daughter adored her. "What did you get, Em?"

"Look, Mama!" Emma ran over and showed her the box. It had two necklaces in it with dogs on them and they both said 'Best Pals'. "They have puppies on them!"

"I see that! They're beautiful."

"Maddie, will you wear one too? You're my best pal."

"Of course, Emmy." Maddie took the necklace she offered her and put it on. She grabbed the second one and put it around Emma's neck.

"Mama, can you take our picture?"

"Yeah." Erin grabbed her phone. Maddie lifted up Emma, who wrapped her arms around her and hugged her. They both smiled widely. As soon as the picture was taken, Jay came in.

"Daddy, Daddy! Look!" Emma ran over. "My necklace says best pal and Maddie has one too!"

Jay studied his daughter's necklace, and then looked to Maddie. "That's so cool, Em! Did you tell Maddie thank you?"

"Yep. Thank you, Maddie, I love it!" Emma ran over and hugged the girl again.

"Alright Em, let us tell them what they need to do with your brothers and sister so we can go." Erin lifted up her youngest.

"Everyone has had breakfast. There are frozen pizzas in the freezer for you all to have for lunch." Jay instructed. "We should be home by around 3, at the latest."

"And we have your phone numbers so we'll call if we need anything." Gavin added.

"Thank you." Erin gave each of the teens a hug and a kiss on the cheek. They said their goodbyes and then went out to the car.

On their drive to the aquarium, Emma told her parents all about what animals she wanted to see and what she wanted to do. They agreed to go anywhere she wanted once they got inside.

Jay had their membership pass scanned and then they walked inside. As soon as they entered, an employee stopped and asked if they wanted their picture taken. Before they could say anything, Emma had run over to the area with the props. They joined her and let her choose their props; Jay was wearing a hat that made it look like a shark was eating his head, Erin had on a long pink boa and sunglasses in the shape of starfishes, and Emma wore a princess crown. They all smiled widely for the picture.

"That's a good look for you." Erin teased as Jay took the hat off.

"Maybe I'll buy one in the giftshop."

Emma held one of each of their hands as she led them around. "Daddy, what does that say?" she asked, pointing to the description outside of the tank. Jay read off the type of fish and the couple sentences of information.

After that, Emma insisted on being read each description. She would stare into the exhibits quietly, as if she was scared she would disturb the fish if she talked too loudly.

"This is the quietest I've ever seen her." Erin whispered to Jay.

"It's amazing how into this she is. I thought she would lose interest a while ago." Every other time they had been to the aquarium, they had breezed through it. Connor, Henry, and Sophia didn't have as much of an interest in looking at the fish and they preferred the bigger exhibits, and the play area. But Jay knew that Emma would have sat in front of each tank for hours if she could.

They continued moving. Emma's eyes lit up as she saw the pictures on the walls. "Daddy, look! The belugas!"

The beluga whales had always been the kids' favorite stop. Jay lifted Emma up so that they could look together. Erin leaned into his side and he put his arm around her waist; there was nowhere he would rather be right now.

They moved on and saw the penguins next. Jay knew that this was one of Erin's favorite exhibits too. Emma laughed at the way they ran around.

He noticed a sign at the edge of the tank that gave details on a penguin experience. You could pay extra money and get to touch the penguins while trainers gave you more information.

"Erin." He said quietly to try and get her attention. He didn't want to say anything to Emma in case they weren't able to do it. He gestured towards the sign.

Erin went over and read it. "It's $50 per person for members, but you have to be six."

"Then it's her sixth birthday." Jay said with a shrug. "C'mon, babe. It's her birthday. Look at how much she loves them." Emma had her face almost pressed against the glass. A penguin was standing right in front of them and she was giggling as it stared at her.

"Alright, let's do it. You go pay for it."

"Okay." Jay was excited to see how happy Emma would get. He went to pay and came back with their tickets. Emma was still in the same spot he had left her.

"You tell her." Erin stated.

"Hey Emmy, come here."

Emma ran over to him. "Can we please stay a little longer, Daddy? They're so cute!"

"How about we go touch them instead?"

Her eyes widened. "Really?"

"Yep. We get to go back and touch them and we'll get to learn more about them."

"Yay!" Emma hugged him. "I love this birthday."

"But listen. If anyone asks you how old you are, you have to say six. Five-year-olds aren't allowed back there."

"Okay, I will." She nodded her head quickly. "I'm so happy!"

"Let's get some lunch while we wait for our penguin time." Erin suggested. They made their way to the aquarium restaurant and each ate a slice of pizza. Finally, it was time for their penguin encounter.

They had never seen Emma so enthralled in something before. She usually paid attention for a little while, then moved on to something more exciting. But she listened to the trainer the entire time and raised her hand to ask questions.

When they finally got to touch the penguins, Emma started crying. Erin kneeled next to her. "What's wrong, Em?"

"I'm so happy!"

Erin laughed. "Try and calm down, okay? You don't want to scare them."

Erin and Jay took a lot of pictures of Emma, and then each other when it was their turn to touch the penguins. As it finally ended, the employee handed them a printed picture. It was Jay with Emma on his lap and Erin next to him as Emma smiled widely and touched a penguin.

"You've got a little animal lover on your hands. We don't usually see kids as young as her pay so much attention, but she was so well behaved."

"Thank you." Erin said with a smile. "She definitely loves her animals."

They had finally made their way through the whole aquarium and they walked into the giftshop. Emma ran over to the stuffed animals and grabbed a penguin. "Mama, please?"

"Go ahead." Erin agreed. They had definitely spent more money than they planned on, but after seeing how excited she was, Erin didn't really mind. One of them could always pick up an extra shift, and it would be worth it for how happy Emma was.

They paid for Emma's stuffed animal and then they got into the car. Emma fell asleep on the ride home, which was pretty rare for her. That's how Erin knew that she had the best birthday ever.

 **Next up…H: Holidays, Part Two!**


	9. Holidays, Part 2

**Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! Here's the second part, and it ended up being even longer than the first, so I'm sorry for that! Now that both parts of Holidays are up, please tell me which holiday was your favorite! Let me know your thoughts on the chapter in general, and anything you would like to see!**

 **H: Holidays- Part 2**

 _*A year full of holidays with the Halsteads._

 _*Connor- 7/8. Henry and Sophia- 6/7. Emma- 4/5._

 **Memorial Day**

Jay woke up abruptly, which wasn't uncommon for him. Even if he couldn't remember dreaming, almost every morning it felt like he had startled awake from a dream. He looked around the room quickly; no threat, no danger, just his home. He relaxed.

He glanced over and saw that Erin was awake and studying his face. It was very rare that she woke up before him; he was an early riser, something he had learned from his military days, while Erin would sleep until the last possible second.

"You okay?" she asked, her voice still raspy from sleep.

"Mmhmm." He scooted closer to her. "Morning."

"Good morning." She leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, bringing her hand up to stroke his cheek. They stared at each other for a few minutes, enjoying the silence.

It was Memorial Day today. This was always a hard time for Jay. Not only had he lost a lot of friends overseas, but it Memorial Day weekend was often a time in Chicago where there was a lot of violence. He just couldn't stomach the fact that men were dying in the war just for people to kill each other at home over something as simple as a bag of groceries or a parking spot.

Erin moved into his arms as if she knew what he was thinking. She stroked her right hand up and down his back, but she didn't speak. They were on call today, so until someone called or the kids woke up, he wasn't planning on getting out of bed.

Right on cue, their phones started to ring. Erin sat up and reached over to grab hers. She checked the message.

"Shooting on South Wallace Street." She read. "Drive-by. Three victims."

Jay sighed and sat up, rubbing his hands over his eyes. "God, I can't wait until this weekend is over."

"I know, babe." Erin walked around to his side of the bed. She hugged him close, letting him rest his head against her stomach. She ran her fingers through his hair. "You can get through this day."

"What are we going to do with the kids?" he stood up and went over to his dresser to grab his clothes for the day.

"I already texted Beth last night and asked her if she would watch the kids if we got called in. I can call her."

"M'kay."

Jay got dressed as Erin called their babysitter. He tried to shake off his feelings. No matter how he felt, he had to get out there and do his job.

It didn't take long for Beth to arrive. As Jay came downstairs, Erin was letting her in the door. He passed his wife her gun and badge as he clipped his own to his belt.

"The kids are still asleep. We have cereal, Pop tarts, toast, eggs, waffles, whatever they want. There's sandwich stuff and chips for lunch. I left some money on the counter for pizza in case you're still here at dinner time. We're not sure how long we'll be gone, but one of us should be home by 6. If not, I'll send someone else over to stay with them."

"I can stay as long as you need." Beth told her. "I'll be able to catch up on some homework while they're playing or watching movies."

"They can watch as many movies as they want today." Erin said. Normally, they tried to get their kids to play outside or with their toys, but since their babysitter was going to have such a long day, she wanted to make it as easy as possible. "I'll text you when I know how long we'll be."

"Stay here today." Jay added. Sometimes, Beth would take the kids out to eat or for a walk or to the park, but he knew how dangerous Chicago had been this weekend and he didn't want anything to happen to his kids. "It's been a crazy weekend."

"Okay." Beth agreed. "Stay safe."

"We will." Erin promised. She and Jay put their jackets on and then walked out the door. "You wanna drive?"

"No, you can." Jay climbed into the passenger's seat. He knew Erin was worried about him, but he just needed to think right now.

"Hey." Erin reached over and grabbed his hand. "Talk to me."

"We have a job to do. We can talk later." He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it to try and reassure her that he wasn't mad, that he was just doing this because it was what he needed. She seemed to get the message.

When they arrived, the scene was crawling with cops. Atwater and Ruzek came over to them.

"What do we have?" Erin asked.

"Drive-by shooting with three victims. 29-year-old man named Nile Jefferson, 17-year-old Javonte Wallace, and," Jay could tell by the look on Ruzek's face that he was having a hard time with this case already, "5-year-old Phoebe Reinhard."

As they walked over to the scene, Jay felt Erin grab his arm. He didn't know if she did it for her or for him.

"Any connections between the victims?" Erin wondered.

"Nope. That's Nile's house over there," Atwater pointed at a house a few away from the one they were standing at, "Phoebe was on a walk with her dad, and Javonte lives around the corner."

Jay felt the bile rising in his throat when he saw the body of the tiny little girl laying on the street. She was the same age as his daughter, and she even had the same color hair. How could someone shoot a gun at a child?

"MY BABY!" Jay heard a woman scream. He glanced over and saw her being held back behind police lines. "That's my daughter! PHOEBE!"

Erin moved away from him and over to her. "Ma'am, you don't want to see her like this. Please, you don't want to see her."

Jay felt the defensiveness creep into his body as the woman slapped Erin across the face. "Don't you _dare_ tell me what I want! I want to see my daughter!" He started to walk over to her.

"Meet us at the hospital." Erin practically begged. "Mrs. Reinhard, please."

The woman collapsed into tears. Erin caught her before she could fall and hugged her to her chest. She turned her face to look at him and Jay saw the large red handprint on her cheek. He furrowed his eyebrows, and she gave him a slight nod, silently telling him that she was okay.

Jay walked back over to the team. "Let's get them to Med so their families can see them."

"On it." Ruzek agreed. The paramedics moved in to start transporting the victims to Chicago Med. "The girl's father is over there if you and Erin want to take a crack at him."

He shook his head. "We'll take his statement at the hospital." Jay looked to the officers standing around. "Let's do knock and talks for the whole block. Someone saw something." They all started to spread out. "Atwater, you and Ruz stay here and run point on that. Call Burgess and Antonio and have them look into our victims and their families. Erin and I are going to Med."

"Got it."

Jay saw that Erin was standing alone near the police border, watching the ambulances drive away. He came over to her. "We're going to Med."

"Okay." They silently walked over to their car, Erin taking the driver's seat.

"Is your face okay?"

"I'm good, Jay. She was upset."

"That doesn't mean it didn't hurt you."

"I'm fine." She shook her head as she drove. "She's Emma's age."

"I know. Being a parent makes cases like this suck even more. We'll find the person who did this."

"It won't bring her back." Jay didn't say anything because he knew that was true.

They arrived at the hospital. They were met almost immediately with Will. "All three victims have been moved to private rooms where their families can say goodbye."

"Thanks." Jay led the way to Phoebe's hospital room. Both of her parents were inside. They waited outside until her father came out.

"Is there something we can help you with?" her mother asked.

"We just have some questions." Erin stepped forward. "May I ask your names?"

"Chris Reinhard. This is my wife, Katie." His eyes were red rimmed and his fingernails had blood underneath them. The sight made Jay's stomach hurt.

"Can you take us through what happened? Any information could help us figure out who did this to your little girl."

Chris nodded his head. "We were walking down the street. She was excited because she didn't have school today, and it was nice enough to go outside." Tears fell down his cheeks. "Suddenly, I heard gunshots. I turned to look behind us and saw that teenager laying on the ground. When I looked at Phoebe, I saw that she was on the ground. I tried to help her, to save her, but nothing helped. Her heart had stopped beating. I heard that kid screaming, begging for help. He yelled for his mom."

Katie pulled Chris into her arms as he cried into her shoulder. Jay glanced at Erin, who was biting her lip as if she was trying to hold in her own emotions.

Chris turned back to them. "I didn't leave Phoebe. I didn't even try to help him. I just…I couldn't leave my daughter there."

"You did what you had to do." Jay told him. "Did you see the car?"

"No."

"Did you see anyone else around?"

"No."

"Is there anyone who might want to hurt you or your family?"

"No one I can think of."

Erin rested a hand on his shoulder. "We are sorry for the loss of your daughter. If you think of anything else, give us a call." She gave him her card. "Thank you for your cooperation."

Katie stepped forward. "Find the person who did this. Please."

"We'll do everything we can."

They walked away from the couple. Jay reached over and grabbed Erin's hand and squeezed it quickly, then dropped it. This case sucked.

Erin's phone rang. "Hello…yeah…we're here…got it." She turned to Jay. "Javonte Wallace's brother Darius has a connection to the Westside Hustlers."

"Let's go talk to his family." They went down the hallway to the room that the 17-year-old had been moved to. When they walked in, they only saw a girl sitting next to his bed.

Erin entered the room. "Hi, I'm Detective Lindsay, this is Detective Halstead. Are you Javonte's sister?"

The girl wiped her tears. "I'm his girlfriend." She stood up and they noticed her pregnant stomach. "Did you find out who did this?"

"Not yet. We have some questions to ask you first. What's your name?"

"Imani Taylor."

"Imani, do you know if there is anyone who would want to hurt Javonte?"

She shook her head. "He wasn't a bad person. I know you see black teenagers all the time who are dealing drugs and joining gangs, but Javonte wasn't like that. All he cared about was basketball, and our baby." She put her hand on her stomach. "I can't believe he's gone."

Erin nodded her head sympathetically. "What about his family? Did he have anyone in his family who would want to hurt him?"

"The only one he had was his auntie. His mom and dad died when he was little, his auntie raised him."

"Do you have her name and address?" Jay wondered. Imani gave them the information.

"Please, find who did this. Find who took my baby's father away."

"We will do everything we can." Erin promised. She looked to Jay. "Let's go back to the station and see if they've figured out anything else."

As they went into the waiting room, they were met by a woman with three children. She was holding a baby who had to be less than a year old, and there were two boys next to her. She went over to Will.

"Hi, excuse me. My husband's name is Nile Jefferson. I got a phone call that I needed to meet him at Med. Did he fall off the roof while he was cleaning out the gutters again?"

Erin and Jay watched as Will's face fell. He asked the woman if they could go somewhere private, but she insisted on finding out now what he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Jefferson, but your husband was shot this morning. He died on the scene."

"No, not Nile. There's no way." She shook her head. "No, he has to be okay."

When the two little boys saw how upset their mother was, they started to cry. The baby started to scream as the woman hysterically cried.

Erin approached them. "Ma'am, may we take you to see him?"

She shook her head. "I can't believe this." Erin reached out and the woman passed her the baby. "I need to see him."

"Come this way." Jay led her down the hallway. "We can stay out here with the kids while you go in, if you would like."

"Thank you." She shut the door quietly behind her.

The two little boys looked confused. Erin sat down on the ground next to them. "My name is Erin, and this is Jay. What are your names?"

"Ty." The older of the two said. "This is Gage, and Cade."

Erin smiled down at the baby. "Hi Cade." She stroked his cheek, making him smile up at her.

"Why was Mommy crying?" Ty wondered.

"There was an accident and it made Mommy upset." Erin explained. "But it's okay. Do you boys want a snack? Jay can go get you one."

"I want Daddy. He always has candy but he doesn't share."

Jay smiled. "Sometimes, Daddies need to have their own candy too."

"Yeah, I guess." Ty looked to the door when his mother came out. "Mommy, where's Daddy?"

The woman kneeled down in front of her sons. "Boys, I need you to listen to me. There was an accident and Daddy got hurt. Do you remember when Grandpa went to Heaven last year?"

"Uh-huh." Ty nodded solemnly. "Is Daddy in Heaven now too?"

"Yes, he is."

"We can't ever see him again?"

"I'm sorry, Ty. You can't."

"I'm gonna miss him." Ty started to cry. His mother pulled him, and then Gage, into her arms. She rocked them back and forth as she tried to hide her tears.

Once they had calmed down, the woman looked at the two officers. "Are you working on Nile's case?"

"Yes. I'm Detective Halstead. This is Detective Lindsay. What is your name?"

"Julie." She sighed. "Do you know who did this?"

"We are working to figure it out. It looks like a drive-by, and there were two other victims. Do you know who might want to hurt your husband?"

She shook her head. "Nile's a realtor. He doesn't have a dangerous job. He spends all of his time with me and our boys. I don't know why someone would do this. It was probably some gang. There have been so many shootings this weekend, and almost all of them are gang related. Maybe you should start looking into that instead of a man who is a hard-working father and husband who loves his family more than anything."

At that, Erin passed the baby over to his mother. "Thank you for your time. We are sorry for your loss. Please call if you think of anything else." She waved at the boys. "Bye Ty, bye Gage."

"Bye." The boys waved their hands at her and Jay until they walked away.

Jay glanced at her. "What are you thinking?"

"I don't know. What if this is random? It doesn't seem like any of them have a connection to something that led to this."

"We'll have to go down to the station and find out."

When they arrived at the district, the board had been written out and the victims' pictures were hung up. Erin debriefed the team, informing them on what they had learned from talking to the victims' families. The new information was added as Voight assessed the situation.

"Ruzek, Atwater, Antonio, bring in Darius Wallace. Let's see what he thinks about all of this." He turned. "Halstead, Lindsay, go speak to Javonte's aunt. So far, his family is the only connection we have to any type of violence or gangs. We'll start there."

Erin drove them to the victim's house. She turned to Jay. "I can't believe this. What else could possibly happen today? We've got crying mothers and children, pregnant women, upset parents, children who are victims. It's disgusting."

Jay looked at her. "Have you ever thought about leaving Chicago?"

Erin shrugged. "I don't know. I've lived here for my whole life. I can't imagine not living here."

"I don't want to have to be worried that our kids will be shot in a drive-by. Maybe we should consider moving away."

Erin was quiet. "That's pretty big."

"Just think about it."

"Okay."

They arrived at Javonte's aunt's house. She greeted them at the front door. "Come in, come in." she stepped aside so they could enter. "I can't believe this happened. My nephew." She guided them to the living room. "Please, have a seat." Erin and Jay sat on the couch together while the aunt, an older woman named Verne Anthony, took the chair.

"Mrs. Anthony, what did Javonte spend most of his time doing?"

She smiled. "He played basketball. Ever since he was a child, he's played basketball. After his Daddy died, he wouldn't even pick up a ball, but I got him back into it. He's the leading scorer at his school…or I guess he was." She wiped at her eyes. "I've seen too much of my family killed by this violence. His mama was shot dead right in front of him, and his Daddy was part of the Westside Hustlers. Javonte was different. He didn't want that life."

"What about Javonte's brother, Darius? Does Javonte have contact with him?"

"Darius was Javonte's Daddy's son. He's a lot older, he was already in middle school when 'Vonte was born. He's bad news. Darius comes around sometimes, but they're not close."

"Do you think this could be in retaliation for something Darius has done?"

"That boy is always into trouble. I wouldn't be surprised if this was because of him."

"Do you know where he lives?" she gave them an address. "Thank you for your time. Let us know if you think of anything else."

By the time they got back, Darius Wallace had been brought in. Voight and Al were questioning him. Erin and Jay went to watch.

"…have your little brother die for your actions. Is there something you might be in trouble for?" Voight asked.

Darius was a large man and definitely looked intimidating, but Voight didn't seem to think so as he stared him down. "I don't know nothin' about no shooting."

"Darius, this is your little brother. He was shot dead on a sidewalk next to a five-year-old and a father of three. You're telling me you know nothing about this?"

"I barely know that boy. He wasn't involved in no gang; all he does is play basketball." He shook his head. "I want a lawyer."

Voight and Al left the room, running into Erin and Jay. She informed them on what they had learned. "Javonte's aunt said that his parents were killed because of gangs when he was younger and he wanted nothing to do with that. He's not close to Darius, and he wasn't in any kind of trouble."

Voight nodded as they all went back to the bullpen. "Have the financial reports come back on the other families?"

"They're clean, boss. Stable incomes, no large amounts of money moved around. They seem solid." Ruzek answered.

"Let me talk to Darius." Erin said.

"What do you have to offer?"

"I don't know. Maybe if he sees a picture, he'll remember something else."

Voight sighed. "Five minutes. Take Halstead."

Jay followed her to the interrogation room. He just wished that this case would have an easy ending so that they could wrap things up. All he wanted was to go home and hug his kids.

They walked inside and Darius looked up. "I told them I want a lawyer. You ain't no lawyers."

Erin dropped a file in front of him and sat down silently. Jay chose to stand with his back resting against the wall.

"Open it." Erin prodded.

"I want a lawyer."

"Open. It."

Darius opened up the file. He closed in immediately when he saw what was inside. "Nah, man. I ain't lookin' at that."

Erin grabbed the file and opened it, spreading the pictures in front of him. "See this? A five-year-old little girl. Died on impact. A father of three, one of them is a newborn. Your brother. Apparently, he screamed and cried for his mom before he finally died. If you know something, we need to know. We want to find out who did this to your brother, and to these other people." Darius looked ready to throw up. "LOOK AT THEM!"

Darius turned his head to the table. He quickly looked away from Phoebe's picture over to Javonte's. He put his hand on it quietly as he saw his younger brother's body. Then, he looked at the one in the middle. His gaze lingered longer than on the other two.

"I know this white boy." He stated. "He hit up my boy for some coke."

Erin held out her phone with a picture of Nile Jefferson. "This man?"

"That's him."

"We need to know who sells to him."

"I ain't no snitch."

"This is for your brother, man." Jay came forward. "We need to find out what he was into so we can figure out why he was killed."

"I can tell you. He didn't pay his debt. They collected."

"It sounds like you know a lot about this. If you don't tell us who did this, then you're going to go down for it. Three murders is a lot of time in prison."

Darius shook his head. "I ain't no snitch." He repeated.

"Okay." Erin gathered all the pictures and stuck them back into the file. "Have fun in prison."

"C-Dog." Darius called out right before they left the room. "He sells on the corner of West 31st street and LaSalle."

They exited the room, seeing that the others had already started searching for information. They were able to locate information on Charles "C-Dog" Dorsey. They all suited up.

"Should I call Beth?" Erin asked Jay as he strapped on her vest.

"Send her a text, let her know we'll be late. I don't think we'll be done by 6."

Erin strapped on Jay's vest for him, then sent a quick text to the babysitter. She was happy that she replied, saying she could stay until they needed. They grabbed their guns and joined the rest of the team.

Jay was the first one on the porch with Erin right behind him. He kicked in the door. "CHICAGO PD!" Erin put a hand on his left shoulder to let him know that she was right behind him as they all ran into the house.

There was a group of men in the house who all tried to run. The music was blaring and there were drugs scattered all along the table. Jay raised his gun, but was tackled to the ground by one of the other guys. He hit hard. The guy got one good hit in before Jay flipped him around, slamming his face into the floor and cuffing him.

"Are you okay? You good?" Erin questioned as she came to stand next to him, her gun pointed towards the other three men in the room.

"I'm good." He promised.

Atwater and Ruzek came downstairs with their suspect. Voight grabbed him by the collar and shoved his face into the wall. "Did you do a drive-by this morning at around 8am?"

"I didn't do nothin'." The man spat.

Voight shoved his face harder into the wall. "We have someone who pinpointed you at the scene. You killed three people." He pointed his gun at his head. "One of them was a five-year-old."

"I didn't kill nobody." Voight took the safety off of his gun and turned the man around so he was staring down the barrel of the gun.

"Say that again." He was silent. "Get him cuffed." Atwater stepped forward.

It wasn't long before they got a confession from C-Dog. Turns out that Nile Jefferson had been buying drugs and didn't pay what he owed, which led to his death and the death of two other people. Everyone in Intelligence was happy that the case had been able to be solved within the day.

Erin and Jay had been given the job of talking to Nile's wife. It had been a hard conversation, and she was understandably upset and in disbelief at the new information. Now, Jay was driving them home in silence; there hadn't been much talking between the two of them today. They had too much else on their minds.

"I just keep thinking about what Ty told us earlier." Erin said. "He said that Nile had candy that he wouldn't share with them. Do you think that he meant drugs?"

Jay nodded. "Sounds like it. I can't believe a man would put his family at risk like that." He pulled up to their house and they both got out. Jay locked the doors and rolled his shoulders back, hearing them crack.

Erin grimaced at the sound. "He took you down hard. You sure you're okay?"

"Just sore." Jay unlocked the front door. It was 8:30pm and there was a chance the kids may be asleep, so he didn't want to be too loud. The house was quiet.

They found Beth in the living room reading one of her textbooks. "Hey."

"Hi, thank you for staying late." Erin handed her some money. "Were the kids okay for you?"

"They were angels, as always. They all had dinner, a snack, baths, and they laid down about ten minutes ago."

"Thanks, Beth." Jay left Erin to deal with sending the babysitter home. He went upstairs and opened the girls' door. Emma was still, but Sophia rolled over.

"Daddy!" she whispered. She jumped out of bed and ran over to him. Jay lifted her up and she hugged him tightly. "I missed you. Where's Mama?"

"She's downstairs."

"Why did you have to work all day? Did you have a big case?"

"We sure did, Princess." He kissed her head. "Did you have a good day with Beth?"

"Yes! She let us paint and we read books and played Barbies and watched movies."

"That sounds like fun. I wish I had been here." He gave her another hug. "I just wanted to come check on you. It's time for bed."

"Can I say goodnight to Mama?"

Jay figured that Erin probably needed a hug from one of their kids just as badly as he did. "Yeah, wait until she comes up." He gave Emma a quick kiss on her head, then went to the boys' room. They were both asleep too, so he just gave them a kiss and then went back into the hallway.

Erin came upstairs and Sophia ran to her. "Hi Mama!"

"Hi, baby. Why aren't you in bed?" she kneeled down so she could hug her.

"I wanted to say goodnight. I love you." Sophia leaned up and gave her a kiss.

"I love you more." Erin hugged her tightly. "Alright, Soph. You need to get in bed. You have school tomorrow."

"Okay. Night!"

"Goodnight." Sophia went back to her room, shutting the door behind her. Jay offered Erin a hand and pulled her to her feet. "Everyone else asleep?"

"Yep."

"Good. Let's take a shower."

Erin walked into the master bathroom and started the water. She stripped out of her clothes and waited for Jay to do the same before getting under the hot spray of water. He joined her, moving up to stand right behind her. They both silently stood, letting all of the sweat and grime of the day get washed off of their tired bodies.

Jay didn't speak, but he felt Erin's arms wrap around his neck. She started to play with the hair on the back of his neck, gently massaging his scalp.

"Talk to me." She said quietly. "Tell me how you're feeling."

"It's Memorial Day." Jay stated. "We're supposed to be remembering the men and women who fought for our country and died. I can't even tell you how many people I knew who died in Afghanistan. But what's the point? Why fight when you have people here who drive by a house and shoot at random people just to get back at one person who didn't pay them for drugs? People should be remembering them, not spitting on their graves."

"I know." Erin agreed. "Close your eyes." He could hear her opening the shampoo bottle, and his suspicions were confirmed a moment later when she started to rub it into his hair. "But you have to remember that there is a reason. Not everyone is like that. We're not like that, our kids aren't, our friends. We respect those who fight to keep us safe."

"But even us being cops. Sometimes, it's hard to see the logic behind it."

"Think of Phoebe and her family, or Javonte and his girlfriend and aunt, or even Nile's wife and kids. They deserve to have someone there to keep them safe and protected. They didn't do anything wrong." She tilted his head back into the water. "I get that sometimes, it feels like we're doing this for nothing. But we keep so many people safe. The good has to outweigh the bad."

Jay opened his eyes. "You're right." He hugged her. "Thank you."

"Mmhmm. Wash your body while I wash my hair." She handed him his body wash.

Jay set it to the side. "Let me do it for you." He grabbed Erin's shampoo and squirted some into his hand. He started to rub it into her hair. "Are you alright? Today was pretty rough."

"I'm just exhausted. I can't wait to get in bed." She leaned into him as he ran his fingers through her hair. "I wish we had gotten done earlier so we could see the kids."

"Me too. Rinse." Erin moved back to rinse her hair. Jay then grabbed the conditioner and put that in her hair too. He instructed her to rinse her hair, and then they both washed their own bodies. It didn't take long until they were turning the water off.

Erin stepped out of the shower and ran across the room to grab towels. Jay couldn't help but smile at the sight of her naked body running across their bathroom. She wrapped a towel around herself, then passed on to him.

"Quit watching me, perv." She teased.

"Only when it comes to you." He kissed the side of her head and then went into the bedroom. He pulled on a pair of boxers and sweats and then got into bed, leaning his back against the headboard.

Erin came out a moment later. She put on underwear, then went over to his drawer and grabbed one of his t-shirts. Even though he ran out of t-shirts sometimes, he would never complain; there was nothing he loved more than seeing his girl wearing his shirt. Erin dried her hair off with her towel, then tossed it in the general direction of the bathroom.

"Hamper." Jay chastised.

"Neat freak." She said before going to clean up her mess. "I even put the clothes in the hamper too."

"Good for you." Jay held his arms out and Erin went into them without hesitation. She straddled his waist and put her hands on his shoulders. Jay held onto her waist.

"It's Memorial Day." Erin commented as she reached out to trace his tattoo.

"Yeah…"

"Will you tell me about your friends?"

Jay smiled. "I can tell you a funny story about one of the guys I knew. His name was Joseph Logan, but we all called him French. I'll never forget how he got his nickname…"

As he started to tell his story, Erin couldn't help but smile at the way his face lit up. It may have been a rough day, but she knew that he would be alright.

 **Father's Day**

"Erin?" Jay called out as he walked downstairs. The house was quiet and the kids' rooms had been empty. He went into the kitchen and found a note.

 _Happy Father's Day! Took the kids to pick up some breakfast. Wait in our room for your surprise!_

Jay smiled. He figured he would play along with whatever she was planning. He set the note down and went back upstairs. He scrolled through his phone while he waited for his family.

He heard the front door open. A couple seconds later, he could hear the pounding of footsteps coming up the stairs. The door was thrown open as all four of the kids ran and jumped onto the bed.

"HAPPY FATHER'S DAY DADDY!" he was attacked by hugs and kisses. He reached out and caught Henry right before he fell off the bed.

"Alright guys, calm down." He laughed. "Thank you." He gave each of them a hug. "Where's Mama?"

"Downstairs getting the surprise ready." Connor informed him. "You're gonna love it."

"Oh really? Can you give me a hint?"

Emma opened her mouth, but Sophia slapped her hand over it. "Nope, no hints!" she looked at her sister. "Mama said don't tell, remember? You can't say anything!"

"I'm gonna go see if we can come down yet." Henry said. He walked out of the room. "Mama, are you ready yet?" Jay could tell he was standing at the top of the stairs.

"Give me a minute!" he heard Erin call back.

Henry ran back in. "Mama said in a minute."

"That's okay. I just want to spend Father's Day with my favorite kids." Sophia was sitting on top of him and he pulled Connor and Emma into his arms. Henry got back onto the bed, so he pulled him closer too. They all laughed as he squished them tightly to his chest, then let go so he could tickle them.

"JAY! COME DOWN!" he heard Erin yell. The kids' faces all broke out into smiles, so he knew that whatever it was, it must be good.

"You heard her. Let's go." He stood up. Connor jumped onto his back and he grabbed one of the girls in each arm. Henry started to pout, so he lifted Emma onto his shoulders and then grabbed Henry in his free arm.

Erin smiled as soon as she made eye contact with him. "Mama, look! Daddy's really strong!" Sophia said with a laugh.

"Yeah he is." Erin agreed. Jay put the twins down and Erin reached up to lift Emma off his shoulders. Connor jumped down on his own. "Happy Father's Day."

"Thank you, baby." Jay gave her a kiss.

"Mama, where's the surprise?" Connor questioned.

"Right over there." She pointed into the living room where Jay saw a big cardboard box. It had a red ribbon wrapped around it. "Go ahead and open it, babe."

The Halsteads went into the living room. Erin pulled out her phone to record and made the kids sit down on the couch so they wouldn't get in the way.

"Is it the key to a new car?" Jay joked.

"Open it!" Erin told him.

Jay pulled the ribbon off, then lifted open the lid. His jaw dropped open. Inside the box was a brown and black German Shepherd puppy.

He reached in and lifted the dog up. He saw that it was a boy. The puppy lifted his head and licked Jay's face.

"How?" he asked his wife.

"It's your Father's Day present from the kids and me." She stated. "Do you like him?"

"I love him." Jay scratched the puppy's ears. Erin stopped recording. "How could we afford this? I know German Shepherds aren't cheap."

"Don't worry about that. I made it happen."

"Erin, it's too much…"

"Well we can't take him back so that's too bad." She walked over to him. "Just don't be too disappointed if you don't get a huge birthday present, okay?"

"No, this is perfect. Thank you, baby." He pulled on her arm until she leaned down so he could kiss her. "What's his name?"

"That's up to you. He's yours."

Jay looked behind her and saw that all the kids were practically bouncing up and down. He smiled at them. "Did you guys help Mama plan this?"

They all started to talk excitedly about the surprise and how they went to pick the dog up that morning. Jay told them to come over and they all sat down on the floor near him. Jay put the puppy down and they watched as he sniffed around the floor, trying to get used to his surroundings.

"We need to think of a name, and there's going to be some rules." Erin told the kids. "You do not pull on the puppy's tail or pick him up. Do not grab his face or his ears because he might bite you, and it'll hurt a lot. Everyone is going to help take care of him and help with cleaning up after him. You're going to have to keep all your stuff cleaned up until he's trained because puppies chew things up."

"We will, Mama." Emma said. "I always wanted a puppy!"

Jay smiled at his youngest. "Having a puppy is so much fun. Let's think of some names for him."

After some researching, they narrowed it down to two names. "Alright, our choices are Captain and Maverick. We need to vote." Jay instructed. "Raise your hand if you like Captain and we'll call him Cap?" Jay, Emma, and Connor raised their hands. "Maverick and we'll call him Mav?" Erin, Sophia, and Henry raised their hands.

"It's a tie!" Sophia realized. "Now what do we do?"

"We name him Cap." Erin said. Jay looked at her in surprise since that was opposite from the name she wanted. "Daddy likes the name Cap, so that's what we'll do. It's his present."

"It's not a big deal, babe. If the kids want a different name, we can think of a new one."

"No. I'm changing my vote to Cap."

"Me too." Sophia agreed.

"Me three!" Henry stated.

"Is everyone sure?" they all nodded their heads. "Then it looks like our puppy has a name."

They spent the rest of the day playing with the puppy. He ended up peeing on the floor, which Erin wasn't thrilled about, but Jay cleaned it up. After the kids went to bed, they set up Cap's bed in their room so they could keep an eye on him and shut the door.

Erin sat next to Jay on the bed. "He's really cute."

Jay kissed her forehead. "Thank you for him. I promise, you're going to love having a pet. I know you've never had one before, but this will be good."

"I just know it's going to be a lot of work."

"Only for the first couple months. Once he's trained, it'll get easier." Jay promised. "Plus, it'll be nice to have a dog to watch over the house and the kids."

"Mmhmm." Erin leaned her head against his shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too." He gave her a kiss. "Thanks for making me a dad."

"There's no one else I would rather raise our family with." She smiled at him. "Can we sleep now?"

"Of course."

"You better get up with your puppy in the middle of the night so he doesn't pee on the floor."

"I will." Jay said. "Go to sleep." As Erin cuddled into his chest, Jay realized how perfectly his life had turned out. Years ago, he never would have imagined he would be a father, but now, he couldn't picture himself anywhere else.

 **Fourth of July**

Jay walked into the house after his morning run with Cap. He leaned down and took the dog off the leash, letting him walk around the house on his own. Connor and Sophia ran over to the dog, sinking onto their knees and petting him. Cap was still pretty small, but he had definitely grown in the past month.

"Morning." Jay greeted as he walked over and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. He leaned down to kiss Erin, who wrinkled her nose.

"Go shower. You stink." She looked at his shirt. "It's only 9am. How are you that sweaty?"

"It's already 90 out there."

Erin groaned. "Awesome."

He knew exactly why she was upset. It was Fourth of July, which meant they would have to go to the annual CPD picnic and spend the majority of their day outside. He wasn't particularly looking forward to it either, but he knew that the kids would have a good time.

Jay showered and then came downstairs to have breakfast with his family. He entertained Cap and the kids while Erin got ready, and then they helped the kids get showered and dressed. Before long, it was time for them to go.

"Are we bringing Cap?" Erin wondered.

Jay shrugged. "I don't see why not. He can stay on his leash."

They loaded into the car, putting Cap in the passenger's seat on Jay's lap. It didn't take long to get there. Erin parked and then they all got out to walk over to where Intelligence had set up with some of the firefighters from 51 and doctors from Med.

Erin glanced over her kids' outfits. They were all wearing matching white shirts with an American flag on it that said "CPD 4th of July Picnic 2027", just like everyone else in attendance. Even Erin and Jay had their shirts on.

"Papa!" Sophia took off running and jumped into Hank's arms. He lifted her up, then gave the rest of the kids' hugs. He leaned down to scratch Cap's head.

"You've got quite the family, Hank." One of the higher ups in the police department came over, studying the man. Erin didn't know why, but she felt the protectiveness creep into her. She reached out and grabbed Henry's shoulder, pulling him closer to her. She looked over and saw that Connor had grabbed Emma's hand; if her kids even got a weird vibe from this guy, then that wasn't good. She felt Jay move over next to her, keeping one hand around Cap's leash and the other holding onto Sophia.

"Thanks, Vinny." Hank gave him a blank look. "Where are your wife and kids?"

"Around here somewhere. I just thought I'd say hello."

"Thanks for that." Hank just nodded. The man, apparently named Vinny, smiled.

"See you around, Sargent." He walked away.

Erin looked at Hank. "What was that about?"

"You know, just the next higher up trying to take me down." Hank shrugged it off. He looked at the kids. "I know where a cooler of popsicles is if any of you are interested."

"Yes!" they all cheered immediately.

Emma looked at her parents. "Mama, can we go?"

"Go ahead. Stay with Papa." Hank led them away.

Jay and Erin started to set up their chairs near Ruzek, Burgess, Will, Natalie, Gabby, Casey, Antonio, and Brett. Jay tied Cap's leash to his chair so that he couldn't run off, but so he could explore a little bit. Everyone cracked open a beer (besides Natalie, who was nearly nine months pregnant) and they laughed and joked around with each other.

All of their kids ran around with each other, spending most of the day blowing bubbles, drawing with chalk, and kicking a soccer ball. Jay and Antonio manned the grill and they all ate hot dogs and hamburgers.

When it was time for the parade to start, everyone left their chairs behind and moved towards the street. Burgess passed out plastic bags to all the kids (even Maddie, Gavin, and Diego) and they started to collect candy as it was thrown into the street. Emma was mesmerized by the horses that walked by, while Sophia and Henry danced along to the high school band.

When the parade finally cleared up, they went back over to their chairs to get ready for the fireworks. Erin gave up her chair to Sophia and Emma and walked over to her husband. She tapped his leg and he uncrossed it, letting her sit on his lap. She leaned in to whisper in his ear so no one else would hear them.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, it's been a good day."

"Do you want to go sit in the car? Hank won't mind keeping an eye on the kids."

"I want to watch their faces when they see the fireworks. I know they'll be really excited." Jay wrapped his arms around her waist. "Will you stay right here?"

"Of course." Erin kissed his forehead. She put her hand on the back of his neck, grimacing at the amount of sweat that had gathered there. "God, it's hot out here."

"I know, we're going to have to give the kids showers before we put them in bed. I can't even imagine how sweaty they are. Look at Henry's hair." They both laughed at their younger son's hair, which had been spiked up with his sweat.

The sun finally went all the way down and the fireworks began. As soon as the first bright light filled the sky, Jay flinched. Erin felt her heart drop into her stomach.

Fourth of July had always been rough for Jay. Usually, they would leave the picnic early, or Jay and Erin would go sit in the car while their kids watched with everyone else. Erin didn't blame Jay for wanting to see the kids' reactions, but it wasn't worth it when it triggered his PTSD.

"You're alright." Erin whispered as she stroked his hair. Jay took in a deep breath, but then the fireworks started to run closer together. There was a loud burst every couple seconds and Jay couldn't keep himself from remembering his time in the Rangers. He leaned forward, burying his face in Erin's chest. "It's okay, baby. I'm here. It's just fireworks. You're alright." She tried to reassure him.

Erin looked up and saw that Hank, Antonio, and Burgess all had their eyes on her. She ignored them and continued to try and help her husband. A few seconds later, his hands tightened around her arms so hard that she accidentally whimpered. Jay was so out of it that he didn't even realize.

"Jay, open your eyes. We're going to the car." Erin told him. She went to get off of him, but he held her tighter. "Jay."

"I got him." Antonio was suddenly by her side. He grabbed Jay's hands, helping to uncurl his fingers from around Erin's arms. When he lost contact with her, his eyes flew open. He looked around in confusion, then flinched when another firework went off.

"Shhh, it's okay. We're going to the car." She reached her hand out to him. He grabbed onto it without hesitation, his eyes shutting when a particularly loud firework went off.

"It's just fireworks." He whispered to himself.

"Watch my kids, please." Erin told Antonio. "Come on, Jay. We're walking." She led him forward towards the cars. Because everyone was so enthralled with the fireworks, it only took them a minute to get back to the car. She opened up the backdoor and he got inside. Erin climbed in next to him.

Jay wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his forehead on his knees. He rocked slowly back and forth. Erin put the key in the ignition and turned up the radio so it was all they could hear. She rubbed his back soothingly.

After a few minutes, she could tell the fireworks were over and people had started coming back to their cars. She leaned up and turned the radio off. Jay was still rocking back and forth.

"Hey, it's over." She said. "You're okay, Jay. You're safe."

He sat up and leaned his forehead onto her shoulder. She cuddled into him, holding him tightly in her arms. She could feel how hard his heart was beating against his chest. "Take a deep breath, Jay."

Jay did as she instructed and some of the tension left his body. She continued to talk quietly, trying to bring him back to her. It took a couple minutes, but he finally calmed down.

"Baby?" he quietly called out.

"I'm here." Erin stroked her fingers through his hair. "It's okay."

Jay sat up. He shook his head. "I should have listened to you and gone to the car before the fireworks started. Did I scare the kids?"

"No, I don't think they even noticed. Antonio helped me get you up and we walked away. It wasn't a big deal."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." A minute later, they saw Hank approaching the car with the kids and the dog. Erin looked at him. "You good enough to see them?"

"I'm good." Jay promised.

Erin got out of the car, her husband following behind her. The kids ran over to them.

"Daddy, did you see the fireworks? They were awesome!" Connor shouted.

"Yeah, they were pretty cool." Jay said wearily. "Let's get in the car so we can go home."

"You alright, Jay?" Hank wondered.

"I'm fine. Thanks." He turned to lift Emma into the car.

"Thank you." Erin repeated. She and Hank hugged quickly and then they parted ways. Erin got in the driver's seat. Jay held Cap again as they drove home. "Alright, everyone needs a quick shower because you all smell like sweat and dirt."

"Me first!" Emma called.

"Emma, then Connor, then Henry, and then Sophia." Erin listed. "You all need to be quick."

They walked inside. Jay took Cap into the backyard to use the bathroom while Erin helped Emma get set up in the shower. When he came back in, she came to him.

"You need to go shower in our room. I'll get the kids in bed and everything. Just take care of you right now, okay?"

Jay wanted to argue, but he could still feel his body shaking. "Okay." He kissed her cheek and then went upstairs.

After each kid finished their shower, Erin tucked them into bed. It took about a half an hour for her to get through all four kids, but none of them protested. She knew they had a long day and they had to be exhausted.

Erin walked into her bedroom and saw Jay was lying in bed. She couldn't tell if he was asleep or not, so she went to shower. When she came back out, Jay was gone.

She padded downstairs quietly so she wouldn't wake the kids. Jay was sprawled out on the couch with a blanket and a pillow.

"You alright?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm gonna sleep down here tonight."

"Why?"

"Because you know how I get after something like that happens. I'm probably going to have nightmares."

"I want to help you through them."

"Erin, you know what has happened before when I had nightmares. I hurt you. I could never forgive myself if I did that again." Jay grabbed her hand. "Part of me getting better is acknowledging my triggers and understanding what happens after them. Today was pretty bad, and I don't want you to get hurt."

"Are you sure you wanna sleep down here?" she questioned.

"I have to do this."

"Okay." She kneeled down next to him. "Can I at least stay until you fall asleep?"

Jay smiled. There was nothing in the world that sounded better to him right now. He nodded his head.

"Close your eyes." Erin told him. She pressed a kiss to his forehead, then cheek, then nose, and finally his lips. "I'll be right here." She held his hand and leaned forward so that her head was resting against his arm.

Jay took a deep breath and willed himself to sleep. He knew that even if this impacted him for the next couple days, he had a wife who was supportive and would do anything to help him. As he drifted off to sleep, he knew he could get through this.

 **Jay's Birthday- July 8** **th** **(Thursday)**

"Wake up, birthday boy." Jay woke up to see his wife straddling his waist. She was pressing kisses to his chest, leading up to his neck. Her trail eventually made it to his lips and he responded almost immediately. Erin pulled back and laughed. "Good morning."

"Really good morning." He corrected. He pulled her back down so he could kiss her again. They made out lazily, knowing they didn't really have time to take things any further before their alarms went off.

"I want to make you breakfast." Erin panted as she finally broke their kiss. "But I'm not a very good cook."

"Your birthday present to me can be that you didn't food poison me." Jay joked. Erin scoffed and punched him in the arm. "We need to get ready for work."

"Maybe we can just call in sick."

"Nope." Jay got out of bed, hoisting Erin up into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck to help support her weight. "But maybe we can be a little late." Erin giggled as he carried her into shower.

One long, hot shower later, they were both dressed and ready for the day. Their babysitter, Beth, arrived and they left before the kids had woken up.

"I'm driving." Jay stated. Erin threw him the keys without question. "Wow, you're not going to fight me for it?"

"It's your birthday, I guess I'll let you have something."

Jay grinned. "You already gave me something in the shower."

Erin rolled her eyes. "Get in the car, Halstead."

They joked around with each other as they drove to the district. Right as they pulled up, Erin handed him an envelope. "Happy birthday."

He opened it up and saw handmade cards from the kids, very similar to the ones they had made for Erin's birthday. Connor's said, "Happy Birthday to the best dad ever!" and had a picture of them playing soccer. Henry's had a red heart on it and said, "I love you Daddy! Happy Birthday!". Sophia's was covered in tiny little pink and red hearts and it said, "Happy Birthday, Daddy! I love you and you're my best friend!", and then had a drawing of him. Emma's had a rainbow on it and said, "Daddy you are nice and I love you because you're nice and you play with me and Happy Birthday", which was written in Erin's handwriting. He smiled.

"I love them." He brought the into the building with him.

"Happy birthday, man." Antonio slapped him on the back as he walked in.

"Thanks." Jay proudly displayed his cards from his kids on his desk.

"Wow Halstead, what did Lindsay get you?" Ruzek questioned with a laugh, pointing towards his neck. Jay looked at his camera on his phone, seeing a small hickey on the side of his neck. He glared across the room at his wife, who was laughing.

"That's payback for Valentine's day." She informed him. Jay just flipped her off and got to work.

The day was relatively uneventful and they got off at 5 o'clock, which had been rare for the majority of the summer.

"Do you wanna go to dinner for your birthday?" Erin wondered.

"Yeah, I want to do something with the kids and they love going out to eat."

Erin unlocked the front door and they were surprised to see a giant banner hanging across the kitchen that said, 'Happy Birthday Daddy!' in colorful letters and had drawings and sentences made by their children.

"Surprise!" the kids jumped up from behind the couch and ran over to greet him.

"We made you a cake too!" Sophia informed him. She grabbed his hand and led him over to see.

"Thank you for doing this." Erin said to Beth. "How much do I owe you for it?"

"You don't owe me. The kids wanted to do something special for Jay, and I didn't mind helping them out."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Erin handed her the usual amount of money and Beth started to pack up her things. "Happy Birthday, Jay."

"Thank you, Beth. Guys, say bye."

"Bye!" the kids shouted to their babysitter. She left as the Halsteads started to get ready for their dinner.

Jay chose a steakhouse. He ordered salad, steak, and mashed potatoes, then ended up sharing his food with Emma, who had insisted that she wanted fish, then decided she didn't like it. Erin couldn't help but smile; he was such a good father. Jay was never selfish when it came to her or their children.

"Do we get dessert too?" Henry asked.

"We have cake at home, remember?" Erin said. After that, the kids started to shovel their food in their mouths so that they could go home and eat birthday cake.

When they all finished, Jay paid the bill and they got back into the car. Erin let Cap out of his cage and took him into the backyard. Jay walked out a minute later.

"It's crazy how much better you like lowkey birthdays when you're older." He commented. "When I was young, I loved going out to bars and all that for my birthday. But now, I have so much more fun with you and our kids."

"I know the feeling." Erin agreed. She leaned against him as he came to stand behind her. "You didn't leave any knives in their reach, did you?"

"Nope."

"I wouldn't be surprised if one of them grabbed one out of a drawer and they had already devoured the whole cake. I swear I saw Connor drooling when you reminded them about the cake."

Jay laughed. "They all have a sweet tooth, that's for sure."

Cap finished going to the bathroom, so they let him inside. Erin grabbed a pack of candles and stuck them into the cake. She turned off the lights so everyone could sing to Jay. When he blew out the candles, the room was bathed in darkness and all four of the kids screamed.

Erin flipped on the lights. "That was awfully dramatic, guys." She started to divide the cake into pieces, passing one out to each person around the table. She made sure to give small pieces to the kids; she didn't want them to start bouncing off the walls with a sugar high.

"When you finish your piece, go change into your pajamas." Jay ordered. Connor finished first, then Henry, then Emma, and finally Sophia.

"After we get the kids in bed, I have a present for you." Erin informed him.

"What? Er, you weren't supposed to get me a present. You already got Cap and he was expensive."

"It's nothing big." She promised. "Let's go tuck the monsters in."

Erin went to the boys' room and Jay went to the girls'. They read their nightly stories and gave hugs and kisses, then switched rooms to give the opposite kids hugs and kisses. By the time they finished, they were both worn out.

They walked into their room to get changed into pajamas. Jay threw his clothes from the day into the hamper and put on his usual boxers and sweats. He looked over and saw that Erin was in only a bra and underwear. She took off her bra and tossed it towards the closet. Jay didn't even have it in him to tell her to put it in the hamper when she was standing in front of him almost naked.

"Wanna see your present?" she asked. He nodded his head eagerly. Erin turned around and pulled her underwear down.

Jay was confused when he saw black writing on her right butt cheek. He stood and went over to her. There, in black cursive similar to the writing in his own tattoo, was the word 'Jay'.

He started laughing. "You got my name on your ass?"

Erin turned around and gave him a dimpled smile. "I figured it was only fair to return the favor."

Jay pulled her into his arms. "You're crazy."

"Crazy in love with you." She mocked, knowing that was one of the cheesy thing he often said.

Jay just leaned down and kissed him. His marriage to Erin was always interesting. He just didn't understand how he could wake up every morning and love her even more than the day before.

"Happy birthday, Jay. I love you."

"Thank you." He gave her a kiss. "Love you too."

 **Erin and Jay's 11** **th** **Wedding Anniversary (September)**

When Erin woke up, she felt something pulling at her finger. She turned her head slightly, squinting to try and help her eyes adjust to the light. Jay was next to her, his head propped up by his right arm and his left twisting her wedding ring.

"Happy anniversary, Mrs. Halstead." He greeted before leaning in for a kiss. Erin didn't protest; no matter how tired she was, she always enjoyed kissing her husband.

"Happy anniversary." Erin said once they broke apart for air. "What time is it?"

"7am."

"We need to get the kids ready for school." She leaned in again and gave him another kiss.

They heard a knock on their door. "I know you're kissing in there! Come on, it's time for school!" Connor shouted from the other side.

Erin pulled back and rested her forehead against Jay's as they both caught their breath. She rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom. She turned on the shower and quickly washed her hair and her body. She blow-dried her hair quickly and did her makeup, then put on a pair of a jeans and a black shirt.

When she got downstairs, Jay and the kids were eating breakfast. She saw a plate of toast in her spot and she smiled at him in thanks before sitting down. She wasn't really a breakfast person, but Jay insisted on making her eat breakfast every morning.

"Mama, is Beth picking us up from school?" Sophia asked.

"No, Daddy or I will pick you up. You're spending the night at Papa Hank's tonight, remember?" they all started to talk excitedly. They loved having sleepovers with their grandpa.

Jay's phone beeped and he looked down at it. "We gotta go. We need to talk to a family at Med."

"M'kay. Go get ready."

Most mornings, Erin would get ready while Jay woke the kids up and got them breakfast. Then, he would get ready while she helped them finish getting ready, took care of giving them lunch money, and made sure they had everything they needed.

As Jay walked by, he dropped a kiss on the top of her head. She couldn't believe that this is how her life had ended up. Eleven years ago when they got married, having their own home and children and being happy had been their dream. Yeah, they had a couple more kids than they originally planned, and their kids had to share rooms, and maybe money was a little tighter than intended, but she wouldn't change it for anything.

Erin helped the girls with their hair and made sure everyone brushed their teeth. Jay joined her downstairs, passing her gun and badge to her. She put them in their places and they all walked out to the car.

Jay put his gun in the glovebox so he could walk the kids into school. Erin waited patiently, tapping her hands on the steering wheel to the beat of the song that was playing. It didn't take him long to come back out.

"How was Emma?" Erin asked. She had just started kindergarten at the end of August and the drop-offs could still be kind of rough.

"She was good. She ran right over to play." Jay smiled. "She's growing up on us. Maybe we should just have one more…"

"Absolutely not." Erin said with a glare. Jay laughed.

They pulled into Chicago Med. Apparently that morning, a house had been robbed. Neighbors called the police after seeing the suspect fleeing the scene and when they arrived, they found the homeowners and their two children unconscious. They needed to talk to the victims to see what they remember.

When they walked in, they were surprised to run into Natalie. She was wearing a baby carrier, which had her newborn daughter strapped inside, and Julian was by her side.

"Hey Nat." Jay greeted, giving her a quick hug and avoiding crushing the baby. Erin repeated his actions. "What are you doing here? I thought you were on maternity leave."

"We just came to drop Daddy's cellphone off to him, right Julian?"

"Uncle Jay!" Julian reached his arms up. Jay scooped him up.

"Hey bud. You being good for your mom?"

"Uh-huh. We are going to the park!"

"You are? That'll be so much fun!" Jay looked at his sister-in-law. "Can I see my beautiful little niece?"

"Of course." Natalie lifted the baby out of her carrier. "Wanna hold her, Erin?"

"Yes!" Erin eagerly took the little one. "How old is she now?"

"Three weeks tomorrow." Reese Isabella Elizabeth Halstead had dark hair and her eyes were starting to get darker, meaning they would probably be brown. She was Natalie's spitting image.

Erin looked at Jay and she was startled by the look on his face. He always said that he was in love with how much she adored children, and she could tell that her holding Reese had that same effect on him.

"She's beautiful." Erin complimented. "It's perfect how things worked out for you guys. Julian looks like Will, Reese looks like you. I wish it was fair in our house."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Erin, Sophia looks just like you."

"But Connor _and_ Henry look like you, and so does Emma."

"I think Emma is a mix between the two of you." Natalie interjected. "But I get where you're coming from, Erin. You're forced to carry the baby inside of you for nine months and then go through a very, _very_ painful labor, so the least the kid could do is look like you."

"Exactly." Erin said smugly, glaring at Jay. He always tried to argue with her about this, but at least Natalie understood.

"Well we better go do our jobs." Jay reluctantly stated. "If you ever need a babysitter, let us know. It feels like forever since we've had a baby in the house."

"I might have to take you up on that." Natalie agreed. She took Reese back from Erin and secured her in the carrier. "Julian, say goodbye to Uncle Jay and Aunt Erin."

"Bye bye!" Julian hugged Jay, then reached over so he could hug Erin.

"Tell Owen hi for us." Jay added.

"I will. Good luck with your case."

"Thank you." They parted ways. Erin studied her husband. "Don't start getting baby fever."

"I never thought I would miss waking up at all hours of the night, the spit up, the crying, but I do. Maybe it's just because Em's in kindergarten now."

"I miss it too sometimes, but four is our limit, Jay. We can't afford another one."

"I know."

Erin reached out and squeezed his hand. She knew that if it was up to him, she would be pregnant constantly. Every time she was pregnant, Jay told her he loved looking at the woman he loved more than anything else in the world and knowing that she was carrying his child inside of her. Erin always told him that was a little possessive, but she also thought it was kind of sweet.

They questioned the husband and the wife first, getting a list of names of people who had been in and out of their house lately, including the name of a construction company that had been building their back porch (which Jay was leaning towards as being their best lead). Then, they had to talk to the kids- an 11-year-old boy and a 7-year-old girl. All he could remember was trying to protect his little sister, but the bad man hit them both anyway. Erin didn't even realize how hard she was digging her nails into her palms until Jay was pulling on her arm and looking down at the blood on her hands.

"We're going to find out who did this." Jay told her as she wiped her cuts off with an antiseptic wipe. She was silent; the biggest mystery in the world to her was how people could hurt children.

The rest of the day moved pretty quickly. They looked into the construction company and found out the guy who had worked on their house had a brother with priors for armed robbery and assault.

Everyone suited up and arrived at the home of their suspect, a man named Gil Bradley. Voight gave them the orders as they approached the house.

"Antonio, Burgess, take the back." He instructed. "Breech the house."

Atwater knocked the door down and Jay was the first one inside. Erin was right behind him as they worked to quickly clear the house.

"GUN!" she heard Jay shouted. She finished clearing the bathroom and then made her way back to the bedroom she knew her partner was in. He was standing with his hands up as their suspect pointed a gun at him.

Erin felt her breath catch in her throat. She quickly swallowed and shook her head; she couldn't be worried about him right now. She needed to do her job and worry about the personal stuff later. Right now, he was her partner, not her husband, and he needed her to be on top of her game.

"Another person comes in this room and I'll blow your brains out." Bradley threatened.

Jay radioed the rest of the team. "Everyone, stand down. Do not come upstairs."

"Gil, let's just all put down our weapons, okay?" Erin tried.

Bradley laughed. "Yeah right. This guy is my ticket out of here. I want a car with a full tank of gas. No more cops. Everyone leaves and once I'm gone, no one follows. That's the only way this guy gets to live." He walked closer to Jay, then threw a set of zip ties to Erin. "Tie his hands behind his back."

"I can't do that, Gil."

"You'll do what I say, bitch, or I'll kill him."

Erin could see Jay's body tense up. She hoped that he wasn't going to decide that now was the time to defend her honor.

"You have three seconds." Bradley took the safety off his gun.

Erin put her gun back into its holster and stepped forward, tying the zip ties around Jay's wrists. She left them loose so that he could hopefully slip through them.

"Let's take a look here." Bradley came around to check her work, keeping the gun to Jay's head with his right hand. He laughed. "You think you can try and pull one over on me? I will…"

Before he could finish his sentence, Erin had removed her gun from its holster and shot him in the head. He fell to the ground, his gun clattering next to him. She kicked it away from his body.

"Lincoln 5021, 10-1, 10-1, shots fired by the police. Roll an ambo to this location." Erin said into her radio. She leaned down and pressed her fingers to Bradley's neck. No pulse. "He's dead." She told Jay.

Jay took a deep breath, then pulled his wrists apart, snapping the zip ties. He picked his gun up off the floor and slid it into his holster.

"You good?" she asked.

"Yep. You?"

"Yeah."

Ruzek and Atwater burst into the room. They saw the victim with a bullet in his forehead. Erin put her hands on her hips, trying not to let anyone see how much her hands were shaking.

"Wow, nice shot, Jay." Ruzek said.

"Not me. Erin."

"You good, Linds?" Atwater put a hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah. He had a gun on Jay. I took the shot."

"Good work." Ruzek slapped her on the back.

The ambulance arrived to collect Bradley's body. After giving their statements, Jay and Erin walked over to their car. Hank stopped them.

"I need to speak to the two of you."

Erin shook her head. "It's 3. We have to go pick the kids up from school."

"It'll be quick. I need to know that you did what you had to do in there because it was the only way to save your partner, not your husband."

Erin clenched her teeth. "You know that we have no issue with being professional, Hank. I wouldn't have shot him if I thought there was any other way."

Hank nodded. "I just had to ask."

Erin nodded too. "Meet you at your house?"

"See you there."

Erin got into the driver's seat. When she looked over at Jay, she saw his expression. She rolled her eyes. "Will you stop?"

"Stop what?"

"Worrying about me. I wasn't the one with a gun held to my head."

"But you took a kill shot on a man who was holding a gun to your partner's head. That's big, babe."

"I'm alright. It was scary, but I did it. Are you sure that you're okay?"

Jay glanced out the window. "This morning, we were talking about babies and our kids growing up. I couldn't help but think about what would happen if all of that was taken away." Erin didn't say anything; there was nothing she could say. That was the reality that they faced every single morning when they clipped their badges to their belts. "I need you to make a promise to me."

"What is it?"

"If one day, the worst did happen and I never came home. I need you to keep it together, okay?" Erin knew that he was talking about her drug addiction. She didn't hold it against him- it was a very real situation that could happen. "You have to be there for the kids. And one day, when the time is right, don't be afraid to fall in love again."

"I'm not talking about this." Erin refused.

"I'm serious, Erin. I know how you are. I don't want you to be depressed or feel like you have to stay loyal to me. I just want you to be happy."

"Can we not talk about this on our wedding anniversary? It's supposed to be a good day."

"Promise me, Erin."

"Fine." She pulled up in front of the school. Her hands were shaking again. She rubbed over her face tiredly.

"Hey Daddy!" the backdoor opened and Henry got into the car. "Hi, Mama."

"Hi Henry." She greeted, the exhaustion clear in her tone. She took a deep breath and let it out. She couldn't be upset about what ifs right now.

The kids all piled into the car one by one, and then they drove home. Everyone started to pack their necessities- clothes, pajamas, toothbrushes, socks and underwear, and any toys that they 'needed' for a night with Papa Hank. Once they finished, they got back into the car and drove over to his house.

"There they are!" Hank called out as he lifted up Emma in one arm and Henry in the other. "I've got a pizza coming and a movie ready on TV."

Connor, Henry, and Sophia said their goodbyes to their parents and ran inside without a second look. Emma lingered, hugging Erin's legs.

"What's wrong, Emmy?" Erin asked her.

"I wanna go with you and Daddy."

"You're going to have so much fun with Papa, I promise." She lifted her up and kissed her. Emma reached her arms out towards her dad and Jay took her.

"Come on, let's get you settled with your brothers and sister." He carried her inside and to the living room, leaving just Erin and Hank.

"If she gets upset tonight, just call us. We'll come get her."

"She'll be fine."

"But if she's not, don't hesitate. She's been kind of clingy lately, I think it has to do with starting school. We don't mind picking her up."

"I'll call if I need to." Hank said. It was the best she was going to get out of him, so she just took it. "Have fun tonight."

"You too. Thank you." Erin gave him a hug. He and Jay said goodbye to each other and then the couple went back to their car.

They had decided to spend their anniversary by going to dinner and a movie. Jay took her to a lowkey pizza place where they didn't have to wear nice clothes. They each had a couple slices, then went to the movies. There was a movie they had both been dying to see, but they rarely got time because of their kids.

Overall, they had a nice night. It wasn't anything crazy, but they had each other and that was all that mattered. They agreed to drink a couple beers and watch something on TV, but before she could even finish her second beer, Erin fell asleep against her husband.

Jay smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head. He decided to let her rest. They had both been extra tired lately with trying to get the kids back into the routine of going to school, plus work had been stressful. She needed as much sleep as she could get.

At around midnight, Erin's phone started to ring. "Babe, your phone." Jay said, trying to shake her. He reached out to grab it off the coffee table and saw that it was Hank. He answered. "Hank?"

"Oh, I thought I called Erin."

"You did, but she's sleeping. Are the kids okay?"

"Emma's been crying for the past hour and saying she wants to go home. The other three are sound asleep, but I don't think she's going to settle down."

"I'll be there in a few." Jay carefully extracted himself from underneath his wife and slipped his shoes on. He got into the car and drove over to Voight's.

When he arrived, he saw that the kitchen light was on. He knocked on the door and Hank opened it a moment later.

"Sorry to bother you so late."

"It's not bothering me. She's my daughter, you can call whenever if it involves them." Jay walked into the living room. Emma was sniffling on the couch, staring at the movie playing on the TV. He sat down next to her.

"Daddy!" she jumped onto his lap, a fresh round of tears starting. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his shoulder.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he rubbed her back gently.

"Where's Mama?"

"She's at home asleep."

"I wanna go home."

"Why are you so upset, Em? You love staying with Papa."

"I just wanna go home."

Jay stood up, lifting her into his arms as he did so. He looked to Hank. "Are you okay with keeping the other three?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I'm going to take Emma home." Jay didn't bother to grab any of her stuff; he knew they would be back in the morning anyway to pick up her siblings. "Thanks, Hank."

"Anytime."

Jay carried Emma out to the car and buckled her into her car seat. The drive home was pretty quiet and he hoped that meant she had fallen asleep, but once glance in the rearview mirror told him he wasn't that lucky.

"Come on, let's go see Mama." He carried her inside because he hadn't even bothered to grab her shoes. When they walked in, Erin was sitting up on the couch. She had just woken up, judging by her expression.

"Emma?" she asked in confusion.

"Mama!" Emma wailed. She wiggled out of Jay's arms and ran across the room to her mother. Erin held her on her lap and tried to comfort her.

"Jay, she feels warm. Will you grab the thermometer?" he went to do as she said. When he returned, Emma wasn't crying anymore, but she still looked upset. "Thank you." Erin took her temperature. "She has a little fever. 100.3."

"I'll get some Tylenol."

Jay came back with the medicine and saw that his wife was gently rocking their youngest. It had been so long since she rocked one of their kids to sleep. It brought a smile to his face.

"Baby, let Daddy give you some medicine. It's going to make you feel so much better."

Jay was surprised at how easily Emma gave in; she must have really not been feeling well. Erin lifted her and stood up.

"Wanna sleep with Mama and Daddy tonight?"

"Uh-huh." Emma closed her eyes and rested her head against Erin's shoulder.

They went upstairs to their bedroom. Erin put Emma on the bed and then changed into a pair of underwear and one of his t-shirts. Jay put on his usual sweats and they got into bed with their little girl. She was right in the middle, her head resting on Erin's chest.

"Daddy, cuddle me." Emma whimpered.

Jay scooted closer to her and put his arm around her. She let out a content sigh, as if cuddling with her parents is what she had been waiting for, and her breathing evened out.

Jay looked over at Erin. "Crazy anniversary, right?"

Erin laughed quietly. "Definitely."

He leaned over Emma so he could give his wife a quick kiss. "Thanks for being married to me for eleven years. I love you."

"Love you too."

It may not have been the anniversary they planned, but their duties as parents would always come before anything else. As Jay laid in bed with his wife and their daughter, he decided that this was the perfect ending to their night.

 **Halloween**

Before Erin and Jay could stop them, the four Halstead children went running out the front door. As soon as Connor (the only one who could really tell time) saw that the clock hit 6 o'clock, he announced it to his siblings. They all grabbed their candy bags in a panic and ran to go trick-or-treating.

"Stop!" Jay called before they could reach the end of the driveway. They froze obediently. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Erin was putting on her coat. She grabbed her phone and keys and locked their front door. "Mama wants a picture of you all."

They all groaned, but came back over to the porch. They sat down on the steps while Erin snapped a couple of pictures. Connor was dressed up as a zombie, Henry was a football player, Sophia was a princess, and Emma was a cop. It was definitely an interesting combination.

A car pulled into the driveway and the backdoor opened. Owen and Julian, dressed as Scream and a clown, respectively, jumped out and joined their cousins. Will got the stroller out of the truck while Natalie got the baby out of her car seat.

"Sorry we're late!" Natalie apologized. "We had some trouble with Julian's makeup."

"You're fine, our kids are just crazy." Erin told her. They were all practically bouncing in excitement.

"There we go." Will finished with the stroller. Natalie put Reese inside and made sure she was bundled up in her hat, coat, and blankets.

"Alright, Halsteads. Time to trick or treat." Jay announced. The kids screamed in excitement and ran to their neighbor's.

It was crazy to Erin that her kids had cousins to go trick or treating with. She had taken Teddy out a couple times, but they never had costumes, so they were often made fun of when they saw people they knew. She would make sure her kids never had to experience something like that.

Erin walked with Natalie and Reese as Will and Jay took the kids up to each house. She could tell by their laughter that Halloween had been a good time in the Halstead household. The men seemed almost as excited as the kids.

"Mama, look!" Sophia ran over to her. "That house had big candy bars!"

"That's awesome!" Erin agreed. "Make sure you get some Snickers for me, and some Reese's Cups for Daddy."

"I will." Sophia went back over to the other kids.

"You know, I never really got excited about Halloween as a kid." Natalie commented. "I can see now why people love it so much."

"It is a lot different when you're watching your kids get excited about it." Erin agreed.

Natalie laughed. "Not even just the kids. Look at Jay and Will."

They both observed the two men laughing and joking around with each other and the kids. On a normal day, they were both so guarded, but right now, you would never guess that.

About a half an hour into trick or treating, the little ones started to get tired. Jay was carrying Emma and Will was carrying Julian, but Owen, Connor, and the twins didn't look like they would be ready to stop anytime soon.

"Well look who we have here." Erin smiled as she heard the familiar voice. Burgess was sitting on her porch wearing a witch hat. She had a giant black cauldron next to her that was filled with candy.

"Hey Kim." Erin greeted.

"Hi. Hi, Natalie."

Erin came over and sat next to her on the porch. "Mind if I help pass out some candy?"

"Of course not. I'm so bored. Natalie, what about you?"

"I think I'll stay too." Natalie agreed. "It's almost time for Reese to have a bottle."

"Hey guys." Ruzek came out of the house and greeted them all.

"Wait, you're both here? Did AJ and Norah not go trick or treating?" Jay wondered.

Kim smiled. "One of the many perks of having teenagers- you don't have to go out on cold nights like this."

"I did the first block with them, but then they said they would rather go with Maddie and Gavin." Adam stated. "You guys going back out?"

"Yeah, Erin and Natalie are staying here, but we're going to take the kids with us." Jay answered.

"I'll come too. I'll text Gav and maybe we can meet up with them."

"Sounds good." Jay turned to his wife. "You sure you wanna stay?"

"I'm freezing." Erin informed him. "Take pictures for me of anything good."

"M'kay." He leaned forward and gave her a kiss. "Emma, you want to stay here with Mama and Aunt Nat and Kim?"

"Is Sophia staying?" she asked.

"No, I'm gonna get a bunch of candy!" Sophia shouted in excitement.

"I wanna go with Daddy." Emma decided.

"Julian, why don't you stay here? You can help pass out candy." Natalie tried to bribe.

"Okay!" he eagerly reached his arms out to his mother. Will smiled at her gratefully; it was obvious that he was getting sick of carrying the fidgety toddler.

Erin knew Jay's arms were probably tired too, but he would never complain. He would carry Emma, or any of their kids, across the country if they asked him to. It was part of the reason she loved him so much; he would do anything for his children.

Everyone said their goodbyes and the men and children walked away. Kim broke the silence. "God, I'm so glad you guys came. You should have heard Adam pouting."

"Why?" Natalie asked.

"He was so upset that Norah and Little Adam chose Maddie and Gavin over him. He just kept saying that if this happens when they're 3 and 4, what will it be like when they're teenagers?" Kim rolled her eyes. "I'm just happy I don't have to listen to him anymore."

Erin looked at her friend. "I'm surprised they wanted to take them out. Most teenagers would rather hang out with their friends than their little brother and sister."

"Which is what I told Adam, but his feelings were still hurt." Kim smiled. "I don't think it had anything to do with wanting to hang out with their siblings, though. Maddie has a boyfriend."

Erin raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Mmhmm. His name is Jake, don't say anything but I already ran his family's info. They're solid, and he seems like a good kid. She asked him to take Norah and AJ with her, and he came over to pick her up after Adam had already taken the kids out. I didn't get to see his reaction when he met him."

"How does Gavin like him?"

"He told me that as far as he knows, he's a nice guy, but he doesn't trust anyone with his sister. That's why he went trick or treating with them. He wanted to keep an eye on Jake and Maddie."

"Maddie's is lucky to have a brother who cares about her as much as Gavin does." Natalie said.

"She is. I almost made him stay home, but I figured that he could keep an eye on the situation for me."

Reese started to cry, so Natalie got her bottle ready. Erin held Julian on her lap and helped him pass out candy, smiling at the little boy's eagerness.

"So Natalie, will Reese be your last?" Kim wondered.

"Yep, we're all done." Natalie held Reese against her chest so she could burp her. "Will and I agreed that three was our number. Any more kids and we might go crazy. What about you guys?"

Kim shrugged. "Adam and I have talked about adopting another. If a situation came up where we were offered a child and we felt that it would be good for our family, we wouldn't say no. But at the same time, we're not actively seeking out a child." She looked at Erin. "What I'm wondering is if Emma is the last baby Halstead."

"Erin, you and Jay have practically been gushing over Reese ever since she was born. There's no way you guys are done."

"We are." Erin said simply.

"But why?" Kim half-whined. "Your kids are so cute and well-behaved and perfect. You guys are awesome parents. Why not just have one more?"

"Well four is already more than we bargained for. We don't have space for another baby, or money, or time."

"Your kids are getting older and they're in school all day. You would have time for a baby then."

"Yeah, if I stayed home from work, which I can't do because we need money. Jay and I have discussed it a little bit, but we both agreed that we can't do it."

"What if I agree to finance the next baby?" Natalie joked, making all three of the women laugh. They continued to joke around with each other, but Erin's mind was still stuck on the idea of another baby. She knew that she couldn't afford it, and she wasn't going to tell Jay that she wanted another one or anything, but she missed having a tiny baby in the house.

At around 7:45, the kids came running into the yard. Sophia handed her bag over to her mom. "Mama, look how much I got!"

"How much did Daddy let you eat while you were walking around?" Erin questioned.

"Daddy said only three pieces, but Uncle Will and Adam told us to eat as much as we wanted." Connor informed her.

Erin looked at her brother-in-law. "Are you coming over to get our kids ready for bed since they're all on a sugar high?"

"It's Halloween, Erin. They should get to have a little fun."

Natalie smiled. "I'm glad you feel that way because you're responsible for getting Owen to sleep, _and_ waking him up tomorrow."

"There's nothing I would enjoy more."

Maddie came over to Erin. "Erin, this is my boyfriend, Jake. Jake, this is Erin."

"It's nice to meet you." Jake reached his hand out. Erin shook his hand with a small smile. "Maddie has told me so much about you."

"I hope it was good things." Erin joked.

"Definitely." A car pulled up. "That's my mom. See you at school tomorrow, Maddie." He gave her a quick hug and then went to the car. Maddie looked like she was floating on cloud nine.

"What do you think?" Maddie asked.

"He seems sweet."

"He is." Maddie agreed. "I'm gonna go take a shower. Bye." She gave Erin a hug, then Jay, then each of their kids. She ran inside.

Erin made eye contact with Kim, who wiggled her eyebrows up and down. Their girl definitely had her first boyfriend.

Erin went over to Gavin. "So, what are your thoughts on him?"

Gavin shrugged. "He seemed okay. He was nice to Maddie, and to all the kids. He didn't try and kiss her or touch her or anything, so that's good."

"Just keep an eye on them."

"You know I will."

Jay came over to Erin. "Ready?"

"Mmhmm." She put her freezing cold hands on the back of his neck and he jumped, making her laugh. "Guys, say goodbye to everyone."

As they walked back to their house, the adults regretted not driving over. It had taken them a half hour to get there, but Jay managed to lead them a way that only took twenty minutes. Erin was carrying Emma, who was asleep and getting heavier by the minute. Jay had Henry on his back and Sophia in his arms. Natalie pushed the stroller and Will carried a sleeping Julian. Only Owen and Connor were still full of energy as they walked happily with their parents.

When they got to Erin and Jay's, they said their goodbyes to the other Halstead family. Erin immediately brought Emma to her bed. She turned and saw Jay right behind her.

"My arms are sore." She informed him.

"Mine too. Emma wouldn't let me put her down while he walked around." He flexed his arms. "I can't even imagine what they're going to feel like tomorrow."

"Next year, we're driving."

"Agreed."

Erin and Jay let the other three watch a show to help them wind down from their exciting night. Jay stashed the bags of candy on top of the refrigerator, knowing their kids would devour them if they were in reach. By the time the show ended, Sophia and Henry had passed out, leaving only their oldest.

"Tonight was the best Halloween ever." Connor said with a yawn as they all walked upstairs.

"I'm glad you had fun, buddy." Erin told him. She carried Sophia into her room and put her in bed while Jay took care of the boys. She went over to their room to give their goodnight kisses and hugs.

As soon as they shut the door to the boys' room, Jay smiled at Erin. "Wanna go downstairs and raid their candy?"

She laughed. "Of course." They raced each other downstairs to see what kinds of candy their kids had brought home.

 **Thanksgiving**

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Hank opened up the front door to the house so that the Halsteads could enter.

Sophia jumped into his arms and kissed his cheek. "Happy Thanksgiving, Papa!"

Hank smiled as everyone else walked into the house. He noticed the way Jay took Erin's coat, then all of their kids' coats and hung them up for them. It was no secret that Jay was a gentleman, but it was still nice to be reminded that a good man was taking care of his little girl.

"Need any help in the kitchen?" Erin asked.

Hank scoffed. "Why, so you can ruin the meal?"

Erin pouted. "I'm not that bad of a cook."

"Mama, you burnt my Poptart. Stay away from the turkey!" Connor teased.

"Thanks for the offer, but I've got it, kid." Hank told her. She just smiled and went to greet Olive and Daniel.

Hank put Sophia down, but she still followed him into the kitchen. "Can I help you, Papa? I won't mess it up." She promised.

"Sure, sweet pea. Don't touch though unless I tell you, okay?" he set her on the counter and started to make his late wife's famous apple pie. "This was your grandma Camille's recipe."

"I wish I knew her." Sophia said with a sigh. "I don't have a grandma."

"No, but you have a grandpa, and an aunt and uncle, and cousins, and lots of other people who love you. Can I tell you a secret?"

"Uh-huh." She leaned in close so she could hear what he said. Hank couldn't help but smile; she looked so much like Erin.

"You have the greatest Mama and Daddy in the entire world, and your brothers and sister are pretty great too. When you have a family that is as good as yours, you don't need grandmas."

Sophia smiled proudly. Hank showed her how to scoop the pie mixture out of the bowl and into the crust, which she was able to do with his help. Then, they put the top layer of crust on top.

Hank put the pie into the oven next to the turkey and then followed his granddaughter into the living room. He stood in the doorway so he could observe everyone.

Olive was chatting happily with Al's daughter, Michelle. She had been in and out of Al's life since she was a teenager, but she had a good job now and seemed to be settling down. Alvin was next to her, obviously glad to just be with his daughter. Hank knew how much he missed Lexi, and he hoped that having Michelle filled a little bit of that hole.

Connor, Henry, Daniel, and Emma were playing a game on the floor. Sophia ran over and asked if she could join them, and Connor eagerly scooted over to make room for his sister and then explained the rules. Hank loved the way that his grandchildren loved each other and how sweet they were to one another (most of the time).

His eyes went to the couch next. Jay and Erin were sitting next to each other and there was a familiar red photo album on Erin's lap. It had been Camille's favorite, one that she had carefully filled from front to back with her favorite pictures after she got sick. There were some of Justin as a child, Erin when she first came to them, their wedding photo. Their entire lives were in that album, and after their grandkids were born, Hank made sure to add their photos too; he knew that Camille would appreciate it.

He knew that this wasn't the first time Jay had seen the album, and it probably wouldn't be the last. Hank noticed that Erin had been staring at a certain page for a particularly long time. He glanced over and knew exactly which picture she was caught up on. It was one of Erin, Camille, and Justin at Erin's high school graduation. She had an arm wrapped around both of them and was giving a huge dimpled smile. Hank saw his wife and son, forever frozen in that moment. That was how he liked to remember them.

"I just can't believe they're gone." Erin said quietly, but he could hear the emotion in her voice. He went to step forward.

"I know it's hard." Jay wrapped his arm around her. "But they're with you every single day, no matter what. It helps me to think of the fact that Sophia's middle name is for my mother; it's almost like she lives on through Sophia. Think of Henry and Emma like that."

Erin nodded her head and leaned into her husband. Jay kissed her forehead and continued to quietly reassure her.

Hank went back into the kitchen to give them some privacy. If he hadn't already known it, he would now. Jay Halstead was the perfect man for his daughter.

It didn't take long until dinner was ready. Everyone gathered around the table and food was passed out.

"Can we all say something we're thankful for?" his oldest grandson asked. Daniel had turned 13 that year. Hank couldn't believe how quickly he was growing up. He definitely had all the best parts of Justin.

"Why don't you start us off?" Hank suggested.

"I'm thankful that we have food to eat today, and that we have each other. Your turn, Mom!"

Olive smiled. "I'm thankful for knowing Justin because without him, I wouldn't have all of you, or this one right here." She touched her son's cheek affectionately.

Michelle was next. "I'm thankful to be with my dad."

"And I'm thankful that you're here. All of you." Al added.

Connor was next to Al. "I'm thankful for soccer and Mama and Daddy and Papa Hank."

"I'm thankful for school and candy." Henry said.

Connor rolled his eyes. "You didn't even say anything nice, Henry."

Jay interrupted. "If that's what he's thankful for, then that's fine, Connor." He was next. "I'm thankful for my beautiful wife and our children and that we all come home safely."

"I'm thankful for Daddy and Cap and Sophia and Mama and Papa Hank and Henry and Connor and…" Emma started to list.

"Just say everyone." Erin interrupted gently.

"I'm thankful for everyone!" Emma corrected herself.

Erin bit her lip as she thought. "I'm thankful that Hank brought me into this family so many years ago. I'm thankful that I found a man who can love me for who I am, and love our children so fiercely. I'm thankful to have a job that I love, with people I can call my family."

"I'm thankful for being happy and having a good family." Sophia said next.

Hank was the last one. "I'm thankful that, even though Camille and Justin are gone, we are all still here and we can all remember them. I am thankful to be surrounded by people I love, and I am thankful to have five amazing grandchildren."

"Cheers to that." Al held up his drink. All the adults followed suit, which then made the kids laugh and hold up their cups of water. They all clanged them together before digging into their Thanksgiving feast.

 **Christmas**

"SANTA CAME!"

Jay shot up in bed when he heard the sudden noise. Luckily, his reflexes were quick enough that he managed to grab Connor before he flew off the bed. He struggled to take in his surroundings and understand what was going on.

"Daddy, Mama, we have presents! Santa came!" Connor repeated. Jay saw that Henry, Sophia, and Emma were in the doorway, still in their pajamas and bouncing with excitement. He looked over and saw that Erin had her face buried under pillow as she tried to block out the noise.

He couldn't help but laugh. "Why don't you wake up Mama?"

Connor moved over to sit on Erin's back. "Mama, wake up! Time for presents!"

Jay knew Erin was exhausted. They had procrastinated on wrapping their presents, and they were up until 3am getting it all done last night. Now, it was 5:47am and the kids were already bouncing off the walls.

"Come on, babe. Santa came." Jay told her as he lifted the pillow off her head. He moved Connor off of her so that she could sit up.

Erin rubbed at her eyes and then stood up, stretching her arms above her head. "Merry Christmas." She greeted her family. All four kids instantly launched themselves at her, attacking her with hugs and kisses and begging to open presents.

Jay laughed and grabbed the two kids closest to him, which happened to be Connor and Sophia. He loved listening to their laughter as he ran downstairs with them. He smiled at the sight of their tree. Jay and Erin certainly weren't materialistic, but it was nice to know that they could give their kids more than they had gotten as children.

Erin came over and wrapped her arms around him. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, baby." He kissed her quickly. "Alright guys, go ahead and open."

They didn't need to be told twice. They all started to tear into their presents as he and Erin moved around the room and took pictures with their phones. He got to see Sophia open up her new Barbie castle, and Connor almost cried when he saw that he had gotten a drone. Emma adored her new art set, while Henry wanted to open his remote-control cars right that second. There were tons of Barbies, board games, baby dolls, racecars, dinosaurs, video games, DVDs, books, clothes, anything they could ask for.

"After hours and hours of wrapping, they tore it all apart in less than an hour." Erin mumbled to him. "It's kind of sad."

"Yeah, but look at how happy they are." Jay smiled down at her. "I got something for you."

"Me too." Erin handed him a box. He opened it up with a smile. The first thing was a watch that he had been looking at for months, but never could find an excuse to buy it. He had also gotten a couple new sweatshirt, and a videogame that he had been debating on picking out for Connor's Xbox, though it was a little too advanced for the 8-year-old.

"Thank you." He gave her a quick kiss. "Here's yours."

Erin opened up her gift and pulled out a pair of warm, fuzzy black socks, gloves, hat, and a scarf. She smiled as she ran her hands over the material. "Thank you, Jay. They're really soft."

Jay knew that his wife was happy with just that. She wasn't the type of person to get mad over not being given a big enough gift, or to compare what she had gotten him to what he had gotten her. They were both very practical people and typically only bought things that were necessities, not wants. He was glad that he had another surprise for her, even if she wasn't expecting it.

"You're going to need them for where we're going."

Erin raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I put in for some time off for us, and Voight approved. You, me, and the kids are going to Wisconsin for the week."

She smiled. "Really?"

"Really. We won't have to worry about anything but our family."

"When do we leave?"

"As soon as we're packed up and ready to go. We'll be back on New Year's morning so that we can make it to Kim and Adam's party."

Erin hugged him tightly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. It's kind of my gift to everyone." He looked at his kids. "Did you guys hear that? We're going on vacation!"

"Can we bring our new toys?" Sophia wondered.

"You can each pick out your three favorite things. Soph, I'm sorry, but you can't bring the Barbie castle. It won't fit in the car."

"It's gonna be awesome flying my drone at the cabin!" Connor cheered.

Erin stood up. "Alright, we've got a lot to do. It takes a couple hours to get to the cabin and I would like to be there by the time the kids need to go to bed. We need to pack." Before she could go do that, her phone rang. Jay passed it to her. She answered the Facetime, seeing that it was Hank.

"Merry Christmas." His gravelly voice said over the phone.

"Merry Christmas!" Erin responded. They had spent Christmas Eve at Hank's, so Jay didn't feel bad about taking his wife and kids away from Chicago. "You helped Jay surprise me with a trip?"

"He just put in for the time off. All I did was approve."

"How can Intelligence be two people short?"

"I'm going to bring up some kids from patrol that Trudy recommended. But don't worry about that, enjoy yourself. I just called to see what Santa brought my grandkids."

The kids all started to excitedly explain what they had gotten. Jay stood and Erin handed the phone to Connor so she could follow her husband. They went up to their bedroom.

"Let's start with us. Pack a bag for you." Jay told her. He knew Erin was stressing out. "You know, we can always leave tomorrow. We don't have to rush."

"Nope. I want to enjoy every minute of this vacation and I can't do that if we're in Chicago and something happens and then we get stuck here."

They started to pack their bags, trying to make sure that they were remembering.

"Did you grab a couple extra t-shirts for me to sleep in?" Erin asked.

Jay smiled. "Of course." He stopped to watch her rush around for a second.

"Jay!" she chastised. "Keep packing!"

"Sorry, you're just so beautiful."

"What are we going to do with the dog?"

"Whoever is in the passenger's seat can hold him. I'll break down his cage and we can stick it in the trunk." He paused. "Do you think it would be better to put three kids in the second row and one in the third so we can push down the other two seats in the back and have more storage space? Or do you think we should do two kids in each row and just store stuff on the ground and the extra seats?"

"Definitely two in each row. They'll fight like crazy if they're all smashed together like that for hours."

Jay finished packing his clothes, so he went to their bathroom to start gathering their shampoos, conditioners, Erin's brush and makeup, their toothbrushes, and anything else they may need. "Babe, do you need me to bring any tampons?"

"No, I should be okay."

Once they finished, they tossed their bags into the hallway and moved to the kids' rooms. They went to the boys' room first. Jay packed for Connor while Erin packed for Henry.

They tried to choose their warmest clothes, knowing that it would probably be colder in Wisconsin than it was in Chicago. Jay grabbed a sweater and started to fold it up.

"Connor won't wear that." Erin commented. "He says it's too itchy."

"Then why do we still have it?"

"Cause maybe Henry will like it."

Jay rolled his eyes; Erin was a borderline hoarder sometimes. He just put the sweater back into the closet and found a new one. Their bags were put into the hallway and then they went to the girls' room. They repeated the same process (and Jay made sure he grabbed some of Sophia's bows and shoved them into her bag). They stacked all the bags near the stairs.

"I forgot Hank was on the phone. Hopefully he hung up cause you know Emma will sit and show him each of her individual Little Pet Shops." Erin said as they went downstairs.

Jay smiled. "Something tells me he would sit and listen."

When they got to the living room, it still looked like a disaster. One of the kids had turned on the TV and now they were all sitting in piles of toys, staring up at the screen. Jay went over and turned the TV off.

"Daddy!" Emma whined.

"Mama and I packed your bags. You need to take all of your presents up to your room. Leave the three that you are bringing with us on the couch."

Erin walked in with a garbage bag. She and Jay started to throw away all of the wrapping paper and packaging that had come with the toys. As they finished cleaning up, he heard Erin's stomach rumble. He couldn't help but laugh.

"I'll make breakfast for everyone. Will you take Cap out and then bring all the bags downstairs and put them by the door?"

"Yep." They both separated to do their tasks.

Jay decided to cook French toast, bacon, and scrambled eggs. He made them quickly and then made plates for his family. He carried them over to everyone's seats at the table.

"Breakfast!" he called out. The kids came running down. Erin walked by with her last armload of bags, dropped them by the door, and then sat down to eat. "After we're finished eating, you all need to go upstairs and get dressed. There are outfits on your beds for you to change into."

"This is a great Christmas." Connor announced, making his parents laugh. They had both been so busy rushing around that they had barely spent any time with the kids.

Jay carried the bags out to the car. He put Cap's cage in first, then filled as many bags as he could into the trunk of their SUV. He put anything else on the floor in the third row of seats. He went back in to see if Erin had gotten any other bags together that they needed.

"Here's three more." Erin passed him the bags. "One is for Cap and has his leash, a few toys, a couple baggies of food, his bowls, and poop bags. We're going to have to stop at a store in Wisconsin to buy him an actual bag of food, but that'll last the car ride and maybe the first day. This one has snacks in it for the ride and cups for the kids, put that on the floor in front of the passenger's seat. And this one has our phone chargers and the iPads and their chargers. Put that in the passenger's seat too so we can turn on movies for the kids on the iPads." She ran a hand through her hair. "Is that everything?"

"Sounds like it. We need to get dressed and make sure the kids are ready and then we can go."

"Make sure we grab the throw blankets off their beds."

"I will."

They got dressed and found their kids in their rooms, playing with their toys. Jay felt a little bad that they would have to leave all of their new stuff behind, but he knew they would have fun.

"Time to hit the road." Jay told the boys. "Get your coats and boots on."

The Halsteads went downstairs to get their coats and boots on. Once they were ready, they went out to the car. Jay lifted up Cap and carried him out, putting him in the passenger's seat. The kids were all buckled in- Connor and Henry in the third row, Sophia and Emma in the second- and ready with Jurassic World playing on one iPad for the boys to share, and Tangled playing on another for the girls.

"Go through the house really quick. Make sure we didn't forget anything." Erin said.

Jay ran back in, walking through and turning off lights and unplugging anything that didn't need to be plugged in. He couldn't think of anything else they might need.

He came back out and locked the door, then got into the driver's seat. "Everyone ready for a Christmas road trip?" Erin and the kids started to cheer. Jay smiled as he pulled onto the road. Being able to spend time alone with his wife and kids was the greatest Christmas present he had ever received.

 **New Years**

"The Halsteads are here!" Erin heard Ruzek yell as soon as the door opened. Jay held the front door open so that Erin and the kids could walk into the house.

"Hey guys!" Kim came over and gave Erin a hug. "How was Wisconsin?"

"It was good. It was nice to be able to relax and not have to worry about work."

Kim raised an eyebrow at her. "You look awfully glow-y. What were you two doing?"

Erin rolled her eyes. "Playing in the snow with our kids."

"Oh, is that what they're calling it now?"

Erin just shook her head at her friend. She felt Jay holding onto her coat sleeves and she pulled her arms out of them so that he could hang up her coat. "Give Daddy your coats." She told her children. They all immediately shed their coats, threw them into their father's arms, and ran off to play. "Wow, guess they're sick of us."

Hank walked over to them and gave Erin a quick hug, and even offered Jay a smile. "Happy New Year's. When did you all get back?"

"About an hour ago."

"Seriously?" Kim asked.

"Yeah, we stopped at home and took our bags in, put the dog in his cage, and then we came over here." Erin stifled a yawn as she spoke.

"You guys didn't have to come. You must be exhausted."

"We didn't want to miss it." Jay said dismissively. He went to hang up their coats.

Erin followed Kim over to where Natalie, Gabby, and Sylvie were sitting. Everyone greeted her happily, and then she was forced to tell them every detail about the vacation to Wisconsin.

"Alright, I told you what you wanted to know. Now give me that baby." She held her arms out. Natalie passed Reese over to her. "Hi Reesey. How old is she now? Four months?"

"Yep. It's crazy how quick it went." Natalie smiled at her daughter. "She was definitely the highlight of my year though."

"Mine was when Little Adam _finally_ started using the potty." Kim practically shuttered. "You don't even want to _know_ where he used to go."

"Like father like son." Erin joked, making them all burst out laughing.

Gabby smiled. "My highlight was finding out Carina is finally getting a baby brother or sister."

It took a second for it to sink it, but when it did, they all jumped to their feet, hugging and congratulating Gabby. When they finally calmed down, Erin saw that all the guys were staring at them in confusion.

Casey came over to his wife, smiling down at her. "We just wanted to announce to you all that we're having another baby."

The entire room broke out into cheers. Reese started to cry, so Erin handed her over to Natalie so that she could comfort her.

"When is the baby due?" Sylvie wondered.

"May." Gabby answered, putting her hand on her still-flat stomach. Antonio went over to personally congratulate her.

Erin turned around and saw that Jay was now right behind her. He sat down on the couch and she didn't hesitate before sitting on his lap, resting her head against his shoulder.

"What was the highlight of your year?" Jay asked her before pressing a kiss to her temple.

"Mmmm, I don't know. It's been a really good year." Erin thought it over. Their kids had all been amazing and had great birthdays, they got a dog, went on vacation, each of them got a tattoo, they started some new holiday traditions, Emma started kindergarten, and work had been relatively uneventful.

"I agree." He started to absentmindedly trace imaginary pictures on her arm. "Do you know what my favorite part was?" she shook her head. "Just getting to be with you and our kids. Our family is the best thing that ever happened to me; _you're_ the best thing that ever happened to me."

"I love you." Erin said, turning her head to give him a kiss. "And you're the best thing that ever happened to me, too."

"Oh god, you would think you guys hadn't just gone on vacation with each other for a week." Will groaned as he plopped down across from them. "It's sickening how close the two of you are."

"Leave them alone." Natalie told him.

"But doesn't it make you mad? They're so…perfect."

"No, it doesn't make me mad. Sometimes, I wish you were more like your brother." Will looked offended. "He doesn't care where they are or what they are doing. Jay always puts Erin first and you can tell how much he loves her just from looking at her."

"I put you first." Will argued.

"Most of the time." Natalie agreed. "But you don't really show it."

Erin and Jay faded off into their own little world as they listened to the two of them argue. Erin felt like she could fall asleep at any minute if he kept rubbing her arm like that.

"Hey guys." Atwater said as he came over. He must have just walked in the door because Erin hadn't seen him before.

"Hey Kev." Jay fist bumped him.

"I want you all to meet someone. This is Kaia." He put his arm around the woman standing next to him. She was a beautiful, light skinned woman with curly black hair and dark brown eyes.

"It's nice to meet you." Erin smiled at her. "I'm Erin, this is Jay."

"Nice to meet you too." Kaia smiled back at her. Erin glanced at Kevin and saw that he was staring at the woman with a huge smile on his face. She knew then that he was in love.

"So, Kaia, what do you do?" Jay wondered.

"I'm a teacher."

"What grade?"

"Third."

"How did you guys meet?" Natalie chimed in, finally ending her argument with Will. "I'm Natalie, by the way, and this is my husband, Will."

"Jay's brother and his wife." Kevin supplied. "I met her on a call. She was a witness, and there was just something there."

"Kev! Kaia! Come on!" Adam shouted from across the room. "Bring Lindsay and Halstead with you if they can stop cuddling long enough!" Erin flipped him off, making him laugh.

"We'll be right there." Jay said. Kevin led Kaia over to where the others were. "He seems happy."

"Yeah he does." Erin agreed.

Time passed quickly as everyone ate, drank, and talked. The kids all played in Kim and Adam's basement, and it had been a while since Erin had seen her children.

"They're fine." Jay told her as he came up next to her, handing her a new beer. "I just went down there to check. They're playing hide and seek with Carina, Owen, and Severide's daughter Shay."

"It's been awhile since I've seen her. Is she the same age as the twins?"

"I think so." Jay took a drink of his beer. "What time is it?"

"11:30." Erin sighed as she leaned against him. "I honestly can't wait until midnight so we can go home."

"Next time we go on vacation, we'll have to make sure we come back the day before a huge holiday party instead of the day of."

"Sounds like a plan." Erin smiled up at him. "You know, we've become that boring, old married couple who just sits in the corner and talks to each other."

Jay shrugged. "I'm fine with that."

"Me too."

"Mama?" Erin turned around and saw Sophia standing behind her. "I'm tired."

"Come here." Erin held her arms out and Sophia climbed onto her lap. "I know you are, baby. We're going to leave after the ball drops, okay?"

"M'kay." Sophia rested her head against her mother's chest.

"Come on, Erin, you're up in beer pong!" Will called out.

"I'm out, guys. Mom duties." Erin stroked her daughter's hair. The others groaned in disappointment; Erin was the best one in beer pong and she really brought up her team's average.

A few minutes later, Jay gestured towards Sophia. "She's asleep." Erin just adjusted her hold on her so that she could sleep more comfortably.

At 11:41, Henry wandered over to them. He fell asleep in Jay's lap a few minutes later.

Jay laughed. "Our kids are the only ones who are passed out."

"Probably because they go to sleep at 8 every night. They're up way past their bedtime."

Emma came in at 11:46 and squeezed onto the couch in between her parents. She leaned her head over on Erin and fell asleep almost instantly.

Connor was the last one up at 11:53. "It's almost midnight!" he informed his parents. He saw that his siblings were sleeping. "Wow, they almost made it."

"Why don't you sit down with us? We're going to watch the ball drop."

"Okay." Connor sat down on Erin's other side. Everyone gathered around, staring at the living room TV. Finally, the countdown started. The various members of the Chicago PD, Chicago Fire Department, and Chicago Med started to count down, cheering excitedly once midnight hit.

Erin glanced over at Connor and saw the had fallen asleep too. She laughed and leaned forward to press her lips against her husband's.

"Happy New Year." Jay whispered. "Hopefully 2028 is just as perfect as 2027."

As Erin looked at her smiling husband and sleeping children, somehow, she knew that it would be an amazing year.

 **Next up…I: Instinct!**


	10. Instinct

**Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! One reviewer said that there was a lot of baby talk in the last chapter and asked if that meant there would be another Halstead baby. "Holidays" was set before "Five", so at that point in time, they were about to get pregnant with Luke. I still haven't decided if there will be another Linstead baby. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter!**

 **I: Instinct**

 _*It was practically instinct for the Halstead children to protect each other, no matter what they had to do._

 _*Connor- 6/9, Henry- 8, Sophia- 8, Emma- 6_

"Mama, please?" Six-year-old Connor ran over to Mama, holding up a package of chocolate chip cookies.

Mama ran her hand through her hair and sighed. "Connor, please put those back. We already have enough snacks." She looked around the aisle. "Where did Daddy go?"

Right as she said it, Connor heard his father's voice. "Over there!" he ran down the aisle and around the corner to the next aisle. Daddy was holding Emma, and Sophia and Henry were looking at the toys.

Connor looked at the toys with them for a few minutes, and then he remembered that Mama was in the other aisle. He didn't want her to have to go shopping by herself. He peeked around the corner to make sure she was still there.

He was confused when he saw a man standing next to Mama, holding onto her arm. Mama didn't look happy; she had the face that she always made when he fought with his brother and sisters, or when she fought with Daddy.

"Mama?" Connor asked. She looked at him and her eyes got really big.

"Mama, huh?" the big, scary man laughed. "Is his father a junkie too?"

Connor didn't like the man's laugh. He ran back to the other aisle and saw that Daddy was still standing there. "Daddy!" he hugged his legs.

"What's wrong, bud?"

"Some man's being mean to Mama."

Connor saw a weird look on his Daddy's face. It made him a little scared. "Henry, Soph, put the toys down now." He leaned down and lifted up Sophia and walked to the other aisle.

"Why's Daddy mad?" Henry asked when they followed Daddy to the other aisle.

Connor shrugged. "I dunno."

They walked around the corner and the man was still with Mama. Connor hurried so he could walk next to Daddy; he was a little scared. He grabbed Henry's hand since he might be scared too.

"Is there a problem here?" Daddy's voice wasn't like his normal, happy voice. Connor noticed that Mama didn't look as scared anymore.

The man laughed. "Wow, you've been busy, Erin. Are all four of them his?"

Mama yanked her arm away from the man. "You can go now, Scotty."

"Tell Bunny I said hi."

Connor was even more confused now. They didn't have a bunny. He watched the man walk away.

"You okay?" Daddy asked.

"Mmhmm." Mama smiled, but her dimples didn't show so Connor knew it wasn't a real smile. "Can we finish shopping?"

"Yep." Daddy put Emma in the cart. He put Sophia down and held one of her hands and one of Henry's. Connor walked next to Mama.

That night when it was time to go to bed, Connor looked at his parents. "Mama, who was that man at the store?"

Mama sighed. "He was someone that I used to know when I was younger, before I knew Daddy or Papa Hank. He's not very nice."

"He was scary. I didn't like him."

"I'm sorry you were scared."

"Daddy, were you mad at him?"

Daddy nodded. "I didn't like that he was talking to Mama."

"Why?"

"Because the bad people that she used to know can be dangerous, and I don't want Mama to get hurt."

"When I told you that the man was with Mama, you looked mad. Were you mad that I told you?"

"No, Connor. I would never be mad about that." Jay gave him a hug. "But it's our job to protect our family. The Halstead stick together."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that if someone is being mean, then we have to help our family. That mean man was being mean to Mama, so I had to go over and make sure she was okay and get him to leave. Just like if anything happened to your brother or sisters, you would protect them."

"Yeah, I would never let anyone hurt Henry or Emma or Sophia."

"That's really good." Mama gave him a kiss. "Get some sleep, we'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." Connor laid down and closed his eyes.

 **-Three Years Later-**

Fourth grade wasn't as easy as third grade. Connor had a lot of homework, his best friend Carina Casey wasn't in his class, and his teacher was mean. He didn't like going to school as much anymore.

When lunch time came, he was so happy to get to take a break. Luckily, the fourth-grade classes all ate lunch together, so he could sit with Carina. Sometimes, the boys in his class made fun of him for sitting with a girl, but he didn't care what they said. Mama and Daddy told him he could be friends with whoever he wanted and if someone didn't like that, then they probably weren't a very good friend to have anyway.

When they went to recess, they always passed the third graders. Connor loved waving to his old teacher, Mrs. Arias, and his brother and sister.

"Hi, Mrs. Arias!" he called out.

"Hello, Connor." She smiled at him. He really missed being in her class.

He kept walking, looking for Henry and Sophia. He saw Henry and they waved to each other. It took him a minute to find Sophia, but when he did, he saw that she was crying.

Connor knew that he could get in trouble for getting out of line and for running over to the third graders, but he didn't care. Halsteads stick together.

He ran over to his little sister. "Soph, why are you crying? What's wrong?"

Sophia's new blue dress had dirt all over it, and he saw that her hands and her cheek were scraped up. She tried to talk, but she just kept crying.

"Did you fall down?" Connor guessed. He tried to knock the dirt of her dress because he knew how much she hated getting dirty, but it didn't make her stop crying.

"No." Sophia sobbed. "Cole Oliver pushed me down!"

Connor felt himself get really, really mad. No one was ever allowed to push Sophia down and make her cry. He gave her a hug. "It's okay, Sophia. I know what to do."

Connor stomped over to Cole Oliver. He was standing next to Mrs. Arias, and he knew he would probably get in trouble, but he didn't care. He tapped Cole on the shoulder and when he turned around, he punched him as hard as he could.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Erin was on the phone with a lawyer about their latest case when her phone rang. She glanced down at it and saw " _Ivy Hill Elementary_ " pop up on the caller ID. She slapped her hand against her desk to get her partner's attention. Jay looked over from his computer. She mouthed 'kids' school' to him and tossed her phone to him.

She was only half-listening to her call now, more interested in what was going on with her kids. "Jay Halstead…yes…really...yes, we can come in…we'll be there as soon as possible …thanks." He hung up the phone and ran his hands over his face. She raised her eyebrow at him in question. "Fight."

She put her hand over the end of the receiver. "Which one?"

"Connor."

Erin groaned. "Let me finish this up and then we'll go." She continued to write down the information that the lawyer on the phone gave her. She thanked her and then hung up. She grabbed her jacket and went to Hank's office door.

"Any luck with the lawyer?" he asked.

"She gave me an address, but we have to go. The school just called and said Connor got in a fight."

"Give the address to Burgess and Antonio. I'll put you down for a personal."

"Thanks."

They got in the car together, both wondering what happened. It wasn't like Connor, or any of their children, to get into a fight. They were all very well-behaved at school and never really dealt with conflict.

Jay and Erin locked their guns up in the trunk and then walked inside of the school. They went over to the secretary.

"Hi, we got a call from the principal about our son, Connor Halstead?"

"Go right through there." The woman directed them.

Erin led the way. She was surprised to see Sophia sitting in the office next to her brother. The first thing she saw was the scratch on Sophia's face and the red, teary eyes of her oldest daughter. Did they get in a fight with each other? There was no way Connor would ever hurt his sister like that.

"Mr. and Mrs. Halstead, please, have a seat." The principal, Mr. Rhodes, insisted. They took a seat on either side of their kids. "I'll just jump right to it. Connor ran away from his class's line today and into the third-grade line, and then he punched another student."

"Why?" Jay asked. Erin could immediately pick up on the defensive tone in his voice. Neither of them had a very positive experience with school, so she knew that a little bit of their hostility was showing.

"He told us that the other student pushed your daughter."

"Mom, I had to." Connor said. "I saw Sophia crying and I asked her what happened and she said that Cole Oliver pushed her down. Look at her cheek! And her dress is all dirty, and she cut her hands. He can't just push her!"

"But violence does not solve violence." Mr. Rhodes chimed in.

"Sophia, what did your teacher say when you told her?" Erin questioned.

Sophia immediately started to cry. "I didn't tell her cause Cole said he would throw away my new Princess pencils if I told!"

Erin's heart ached for her daughter. Sophia was easily the sweetest of their children, and she never hurt anyone. Why would this child think it was okay to hurt her?

"When something like that happens, you can't just keep it to yourself, Sophia. Adults are there to help the situation. If you had told Mrs. Arias, she could have fixed it."

"But then Cole would throw my stuff away! He already threw away my watermelon erasers!"

"Come here, Princess." Jay held his arms out. Erin glanced over at him and saw the protective look on his face. Sophia went over and sat on his lap, cuddling into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her. Erin wished that him holding her like that could protect her from all of the bad things in the world.

"So where is Cole?" Erin wondered.

"The nurse's office. Connor gave him a bloody nose." Mr. Rhodes answered.

"What are your plans for him? Is he going to get in trouble for bullying my daughter? In your handbook, it says that bullying is a three day out-of-school suspension."

"Mrs. Halstead, Sophia never said anything so there is no proof that…"

"No proof?" Jay interrupted. "Here's your proof." He grabbed Sophia's arm gently and showed her hand to the principal. "That kid is a bully. I thought this school had zero tolerance for bullying."

"It's more complicated than that. We need to have documentation that…"

"Daddy, can we go home? I don't want to come to school anymore." Sophia cried.

Erin took over. "Was Sophia sent to the nurse?"

"No, we brought her here with Connor."

"You let the child that was bullying her go to the nurse for a bloody nose, but her cuts weren't cleaned?" Erin shook her head. "This is ridiculous."

"We are getting off track. We need to discuss Connor's involvement. I understand that he was standing up for his sister, but we can't just let this slide."

"Then expel him. While you're at it, just expel all of our kids and we'll take them to a school where the principal isn't more focused on documentation than solving issues." Jay told him as he stood.

"Please, sit. I will be having a discussion with Cole's parents when they arrive, and he will receive punishment. But Connor will have to serve a three day in-school suspension."

Erin saw Jay's jaw clench. She interrupted before he could say anything. "That's fair. Connor, we know you were sticking up for Sophia and trying to protect her, but you can't hit people. There are other ways to solve problems, like talking or telling an adult and having them fix the issue. You cannot hit people."

"I'm sorry, Mama, but Sophia was crying and I got so mad and I couldn't help it."

"I know, but now you know for next time."

"Okay."

Erin turned to Sophia. "Soph, from now on, if anything happens, you will talk to an adult about it, no matter what. Even if it's me or Daddy. We can help you make it better."

"Okay."

Erin stood up. "Mr. Rhodes, if this happens again, I expect you to take action and not just brush it off. Start your documentation if that's what you need."

"This will be documented. Cole will also serve a three day in-school suspension for his actions. I am very sorry this happened to Sophia, and we will do what can to prevent it."

"Thanks. Can we sign them out at the front desk?"

"Yes. I just need you to sign this saying that we had the meeting and that you are allowing Connor to serve his in-school suspension." Erin grabbed the pen and signed the paper. "Thank you."

"Alright guys, let's go." She grabbed Connor's hand and Jay carried Sophia behind her. She signed both of their names on the school log so that they could leave school. They had to wait for the kids' classmates to bring their coats and backpacks down.

The ride back to the station was quick, and no one really spoke. Erin knew that Jay was angry, and she didn't want to talk to him about this in front of the kids.

They got back to the station and walked inside, Erin looked to her husband. "I'm going to clean Sophia up. Now might be a good time for you to talk to your son."

Jay nodded. "Connor, why don't we go talk?"

Erin carried Sophia up to the bullpen. "Aye, little one in the house." Atwater called out. Erin walked slowly, giving them a few seconds to turn the board around so Sophia didn't see what was on it. "Hey Soph."

"Hi Kev." She didn't reach out for anyone, instead choosing to lay her head on her mother's shoulder. They all looked concerned. Erin smiled to try and reassure them that she was okay, then took her into the break room and shut the door.

"Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" Erin grabbed a wet paper towel and dabbed at the cut on Sophia's face. "Are you alright?"

Sophia started to cry. "Mama, please don't make Connor be in trouble."

Erin hugged her. "Connor isn't in trouble."

"He was just trying to help me! Halsteads stick together. That's what Daddy always says."

"I know. I'm not mad that Connor helped you. But he does have to learn that there are different ways to help people other than hitting."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to apologize for. Just make sure that next time, you tell your teacher, okay?"

"I will."

Erin cleaned the cuts on her face and hands and then brought her back into the bullpen. She sat down at her desk and Sophia climbed onto her lap.

"Well hey there, beautiful." Hank greeted. He kneeled down next to his granddaughter. "You feeling okay?"

"A boy at school pushed me on the ground."

Erin saw Hank's face get serious. She looked around the room and saw that the whole team was now focused on them, and they did not look happy. While Erin appreciated that they all loved her children, this was part of the problem; everyone was so overprotective that it was starting to teach the kids that they had to act that way.

"Did you tell your teacher?"

"No. Connor punched him in the face."

"My boy." Ruzek said quietly.

"No." Erin interrupted. Right as she spoke, Jay and Connor came around the corner. "That's not a good thing. Connor shouldn't be hitting people at school, right, Connor?"

"Right." He sounded sad. It made Erin upset that her son had stood up to his sister's bully and now he felt bad about it, but he had to learn right from wrong.

"We don't need to encourage violence. Yes, it is good that Connor stood up for Sophia. But he shouldn't have hit anyone."

Sophia got off of Erin's lap and went over to her brother, giving him a hug. "Thank you, Connor."

"You're welcome, Soph. I love you." After they were done hugging, Sophia went to Jay and sat on his lap, resting her head against his chest. Jay stroked his fingers through her hair and spun his chair slowly side to side. Erin would bet that Sophia would be asleep in no time.

Connor came over to her. "I'm really sorry, Mama."

"I know you are, buddy. Come here." She gave him a hug. "I am so proud of you for protecting your sister. You're such a good big brother." She kissed his forehead. "Next time, just think about what you're doing, okay?"

"I will." Erin scooted over so he could sit in her chair with her.

Work passed quickly. When three o'clock came, Hank walked out of his office. "Halstead, Lindsay, Burgess. Go home."

"Why?" Erin questioned.

"Because it's been a long day and we don't have a lot of leads. Go be with your kids."

"Thanks, Sarge." Jay stood up, shifting Sophia in his arms. As Erin had predicted, Sophia had fallen asleep and she had been out for an hour now. They got their kids and walked out together.

Later that night, after all of the kids had gone to bed, Erin sat down next to Jay on the couch. "Talk to me."

"About what?"

"About today. You were upset."

"I don't like that that kid got away with hurting Sophia. I don't like that Connor is in trouble for doing what was right."

"He didn't get away with it, he's going to do in-school suspension."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Do you actually believe that?"

"I don't know, but I'll be calling the school tomorrow to find out. And I'm sorry, but Connor should have to face some consequences. He can't just hit people."

"He was standing up to a bully."

"Okay, so think about this. You know how…mouthy…Emma can be. What if she said something that another person didn't like, and their older sister came and punched her in the face? What then?"

Jay smiled slightly. "Emma would destroy them. She's a shark."

Erin sighed. "Jay, I'm serious."

"That wouldn't be okay. But this kid didn't just say something to Sophia, he pushed her down. She had a cut on her face, and she was crying." He sighed. "Will would have done the same thing for me."

"I know, but I want to teach them to be better than we were."

"It just sucks knowing that this whole thing is my fault."

Erin frowned. "How is this your fault?"

"All Connor kept saying to me was, 'Halsteads stick together'. Do you remember a couple years ago when that guy you knew growing up was yelling at you at the grocery store while the kids were there?" Erin nodded. "Connor remembers the whole thing. He remembered that I told him that I had to stand up for you because 'Halsteads stick together'. He thinks he can be violent or do whatever because that's what I taught him."

"That's not true." Erin moved so she could sit on his lap. "You taught our children that we will always protect them, and that they have to protect each other. You weren't very specific because it was never necessary, but now it is. So we reevaluate. We talk to all four of them about bullying and violence and how to treat others, even if they don't treat you nicely. We'll figure it out."

Jay wrapped his arms around her waist. "You're pretty smart, you know that? I think you've got this parenting thing figured out."

She laughed. "Trust me, I don't. It took every ounce of willpower for me not to explode on the principal today." She ran her fingers through his hair and gave him a quick kiss. "We'll figure this out together, m'kay?"

"Okay."

 **Next up…J: Justify!**


	11. Justify

**Thank you for the reviews on the last chapter! Sorry for the wait, this chapter didn't really turn out like I expected, and I'm not sure if it's really the best it could be. Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter!**

 **J: Justify**

 _*Jay grew up not having the best relationship with his father. Erin grew up without a father at all. But now that they are adults and they have children of their own, their fathers get back into contact with them. Contains moments from 4x10 "Don't Read the News" and 4x11 "You Wish"._

 _*Connor- 3/7, Henry- 2/6, Sophia- 2/6, Emma- 1 month/4_

 **Jay's Father**

"I forgot the diaper bag." Erin told Jay as they walked up the path to Will and Natalie's. Erin was holding their newborn in her arms and Jay couldn't help but notice how exhausted his wife looked.

"I'll go grab it." He had Sophia and Henry in each arm. He walked quickly to the car, opened up the door to the backseat, and grabbed the diaper bag. He saw that Erin was waiting for him with Emma and Connor.

Jay led the way up to his brother's house. He opened the door, letting Erin walk past him.

"Uncle Jay! Aunt Erin!" six-year-old Owen yelled out in excitement. "Hi Connor!"

"Hi Owen!" Connor ran over to his cousin. The twins startled to wiggle around, so Jay put both of them down too. They all ran into the playroom.

"You okay?" Jay asked as he leaned forward to kiss Erin's temple.

"Mmhmm. Tired."

They walked into the living room together and Jay was surprised to see his father sitting in Will's recliner. He didn't even know what to say.

"Hey guys." Natalie greeted. Her facial expression was a little awkward, and Jay wondered if she had known that his father was coming.

"Look who decided to finally show up." Patrick 'Pat' Halstead scoffed at the sight of his younger son. Jay just stared at him, not really sure what to say. It had been years since he had last seen him. "You just gonna stand there?"

Jay glanced over at his wife, who was staring at him in concern. She had obviously made the connection that this was his father, and she was letting him decide how to play this.

"This is my wife, Erin. Erin, this is my dad, Pat."

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Halstead." Jay had to give her credit for giving him a genuine smile. It wasn't met with the same respect from his father.

"Good, at least one of you knocked up a girl and gave me a grandkid." The slight dig towards Will and Owen's relationship made Jay's blood boil. "Does she cry?"

"She's a baby, Dad. Of course she does." Will came into the room, passing a beer to their father. "Hey guys. Beer's in the fridge if you want one."

"Thanks." Jay gently put a hand on Erin's back, nudging her in the direction of the kitchen. Once they were out of sight, she looked at him in confusion.

"Did you know he was going to be here?"

"I had no idea."

"He's definitely interesting."

"If you want to leave, we can go. He makes a lot of inappropriate comments."

"Jay, this is up to you. We'll do whatever you want to do." Erin stood on her tip toes to give him a quick kiss. "You okay?"

"I just wasn't expecting this."

"Maybe he'll surprise you."

He laughed dryly. "I don't want to get my hopes up for that." Jay grabbed a beer from the fridge for himself and water for Erin (she was breastfeeding, so she couldn't drink) and they returned to the living room. The children had all come in and they were sitting on the floor, playing with Owen's LEGOs.

"I didn't know you had four of them. You two have been busy." Pat commented. "What are their names?"

"Connor William, Henry Noah, Emma Camille, and Sophia Elizabeth." Jay pointed to each child as he said their name. He noticed the way his father's expression changed at the mention of his mother's name.

"Would you like to hold her?" Erin asked, gesturing towards Emma.

"Might as well."

Erin walked over to him and carefully passed him the baby.

"Make sure you support her head." Jay reminded him.

"You think I don't know how to hold a baby?" Pat stared down at his youngest grandchild. "She's a cute little one. So Erin, what do you do?"

"I'm a Detective. Jay and I work in the same unit."

"And what about you?" he glanced towards Natalie.

"I'm a pediatrician."

As Pat grilled their wives, Jay and Will stood together. "A heads-up would have been nice."

"I didn't think you would have come."

"I wouldn't have."

"He hasn't been doing well lately, Jay. His heart is acting up."

"Wow, it's news to me that he even has a heart." Jay shook his head. His eyes were glued to his father, watching to make sure he was holding Emma correctly.

Emma's face screwed up and she let out a shrill cry. Jay stepped forward immediately, taking his daughter out of his father's arms and rocking her gently. "Shhh, it's okay, Em. Daddy's here."

"It's time for her to eat." Erin said. "Nat, can I use your bedroom?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I'll come with you." Jay offered.

"Is the kid drinking milk from your body? Let the woman do her job and sit down." Pat snapped.

Jay felt his entire body tense up. "Why don't you mind your own business and let me take care of my child? You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Pat stood. "You always have to bring up the past, don't you? I was there for you and your brother. Maybe I didn't hold your hand every second of the day like you wanted, but I was there when it counted. I gave you boys everything you could ever want!"

Natalie jumped to her feet. "Alright, maybe we should all calm down. Hey guys, you want to go play in the backyard? Owen just got a new soccer net." She ushered the kids towards the backdoor.

"This isn't even worth the argument. Just crawl back into the hole you've been in since Mom died." Jay grabbed Erin's hand and pulled her out of the room. Once they got into Natalie and Will's room, he took a deep breath.

"Just calm down, alright?" Erin sat on the bed. She adjusted her shirt so that she could help Emma latch onto her breast.

"I hate that he can still make me this angry. I've grown up. I have a job and a wife and kids and I still get worked up over him."

"He's your father, Jay. You're always going to care about what he thinks."

"But why couldn't he just come in here, congratulate me on being a father, say the kids are cute, and keep his mouth shut? No, instead he has to make his little back handed comments. This is why I cut him out of my life in the first place."

"I understand that, but you're not exactly playing nice either. You need to take a deep breath and let things go. It's just for one night." Erin reached out and grabbed his hand so she could pull him closer to her without disturbing the baby. She tilted her head up and pouted her lips slightly. He got the message and leaned down to give her a kiss. "Relax, babe. You're gonna get through this."

Just like that, he already felt a little better. He could always count on Erin to make him feel better.

"I'm going to go help Nat with the kids. Are you good?"

"I'm fine, go ahead. Play nice."

"I will." Jay walked quietly downstairs. He saw that his father was still sitting in the living room talking to Will. He snuck past them and out the backdoor. Natalie was sitting on the path with Henry and drawing with chalk, while Owen, Connor, and Sophia played soccer.

"Hey." She smiled up at him as he sat across from her. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah. Sorry about that."

"Will hasn't told me much about your father, except that you guys don't really get along with him. I didn't know he was going to be here or I would have warned you."

"We just have a complicated past. Dad would have rather spent time out at the bar or at the ballgame than being at home with his family. He wasn't the best husband either."

"If you need to go, we'll understand."

"No, I'm going to stick this one out. Hopefully we can get through the rest of this night without arguing."

Jay stayed outside with the kids while Natalie finished dinner. It didn't take long until it was time to eat.

"Guys, time for dinner!" he called out. Connor immediately dropped the soccer ball and ran inside, his siblings and cousin right behind him.

Jay sat down at the table, leaving a space for Erin. She came from downstairs empty handed.

"Is Em asleep?" he asked.

"Yeah, she finally tired out. Natalie got out Owen's old bassinet, so she's asleep in that."

"Good."

Pat came into the room and took a seat at the head of the table, putting Will on his right and Henry on his left. The order around the table went Pat, Henry, Jay, Erin, Sophia, an empty seat at the other end, Owen, Connor, Natalie, Will, and back to Pat.

Jay cut up Henry's piece of ham for him, then walked around the table to do the same for Connor. He noticed his father was staring at him, but he bit his tongue to avoid another argument.

"Thanks, Daddy!" Connor said with a smile before digging in to eat.

"You're welcome, buddy." He saw that Owen was struggling with his food, so he cut his up too. Erin had already cut Sophia's food, so he went to sit down.

"So Will, when are you and your wife going to have one?" Pat asked, gesturing towards Henry with his fork.

"When we're ready."

"Your brother already has four. Don't you think you should catch up?"

"No, I think I should wait until I'm ready." Pat gave off an unimpressed "humph" and continued with his meal.

"Mama?" Jay looked up at the sound of his oldest child's voice. "Who is that?" Connor pointed towards Pat.

"That's my father." Jay answered after Erin turned to look towards him. He didn't want to label him as 'grandpa' because he wasn't sure that the man would be involved in his kids' lives.

"Okay." Just like that, he moved on from the conversation. Jay was grateful.

After dinner came dessert. Natalie had made apple pie, and Jay was just waiting for his father to complain since that was one of his favorites, and he would probably accuse Natalie of making it wrong.

"This is pretty good." Pat said. Jay and Will looked at each other in shock; that was the most positive thing he had said all night.

"Thank you, Mr. Halstead."

"Call me Pat."

"Pat." Natalie corrected.

They heard a cry from upstairs. Erin went to stand, but Jay put a hand on her arm. "It's too soon for her to be hungry. I'll take care of it."

"Thank you."

"Yep." Jay walked upstairs. He found his youngest child crying, tears rolling down her tiny cheeks. "Hey Emmy. Daddy's here, it's okay." He sat on the bed and held her against his chest. She calmed down immediately. It still shocked Jay that his children would calm down just because of the sound of his voice. "There you go. You just wanted to be held, didn't you?"

He heard someone coming through the door and assumed it was his wife. "She's alright, just wanted her Daddy." He looked up and saw his father standing there instead. "Oh. I thought you were Erin."

"Can I come in?" Pat asked. He looked uncomfortable, which was pretty rare.

"Sure."

He came over and sat next to his youngest son on the bed. Jay took care of Emma, rocking her gently and smiling down at her.

"You're a good father."

Jay was surprised, but he tried not to show it. "Thank you."

"I mean it, Jay. Those kids look at you like you hung the moon."

"I just try and be there for them when they need me."

"That's something that I could have done better." Pat sighed. "Sometimes, you get so caught up in trying to do what you think is best for your family that you forget the little things. I worked too much. Your mom always tried to tell me that I was missing the little things, like your first steps or Will's first t-ball game. But those things didn't seem all that important until Lizzie got sick and I realized she had raised our boys on her own."

"Then why didn't you try harder to be in our lives?"

"You boys were already grown up. Will was off at college, and you ran away to the army. You didn't need me."

"We had just lost our mom. It would have been nice to have our dad around."

"I know. I failed you as a parent."

Jay took a deep breath. "Maybe there's still time to change that." Pat looked at him in surprise. "But you have to stop with the comments, especially about Owen. He may not be Will's son biologically, but his father died before he was born and Will has been around since he was two years old."

Pat cracked a smile. "That's a shock hearing that Will stepped up when another man couldn't be there."

Jay didn't respond because honestly, it had shocked him too when he first found out. "He's grown up a lot."

"I know. Both of you have." Pat reached out and ran his thumb over Emma's cheek. "The kids are beautiful."

"Thanks."

"Your oldest boy is your spitting image. I have this picture tucked away somewhere of you at your grandparents' cabin, running around at about his age. You look just alike."

"You'll have to find it and show it to me sometime."

"I'd like to see my grandkids sometime. Maybe get to know them."

Jay nodded. "I'm sure we could work something out."

"Alright, well I'm going to head on home. I've got work in the morning. Give me a call sometime."

"Okay." Pat put a hand on his shoulder briefly, then a hand on Emma's back.

"I'm proud of you, son."

Jay felt a little choked up, but he tried to hide it. "That means a lot."

Pat left the room without another word. Jay let out a shaky breath and brought Emma closer to him, giving her a kiss on her forehead. Maybe his dad actually would change.

It had been about a month since Jay had talked to his father after the dinner. He was surprised to not hear from him, and even when he called, he didn't answer. After a quick conversation with Will, Jay found out that he hadn't talked to him either.

He had taken Sophia to the grocery store with him and he decided to stop by his dad's place on the way home. He knocked on the door of his childhood home before using the key that he still had attached to his keychain.

Jay was surprised to see the entire house trashed. Immediately, his police instincts kicked in and he started to prepare for an intruder. He kept Sophia securely in his arms, ready to do whatever was necessary to protect her.

But instead, he found his father on the floor of the dining room with a picture frame in one hand and a beer in the other.

"Dad?" he called out.

"What are you doing here?" Pat's words were slurred as he stared at his son.

"I came to check up on you. I haven't heard from you in a while."

"Then why would you come bother me?"

"To make sure you're alright." Jay got a glimpse of the photo in his hand. It was from his parents' wedding.

"I don't need you to make sure I'm alright. Worry about yourself." He took a big gulp from his beer bottle.

"You're drunk. You need to lighten up on the alcohol."

Pat chuckled. "Funny coming from the guy who had to be bailed out of jail twice for getting in fights while he was drunk."

Jay let out a slow breath. He had been in a bad place after his mother's death and made some stupid choices.

"You know what? It's not worth it." Jay turned to leave. "I thought you were actually getting your life together and that you wanted to be a part of our family, but I guess that was all a joke, right? You don't really want to know your grandkids."

"I don't care about those kids."

Jay smiled coldly. "Remember that you said that when you're all alone because this is it for me." He turned and walked out.

When he got home, Erin was half asleep on the couch with Emma in her arms and the boys on either side of her as they watched a movie. She startled awake when the front door closed.

Jay put Sophia down on the couch next to Connor and walked out the back door. He sat on the porch, needing a couple of minutes to collect his thoughts.

"Hey." He glanced over as Erin sat next to him. "What's wrong?"

"I stopped to check on my dad on the way home from the store. He was drunk. I said that I thought he wanted to know his grandkids, and he said he didn't care about them. I'm done trying with him, Erin. He's never going to change."

"I'm sorry." Erin leaned her head against his arm.

"At that dinner, when he told me he was proud…" Jay trailed off, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes. "I don't know why I even care. He's never been around."

"Because he's your dad and no matter what your parents do, you're always going to want their approval. Just look at me and Bunny."

"I'm not giving him anymore chances. I won't let him into our kids' lives just so he can disappear. I wish he had never said anything nice to me and made me think he cared."

"I think he does care about you, Jay. He just doesn't know how to show it."

He scoffed. "Drinking isn't the way to show it."

"No matter what, it's your decision. The kids and I will always support you. I've got your back."

"Thanks." Jay kissed her forehead. "I'm done with him."

"Okay."

Jay felt the tears start to fall before he could stop them. Erin reached out and wiped them away, and then pressed their foreheads together. She held him tightly against her, trying to comfort him. Jay appreciated the gesture.

He knew that he would be okay without his father; he had hardly been around for his whole life anyway. It just hurt to know that he was really that unimportant to him.

"You're the best husband in the world, and the greatest father." Erin told him. "I get jealous sometimes at how easy you make parenting look. There is no one in the world that I would rather do this with."

"Thank you." Jay kissed her. "We better get back in there before the kids tear the house apart."

Erin nodded and stood, offering her hand to help pull him up. He was a lot stronger than her, so it didn't do much, but he accepted her help anyway. They walked back inside together. Jay knew that no matter what, he would always have his wife by his side, and that was almost enough to help him get over the pain of losing his father.

 **Erin's Father**

Erin had very random memories of her father, but she could never seem to remember his face. She had seen pictures, but in her memories, it was usually a faceless man.

She knew that he had beaten her growing up. When she was a baby, he had hit her so hard that he knocked her unconscious.

When she was four, he threw her down a flight of stairs and she had to get thirteen stitches.

When she was six, he broke her collarbone because of how hard he threw her against a wall.

When she was seven, he burned her arm on the stove for making a mess in the kitchen after she tried to make a birthday cake.

She was seven in the last memory she had of him. He had yelled at Bunny and accused her of owing him money (which Erin now realized was probably for drugs). He had beaten her so badly that she was coughing up blood and she was unconscious. He had come after Teddy next, but Erin grabbed him and ran towards a closet. She had hidden with him, holding a hand over his mouth so that he wouldn't scream and made herself as small as possible so she could fit behind all the clothes. Her father had pounded on the door for what felt like forever before he finally broke it down. He flung Teddy across the room and got one good hit in on Erin before the police came. Erin had gotten a concussion, and she never saw her father again.

She knew that the situation was complicated based off of what she could remember, and what she understood as an adult. She and Teddy were three years apart and had different fathers, so her father would have had to of come in and out of the picture. She could remember that Teddy's father hadn't been any better, and she knew there were times that he beat Bunny too, so she wondered if some of her memories of the two of them had mixed.

The one thing she did know for sure that the only positive father figure she had ever had was Hank. Every other man Bunny brought into her life was abusive or a druggie or an alcoholic.

It wasn't until after Bunny died that Erin started to wonder about her father. She honestly wasn't even sure what his name was, and she couldn't ask Bunny because she was dead.

When Erin and Teddy went through Bunny's possessions, she found a letter. She was surprised to see that it was about her.

 _Bunny,_

 _I know it's been a while since we last spoke, but I have been thinking a lot about this. I think I am finally ready to meet her. I want to see our daughter in real life instead of just in a photograph. Could you help me set this up with her?_

 _Jimmy Sanguinetti_

There was also a phone number at the bottom of the letter for Bunny to call. Erin showed the letter to Teddy. "Who is Jimmy Sanguinetti?"

"I don't know. I've never heard that name before." Erin tucked the letter into her purse. "I can't believe this. Of course another random parent pops up after Bunny dies."

"It might not even be real, Erin. You know how Bunny was. She would say anything to score." Teddy shrugged. "If you're really curious, why don't you ask Voight? I'm sure he would know something."

Erin knew that he was probably right. After they finished going through Bunny's stuff (which was mainly old, raggedy clothes and expired makeup), they parted ways. Erin couldn't wait until tomorrow to see Hank. She pulled up in front of his house and knocked; she had a key, but Hank could get a little jumpy sometimes and she didn't really feel like dealing with a bullet wound.

"Hey kid. What brings you by?" Hank moved aside. "You got one of my grandkids with you?"

"No, they're at home with Jay. I just left the place where Bunny was staying. Teddy and I found this." She handed him the letter. "Does the name Jimmy Sanguinetti mean anything to you?"

"Yeah, he used to run around with your mother back when we were teenagers."

"Teenagers?" Erin furrowed her eyebrows. "I thought you met Bunny when you arrested me."

"I've known Bunny since before you were born." He handed the letter back to her. "It's possible that he could be your father."

"He abused me when I was little. I don't know why he would want to meet me."

Hank shook his head. "You were born in April of '87. Jimmy got sent away for armed robbery in August of the same year. He hasn't been back since, as far as I know."

Erin sighed. "I have all these memories of being abused. Are you telling me that it wasn't my dad?"

"I'm telling you it wasn't Jimmy. Maybe he's not your dad. Or maybe Bunny had just told you it was your father."

"Every time I think I'm free from Bunny, she throws me through another loop. How can she do this even after she's dead?"

"I'll help you figure this out, Erin. It's getting late. Why don't you go home and see your babies? I'm sure it'll make you feel better."

"You're right." Erin gave him a hug. "Thank you."

"Give them a kiss for me."

It didn't take long for Erin to get home. Her children were all spread out on the living floor, each of them with a book in their hands. Erin had to laugh; 4-year-old Emma didn't know how to read, but she loved to copy her older siblings.

"Hey baby." Jay greeted, coming up behind her and giving her a kiss on the cheek. "How did it go?"

"I'll tell you about it after the kids go to bed."

They went through the kids' nightly routine and finally they were all alone. Erin came out of the bathroom and saw Jay was already sitting on the bed. He held his hand out to her and she took it, climbing onto his lap to where she was straddling him.

"I found a letter to Bunny from this guy named Jimmy Sanguinetti. Apparently, he's my father and he wants to meet me."

"Wow." He put his hands on her hips. "Are you sure this isn't just some type of scam?"

"I stopped by to see Hank. He said that it's possible. He knew Bunny when they were teenagers, which I never knew, and he said they used to run around together."

"So, where's your head at? What are you thinking?"

"I don't know. Every memory I have of my father is of him beating me, but now Hank told me that he was sent to prison the same year as I was born and he hasn't come back to Chicago since. I have memories of being beaten at 4, 5, 6, 7 years old. There's no way it could have been him."

Jay frowned. "Then who was it?" he couldn't resist pulling her closer to him. He hated thinking about Erin's childhood and everything that had happened to her.

"There are so many gaps in my memory. I even confronted Bunny about this before and told her I remembered my father doing things, and she didn't correct me. Did she just tell me to call all her boyfriends 'Dad'? Was it all the same guy who hurt me each time and she just convinced me it was my father? I don't know what to think, and I can't ask her."

"Are you sure you want to chase this?" Jay smoothed her hair out of her face. "You're basically trying to figure out who the guy that beat you was."

"I need to know."

Jay let out a breath. "Well it seems like the logical place to start is by meeting this Jimmy guy."

"Will you come with me?" she felt the nerves bubble up in her stomach. She didn't want to have to face this alone.

"Of course I will, baby." Jay leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. "We're in this together. I will help you do whatever you need to do to find what you're looking for."

Erin moved to where she could rest her entire body against Jay's chest. He just stroked her hair, which she was grateful for. He always did such a good job at making her feel better.

"Are you going to get Hank involved in this?" he asked after a couple moments of silence.

"I don't know. I felt weird talking to him about it. I don't want to overstep, you know?"

"What do you mean?"

"He raised me and he's always been the only dad I've ever known. Does it make it seem like I'm pushing all that aside if I meet Jimmy?"

"No, and I doubt Voight thinks of it like that. He just wants you to be happy."

Erin nodded and sat up slightly so she could see his face. "Can we go to bed now?"

"Yeah."

Erin climbed off of his lap and cuddled into his arms instead, resting her head against his chest. "It's going to be okay, right? Everything is going to work out?"

"It'll work out how it's meant to." Jay kissed the top of her head. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Everything moved quickly after that. Erin called the number left on the letter and spoke to Jimmy for the first time. She kept it short and simple, just asking when he would be available to meet. He didn't live in Chicago, but he said that he could be there by Friday.

The rest of the week flew by as Erin and Jay went to work and took care of the kids. By the time Friday came around, Erin was a nervous ball of energy. They had sent Connor and Henry over to Natalie and Will's for a sleepover, and Emma and Sophia were hanging out with Kim and Adam and they would pick them up on their way home.

As they walked into the restaurant, Erin felt her hands start to get sweaty. She couldn't shake off her nerves and she was pretty close to just turning and walking out.

"Breathe, baby." Jay encouraged. He grabbed one of her hands in his and squeezed it gently. He opened the door for her and she walked in.

"Erin?" a voice called out to her left. She saw a man standing there and her heart stopped. This man was her father.

They walked over and she gave him a small smile, not really sure how to greet him. Should they hug, or was that too comfortable? Was a handshake too formal?

"It's so nice to finally see you." He smiled.

Luckily, she didn't have to make the awkward decision because Jay pulled out a chair for her. She smiled at him gratefully and sat down, the two men following her lead.

"This is my husband, Jay." She introduced.

"It's nice to meet you." Jimmy reached over and shook Jay's hand.

"Likewise."

"I know this is a little awkward, but I just want to get to know you. You can tell me whatever you're comfortable with, and ask me anything."

"Bunny always said you were locked up." Erin blurted out.

"Yeah. I've been out ten years. I was married, that's why you didn't hear from me. We got two boys of our own."

Erin gave a tight smile. "Married convict with a whole other family. There's a catch." She glanced towards Jay, but he didn't scold her for her comment. He was going to let her handle this however she wanted.

"Nobody involved exactly had their stuff together. But you turned out okay." Jimmy said.

"So you're off the hook."

"I wasn't there for you then, but I'd like to be, now, if you'll let me." Erin looked at him wearily. She didn't really know how to feel about this whole situation, or if she even wanted to see him again. "So I heard there was a mix up in your mother's storage facility and they auctioned everything off."

Erin nodded. "Yeah, Bunny never gave them a forwarding address."

"Well I guess al your childhood pictures were there and they're all gone now. But I, um, I saved all the ones your mom sent me over the years and I thought you might like this."

Erin took the picture from Jimmy's hand. She looked down and saw herself at maybe five years old holding a rabbit.

"That looks just like Sophia." Jay said.

"Yeah." She agreed.

"I got 'em all in a, in a binder. I'll bring 'em next time."

"Okay." Erin couldn't stop looking at the picture. Who was this man who had kept photos of her for years?

"Can I ask a question?"

"Sure."

"Where is Bunny? She hasn't returned any of my phone calls, and I thought you might bring her along when we met up, but you haven't mentioned her."

Erin took a deep breath. "Bunny died in May."

Jimmy looked shocked. He rubbed a hand over his face. "How?"

"She overdosed."

"I'm sorry for your loss. That must have been really difficult."

Erin shrugged. "Bunny and I had a…complicated…relationship." She glanced at her watch, seeing that it was close to the time they had promised to pick up the girls. "We've got to get going."

Jimmy stood up. "Jay." He extended his hand to the other man and they shook hands. He stared at Erin, and she just gave him a small smile. Jimmy turned and left.

"Just do me a favor." Jay's voice caught her attention and she turned to look at him. "Let me run a DNA test on him just in case this whole thing is fantasy."

"No." she shook her head.

"No?"

"If it is a fantasy, let me live in it for a minute."

"Erin, there's someone here to see you." Erin turned around from where she was pouring her coffee and saw Jimmy standing in the doorway with Platt.

"Thanks, Trudy." She smiled at her gratefully. It had been a few days since she last saw her father, and she still wasn't too sure how to act. She knew that Jay was being very cautious with the whole situation and he still wasn't convinced that Jimmy had good intentions. But after running his financials and seeing that he was stable, Erin couldn't think of anything else that he could want from her.

"Hey, here's those pictures I told you about." He handed her a small brown book.

Erin grabbed it from his hand and flipped through the pages. She smiled sadly down at the little girl she used to be.

"Cute." Jay commented at one of the pictures. She shut the book and glared at him jokingly, making him smile. "Jimmy, you want some coffee?"

"Sure. Thanks, Jay." He took the mug and sat down. "Can I ask a question?"

"Go ahead." Erin agreed as she leaned her back against the seat.

"Do you have any children?"

Erin nodded. "Four."

"Four?" he smiled. "Wow. I have four grandchildren."

Erin didn't know what made her do it, but she reached into her pocket and grabbed out her phone. She hit the button so that her background picture would show up and showed it to him. It was a picture of the kids from when they went to the zoo recently. Connor and Sophia were sitting on a bench smiling, Henry was squatting in front of them and making a funny face, and Emma was standing behind the bench holding bunny ears up to both of her siblings' heads. All four of them had their faces painted and they looked hot and sweaty, but it was one of her favorite pictures.

"They're beautiful. This one looks just like you." He pointed to Sophia.

"Thank you." Erin put her phone back away.

"Hey." They all turned to look towards the door when they heard Voight's voice. "Jimmy Sanguinetti. Good to see you."

"Good to see you too, Hank." Jimmy stood and shook his hand.

"We caught a case." Hank said before walking out.

"That means we have to go." Erin informed him.

"Okay. You can keep that." He gestured towards the photo book.

"I kind of like that you kept it all these years."

"Okay." Jimmy took the book back and left the room. Erin noticed movement out of the corner of her eye and saw Jay pouring Jimmy's coffee down the sink.

"This is me running his DNA, not you." He put the cup into a plastic baggie and walked out.

Erin sighed. She wanted this to be true. She needed to believe that she had at least one parent who cared enough to keep her pictures in a photo album for fifteen years. But she also realized that she did need to know the truth.

"The lab put a rush on your results." Erin looked up as Jay walked into the break room with an envelope in his hand. He gave her a piece of paper. "Jimmy isn't your father."

She stared at the paper in front of her, her heart leaping into her throat. If Jimmy wasn't her father, then who was?

"Are you happy?" she demanded.

"Of course not. At least now, we know."

"This was my decision and you chose to do this even though I told you not to."

"Personally, I would want to know. Next time you want to bury your head in the sand, just raise your hand and I'll leave you there."

Erin felt her nose start to get that stuffy feeling that always happened right before she would cry. She bit her lip slightly as the tears sprang to her eyes.

"Baby…" Jay tried to step forward.

"I wasn't ready to know."

"I'm sorry."

"How can she keep doing this to me? Even after she's gone, Bunny keeps screwing with my life. If Jimmy isn't my father, then who is?" she pressed her lips together and took a deep breath to try and keep from crying, but a tear fell down her cheek anyway.

Jay wrapped her in his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He held her tightly.

"Is there something I need to know?" Hank came into the room. She could hear the door shut behind him. Erin just shut her eyes and kept her face buried in Jay's chest. "I turned a blind eye to you two being a couple in my department. When I ask you a question as a courtesy to me, then I expect an answer."

"Jimmy isn't Erin's father." Jay responded. "I ran a DNA test and it came back negative."

"Erin." Hank let out a breath. "I'm sorry, kiddo."

She pulled back so that she could look at him. "Who are my other options?"

Hank frowned. "I don't understand what you mean."

"Who else could be my father? You said you knew Bunny before I was born. Who else did she hang around with?"

"To be honest, there were a lot of guys. I didn't see Bunny for a couple years, and in that time, she had you and Teddy. I'm not sure who else there could be."

"So I'll never know." Erin shook her head. "And now I have to tell Jimmy that he's not my dad. Why am I always stuck cleaning up her messes?"

"I'll tell him." Jay offered.

"I have to do it. It's my responsibility."

"None of this is your responsibility." Hank interrupted. "This is on Bunny."

"Well since Bunny's not here, it falls on me."

"Maybe he would know who else could be your father." Jay stated. "I know you were trying to fill in the blanks for your childhood. Maybe she mentioned some of the guys she was with to him."

"Maybe." Erin agreed. She turned to the only father figure she had ever known. "Hank, I need to know."

"Just who your father is?" he seemed to already know that it was more than that.

"I need to know who hurt me when I was a kid. I want to know everything."

Hank nodded. "Call Teddy and ask him to come by after shift. Maybe he can help remember some stuff. Have Jimmy come too."

"I'll ask Will to take the kids." Jay said.

Just like that, they had a plan. Erin wasn't sure how to feel at the possibility of finding her actual father, but she knew she had to suck it up and go through with it anyway.

They were definitely a strange group. Hank was standing at the front of the room, Erin was at her desk with Jay leaning against the wall behind her, Teddy was at Jay's desk, and Jimmy had pulled up a chair next to the side of Erin's desk.

"So, I ran a DNA test." Erin began. "You're not my father."

She watched the emotions play across Jimmy's face. He looked confused at first, then sad, and finally angry.

"What did you want from all of this? You just wanted to screw with my life?" Jimmy stood.

Jay was usually really good about letting Erin stand up for herself. He always let her try on her own before stepping in, but that wasn't true this time. Before she could even open her mouth to speak, Jay had stood and moved to stand in front of the other man.

"She didn't want anything from you. She had no idea who you even were until she found that letter you wrote to Bunny, so why don't you sit your ass back in that chair and show her some respect?"

Jimmy looked like he was going to argue for a second, but then he just shook his head and sat down. Jay went back to his previous spot, earning an approving nod from Hank. Erin rolled her eyes at the two of them.

"Look, I don't know what the point of all of this was. I don't know what kind of angle Bunny was trying to play, or if she genuinely did think that you were my father. But I need your help."

He laughed dryly. "Of course you do. You sound just like your mother."

Erin ignored the dig. "I want to find out who my father is. It may not be you, but you were obviously a possibility. I need you to help me think about other people who Bunny was involved with."

"Why should I do that?"

Surprisingly, it wasn't Jay who stepped in this time, or even Hank. Teddy was the one to walk forward and stare at Jimmy.

"Because the man who Bunny said was Erin's dad used to hurt us. Erin, how old were you when that guy held your head underwater in the bathtub until you stopped struggling because you 'talked back' when you asked Bunny why there was no food in the house? Six?"

Erin clenched her jaw. "You remember that?"

"Of course I remember that. I also remember you telling me to hide under the bed and not come out until you came to get me. I heard you screaming and crying and when you finally came back, you were all bloody and bruised." Teddy stared Jimmy down. "It may not matter to you anymore, and clearly Erin never really mattered or you would have tried to make contact sooner. But it matters to us."

Erin couldn't look at Jay or Hank. She didn't want to see their reactions to Teddy's story. She instead looked to Jimmy and saw the tears in his eyes.

Jimmy nodded. "I don't know how much help I can be, but I'll try."

"Alright, here's what we know." Hank stood up and walked to the board. He pinned a picture of Bunny on the left side and drew a line from left to right. Erin almost smiled at how seriously he was taking this. "Bunny's dad left when she was a kid, her mom died when she was 11. She lived with an aunt, but she married out of high school when she was 17. First husband, Mike Larson. Married in 1982." Hank posted a picture of him and wrote the year underneath. "Died in a car accident in 1983. Married Ted Courtney in 1988, divorced in 1990. Bunny didn't marry her next husband until 1995, a guy named…"

"Jeff." Erin supplied. "He was the one with the daughter named Katie."

"I remember that." Teddy agreed. "He never hurt us."

"Yeah, then Bunny got him into drugs and his ex-wife took his daughter away and he divorced Bunny." Erin shook her head. "But that's too late anyway. I was ten by the time they got married. It would have had to be someone earlier."

"Bunny was, what, nineteen when she got pregnant?" Jay said. "Who did she hang around with in high school?"

"Vino Renatti was one of her friends." Hank mentioned.

"Wait, Renatti?" Erin frowned. "Wasn't that Camille's maiden last name?"

"Yep." Hank gave her a small smile. "Vino was her cousin."

"Could it be him?"

"I don't know. Vino had a girlfriend; Bunny used to hang around her too. Vino married the girl, Franny, not long after high school."

"So? I was married." Jimmy chimed in.

"Yeah, but Vino wasn't really like that."

"Is that how you knew Bunny before I was born?" Erin wondered.

Hank nodded. "I was friends with Camille's brother, Tommy. That's how I met Camille, Vino, Bunny, and Johnny."

"Uncle Johnny?" Teddy asked. Hank confirmed it.

"Is that Bunny's brother?" Jay questioned. Everyone nodded their heads. "Well what about Camille's brother? Could it have been him?"

Hank shook his head. "We didn't all hang around together. Tommy, Johnny, and I were good friends, and I only knew Vino and Bunny by association. Obviously, I got to know Camille pretty well, but she had her own group of friends. I don't think Tommy and Bunny really knew each other."

Jimmy began to speak. "I have a stack of letters back at the hotel from Bunny. I brought everything I ever received from her; letters, pictures, all that. Maybe somewhere in there, it would give us an idea of someone else she knew."

"Did she ever talk to you about anyone? Even just mention a name?" Erin asked.

"No, not that I remember. I can run back to the hotel right now." Jimmy grabbed his coat. "I'll be quick."

After Jimmy returned with the letters, everyone was given a couple to go through, searching for any type of evidence that could tell them who Erin's father was, or who the identities of the men that Bunny let hurt her children.

Erin was shocked that Bunny had written these letters. Maybe she did actually care about her a little bit.

Jay had pulled a chair up to sit next to her. She couldn't help but to grab his hand. He looked over at her immediately, and she could tell he was trying to figure out where her head was at with all of this.

"You good, babe?"

"I don't know." She handed him the letter that she had been reading. It was from 1989, meaning that she was four. " _Dear Jimmy, here is a picture of Erin. She is getting so big, and she's very pretty, as you can tell. She's also a lot more trouble. She talks a lot and she has a lot of opinions, which can be hard for us, but we can handle it."_ She read out loud. "Who is 'us'?"

"Let's ask him." Jay took the letter from her hand. "Jimmy, look at this one. Do you remember who she was talking about when she said, 'us' and 'we'?"

"It could have been my father." Teddy suggested. "What do you think, Jimmy?"

Jimmy took the letter. "Sorry, I don't know."

"Then what was the point of all of this?" Jay demanded. "You thought that she was your child, but you weren't interested in anything having to do with her. You didn't think it was strange that Bunny would talk about other people, people who were clearly around your child? You didn't ask questions?"

"I didn't really have the right to ask questions. I had a wife, two sons, I went to prison…"

"So basically, you just have a lot of excuses." He summarized. "Why did you even care to meet her? Was it because she was an adult and she didn't need anything from you anymore? You obviously didn't care about her when she was a child."

Erin listened to everything Jay said and it was true. If Jimmy did think he was her father, then he should have come around earlier. She didn't think that he was going to be helpful in finding any information about her father.

"Wait, look at this." Teddy caught their attention. "This letter is from 1990, it's talking about how Bunny needed some money so she could put Erin in kindergarten, and she mentions that she and 'Bud' both lost their jobs. Who is Bud?"

Erin frowned. "I don't remember that name."

"It's been a while since I've read these, I didn't think she mentioned anyone." Jimmy added.

"Hank?" Erin asked hopefully, wondering if maybe he remembered someone from the neighborhood with that name.

"Sorry, kid. I don't remember anyone named Bud."

"That's not good enough." Jay moved her chair over so that he could pull his up to her computer. He started to type in information into their police database, trying to find this man.

"Let's put the letters in order." Hank suggested. "Maybe reading the one before or after that will help us figure it out." He also added 'Bud' to the timeline, putting '1990-?' next to his name.

"Hey Erin, do you remember the guy with the moving truck?" Teddy wondered. Erin looked up at him in curiosity. "When we got evicted from the apartment with the kids the same age across the hall from us, he had to help Bunny get everything out."

Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in Erin's head. "Oh yeah! We all stayed in that house, I think it was his brother's?"

"I don't remember."

"Him and Bunny went out of town for a few days. We had to miss school."

"Did you go out of town with them?" Jimmy wondered.

"No, Bunny never took us with her when she left. We stayed at the brother's house." She got an uneasy feeling in her stomach as the memories continued to flood in. "Do you remember the baby?"

"Yeah."

The room got really quiet as they both retreated into their own minds, trying to forget the traumatic memories.

"What baby?" Hank asked.

"The brother…he was into drugs." Erin furrowed her eyebrows as she tried to get the details right. "A lot of people would come in and out. We stayed in the basement, and he always had people in the living room. When Bunny was gone, we went upstairs one night and there was a woman there. She was holding a baby while she was shooting up, and the baby wouldn't stop crying. They all just laughed. Eventually, they passed out. I took the baby from her and rocked it until it fell asleep. I knew that it was hungry, but I didn't have anything to give it."

"It had bruises on its arms." Teddy added. "It was a tiny baby."

"After I got it to sleep, I put it on a blanket in the corner so it was away from everyone when they woke up. We went back downstairs, and we never saw the baby again."

"Do you remember how old you were?" Hank quizzed. "What grade in school you were in?"

"First grade, I think."

"Alright, so that would be either '91 or '92. Do you remember anything about the moving truck? Or the brother's name?"

Erin shook her head, but Teddy started to speak. "It had an animal on it. What was it, Erin?"

"A raccoon, maybe?"

"Beaver." Teddy corrected.

"Beaver Moving Services." Jay stated. "The tagline is 'we'll do a dam good job'."

"Clever." Hank said dryly. "What can you dig up about that?"

"Small business, went bankrupt in 1994. It was originally owned by a man named Steve Reynolds, but was taken over by his son Steve Jr. in 1989." He typed. "Steve Reynolds Jr. is in the system for a drug related charge in 1993."

As soon as the picture popped up, Erin felt her chest tighten. "That's the brother." She almost felt as if she had repressed a lot of her memories, so being faced with them now was difficult.

"Steve Reynolds has no other children." Jay informed them.

"Maybe it's a half-brother."

Jay searched while everyone else continued to read the letters. About ten minutes later, he found something. "Mother's name was Rita Kemper. She had Steve Reynolds Jr., then another son a few years later named Derek Kemper."

When the picture popped up, Erin felt as if she was going to throw up. She started to feel really dizzy and like she couldn't get enough air in.

"Breathe, baby. Breathe." Jay pulled her into his arms. She rested her head against his chest, trying to copy his breathing. The room was spinning and she couldn't catch her breath. Jay rubbed her back, whispering reassurances to her.

Teddy came over and looked at her computer screen. "That's him, but Bunny didn't call him Bud."

"D." Erin whimpered.

"What did you say?" Jay asked as he stroked her hair, still holding her to his chest.

"Bunny called him D." Erin took in a shaky breath. "He's the one who burned my arm on the stove."

"That's the one that beat Bunny and we had to hide in the closet."

Erin stood up and gave her brother a hug. She couldn't believe that he had all of these horrible memories too, and obviously some that she had managed to block out.

"Teddy, is there any way you could contact your father?" Jay wondered. "If they were married until 1990, but she was also dating this Bud guy then, and this Derek guy in 1991, then she must have been cheating on him. Maybe he remembers something."

"I'll give him a call, but I don't know if he'll pick up. It's been a long time since we've spoken and he doesn't really want anything to do with me, but I'll try." He grabbed his phone and went into the breakroom.

Jay started to type on the computer. Erin leaned towards him. "What are you doing?"

"Looking into the CPS database. Maybe a report was filed that could give us some more information." He sighed. "I feel sick typing your name into here."

"Thank you, for all of this." Erin gave him a quick kiss.

"You know I'll do anything for you." He turned back to the computer. "A CPS report was filed in 1992." He clicked on it. "It says here that the child's mother and her boyfriend were suspected of abuse, but it couldn't be proved and they passed their home inspections. I know a guy at CPS who owes me a favor, I'll give him a call." Jay went over to his desk and got onto his phone.

Hank walked over to Erin's desk. "How are you feeling, kid?"

"It's a lot of information. I don't remember any of this, it's strange."

"It sounds like you repressed some memories."

"I'm not surprised. My childhood sucked." She sighed. "I just wish I could ask Bunny these questions. I know she would probably deflect or lie, but at least I could look her in the eyes and try and figure on what was going on in her head."

"You would have never understood. You are an amazing person, Erin, and a great mother who loves her children more than anything else. Bunny didn't have those qualities. You can't try and put yourself in her shoes."

Teddy walked out of the breakroom. Erin glanced at him. "Did he answer?"

"Surprisingly, yes. He said that we should check into some guy named Mark Saltori. I guess Bunny spent a lot of time around him when they were married, and he confirmed that she cheated on him with Derek Kemper. I asked him about Bud, and he said that he remembers she worked with some guy named Bud and after they got a divorce, she moved in with him. He wanted me to make sure that you knew that he never hurt you when he was with Bunny. He said that she was a nightmare, but he never put a hand on you."

"Alright, so let's assume that Bunny just used Bud for a place to live after the divorce." Hank changed the timeline to just say '1990' next to Bud's name. He wrote 'Derek Kemper' next, putting '1991-?'.

"They were together until 1992." Erin said. "I was seven when we had to hide in the closet from him, and that's the last I remember seeing of him."

"Okay." Hank added the new information.

Jay hung up his phone. "The guy I know is sending me over the full files for both Erin and Teddy." Erin could hear him clicking his mouse around. "Alright, so there is a report in 1991 that was filed. A neighbor found the three-year-old boy wandering around on his own, and the six-year-old girl was in the hospital for a broken collarbone, where they also found some bruises. When hospital staff asked about Erin's injuries, Barbara Courtney became defensive and avoided the questions. The children would not admit to abuse, and Erin said that she got the injury from falling down the stairs. It is noted that she also fell down the stairs in 1989 and had to get stitches." He searched through the report. Erin could tell he found something because of the way his eyes widened. "It says here that, based off of the mother's demeanor and visible bruising, it was suspected that her boyfriend, Mark Saltori, was the one who was abusive."

Hank added the name to the timeline while Erin did a search on the man. When his picture popped up, she didn't feel anything. She wasn't sure if she had ever seen him before.

"Mark Saltori has multiple charges of domestic abuse, and he's serving time right now for aggravated assault. Teddy, do you remember him at all?" Erin questioned. Teddy came over to her computer and looked at the screen.

"I think he had a mustache when they were together. He looks kind of familiar." He shrugged. "I don't know. Honestly, Erin, I don't get why we're doing this. It's going to be impossible to find your father, and all we're doing is bringing up old, bad memories."

"Yeah, you can say that because you know who your dad is. I have no idea who mine is." She looked at Hank. "Where do we go from here?"

"We talk to Mark Saltori, ask him some questions. Maybe he knows something." Hank said. "But Teddy is right, kiddo. We might not find your father."

"I want to at least try, you know?"

"Wait, one of Saltori's domestic abuse arrests was in 1986. Guess who he got in a fight with?" Jay informed them.

"Bunny." Erin answered.

"Alright, so we talk to Saltori tomorrow." Hank looked at his surrogate daughter. "Go home and get some rest. Spend some time with the kids."

"Okay." Erin agreed. She was exhausted and she just wanted to hug her kids and remind herself that they will never have a childhood like hers.

"I wanna know whatever you find out." Teddy said as he gave her a hug. "Call me if you need anything. I love you."

"Thanks, Teddy. I love you too." Erin looked at Jimmy, not really sure what to say now. "Why didn't you ever try and help me? You knew what Bunny was like. You could have helped me."

"It wasn't that easy, Erin. I had a family."

"You're right. You thought I was your daughter, but I didn't count as your family." She shook her head. "I'm happy you're not my father. It would have been worse than any of these other guys because you had the choice to be a decent person, but you chose not to."

"Erin, I…"

"Jay, can we go?"

"Of course." He came up behind her and put a hand on her back. She gave Hank a quick smile and then let her husband lead her out.

Once they were in the car and on the way to Will's to get the kids, Jay began to talk. "How do you feel?"

"Confused." Erin admitted. "I don't know how to feel. I know that there are people who abused me when I was a child, and it's hard to see a face and actually put it with the name. It's pretty obvious that I have some repressed memories. I think I might want to talk to Dr. Charles about it, just to be safe."

"That would be good." Jay agreed. "I'm really proud of you for making that decision."

"Yeah, well, I have to be a mom. I can't let all this baggage affect how I take care of them, or our relationship."

When they arrived, the kids all ran out of the house excitedly. Erin hugged her children tightly. She was thankful that no matter what, she would always have her beautiful children and she could choose to break the cycle that she had been raised in.

Erin and Jay got home and tucked the kids into their beds. As Erin was walking out of the girls' room, Sophia called out to her. "Mama?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"You're the best Mama in the world and I love you."

Erin's eyes teared up, but she bit her lip to try and keep it together. "I love you too, Soph."

When she walked into the bedroom, Jay was already in bed. She pulled back the blankets and got underneath them. "I don't want to talk about it, okay? Can you just hold me for a little while?"

"Of course, baby." Jay pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. "I'm not going to push you, but I'm always here to talk."

"I know." She kissed his bare chest quickly. "Thank you."

The night had dragged on endlessly for Erin. She had tossed and turned so much that by the time morning came, she felt like she hadn't slept at all. She could tell Jay was just as exhausted and she felt guilty for keeping him up.

They went about their normal routine to help the kids get ready. Erin drove to school and gave each of her kids a kiss before Jay took them into the building. By the time he came out, she was practically bouncing from her nerves. She didn't know what talking to Mark Saltori would do, but she hoped it had some answers.

Hank had given them permission to go straight to the prison. It didn't take long for them to sign in and have him brought into a questioning room. Erin and Jay were sitting on one side of the table when the guards brought him in. They chained him to the table and then stepped back.

"What's this about?"

The man sitting in front of her was older, probably in his 60s. He had white hair and dark eyes. Erin studied his face, but she didn't have any memories of him.

"What was the nature of your relationship with Barbara Courtney?" Jay began.

"Bunny?" he smiled, and it chilled Erin right down to her bone. "We were…friends."

"Never anything more?"

"What is the point of these questions?"

"Just answer them." Jay stared him down. "Did you have a relationship with Bunny?"

"We were on and off." Saltori shrugged. "Depended on what drugs she could find that week."

"When did you first meet Bunny?"

"After she graduated high school. We worked at the same restaurant. I was a cook, she was a waitress. I think the year was '84?" Erin watched as his gaze shifted and he stared at her. They made eye contact and he didn't say anything, instead just staring.

"Did you ever meet her children?"

Saltori's face changed, breaking out into another smile. "That's what this is about, isn't it? Are you Erin?"

Erin just kept a blank face, reminding herself that this was something she had to do. "I am."

"It's so good to see you again, sweetheart."

Just like that, the memories came flooding back. He had called her sweetheart as a child. He was the one who threw her down the stairs and held her underwater and broke her collarbone. He was probably the one to knock her unconscious when she would cry as a baby.

"Do you remember our times together? I just wanted to be your friend, but you could never behave yourself."

Erin leaned forward. "You were abusive towards me and my brother for no reason. We did nothing wrong, and you hurt us. Why?"

"Because you didn't listen. Bunny never disciplined you. You were always talking back and asking questions. You didn't understand your place."

"Are you my father?" she blurted out. She couldn't help it; she didn't want to sit in this room any longer than she had to.

Saltori started to laugh. "Oh, sweetheart. If I was your father, you would have been a lot better behaved. I would have actually taught you how to act instead of just shooting myself up with drugs and letting you run wild. Just because you called me 'Daddy' doesn't mean I was your father."

That confirmed things for Erin even more. This man had been the main one to abuse her, and the person she thought was her father in all of her memories.

"Do you know who my father is?"

"Why should I tell you that? You just come in here, demanding things. This is how you were as a child." He looked to Jay. "She's a mouthy little thing, isn't she?"

"Answer the question. Do you know who could be her father?" Erin could see how hard Jay was clenching his jaw. She knew he was trying not to flip out on this guy.

"Ask your mother."

"She's dead." Erin deadpanned. "I need to know. I want to know where I came from. I deserve to know that."

"What's in it for me?"

"You know what? We're not going to play this game. You are going to tell her because you owe that to her. You hurt and abused her for years, so if you know, you need to tell her." Jay said.

"All I want to know is this. Do you have children?"

"No." Erin told him.

"Well when you do have children, I expect an apology. You will punish them just like I punished you, because that's what has to be done. Once you have children, you will see that they have to be taught right from wrong. That first time you hit your child, come back here and tell me you're sorry."

"Okay." She agreed, not wanting to argue with him. "Who is my father?"

"Bunny had a bad habit of going after what she couldn't have. She was always sleeping with married men. We got together not too long after you were born, you were only a few months old. She had been sleeping with Jimmy Sanguinetti and Vino Renatti. She didn't know which one was your dad, but Jimmy was a sucker. He would send money to her every time she sent a picture of you, so she told him that he was your dad. Never ordered a DNA test to prove it though."

"Let's go." Erin stood up, Jay following her lead.

"See you in a few years with that apology, sweetheart." He laughed as they headed towards the door. "And detective? Watch it before you get involved with her. Erin has a tendency to drag everyone down around her."

Jay lunged towards the man. "You are a sad excuse for a man. You hurt a child who never did anything to deserve the life she was given." He grabbed him around the throat. Both of the guards stepped in, but Erin stayed back. She didn't know what to say. She wanted Jay to hurt him so that he could never hurt anyone again.

She was startled by her thoughts. Jay was a good man, he didn't hurt people. She stepped forward. "Jay, let go." She put her hand on his arm. He stopped everything he was doing immediately.

"Get out of here!" one of the guards shouted at them.

Erin took Jay's hand in hers and pulled him out of the room. They signed out and then walked out to the car in silence. She didn't want to cry, but she knew she was going to. She wordlessly handed him the keys and got into the passenger's seat. As soon as she shut the door, her cries began.

She could suddenly remember so much more. Erin had been told when she was little that he was her dad, and she had to call him Daddy. He had come in and out of her life, and he was always abusive. He would call her 'sweetheart'. She could remember Teddy's father coming in and finding Bunny in her room with Saltori, and how the two men had fought, and then Teddy's father beat Bunny and disappeared with Teddy for a couple of days.

"Baby." Jay said helplessly. He wasn't touching her, and Erin knew it had to be because he was disgusted with her.

"I know you hate me now." She sobbed. "I'm a horrible person."

"No, you're not." Jay grabbed her by her shoulders and forced her to look into his eyes. She hated the way that she flinched; she wasn't scared of him, but she was so confused about everything. "Erin, you did not deserve the childhood you were given. You were a baby when he came into your life. You did not make the choice to be hurt. It was Bunny's choice to be with a man who hurt you, and that is completely on her. Baby, you didn't do anything wrong. You are not a horrible person."

Erin leaned forward until her forehead made contact with his chest. Jay pulled her over the center console and onto his lap. It was a tight squeeze because of the steering wheel, but it made Erin feel safe. She buried her face in his chest and cried.

She didn't know how long they sat there until she finally calmed down. She jumped when Jay's phone started ringing.

"It's Voight. I'm going to tell him we're taking the day off."

"No, we need to go there. I'm okay."

"Erin, you just cried in my arms for over an hour. You need some time to process."

"No, I need to finish this so I don't have to think about it anymore."

Jay studied her face, then answered the phone. "Halstead…yeah…we'll be there soon…no, she's good…okay." He looked her in the eyes. "If you need to go, we're leaving."

"Okay."

"Come here." He gently grabbed her chin, tilting her face up. "You're so beautiful, you know that? It amazes me every single day how much more I fall in love with you." He gave her a long kiss. Erin melted into him, not in any rush to get back to work. When it finally ended, she gave him a hug.

"Thank you."

"I would do anything for you, Erin. You know that."

"I know." Erin climbed back over to her seat, laughing slightly when Jay groaned because of her elbow digging into his ribs.

They drove back to the district in comfortable silence. Erin had a lot on her mind that she needed to try and sort out, and she needed Hank's help to do it.

They pulled up to the building and Erin looked in the mirror. "God, I look awful."

"No you don't." Jay got out of the car and came around to her side, opening her door. He leaned forward and ran his thumbs under her eyes, trying to erase the makeup that had run down her face. "Gorgeous."

They walked inside together, Erin keeping her head down so no one would see her red and puffy eyes. Jay typed in the code and scanned his fingerprints and they went inside.

Everyone was sitting at their desks and all eyes turned to her. When Hank heard the door open, he came to the doorway of his office. Erin could see in all of their expressions that they were curious to know what was going on.

"I'm fine, guys." She finally said, her voice raspier than usual. It didn't go unnoticed by the others. "Hank, can we talk to you?"

"Of course."

They walked into Hank's office and sat down in the chairs near his desk. Hank perched himself on the edge of the desk. "I'm assuming it didn't go well?"

"I'm 100% sure that Mark Saltori was the one to abuse me when I was a child. He said that I called him 'Daddy', which is something that I remember. He called me 'sweetheart' while we were there and it's like all my memories came flooding back. He called me that when I was a child. He said that he was with Bunny off and on, and they got together not too long after I was born."

"Okay, so that clears up that part of things. How are you feeling?"

"Confused. I know that Bunny is a terrible person, but I just don't understand how she could let someone hurt her children." She bit her lip. "He told me I had to come back and apologize to him when I have children because then I'll know why he did it. What if that will happen one day, Hank? What if I hurt one of my kids?"

"Erin, you have been a mother for seven years now. Have you ever felt the urge to beat one of your children?"

"No."

"Then you've already broken that cycle. You aren't a bad person, Erin. Just because you were raised in bad circumstances doesn't mean that you are like Bunny, or the men that she brought around you." Hank studied her. "Did you find out anything about your father?"

"He mentioned that Bunny slept with a lot of married men, and she told him that it could be Jimmy Sanguinetti or Vino Renatti. We obviously know it's not Bunny, so maybe it's Vino." Erin took a deep breath. "Do you think it could be?"

Erin was trying not to get her hopes up, but she wasn't going to be upset if her father was Camille's cousin. It would be a nice way for her to connect to the only woman who had ever acted as a mother towards her.

Hank shrugged. "Camille and I never really talked about it. We knew that Bunny hung around Vino, and that they were a little too close to just be friends. But we never questioned it. I always thought that maybe that's why Camille wasn't so upset when I brought you home."

"Why didn't you ever tell me any of this?"

"Because I didn't want to bring up old memories for you. By the time we met, you were already so broken down and done with the life you had been a part of. I wanted you to focus on the future instead of where you came from."

"Well can I talk to Vino? What happened to him?"

"He died a few years before Camille. Cancer, I think. Franny is still alive though. She sends me a Christmas card every year." Hank looked at her. "If you really want to chase this, then I'll get in contact. Vino and Franny had a son. We could test your DNA with his and find out."

"I need to know." Erin agreed.

"Then I'll help you figure it out."

"Thank you. For everything." She gave him a hug. At least she had Hank in her life. No matter who her father was, he would always be the man who raised and loved her like his own.

"Hi, I'm Erin Halstead." Erin greeted a few days later as she stood in front of a woman she had never met.

"Oh Erin." The woman, Franny, pulled her into her arms. "You look like him."

"Really?"

"Yes, come in." Franny moved aside so she could enter. "Who is this handsome young man?"

"This is my husband, Jay." She introduced. Surprisingly, Franny pulled him in for a hug too.

"It's nice to meet you." Jay said.

"You too." She led them into the dining room. "When Hank called, I knew that I had to meet you. Camille would talk about you all the time."

"She did?"

"She was so proud of you, Erin."

"I'm kind of confused." Erin admitted. "The man you were married to could be my father. Why are you so happy to see me?"

"Because after a while, you realize that those things don't matter. Vino and I only ever had one child. He told me early on in our relationship about Bunny, and a few years later, he said that she had a daughter that could be his. Vino was always so busy, and he loved me and Leo so much. He said he didn't want to find out because he didn't know what Bunny would do."

Erin nodded. "I don't blame him. She was pretty insane."

"When Camille told us that Hank had met you and you had gotten into some trouble, we thought about finally getting a DNA test. But Vino said that he didn't want to hurt you even more by moving you to a whole new family. We were so happy to find out that Camille and Hank let you move in with them. Camille would come over and tell stories about you. She always said that you had the Renatti stubbornness."

Erin absorbed all of this new information. "Does your son know about me?"

"Yes, he does. His name is Leo, he's three years younger than you. He said that he would be willing to do a DNA test." Franny smiled. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"What made you decide to do this?"

"I found a letter from Jimmy Sanguinetti saying that he was my father and wanted to meet. A DNA test showed that he isn't actually my father, and this was the direction I was pointed in instead. I just want to know where I came from. I'm not looking for anything from you…"

"Erin, I don't think that. I understand wanting to know who your father is." Franny glanced at Jay. "Do the two of you have children?"

"Yes. Four." Erin answered with a small smile.

Jay turned his phone around for Franny to see. "Our oldest is Connor, then the twins, Henry and Sophia, and then Emma is the youngest."

"They are beautiful." Franny's voice sounded like she was about to cry. "Wait here." She disappeared for a moment, then returned with two picture frames. "This is Vino."

When Erin looked at the picture, she knew. There was no way that this man wasn't her father. She could see similarities between him and herself, like her naturally dark hair, and her dimples.

"And this is Leo with his wife, Katie, and their kids Grace and Victor."

Erin looked at the boy who may be her brother, and she saw the similarities with him too. It was strange to look at someone and see some of her features; she didn't look anything like Bunny or Teddy, so she had never had that experience before.

"Could Leo meet me at the police station for a DNA test tomorrow?"

"I'm sure he could. I will talk to him about it." Franny held her hand. "Thank you for coming here."

"Thank you for letting me."

After a few more minutes, Erin and Jay left. He studied her. "How do you feel?"

"If he is my father, then he's normal. He has a wife and a son and grandkids and he never hurt anyone. I hope it's him."

"You have the same dimples." Jay commented. "He seemed like a good guy, besides the whole cheating on his wife thing."

"We'll know tomorrow." Erin said. She hoped that it was Vino, because if not, then she really had no idea who her father could be.

"Results are in." Jay said to his wife the next evening. Everyone else had gone home, besides the two of them and Hank. The latter came into the bullpen when he heard what Jay said.

He handed the envelope to Erin, letting her find out for herself. "I'm nervous."

"Don't be. Either he is or he isn't. It's better to know."

Erin nodded. She opened the envelope and looked at the paper. "Vino Renatti is my father." The men stayed quiet, letting that information sink in. "That means I'm related to Camille."

"Yes, it does."

Erin went over to Hank and gave him a hug. "Thank you for taking me in. The fact that I knew Camille and she was the only person who really acted like a mother towards me…it really makes knowing this a lot easier."

"Camille was so happy when she met you." Hank told her. "She had heard the rumors, and when she saw you, she knew you had to be Vino's. Her and Franny used to meet up and talk about what was going on with you."

"Where do I go from here? Do I keep talking to Franny? I have a half-brother."

Hank shrugged. "Try and feel it out. They're good people, Erin. Franny will love you and your children like you are her own. Never hurts to have more family, right?"

"Right." Erin smiled. "I'm just happy to know."

"I'm happy for you, kid. Now go home and give my grandkids a kiss for me."

"I will." Jay handed Erin her jacket and she slipped it on. They walked out together, quickly calling their goodbyes to Hank.

"I'm happy we could find out who your dad is." Jay told her once they were in the car.

"Thank you for running that DNA test. I was so mad at you at first, but now, I'm glad you did it. This is so much better than settling with Jimmy Sanguinetti."

"I'm sorry I went behind your back though."

"It's in the past." Erin held his hand. She didn't know where to really go from here, but at least now she knew. Now, she could tell that her entire background wasn't just bad news, that she did have a chance to become a decent person. A little of the weight felt like it was lifted off her shoulders.

 **Next up…K: Knocked Up!**

 **Let me know any moments you would like to see while Erin is pregnant!**


	12. From Kim to Kevin

**I'm sorry for the wait. I'm trying to get back into this story, but it's difficult with no real inspiration. I know that I had said that this chapter would be called Knocked Up, but I really struggled with finding inspiration to write a pregnant Erin chapter.**

 **K: From Kim to Kevin**

 _*The Intelligence Unit has always been like a family, and that family has grown and changed to include the Halstead children._

 **Kim**

 _*Connor- 9, Henry- 8, Sophia- 8, Emma- 6._

Kim Burgess loved babies, so naturally when Erin got pregnant, she was the most excited. She had pestered Erin day after day with baby shower ideas, baby names she saw that she thought she would like, and random baby gifts. Normally, that would have annoyed someone, but not Erin. She appreciated the fact that there was someone out there who cared about her new little one enough to go to all this trouble.

When Connor came into the world and changed the Halstead family completely, Kim had been there. Erin loved seeing how quickly Kim and the rest of the guys had fallen in love with her son, and that love stayed the same with Henry, Sophia, and Emma.

Though her children all adored Kim, Henry had always had the biggest place in his heart for her. Any time they were around the rest of the Intelligence unit, Henry always searched for her.

When Henry was in 3rd grade, his teacher had the students work on a project where they did research on the different jobs that the people they knew had. They were encouraged to bring in the person they knew with this job so that the rest of the class could meet them and ask questions. Of course, Henry chose to do research on cops.

"I know he's gonna pick the greatest cop he knows." Jay said as he flexed his arms.

"Who, me?" Erin asked with a smile. "There's no way he's taking you when he could take me."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that. You know he adores his old man."

"Yeah, but he's a Mama's boy. He'll pick me."

The kids came running out of the school one by one and climbed into the car.

Connor frowned. "Why are you here?"

"Because Beth cancelled so you're staying at work with us until we get off." Erin responded.

"Yes!" the kids high-fived and their parents couldn't help but smile. They loved that their kids still liked spending time with them instead of being embarrassed.

It didn't take long to arrive at the station. The kids came in talking and laughing, immediately catching Platt's attention.

"Look who we have here. What brings you guys in today?"

"We're gonna stay with Mama and Daddy until they get off work!" Emma announced excitedly.

"Make sure you come down and visit me too, okay?"

"We will." Sophia promised.

Erin scanned her hand and the gate opened. Jay walked ahead. "Little ones!" he called out.

Ruzek had just finished turning the board over when they got upstairs. The kids dispersed, running around the room to greet everyone. After a few minutes, Connor took Jay's seat at his desk, Sophia chose to sit with Adam, and Emma was content with her Papa Hank.

Henry went over to Burgess's desk. "Kim, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure bud." She looked away from her computer to give the 8-year-old her full attention. "What's up?"

"At school, we're doing research on jobs and I chose a cop. We're supposed to bring in someone to meet our class."

"Who are you taking?"

"Will you go with me?"

Kim's eyes instantly flew to Erin and Jay, who both tried to hide their shock. "Are you sure you don't want to take one of your parents? Or your grandpa?" She was clearly worried about overstepping.

Erin stood. "If he wants you to go, then that's fine with me."

"Me too." Jay agreed.

"When is this thing?" Hank asked from his doorway where he stood with Emma in his arms.

"Next Monday at 9am." Henry recited.

"I don't see why we couldn't give you the morning off if you want it, Burgess."

Kim smiled as she looked at the boy. "I would love to go." She pulled him into a hug. "Thank you for thinking of me."

Later on, Erin and Jay were getting coffee in the break room. Jay started laughing. "We really thought he was gonna pick us."

"I guess we're not cool enough." Erin said with a shake of her head.

A minute later, Kim walked in. "Hey, it's really okay with you guys if I go with Henry, right? If one of you wanted to go…"

"Hey, it's okay." Erin interrupted. "If he wants you, then that's okay with us. We're happy that he loves you enough to want to bring you."

Kim smiled. "I am pretty excited about it."

"Maybe if you ask Platt, she would let you drive a squad car to the school."

Kim gasped. "That's a great idea!"

"Seriously though, thank you." Jay told her. "It's nice knowing that there are people out there that have our kids' backs. You are one of the people we trust most in the world with them."

"You know the feeling is mutual with my kids." Kim said. "When AJ is in 3rd grade, I promise I'll talk him into taking one of you guys."

Erin and Jay smiled. They knew that no matter what happened, their kids would always love Kim and that she would love them right back.

 **Antonio**

 _*Connor- newborn._

By the time Erin and Jay had their children, Antonio Dawson was almost finished with the parenting stage. Eva was in college and Diego was almost out of high school. While Antonio wasn't sure that he ever wanted the responsibility of starting all over again, he did love little ones, especially babies.

It took everyone in Intelligence by surprise with how easy the Halstead kids were to love. They were so loving and well-behaved that it never felt like a chore to be around them.

After Connor was born, Erin and Jay practically looked like zombies. There were honestly a few times that he had feared for their safety on the job because of how exhausted they were from taking care of a newborn.

When Connor was a few months old, he got sick. Erin had taken the day off to stay home with him, leaving Antonio and Jay partnered up. They day was pretty slow and they had pretty much hit a dead end with all of their leads. Antonio and Jay were on their way back to the station when Jay's phone rang.

"Hey, how's Connor…calm down, baby…yeah…did you change him…did he eat…no, I'm not questioning you, but I just don't know what else it could be…"

"What's going on?" Antonio asked.

Jay sighed. "The baby won't stop crying."

"Let's swing by."

"I'm on my way now…okay…I love you…bye." He hung up. "I wish babies came with instruction manuals."

"It'll be okay. He's probably just not feeling very well."

It didn't take long to arrive at the house. Jay jumped out as soon as the car was in park. Antonio smiled to himself; he remembered the days when his kids were babies and he worried constantly about them.

Jay unlocked the door and they walked into the house. They could hear Connor's cries from the front door. They found Erin sitting on the couch. She was dressed in a pair of underwear and one of Jay's t-shirts, and she had tears running down her cheeks.

"Hey, it's okay." Jay jumped into action. He reached out and took the baby from Erin, who then buried her face in her hands.

"I don't know what to do." She cried.

"It's alright." Jay rubbed her back with one of his hands. "We'll figure it out, okay?"

Antonio could tell just by looking at Erin that she was sick too. She was pale and she looked exhausted. He walked further into the room.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you were coming." Erin said instantly.

"You have nothing to apologize for, Erin. I've been through all of this before." As Jay rocked Connor, Antonio pressed a hand to Erin's forehead. "I think you have a fever."

She sniffled. "I'm fine."

Jay immediately frowned when he heard that. He felt her face with his hand, then pressed his lips to her forehead. "You definitely have a fever."

"Get her some medicine. I'll take the baby." Antonio offered.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure. Pass him to me." Antonio took Connor in his arms. He adjusted him to a more comfortable position and rocked him slowly. "Hey there, little man. You're giving your mama a hard time, huh? Let's see if we can calm you down so you can both get some rest."

Antonio spoke to Connor slowly and softly and after a few minutes, he quieted down.

"Try his bottle." Erin encouraged. "He hasn't eaten."

Antonio grabbed his bottle from the table and he was relieved to see Connor immediately start to drink. The little boy closed his eyes.

"How did you do that?" Erin whispered. "I've been trying for hours."

Antonio shrugged. "Babies pick up on your moods. Diego was really colicky, so I learned how to stay calm while holding a screaming baby. You'll get the hang of things after a while. You're still new parents. Soon, you'll be better at this than me."

"I don't think so." Jay said wearily.

"You will." Antonio promised. He thought back to when his children were babies. "It sounds crazy, but you're going to miss this."

As Antonio fed Connor, Jay sat next to Erin and stroked her hair. When Connor finally fell asleep, Antonio passed him over to a half-asleep Erin. She wrapped her arms around him and finally drifted off.

"Thank you." Jay whispered.

"Anything for you guys. You're family." Antonio patted him on the shoulder, truly meaning what he said. If the Halsteads were ever in trouble, they would have him to depend on.

 **Hailey**

 _*Connor- 11, Henry- 10, Sophia- 10, Emma- 8._

The kids were a little older when Hailey Upton joined the Intelligence team. She had only been with the unit for a month when she finally met the famous Halstead kids.

"Little ones!" Ruzek shouted from near the stairs. Hailey looked at him in confusion.

"Turn the board." Kevin stated.

Hailey flipped it around to the back and looked up just in time to see Erin, Jay, and four children coming up the stairs. The older three said their greetings to everyone else, but the youngest came straight up to her.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Hailey." She crouched down so she was at eye-level. "What's your name?"

"Emma." She looked around. "Why are you here?"

"Be nice." Jay scolded as he scooped his daughter up. "Hailey is part of Intelligence now."

"But where's her desk?"

"Right here." Hailey pointed to where her desk had been set up. "I'm so happy to finally meet you guys. Your parents talk about you all the time."

"This is Connor, he's 11. Sophia and Henry are 10, and Emma is 8." Erin said. "Come on guys, stop staring. Let's go get your homework started." She ushered the kids towards the break room.

"They're beautiful." Hailey complimented.

"Thanks." She had never seen Jay smile so big before. "I'm gonna go help out."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

It was another month before Hailey saw the Halstead kids again. Hank had decided to shake up partners for everyone's best interest; Lindsay and Ruzek, Atwater and Burgess, Dawson and Olinsky, and Halstead and Upton. Hailey enjoyed working with Jay, but she knew that there was added pressure onto her job. She had to keep her partner safe so that he could go home to his children.

They were sitting back at the district when they heard footsteps on the stairs. Ruzek came up, flipping the board. Jay was surprised to see his children following his wife.

"What's wrong?" he questioned.

"Beth called in sick." Erin turned to the kids. "Break room. Get out your homework. After I check it, you can play on your iPads."

The kids did what she said without complaint. They continued to work on the case (though much quieter so the kids didn't hear any of the gritty details).

After a while, Hailey walked into the breakroom to get a cup of coffee. She turned the machine on and glanced towards the table. She was surprised to see four sets of eyes on her.

"Uh, hey guys." She greeted with a wave.

"Daddy said you're his partner now." Sophia began.

"Yeah. Voight…I mean, Hank…Grandpa Hank..."

"Papa Hank." Henry chimed in.

"Your Papa Hank decided it was best to keep everyone on the team safe." Hailey didn't know why, but they made her nervous.

"Mama and Daddy always say that they're most safe at work when they watch each other's backs." Emma said. "That's why they're partners."

"We just wanna make sure you're keeping Daddy safe." Connor finally got to the point.

Hailey nodded. "I promise to all of you guys that I will do everything I can to always get your dad back home to you."

"Okay." Connor said with a slight nod before turning back to his iPad. His siblings followed his lead. Hailey grabbed her coffee and went back to her desk, not sure if she had passed their little test or not.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Over the next few weeks, Hailey had more encounters with the Halstead kids, but they were never as friendly with her as they were with everyone else. She knew that they had known the others since they were born, but it did make her a little jealous. She hated the cold stares the four children always used when it came to her.

"Your kids hate me." She said to Jay one night as they were driving to do an interview.

"No, they don't."

"Yeah they do. They always stare at me like I'm trying to replace their mom or something."

"They'll get used to you. Since they've gotten older, they've been a lot less open to strangers. They're just getting used to change."

"I'm going to start buying their love. What do they need? Cell phones? Cars?"

Jay laughed. "They'll warm up to you."

Jay parked the car and they walked up to the house. Hailey didn't know why, but she felt uneasy. "I don't have a good feeling."

"We'll be in and out." Jay reassured her.

"I don't know…"

The door opened and the cousin of their suspect answered. "What can I help you with?"

"We need to talk to you about the whereabouts of Diego Ramirez." Jay stated.

"Sure, come in."

They walked in and Hailey surveyed her surroundings. They walked towards a living room area when all of a sudden, she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stick up. She turned just in time to see the glint of a rifle from on the stairs.

"Jay!" she screamed, pushing him as hard as she could. She heard the gun go off and fell to the ground with her partner.

Hailey couldn't catch her breath. She saw Jay standing above her, firing his weapon, and then he was leaning over her.

"…you hear me? Come on, Hailey, breathe!" he shouted.

Hailey gasped, taking in a huge gulp of air. Jay was yelling into his radio, asking for backup. After a few seconds, everything faded away into darkness.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Hailey startled awake, looking around the room. She wasn't sure where she was, but after studying the environment, she realized she was in the hospital. She was shot.

"Hey, it's Jay. You're alright." She saw her partner next to her.

"Jay?" she questioned. "You good?"

"Yeah, I'm good, thanks to you." He grabbed her hand. "You saved my life."

"No…"

"Yes." He insisted. "If you wouldn't have pushed me out of the way, I would have been shot." He grimaced. "You took a bullet to the stomach, but it missed everything major. You're going to be okay."

Hailey exhaled, settling back against her pillows. There was a knock on the door and she looked over, seeing the rest of the team. She nodded her head, signaling that they could come in. Atwater, Ruzek, Olinsky, Dawson, and Burgess hugged her quickly, while Hank patted her on the arm and said he was glad she was okay.

Erin was the last to poke her head in. "Hey Upton, the kids are begging to see you. You think you're up for them to come in for a minute?"

"Yeah, of course."

Sophia came into the room first, immediately going to her bed and hugging her. "Thank you for saving my Daddy."

Connor hugged her next. "Thank you."

"Thank you." Henry said.

"Thank you!" Emma hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She handed her a card.

Hailey opened it up, seeing that Emma had drawn a picture of Jay, Erin, Hailey, and the kids together. She had written 'Maybe you are a good partner for Daddy. Thank you for keeping him safe. We love you'.

"I made you guys a promise, remember? I wasn't gonna break that."

"Alright guys, let's let Hailey rest, okay? Say bye to everyone." Erin instructed.

The kids each gave her a hug again, then high-fived everyone else on the way out the door (besides Hank, who got a big hug from each of his grandkids). Jay leaned down to give Hailey a quick hug.

"See? Told you they like you."

"Wow, if I knew all it would take is a bullet to get them to like me, I would have gotten shot months ago."

"Not funny." Jay chastised. "You good?"

"Yeah, I'll be okay."

"We'll be back tomorrow. Let's go, everybody. Let her rest." He followed his kids out. The rest of the team said their goodbyes until Erin was the only one left in the room.

Erin studied her for a second. "Thank you."

"I didn't do anything that anyone else wouldn't have done."

"That bullet could have killed him, but you pushed him out of the way. I don't think you understand how important he is. Those kids think the world revolves around him, and if they lost him, if _I_ lost him, I don't know what we would do. I never really doubted that you would be a good partner for him, but I did think I was the only one who could truly watch his back. Thank you for proving me wrong."

"I'll always have his back."

"I really appreciate that." Erin hugged her. "If you need anything, text me. I'll do whatever."

"Thank you." Hailey smiled at her. After Erin left, she set up Emma's card next to her bed, looking at it with a smile before going to sleep.

 **Adam**

 _*Sophia- 5/6_

From the moment Adam Ruzek joined Intelligence, he was reckless and irresponsible. He would throw himself into dangerous situations, but he was also extremely loyal and protective over his team.

This loyalty extended to the families of his partners, especially their children. When Adam met Connor, he was the tiniest baby he had ever seen. He had a nephew, but he had been in college when he was born and wasn't around much. It was strange holding a baby that tiny and knowing that if you made one mistake, it could be life-threatening to that child.

Adam adored Connor, and he would spend as much time with the little boy as he could. When Erin found out she was pregnant with the twins, him and Kim started volunteering to help them out. Some days, they took Connor to the park, and others they kept him overnight. Over time, he started to gain some confidence when it came to taking care of the boy. He even thought that maybe, one day, he could have a son of his own.

Then, the twins were born and he laid eyes on Sophia. Connor had been small, but for some reason, it didn't feel like he had been as tiny as his little sister. She was so gorgeous, and Adam was scared to hurt her.

"Come on, man. It's not any different than holding Connor or Henry." Jay encouraged.

"No." Adam refused.

"I don't know if I should be offended or think it's sweet you don't want to hurt her." Erin said.

"He's genuinely scared." Kim chimed in. "He talks about it all the time. He thinks she's gonna break."

"She won't."

"I'm not risking it." Adam backed away.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

A few months later, Erin and Jay had to bring their kids to work. Connor was happy with toddling around the bullpen, and Henry and Sophia were in their car seat carriers.

"I'll ask Platt if she has any connections that could help us." Erin offered as she went towards the stairs. Hank sent the others out to do interviews and knock and talks, leaving just Jay and Adam.

Henry started to cry and Jay scooped him up, bouncing him gently. "Let's get you a bottle." He told his son as he went towards the break room. "Come on, Connor. Your brother needs his milk."

As soon as Jay walked out of the room, Sophia started to cry. Adam peaked over towards the break room, but he saw that Jay was so busy with the boys that he didn't even hear her.

"Shhh, it's alright, Princess." Adam said as he went over to her. He started to rock the carrier, but that seemed like it only made things worse. "Uh…I don't know what to do here."

Sophia continued to cry and each little whimper broke Adam's heart a little more. Finally, he reached down and lifted her up, letting her tiny body rest against his chest. She quieted down instantly.

"I've got you. Don't worry."

Sophia looked up at him and as soon as her eyes locked onto his, he knew he wanted to be a father. He couldn't imagine the amount of love and trust that a child that was his would have in him when his friend's daughter was looking at him as if he was the greatest thing in the world.

"It worked!" Erin said with a laugh as she came back upstairs.

"Huh?" Adam looked at her in confusion.

"We knew she would get fussy soon, she's getting hungry." Jay commented as he returned with two bottles. "We were hoping that if we left her alone with you, you would finally hold her."

"That's dirty, man."

"But isn't she great?" Erin asked.

Adam smiled. "Yeah, she is."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"I can't believe your husband." Erin said as she stormed into the bullpen, throwing a glance in Kim's direction.

"Oh God, what did he do now?"

"Did he happen to run Sophia's birthday present by you before he bought it?"

"No, he said he was running to the store, but he didn't mention what he got. Did he buy her Play-doh or a creepy doll or something?"

"He got her a dollhouse." Erin deadpanned.

Kim raised an eyebrow. "Sophia loves Barbies, so I'm not really seeing the problem here…"

"Do you know how much it cost?" Erin showed her the online ad for the dollhouse on her phone.

Kim's eyes widened. "It's over a hundred dollars?"

"I appreciated the gesture, but it's too much. He shouldn't spend that much on her, plus it'll make everything we bought her look too small, and we don't want our kids to be too spoiled."

"I'll talk to him. We'll take it back."

"Oh, you can't do that now. He already gave it to her."

"But her birthday isn't until next week."

"Exactly." Erin sighed. "I'm sorry. I love how much Adam loves Sophia, but this was a little extreme."

"Why?" Adam came up the stairs with Jay behind him. "Erin, I know it's a lot of money. Last week, we solved a case about a murdered six-year-old. Something bad could happen to us tomorrow. Shouldn't we give our kids everything they could want while we are around? That little girl means the world to me, and after seeing that little girl last week…" he shook his head. "She deserves the world."

Erin went over to him and stood in front of him. She gave him a hug. "Thank you for loving her. For loving all of them."

"You never have to thank me for that." He kissed the top of her head. "Alright, let's get some work done."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"ADAM!" Sophia screamed as soon as she came up the stairs to Intelligence. She bypassed Kim, Kevin, and Al to run to her favorite person in the room.

"SOPH!" he yelled just as loudly, lifting her into his arms and spinning her around. She laughed happily as he settled her on his hip. "What's going on, beautiful?"

"I got all my words right on my spelling test and Daddy took me to Starbucks and look at my wiggly tooth!" she opened her mouth, wiggling one of her bottom teeth with her tongue.

"Wow, that sucker is gonna fall out any day now!" he sat down on the corner of his desk and moved her to his lap.

"Hello to you too, Sophia. Do we not exist?" Antonio questioned the child jokingly.

Sophia just laughed and snuggled up to Adam.

"What about me?" Hank stood in the doorway to his office.

"Well you have to give your Papa a hug." Adam whispered.

Sophia sighed dramatically, but went over and gave Hank a quick hug. Right after, she ran back over to Adam's desk and sat down in his desk chair. "Spin me!"

"Me too!" Henry ran over and climbed onto the chair with his twin.

Adam started to spin them around in circles as fast as they could handle. Everyone else in the room started to get back to work as he was left with the responsibility of entertaining the kids; they all knew he could play with them for hours without a complaint.

"Adam?" Sophia asked after his fifth time running up and down the stairs with him holding her on his back.

"Yeah?" he was slightly out of breath as he held onto her tightly so she wouldn't fall.

"You're my best friend." She wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug.

Adam stopped and turned her in his arm. He kissed her forehead. "You're my best friend too."

 **Alvin**

 _*Connor- 12, Henry- 11, Sophia- 11, Emma- 9._

Erin could tell without looking in a mirror that her eyes were red and swollen. Her head hurt and she felt like a piece of her heart had been crushed. Jay came up next to her and wrapped an arm around her waist, leaning down to press a kiss to her temple.

Jay unlocked the front door and they walked into their home. Their four children were spread out on the couch, loveseat, and floor with a movie playing on the TV.

"Hi Mama! Hi Daddy!" Sophia called out.

"Hey Soph." Jay greeted, his voice an octave deeper than usual.

Connor turned his head and Erin could see realization cross his face. "What happened?"

Erin looked to Jay, who just shrugged. They had an agreement that they would never lie to their children; leave out some details, yes, but they would never flat-out lie.

"I have to tell you guys something." Erin grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. She sat on the coffee table across from the couch where Sophia and Emma were sprawled out. Jay sat down on the edge of the loveseat next to Connor, and Henry got up to sit next to his dad. "There was an accident today."

"Is Papa Hank okay?" Emma demanded.

"And Adam?" Sophia added.

"And Kim?" Connor wondered.

"It was Al." Erin said quickly before they kept guessing.

Henry frowned. "But you said Al was gonna be in prison for a little while."

"He was, baby." Erin sniffled as she felt the tears start to well up again. "When you're a police office, you put a lot of bad guys away. If you get in trouble and you have to be put away too, you're in the same place as those bad guys. Someone who Al had put in prison before was able to hurt him and he died before the guards could find him."

Henry, Sophia, and Emma instantly started to cry, but Connor just held his head up a little higher as a frown settled on his face. Erin pulled the girls towards her, while Jay wrapped an arm around each of the boys. After everyone had calmed down, Jay stood.

"Time for bed. Let's go."

They said their goodnights and sent the kids off to their rooms. After, Erin and Jay went to their room.

"He has been there for me since I was fifteen years old." Erin said as she sat on the edge of her bed. "Now, he's gone. All because of me."

"Erin, no." Jay knelt in front of her. "This is not your fault."

"Yes, it is! I'm the one who called him to help me move the body!"

Jay had never heard her actually say the words out loud or admit to anything. He knew that many years ago, before they were married or had kids, Erin had witnessed Hank killing the man who had shot his son, Justin. He knew that Hank made him dig his own grave.

There had been a time when the Commander had gone after Hank and checked the area they believed the body was buried, but they didn't find anything. Jay always wondered how it had happened, but now he knew. Evidence had been collected that placed Al at the crime scene, though Jay knew he wasn't the one who killed Bingham because he had been with the rest of Intelligence at the time.

Erin and Al had moved the body. His girlfriend at the time, now wife, had assisted her surrogate father in keeping Bingham's murder a secret.

Jay took a deep breath. "Baby…"

"No. This isn't something that you can fix just by kissing me or saying sweet things to me. I am the one who saw Hank forcing Bingham to dig his grave. I heard that gunshot, and when I figured out that the Commander was figuring things out, I called Al to help move the body. I couldn't let Hank go down for it, and now, Al was killed instead."

"Listen to me." Jay put his hands on her shoulders and forced her to look at him. "I don't ever want to hear you say that again. You will not talk about that to anyone, ever. You know people are always after Voight, and they will use anyone they can to get to him, especially you. I hate that Al is gone, but he made that choice on his own. If you hadn't of called him, he probably would have connected the dots and done it on his own. You can't blame yourself for this, Erin."

"I just don't understand." Erin was sobbing at this point. "How did they find evidence on him but not me? Why didn't he give up Hank when they asked? Why weren't the guards watching?" she took in a shuddering breath. "He was the closest thing I ever had to an uncle. He was always there when I needed him, and he always stuck up for me."

"I know." Jay whispered as he pulled her close to him. At first, she just sat there, but after a few seconds, she grabbed a fist full of his shirt and buried her face in his chest. He stroked her hair as she cried, wishing that he could make all of this go away for her.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

Quiet. Withdrawn. Not sleeping. Barely eating.

While Jay had somewhat expected these things with Erin, he hated that they had actually happened. She was an emotional wreck and he knew that he needed to help her pull herself together as quickly as possible before more suspicion was raised about what had happened the night Bingham died.

But today, his was focus was just getting through Al's funeral. The Halstead family arrived at the church where the service would be held in their best clothes. The kids were in suits and dresses while Jay and Erin wore their uniforms.

Jay held tightly to Erin's hand, trying to give her the strength she needed. Of course he was horrified over losing Al, but it didn't even compare to the pain Erin was going through. She had been making herself sick from guilt.

"Hey guys." Adam greeted quietly as he came over to them with AJ in his arms. Kim, Maddie, Gavin, and Norah were right behind him, all of them with tear stained cheeks. After Al lost his daughter, Lexi, he had turned to the unit and treated them as family. The Ruzek kids had always called him their honorary grandpa and they all looked devastated, right down to little Norah.

"Let's find our seats." Kim suggested.

They walked down the aisle together, taking a seat towards the middle on the left side. As soon as they were seated, Erin leaned her head over on Jay's shoulder. He was so focused on his wife that he didn't notice Emma crying.

"Daddy, it's not fair." She whimpered.

Jay turned to look at her. When he saw her tears, he moved back from Erin so he could lift his youngest onto his lap. "What's not fair?"

"Al was a good guy and good guys aren't supposed to go to jail or get hurt." She cried. "You said that you guys are safe. Why did Al die if he was safe?"

"Because bad things happen to good people." Jay said.

"But why? Even if you're good, bad things happen?"

"Think about baby Luke." Jay told her. "He never did anything wrong, but Jesus needed him in Heaven."

"So Jesus needed Al?" Henry wondered.

"Yeah."

"But we need him here."

"I know, buddy." Jay pulled him over too so he could hug him.

"You can't lie to us anymore. We're not little kids." Connor spat at his father. Jay was surprised by his anger.

"What do you think I'm lying about, Connor?"

"Al couldn't have been that good of a person or he wouldn't have gone to prison."

Jay felt Erin flinch as if she had been hit. "Don't ever say that again. Al was a good person."

"Then why did he go to prison? You said that he did something bad, but you never told us what it was."

"Now isn't the time." Jay chastised. "We'll talk about this when we get home. Right now, we're here to honor Al and all the good things about him, so you will do that or you can go sit in the car."

The service felt like it lasted for forever, and then, they said their final goodbyes to Al. Once they arrived home, Jay knew that they would be in for a tough conversation. He hated that he had to steal away a part of his kids' innocence, but he knew that they were all very intelligent and wouldn't let this go.

"I looked it up." Sophia admitted once they were all sitting in the living room. Erin and Jay were standing, Sophia and Connor were on the couch, and Emma and Henry were on the loveseat.

"What?" Erin asked.

"I looked up why Al was in prison." She said. "Connor was talking to me about it and we wanted to know what happened, but we knew you wouldn't tell us, so we typed Al's name into Google." She almost seemed scared to ask her next question. "Did Al really kill that man?"

Jay shook his head. "No."

"Then why would he go to prison? That's not fair that he got into trouble for something another person did." Connor was furious as he jumped to his feet. "Why didn't you keep him out of jail? Why didn't Papa Hank?"

"It's a lot more complicated than that. We don't get to make the rules, and we can't always help bend them when another cop gets in trouble."

"It said the man's name was Kevin Bingham." Sophia stated. "The websites said that he was the one who killed your brother, Justin."

Erin shook her head. "We're not talking about any of this. You guys are kids, we are your parents. We get to decide what you are allowed to know. Right now, you are too young to understand what happened."

"We're not little kids!" Connor repeated. "You guys always say that we can come to you with questions and that it's good to want to know things. You always say that you won't lie to us. Why are you lying now?"

"No one is lying." Jay said. "There are certain things that once you know, it changes you as a person. You guys are too young to be worrying about this. Mama and I are here to protect you and keep you safe, right?" all four kids, despite their obvious anger, nodded. "We are trying to keep you safe. There are a lot of things that even I am not allowed to know about what happened."

"But Mama knows?" Emma wondered.

Erin stepped in. "There are things that I know that make me so sad and sick and angry. I don't ever want any of you to have to think about some of the stuff I'm thinking about right now. I know that you have questions and you're curious, but for me to do my job as your mom and keep you safe, I can't answer all those questions. All you need to know is that this was something that happened before any of you were born and a lot of things got twisted up and turned around so that Al would be seen as a bad guy. Al was a great man, and you should remember him as the man you knew and loved, okay? If there's one thing I can tell you, it's that Al didn't do anything wrong."

"Okay." Connor finally gave in. His younger siblings started to nod along.

"Okay." Erin repeated.

"How about some pizza for dinner?" Jay suggested. No one really said anything. "I'll order."

He knew it would take time for his children, and Erin, to get over Al's death. But he also hoped that this situation had been handled the right way and it wouldn't scar his kids for life. All he knew was that life would never be the same again without Alvin Olinsky.

 **Kevin**

 _*Emma- 4_

From the day Emma Camille Halstead was born, she had everyone wrapped around her finger. She was mischievous, talkative, and loved to get into trouble, but she was also sweet and loving.

Kevin Atwater was not immune to her charm. One afternoon, he looked up when he heard tiny footsteps coming towards the bullpen. He craned his neck to see and realized it was Emma Halstead.

"Talk to your daughter." Erin said, gesturing towards the child as she glared at her husband.

"What happened?" Jay asked.

"I did it, Daddy!" Emma proudly announced.

Kevin was confused. Emma was a little too excited for her mom to look as annoyed as she did. He couldn't help but smile; the youngest Halstead was definitely giving her parents a run for their money.

"What did you do?"

"The milk trick!"

Jay looked up at Erin with a guilty smile. "My bad."

"What's the milk trick?" Kevin questioned.

"Daddy told me!" Emma ran over to him, reaching her arms towards him so he would lift her up. He did as she requested and sat her on his lap. "Daddy said he drank lots of milk and ate his food and then spit it out and the teacher called his mom and he got to go home early."

"I pretended that I threw up and it got me out of school." Jay summarized. "When I told you that story, I didn't mean for you to go do it, Emma."

"But it was so funny." Emma giggled. "I spit it all over Harriet."

Kevin laughed. "The girl who stole your lunchbox?"

"Uh-huh! Mama said that was bad, but you missed it, Kev! It was milk and pizza and red and it got all over her new dress."

"Yeah, then Harriet actually threw up all over the floor, which another kid slipped and fell in." Erin sat on the edge of her desk and rubbed her temples. "I swear, I don't know where this child came from. The other three are angels."

"Honestly, it's not her fault." Kevin said. "Maybe Jay shouldn't be telling a four-year-old stories about things he did and then expect her not to try it."

"Very true." Erin turned her attention to Jay as she started to correct him instead.

Kevin held his hand out for a fist bump. Emma grinned as she hit his hand. "Thanks for getting me out of trouble, Kev."

"I don't think your parents will forget, but at least they forgot for now."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

A few weeks later, Emma was preparing for her preschool prom. It was a special dance where girls brought their dads, and boys brought their moms. Everyone dressed up and there would be food and dancing, and it was all Emma had talked about. She even let Erin buy her a dress, which was a big step for the little tomboy.

Two days before the dance, Hank, Erin, Jay, and Antonio were flown out to New York to help with a special case with SVU. Adam and Kim had been left with the task of watching the Halstead kids.

"Tonight's the dance!" Emma announced to Kevin as she ran into Intelligence. "I can't wait until Daddy gets home!"

Kevin glanced back towards Kim as she brought the kids in. She shook her head towards Kevin and he went over to her in concern.

"Jay isn't going to make it home." Kim whispered. "Erin called me earlier and they're stuck in New York for another day. I have to tell Emma."

"She's been so excited. Can't just Jay come?"

"Even if he got on a plane now, he wouldn't make it in time. It must be pretty serious because you know he wouldn't miss it."

"I'll help you tell her." Kevin offered.

They went into the break room together and grabbed Emma, bringing her over to Jay's desk.

"Guess what! Today, we made matching bracelets for me and Daddy to wear to the dance." She pulled hers out of her tiny blue hoodie pocket. "Look, isn't it so cute? It has a puppy on it."

"Emmy, we have to tell you something." Kim interrupted.

"Okay, but hurry cause I wanna get my dress on for the dance."

"Daddy has to stay in New York for another day, so he won't be able to take you to the dance tonight. He said he's really, really sorry and that he tried, but they need him there."

Emma's bottom lip quivered. "He's not coming?" a tear slid down her cheek. "I want my Daddy."

"Well your dad can't go, but lucky for you, you can have something even better!" Kevin quickly interrupted. He couldn't stand to see the little girl cry. "I'll go with you."

Emma wiped at her cheek. "Really?"

"Really. We'll get all dressed up and go to the dance, and then we can get some ice cream."

She smiled. "I love ice cream."

"I know you do." Kevin lifted her up. "Go grab your dress."

Emma ran off towards the break room as Kim looked at Kevin. "You're such a softie."

"I don't know what it is about those kids, but there's something special with them."

"I agree." Kim said with a nod. "You better break out your tux, Atwater. That little girl needs to have the best night of her life."

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

It was almost midnight when Erin and Jay finally walked into their hotel room. The day had been completely draining and the case had been a rough one. As Erin collapsed on the bed, Jay turned on his phone.

"I hate that I had to miss Emma's first dance." He sighed. "We never wanted to be the parents who put work before their kids."

"There's no way we could have known that this would take so long. We thought we were going to be home yesterday. We tried our best, Jay. Hopefully she understands."

Jay's phone turned on and he saw that he had a message from Kevin. He opened it and was surprised to see him in a suit standing next to Emma in her dress, both of them with big smiles on their faces.

"Look." Jay held his phone out towards his wife.

Erin sat up so she could see. "Kev took her?"

Jay scrolled through a few more pictures, seeing them dancing together and a few individual pictures of Emma. The last one was a video.

Emma was standing in the school gym as Kevin recorded her. "Are you having fun, Em?" he questioned.

"Well kinda. I still miss Daddy, but you're a good choice too, Kev."

"What! A good choice?" he reached out to tickle her and she laughed. "Tell Mama and Daddy hi."

"Hi Mama! Hi Daddy! I miss you and I wish you came to my dance. Kev took me instead and he's a funny dancer, and we're gonna get ice cream. We're having so much fun! I love you!"

The video cut off as Emma laughed. Erin and Jay both smiled.

"We're so lucky to have a team who cares about our kids so much." Erin stated.

Jay nodded. "We definitely found the right family."

 **Next up…L: Lockdown**


	13. Lockdown

**Warning: This chapter gets a little dark.**

 **L: Lockdown**

 _*When Erin and Jay find out that a couple Chicago schools have gone on lockdown, they're nervous. When they find out their kids' school has an active shooter inside, their hearts stop._

 _*Connor- 7, Henry- 6, Sophia- 6, Emma- 4._

"Stay still, Em." Erin told her daughter as she brushed through her hair.

"You're pulling!" Emma whined.

"If you would stop moving, I wouldn't have to." Erin parted her hair down the middle, then pulled each side up into a pigtail. "There, you're done."

"Daddy!" Emma ran over to Jay as soon as Erin was finished. "Mama was pullin' my hair."

"That's because you're so wiggly." He lifted her up and kissed her cheek. "Come on, it's almost time to leave for school."

"I don't wanna go."

"That's too bad. Go find your shoes."

Emma pouted as she stomped down the hallway to finish getting ready. Erin went over to where her husband stood, going into his open arms willingly. "She's my payback."

"She's definitely something." Jay kissed the top of her head.

"Hurry! We're gonna be late!" Sophia came running into the room. Her hair was styled and she already had on her backpack, shoes, gloves, and coat.

"Yeah, we gotta go." Henry agreed. Both twins were excited because the first grade was having a party today.

"I'm gonna start the car." Erin said.

"I've got it." Jay took the keys from her and gave her a quick kiss before running outside.

Erin grabbed Sophia's and Henry's hats, slipping them over their heads. "It's really cold today. You're going to need these." Connor came in and started to get his coat on. "Did you grab your homework from the dining room table?"

Connor sighed and went to go get it.

"I'll do it!" Henry ran in the other room, returning a moment later with his brother's folder.

"Thanks, Henry." Connor took the folder and shoved it into his backpack.

"It's freezing." Jay stated as he reentered, rubbing his hands together. "And the path is slick. We need to pick up some more salt today."

"Come on, Emma!" Erin shouted up the stairs.

Emma frowned as she came into the living room in her puffy purple coat, her arms crossed. She was going through a phase where she hated going to preschool, which was making bedtime and mornings even more difficult than usual.

Erin scanned over her kids, making sure they all had hats, gloves, and coats. "Alright, let's go." She picked Emma up.

Jay led the way down the path, showing Connor, Henry, and Sophia how to slide their feet on the ice instead of walking like normal. Sophia nearly slipped, but Jay caught her. He just picked her up and walked the rest of the way, checking over his shoulder to make sure Erin was moving okay with Emma.

They got all the kids buckled into the car and drove to the kids' school, Ivy Hill Elementary. Jay was driving, so it was Erin's turn to take the kids inside.

"Watch for ice." He cautioned as they got out.

Erin grabbed one of Emma's hands and one of Henry's as they went into the school together. Luckily, the stairs were cleared off, so she didn't have to worry about her or one of the kids slipping.

They went inside and Erin walked them down the hallway towards their classroom. She said goodbye to Connor and the twins first, dropping them off down the 1st and 2nd grade hallway. Then, she turned the other way so she could take Emma to the preschool and kindergarten area.

"Mama, I really don't wanna go." Emma said as she clung to her legs.

"I know, baby, but you'll have fun. I'll see you after school, okay? I love you." Erin gave her a kiss.

"She'll be okay." Her teacher promised. "She always settles down after you leave."

Erin just nodded. "Have a good day, Emmy!"

"No, Mama! Don't leave!" Emma started to cry as Erin walked away. She couldn't look back, knowing that if she turned and saw her child screaming for her, she would have to take her.

When she got back into the car, Jay studied her. "You okay?"

"Emma just makes it really hard to leave her."

"Was she screaming again?"

"Uh-huh." Erin felt a tear drip down her cheek. She wiped it quickly and then fanned her hands towards her eyes, trying to calm herself down.

"She has to go to school, Erin. She's okay."

"I know."

They pulled up to the district and walked inside together. They both greeted Platt (who gave Erin a much bigger smile than Jay, no surprise there). Erin scanned them in and they walked over to their desks.

"Any new cases?" Erin questioned.

"Nope. Must be too cold out there even for the criminals." Ruzek responded.

"Don't test your luck. You'll wish you hadn't said that." Al warned.

"It's been nothing but paperwork for three days now. We need a little excitement." Atwater agreed.

"You would figure those three days would be enough to get you all caught up, but you still have stacks to finish." Voight scolded. "Get to work."

Everyone got to work on their paperwork and playing trashcan basketball when Voight wasn't looking.

"Hit 'em with a three pointer." Adam whispered as Erin balled up a piece of paper.

"I don't understand how my wife ended up on your team." Jay complained.

"You're just mad cause she makes better shots than you." Atwater replied.

"Do it, Lindsay!"

Erin threw the paper ball, making it perfectly into the trashcan and winning for her team (her, Ruzek, and Atwater). Adam jumped to his feet and threw his hands up in the air as Jay, Kim, and Antonio all rolled their eyes.

"I'm going to pick up lunch." Kim stated. "Everyone text me your orders."

"I'll come with you." Erin volunteered. She put her coat, gloves, and hat on and followed the other woman out, patting Jay on the shoulder as she passed him.

"So what's going on with the Halsteads? How are the kids?"

"They're all at weird stages right now." Erin ran her hand through her hair. "Emma is going through some type of separation anxiety, so dropping her off at school is horrible. Connor has been really tense lately and argues back a lot more than he used to. Sophia has been waking up a lot with nightmares. Henry has been acting out and I think it's because all the other kids have been getting so much attention and he's jealous." She shook her head. "I thought kids were supposed to get easier once they're older. I miss my sweet little babies."

"They'll get over it." Kim tried to reassure her.

"What about you guys? How are your kids?"

"Norah is _finally_ sleeping through the night, so that's been great. We're trying to potty train Little Adam."

"How's that going?"

"As well as you would like. Last week, you don't even want to know what he did once he had an accident."

Erin shuddered. "At least all my kids are potty trained. That was the worst."

"Gavin has his first girlfriend, so he's up all hours of the night on the phone. Maddie is still as sweet as ever and she's been so helpful lately. I feel like this is the calm before the storm and we're about to have the teenager from hell."

"Hopefully not. She's always been a good kid." Erin said. "Maybe while she's still being helpful, she can come watch my kids. I need a break."

"Yeah, of course. She's actually been asking about them, so I know she would love that."

They went into the sandwich shop where they were picking up lunch for the team. It took about twenty minutes for everyone's food to be made and paid for, but neither of the women minded. They were happy to be away from the paperwork for a little while.

Erin and Kim collected their bags and went back to the car. While they were on the way back to the district, their radios started to go off. They both listened carefully, trying to understand what was being said through the static.

"…schools on lockdown…"

"…active shooter…"

"Turn it up." Erin commanded as she gripped the steering wheel tighter in her hands.

"…schools in a ten-mile radius are on lockdown…"

"…there is an active shooter…Arlington Heights, Chicago…"

"No." Erin whispered. "No, no, no."

"…Ivy Hill Elementary…"

Erin took a sharp left, speeding down a side road. This couldn't be happening. She dialed Jay's number but it just rang and rang.

"…please be advised, plain clothed officers are arriving on the scene…" Kim was saying when Erin tuned back in.

It was like she had tunnel vision. She couldn't think or speak or do anything other than drive to her kids' school. The school where there was currently an active shooter.

When they pulled up, Erin put the car into park, not even bothering to put it in a parking spot. She ran towards the school as quickly as she could, her heart dropping at the sight of the gathering police cars and the yellow tape.

She slammed into a pair of muscular arms and tried to push them off. It took her a minute to realize that it was Jay pulling her away.

"No, Jay. We have to go. We have to get inside." She panted as she struggled to breathe.

"Breathe, baby. Breathe." He commanded. One of his hands was on her back and the other was on her head, pressing it against his chest. Erin closed her eyes and focused on regulating her breathing. When she felt a little calmer, she moved back to look at him.

"What do we know?"

"First call came from a third-grade teacher four minutes ago. Suspicious male wandering through the hallway. The school was put on lockdown." Jay informed her. "A few more calls came from third and fourth grade teachers two minutes ago who heard gunshots. SWAT is gearing up to go in."

"I'm going." Erin insisted.

"You're staying here." Commander Ashford corrected as the rest of Intelligence gathered around. "I know you have a personal investment in this case…"

"Personal investment?" Jay snapped. "Our entire _world_ is inside that building right now."

"You're too connected. You're staying here and SWAT will handle this." Commander Ashford walked away.

Jay led the way as the unit walked over to the SWAT team. The leader, Sergeant Robbins, noticed them coming.

"I hear your kids are in there?" he said as he looked to Jay and Erin. They had worked with him many times in the past, and he had even tried to persuade Jay to work for his unit.

"Connor, 2nd grade, room 25. Henry, 1st grade, room 19. Sophia, 1st grade, room 20. Emma, preschool, room 3." Jay rattled off. "I need to be in there."

"I need my people to have their head in the game. This is too personal for you, Halstead."

"I know the layout. I can be useful."

"We're almost ready, Sarge." One of the guys called out.

Robbins sighed. "Suit up. Quick."

"I'm coming too." Erin insisted.

"No. I can't have both of you. It's Halstead or nothing."

Erin's heart felt like it was beating out of her chest. She had no idea what was going on in that school or if her children were safe. How was she supposed to send her husband inside, knowing that in a matter of minutes, she could lose her entire family?

Jay suited up in record time in the clothing Robbins held out to him. When he was finished, he looked to Erin.

She put her hands on his cheeks and brought him down to her level so she could give him a long, hard kiss. "Come back to me. Bring them back."

"I will." He put his helmet on and followed the rest of the SWAT team into the building.

Hank wrapped an arm around Erin's shoulders. "He'll do what he can."

"I know. I trust him more than anyone to bring them back safely. I just don't know what to do."

"More shots are being fired." A random office called out. "We've got a 2nd grade teacher on the phone saying they're near her classroom."

It took every ounce of Erin's strength to stay standing. Her knees threatened to buckle, but she walked over. "Do you have the teacher's name?"

"Rachel Winston."

Erin held her breath. That was the teacher across the hall from Connor's classroom. Had she heard gunshots as this person busted into the room where her little boy was?

"Breathe, Lindsay." Ruzek commanded, rubbing her back.

Erin, Adam, Kim, Hank, Antonio, Al, and Kevin stood in front of the school for what felt like hours. Reports kept coming in from different classrooms. They stood, waiting for any type of good news.

A group of children came from around the back of the school, their teacher and a SWAT member following. Erin scanned the kids, trying to find a familiar face. What grade was this? Was one of her kids in this group?

"Preschool, room 1." The SWAT guy announced as he ran over to Intelligence. "Buses are lining up, we need help with transporting. We're taking everyone to the YMCA a few blocks over. Can you help with grabbing them once we bring them out and loading them up?"

"We've got it." Hank agreed.

They all moved, helping the scared four-year-olds climb onto the bus. Erin stopped the teacher. "Did you hear anything? Any shots?"

The young woman nodded. "It sounded far away."

"You did a great job. These kids are alive and safe because of you." Erin told her. "Are all of your kids accounted for?"

"Yes, they're all here."

Another group came out and Adam and Antonio ran to grab them so the SWAT members could get back inside.

"Kindergarten, room 6. All accounted for." Antonio announced. He loaded them onto the same bus as the first class and then sent it off.

A third group came out and Erin's heart stopped. She would recognize those dark pigtails anywhere. She ran forward, falling to her knees as she lifted up her youngest child.

"My baby." She whimpered as she clung to Emma, touching her hair, back, legs, anywhere she could reach. She stood up and carried her, not planning on letting her out of her sight.

"Everyone's here." Emma's teacher was saying. Kim guided them onto the bus.

"Is she okay?" Hank questioned.

"She's okay." Erin said before kissing Emma's cheek, forehead, nose, lips, anywhere she could get to.

"Do you want to send her with the rest of her class?"

"What?"

"We don't know what's going to happen here. Do you really want her exposed to whatever could be going on? She'll be safe at the YMCA."

"No. She's staying with me."

"Erin!" she looked up at the sound of Gabby Dawson's voice. "What's going on? Are they getting kids out?"

Erin was so upset that she completely forgot that Gabby and Casey's daughter, Carina, was in that school too.

"They've brought out two preschool classes and one kindergarten so far." Erin answered.

"Erin, I really think you should put her on the bus." Hank repeated.

"No."

"What if we go?" Erin saw Otis, Mouch, and Herrmann standing in front of her.

"We'll keep her safe." Herrmann promised.

Erin considered it. She had three more children and her husband to worry about. Emma _would_ be safe at the YMCA, and in case anything happened to one of the others, she wouldn't have to see it.

"Promise me you won't let her out of your sight." Erin said.

"Promise." Herrmann held his arms out. "Hey there, sweetheart. Remember me?"

Emma sniffled. "You work with Carina's mommy and daddy."

"Yeah, that's right."

"Em, baby, you're going to go with Herrmann, okay? He's going to take you and the rest of your class somewhere safe and as soon as Daddy and your brothers and sister are out, I'll be there."

"I wanna stay with you."

"I'll see you soon." Erin kissed her forehead and passed her off to Herrmann. Emma cried as she was carried onto the bus.

Another preschool class was brought and loaded onto the bus with Emma's class. Erin stared after it until it was out of her sight. At least if everything else went wrong, she knew she had one child left.

Her stomach twisted and she felt like she could throw up. There was no way that Emma was the only one she had left.

"Four preschool classes, five kindergarten, five 1st grade, four 2nd grade, four 3rd grade, four 4th grade, and two special education classrooms." Voight listed off as the large group of cops and firefighters gathered around. "We have four classes, all accounted for, on their way to the YMCA. It is our job to get these children loaded onto the bus, find out if any students are unaccounted for, and keep parents back behind the yellow line. Is that understood?"

Erin glanced down at her watch. She couldn't believe that it had only been eight minutes since she arrived. It felt like hours.

The last preschool class and two kindergarten classes were quickly brought out, loaded onto a bus, and driven away. Then came the last two kindergarten classes, followed by a 4th grade class. Erin was confused; she knew that fourth grade was on the top floor.

"Why are they evacuating from the top floor?" Erin questioned Hank. "Shouldn't they start from the bottom and work their way up?"

The unmistakable sound of gunshots was heard and Erin's throat felt like it closed off. She ran forward, helping the group of fourth graders get onto the bus with the kindergarteners as they were all sent away.

"Shooter is down." Robbins' voice said over the radio. Everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief.

The next group of kids was brought out and they were still 4th graders. Erin's patience was wearing thin as she bounced anxiously, wanting to see her husband and children.

The next group was also 4th grade and Jay was with them. Erin ran over to him, launching herself into his arms.

"You're safe." She whispered. "Where are they? Why are they bringing out the older kids?"

"It's bad." Jay looked absolutely devastated. "The kids…" he leaned down as if he was going to throw up.

Erin felt the tears start to fill her eyes. "Our kids?"

"No." Jay stood. "No, baby. I haven't seen any of them yet. My team was on the third-grade hallway."

"The teacher across the hall from Connor's class called and said she heard gunshots." Erin bit her lip.

"I'm going back in." Jay said once he saw the group of kids he was with was loaded onto the bus.

"Emma's safe." Erin stated.

"Thank God. I'm going to find the rest of them." Jay kissed her forehead and ran back inside.

The last group of 4th graders came out, followed by the two special education classrooms. That left only the 3rd, 2nd, and 1st graders. Thirteen classrooms total.

A member of the SWAT team came running out with a bloody child in his arms. Gabby and Sylvie jumped into action, putting the child into their ambulance and driving off.

"What grade?" Erin questioned.

"1st."

She looked at her father. "Hank…"

"We don't know what happened yet."

Three SWAT members came out with the next group. Somehow, the number of students seemed smaller than what would be considered normal and there was no teacher.

"They came from classroom 28, 3rd grade. 14 students total, there were six casualties, including their teacher."

Voight looked at Kim. "I want you to ask these kids their names. Enrollment lists were supposed to be sent over, find Platt and have her give you the one for this class."

"You got it, Sarge."

Erin knew Jay had said it was bad, but she couldn't have even imagined. Five children, five eight-year-olds, wouldn't be going home to their families tonight.

Another class came out. Erin realized which group it was as soon as she saw Jay carrying two children in his arms.

"CASEY!" she shouted, catching the firefighter's attention. They both ran towards them.

Erin grabbed Connor out of Jay's arms and held him close to her, kissing his face and holding him close to her. Casey reached them seconds later and took Carina from Jay.

"Thank you." He said as he held his only child.

Jay wrapped his arms around Erin and Connor as they all stood there and cried. It broke Erin's heart to know that Connor probably understood some of what had happened.

"You're safe, baby. Mama's got you."

"Is your whole class counted for?" Jay asked Connor's teacher.

"Yes, they're here. Thank you so much for saving us."

"You're going to get on the bus. Everyone is meeting up at the YMCA." Jay told her.

"Connor, I want you to go with your class, okay?"

"No, I wanna stay with you." He cried.

"Listen to me. Emma is there. As soon as Henry and Sophia come out, I'm coming to get you, okay?"

"Carina is going too." Casey added.

"No, Daddy, I'm staying here."

"Herrmann and Mouch and Otis are there. You go with Connor. Emma is probably going to be scared and she'll be happy to see you guys."

Connor sniffled. "Okay."

"I love you so, so much." Erin told her oldest child. "I'll see you soon." She walked him over to the bus and watched as she got on. When she turned around, Jay was gone.

Another 3rd grade class came out, this one having two casualties. Jay was with the next group, a 2nd grade class, and he was carrying two children. He ran them over to the ambulance and when he turned to go back in, Erin could see that his clothes were bloody.

"The shooter was taken down in the first-grade hallway." Jay informed her as she ran over to meet him. "That's why it's taking so long for 1st grade to clear out."

"Do you know if…"

"I don't know yet. I love you."

"I love you too." He went back in.

Erin felt helpless as she stood there and waited. The last two 3rd grade classes were brought out, all accounted for.

Next came a group of 2nd graders. They had no teacher with them. "Room 26, 2nd grade. One casualty. 18 kids total, the kids said there is usually 19."

It broke Erin's heart when she realized that teacher was Mrs. Winston, the room across the hall from Connor's. The teacher had just called in not too long ago and now, she was gone.

"Olinsky, that's you. Make sure all the kids are there." Voight ordered.

The last 2nd grade class came out with everyone accounted for, leaving only the five 1st grade classrooms that had yet to be evacuated.

A few minutes passed and no one exited the school. It seemed like everyone was holding their breath as the quiet settled over the large group of people.

A group of 1st graders came out, their teacher holding a student and two SWAT members each carrying students. Erin's breath caught in her throat when she noticed that it was Henry's teacher. She felt like she was punched in the stomach when she realized one of the SWAT members was holding her son.

"Henry!" she shouted, running over to where he was being carried. "What happened?"

"His teacher had the kids hiding in cabinets. He cut his leg open when we were pulling him out, he just needs to be cleaned up. He'll be okay."

"Mama." Henry sobbed.

"I'm right here. You're alright."

"Mrs. Halstead!" she heard someone shout. She turned and realized it was Sophia's teacher. She was torn; did she stay with her son, or should she go talk to the teacher? She didn't see Sophia anywhere.

"Mama, stay with me." Henry begged.

Antonio jogged over. "Hey little man. Your Mama has to check on something really quick, but I'll stay with you."

"Thank you." Erin said before running over. "What happened?"

"She had gone to the bathroom before everything happened and I haven't seen her since. I'm so, so sorry. I never thought this could happen and…"

"Wait, slow down. What happened?"

"Sophia went to the bathroom before we went on lockdown."

Erin could feel her heartbeat in her ears. Her baby wasn't with her class? She ran over to the nearest person from SWAT and ripped his radio out of his hand.

"This is Detective Erin Lindsay. We have a missing child. Sophia Elizabeth Halstead, age 6, 1st grade. Long, curly, dark hair, blue eyes. Wearing a pink dress and pink bows in her hair."

"Confirmed. We'll keep an eye out."

Erin handed the radio back and then leaned over and threw up. Hank was by her side a moment later, rubbing her back. "We'll find her."

"You saw how many kids are missing. That's not good."

"For right now, you need to pull yourself together. Henry is scared and he's crying for you, so until we hear anything else, you stay with him."

Erin nodded and ran over to the ambulance. The paramedic was cleaning the cut on his leg, which looked kind of deep. "Does he need stitches?"

"No, it's not as deep as it looks." She wiped it down, then started to bandage him up. "You're a brave little guy, aren't you?"

"Mama and Daddy are brave, so I gotta be brave too." Henry stated.

Erin hugged him close to her. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Once Henry was bandaged up, he crawled onto her lap. Erin sat there with her son in her arms, praying that her daughter was safe.

A SWAT member came out with a little girl in his arms. Erin jumped up, thinking it had to be Sophia. She saw the bloody pink dress and collapsed back onto the ground.

Erin put Henry in Antonio's arms and ran over as the child was placed on a gurney. "Sophia." She cried, but when the man moved, she realized it wasn't her daughter. Her heart stopped; this child was too pale, too lifeless, there was too much blood…

She went over and sat down on the curb, letting her head rest in her hands. She heard them talking and realized this was a 2nd grade student who had gone to the library when everything happened. She must have been found by the shooter on her way.

"Her name is Annabeth." Al said quietly as he came over. "She was the missing student from Mrs. Winston's class."

"This is disgusting." Erin whimpered. "These children…"

"I know." Al hugged her. "I know."

Two more first grade classes came out with everyone accounted for. Then came the last one, joined by Jay.

"That's everyone." He told Erin.

"Sophia's still in there somewhere." She sobbed.

Jay pulled her to her feet and hugged her close. "No. We cleared all the classrooms. We took out everyone we could find. There's no one left."

"Her teacher said she was in the bathroom." Erin cried. "She has to be dead, Jay. Someone would have noticed her by now."

Erin and Jay stood there, wrapped in each other's arms as they struggled to come to terms with the fact that their daughter could be gone.

"Halstead!" they both turned and saw Robbins coming out with Sophia in his arms. Jay ran faster than Erin had ever seen as he ripped his daughter out of the man's arms.

"Daddy!" she screamed as she held tightly onto his neck.

"You're safe, baby girl. It's okay. You're okay." He kissed her forehead. Jay sat down on the ground and Erin sat next to them, both of them clinging to each other and their child.

 **LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD**

"Two teachers. Eight children. Five children hospitalized. What happened at Ivy Hill Elementary cannot keep happening. We cannot keep leaving our children unprotected. School is supposed to be safe!"

Erin turned off the TV. She didn't need to hear the news coverage; she had been living it for the past week. She knew that she was lucky. All four of her children were alive. But the aftermath of the situation was more than she could have ever imagined.

Jay's eyes were haunted and she knew he was struggling with what he had seen in that school. It was like he was a shell of himself. He was hardly sleeping, and when he did, he woke up from nightmares.

Connor wouldn't talk to anyone about what happened. Erin knew that he had heard gunshots from his classroom and that he understood some of his friends were never coming back.

Sophia always had to have one of her parents in her sight. The first night after the shooting, they had woken up and found her on their floor. Now, she slept on the bed with Erin while Jay took an air mattress next to the bed (at his own insistence due to his nightmares). She was scared of going to the bathroom on her own and she had had multiple accidents because of this.

Henry had admitted to Erin in the middle of the night that when the SWAT team carried him out, they told him to close his eyes, but he opened them and he saw blood all over the school hallway. Every day he would cry and ask if he had to school, then beg his parents to never send him back.

Emma had been the most sheltered from the incident, but that didn't mean she didn't still have issues. She was clingy, irritable, and more aggressive. She was also refusing to eat.

Even Erin was traumatized. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw that little girl, Annabeth, in her bloody pink dress. When it wasn't her, it was one of her own children, laying in a puddle of blood.

Currently, Erin was sandwiched on the couch between Henry and Emma. Jay was at the other end with Sophia on his lap, and Connor was on the loveseat. All of the kids were asleep.

"I think I'm going to call Dr. Charles tomorrow." Erin said quietly. "Maybe we can all go."

"No." Jay refused.

"Why?"

"They don't need therapy."

"They don't? Tell me that next time Sophia has an accident, or Emma throws a fit, or Henry wakes up screaming, or Connor looks at me and tells me he's okay. They're not okay, Jay, and neither are we."

"I'm fine. I can handle it."

"Do you know how hard it is for me to hear you crying in your sleep and know that there's nothing I can do? All I want is for us to heal. I don't want to see that little girl every time I close my eyes. I can't _breathe_ , Jay, and I wasn't ever even in that school. I know it's ten times worse for you."

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." Jay said, his voice starting to sound choked up. "We picked that school because it was safe and it was in a good district. That wasn't supposed to happen to our kids. Our kids weren't supposed to need therapy. They weren't supposed to be screwed up like us."

"Don't say that. They are not screwed up. Bad things happen all the time, and this was a really, really bad thing. That's why we need to help them heal. That will keep them from being screwed up."

Jay leaned his head back to rest against the back of the couch and Erin saw a tear fall down his cheek. "I just…all I see are those kids. There was so much blood…"

"Shhh." Erin untangled herself from her children. She lifted Sophia up and put her next to Henry, who she immediately cuddled into. Erin stood in front of Jay and hugged him, letting his head rest against her chest.

Jay started to cry. "Those little kids."

"I know, babe." Erin stroked her fingers through his hair.

She didn't know how long she stood there for, listening to Jay's muffled sobs as he held onto her and finally let his emotions out. Erin could count on one hand the amount of times she had seen Jay cry. Her heart felt like it was breaking, but she knew it was good for him.

When he finally calmed down, she leaned down and kissed his forehead, then, cheeks, then the tip of his nose, and finally his lips. "I love you so, so much."

"Love you more." Jay kissed her again. "Come on, let's get these kids to bed. We can call Dr. Charles together in the morning."

Erin knew that they still had a long road ahead of them. She just hoped and prayed that her family would could out of this okay.

 **Please review and let me know your thoughts. I was nervous posting about such a sensitive topic, but it was something I had been considering writing for a while now. Any comments would be helpful.**

 **Next up…M: Mama**


	14. Mama

**Thank you for the response on the last chapter! I had been worried about posting it, and you all made me feel a lot better about it! This one is a little shorter, but let me know your thoughts!**

 **M: Mama**

 _*Sometimes, all the kids want is their mama. But sometimes, Erin is so sleep deprived she can barely keep her eyes open. That leaves Jay to handle the mess that is left behind._

 _*Connor- 3, Henry- 2, Sophia- 2, Emma- newborn_

Erin looked around in confusion as she squinted into the darkness, looking around the room. She felt Jay's arms tighten around her and she sunk back against him for a minute before she realized why she woke up in the first place.

"Jay." She groaned.

Silence.

"Jay." She pinched his arm slightly and he jumped awake.

"Huh?" he ran his hand through his hair.

"Get me a diaper please?"

Jay stumbled out of bed and walked over to the other side of the room where they kept anything the baby might need at night. Erin sat up and reached over, lifting her daughter out of the bassinet.

"Hi baby." Erin kissed Emma's cheek. "Shhh, you're okay. Mama's got you."

Jay sat down next to her with the diaper. Erin put the baby down and Jay leaned forward to change her diaper. As soon as he finished, he laid against the headboard. Erin scooted close to him and he wrapped an arm around her to support her weight. She lifted her shirt up and helped the baby latch on. Once she saw that she was comfortable, she shut her eyes. Jay kept an eye on them to make sure everything was okay, even switching Emma to Erin's other breast after a few minutes.

"Mama?" Erin was practically passed out.

Jay looked over at Henry. "Come here, bud." The two-year-old toddled over to him and climbed onto the bed. "Mama is sleeping."

"No. Mama!" Henry reached out and grabbed onto Erin's arm, startling her awake.

"What's wrong, baby?" she asked as she grabbed his chubby little hand.

"Sleep with you." He whimpered, cuddling up in the middle of his parents. "No baby." He pouted as he looked to Emma.

"Mama is feeding the baby." Jay told Henry. Erin looked like she was going to fall asleep any minute. Right after he thought it, her eyes slid shut.

Jay had been working late the past couple days, leaving Erin to take care of their kids. He knew that she was sleep deprived and absolutely exhausted.

"Come on, buddy. Let's go to your room. Tell Mama goodnight."

"Night, Mama." Jay lifted Henry up and held him towards Erin so he could kiss her cheek.

He carried his youngest son down the hallway to his bedroom. He made sure to be quiet since Connor was still asleep. Jay put Henry in his bed and tucked him in.

"Wanna read a story?" he questioned. Henry nodded, so Jay grabbed a book. It was difficult to see the words with only the light from the boys' tiny dinosaur nightlight, but the book was one of Henry's favorites and he practically had it memorized. By the time he finished, Henry had fallen asleep.

Jay went back to his bedroom. He couldn't help but smile when he saw Erin cuddled up in bed with their youngest child. She was facing towards Emma, their little girl swaddled and fast asleep. Erin had Emma in the bed next to her with her arm around her and their heads were right next to each other.

He laid on Erin's other side and wrapped his arm around her waist. She sighed. "Henry okay?"

"Yeah, he's in bed. Go to sleep, baby." He kissed the back of her head.

As soon as they had both fallen asleep, another set of tiny feet walked across the carpet. Sophia climbed into her parents' bed, laying her head on her mother's hip.

Erin sat up quickly, keeping a hand on the baby so she didn't fall. Jay woke up from her movement.

"Mama." Sophia cried, reaching her arms out.

"What's wrong, Soph?" Erin pulled her onto her lap.

"I hadda bad dream." Sophia rested her head on Erin's chest.

"You're okay." Erin leaned back so she was against the headboard. She ran her fingers through Sophia's long, dark curls as she tried to soothe her. Her head bobbed forward as she fought sleep. Her head fell backwards, slamming back against the headboard. Her eyes flew open.

"Come on, lay down." Jay gently guided her to rest her head on the pillow. Erin shifted so Sophia was in the middle of the bed and she could still hold onto her. Jay went to the other side of the bed and picked Emma up.

"No, she's okay."

"We're not keeping our newborn in a bed with a two-year-old." He put Emma into the bassinet, then went back to his side. "Sleep."

Erin snuggled into Sophia and was asleep in less than a minute. Jay went back over to his side of the bed.

"Mama?"

He turned around and saw Connor standing in the doorway. Before he could even speak, Connor threw up all over the floor and himself. He burst into tears.

Jay was pretty sure that Erin was out of bed before she was even fully awake. She moved quickly over to their son and lifted him up.

"Shhh, it's okay, baby." She kissed his forehead. She grimaced when she realized that he was covered in vomit.

"Mama, I…" before Connor could get his words out, he threw up again, this time all over his mother.

"Jay." She whimpered.

"Go to the bathroom." He gently commanded, trying not to wake up Sophia or Emma.

When they got into the bathroom, Jay shut the door behind them. He started the shower before running his hands over his face tiredly. He didn't even know what time it was, but he was exhausted.

Erin had already stripped Connor down to his pull-up. Jay reached over and took him so she could take her clothes off. She got into the shower and rinsed herself off, then held her arms out for her son.

Right after Jay passed Connor off, he heard a cry from the bedroom. "Em's crying."

"Go." Erin said without hesitation. Jay grabbed two towels and put them next to the shower for them to use once they were finished. He went back into the bedroom and lifted up Emma, but it was too late. Sophia was sitting up and rubbing at her big, blue eyes.

"Mama?" she looked around.

"She's in the shower, Soph. It's okay."

"Me too." She tried to get out of bed.

"No, you stay here." He pulled her close to him.

"No Daddy. Mama!" she called out. Her bottom lip quivered and her eyes filled with tears. She started to cry.

Jay tried to rock both of his girls, but every time one of them would settle down, the other would start crying even louder and get her sister upset again.

Erin came out of the bathroom dripping wet with a towel loosely wrapped around her. "What's wrong?"

"Mama." Sophia sobbed, holding her arms out.

"You're okay, Pretty Girl." Erin took her, struggling to keep her towel up while also holding the two-year-old. "Is Emma hungry?"

"I think so. Let me change her diaper. Where's Connor?"

"I left him sitting on the bathroom floor because I heard the girls crying."

Jay put Emma on the bed and then went into the bathroom. He scooped up Connor and brought him over to the bed, still wrapped in his little yellow duck towel. Then, he grabbed Emma and changed her diaper.

"Everything is okay. You guys are alright." Erin was whispering. She had Connor leaned against her side and Sophia on her lap. Both children were finally quiet as they clung to their mother. "Can you help me get her latched on?"

Jay nodded and sat next to her. He helped adjust Emma until she could latch onto her mother's breast. He put a pillow on Erin's lap and she was able to hold the baby.

The room got quiet as everyone finally calmed down. Jay stood to clean up the puke that was spread on the carpet and get rid of Erin and Connor's clothes. He cleaned up the floor quickly, sprayed air freshener throughout the room, and then ran the clothes down to the laundry room and threw them into the washer. When he got back upstairs, he saw that Henry had joined his siblings. He was sitting on the floor by the bed with his head resting against Erin's legs.

"Let's lay down, guys." Jay suggested. Instantly, the three older kids started to cry and just gripped onto Erin tighter.

"Can you get Connor a pull-up and pajamas please before he pees on the bed?" Erin whispered.

Jay jogged down the hallway, grabbing what his son needed. He lifted him up to get him dressed.

"Mama do it." He cried.

"Mama needs to take care of your brother and sisters right now. Let me get you dressed so you can be with Mama."

"MAMA!" Connor shouted, waking Sophia back up.

"Connor, please. Let Daddy help you." Erin nearly begged. Jay looked at her when he heard the tone of her voice. He was surprised to see tears streaming down her cheeks.

"You okay?" he questioned.

"I'm so tired." She sniffled. "I don't know what to do."

"Don't cry, baby." Jay leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I'm gonna get Connor dressed and then we'll lay down."

Jay had never dressed one of his children as quickly as he put Connor's pajamas on. He looked at his wife.

"Is Emma finished?"

"Uh-huh." Emma was asleep in Erin's arms. Erin's towel had fallen down, but she hadn't even bothered to fix it because she didn't want to disturb the kids.

"Alright, I'll take her." Jay reached down and picked up the baby. He rocked her gently before putting her into the bassinet. Luckily, she stayed asleep.

He went over and grabbed Erin a pair of underwear and one of his t-shirts. He kneeled in front of her to help her get dressed, carefully avoiding the three children attached to her.

"Lay down, Erin." Jay told her. She did as he said. He adjusted Connor so that he was on the edge of the bed, figuring that would be the most convenient for if he threw up again. He put Sophia in the middle of the bed, then lifted up Henry to put him next to her. He laid on Henry's other side.

"Jay?" Erin called out.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." He sat up, leaning over the twins so he could press a kiss to her lips.

Everyone said that they would miss this time once their kids got older. It had been torture trying to get the kids to sleep, but he would definitely miss their tiny cuddly bodies pressed against him in their sleep, and the content look on Erin's face as she finally drifted off with her children in her arms.

"Mama? Mama. Mama!" Erin's eyes flew open. She came face to face with Henry, who was sitting on her stomach and staring down at her.

She looked around and realized the room was still dark. She was scared to even look at the time.

"Shhh, lay down." Erin tried to coerce him. Henry rested his head against her chest for a minute, but then he sat up again.

"Not tired."

Erin finally looked at the clock, seeing it was a little after 5am. She sighed, but carefully extracted herself from the bed. She knew Jay was tired when he didn't wake up; normally, he was an incredibly light sleeper.

Erin carried Henry downstairs to the living room. She laid down on the couch and had him lay next to her. She turned on a movie, hoping the distraction would be enough to keep him quiet.

She fell asleep with her arm wrapped around her son so she could feel if he got up. She must have slept for a little while because the movie was nearly over when she opened her eyes again.

Jay was moving around the kitchen. She noticed Emma in his arms as he worked on preparing a bottle for her.

"I can feed her." She offered.

"No, it's okay. You need to sleep."

Erin was too tired to argue, so she just sunk back into the couch. After a minute, she felt Jay lift her legs so he could sit, then he put her feet in his lap. Erin reached a hand out towards him and he grabbed her hand in his. With the kids constantly fighting for her attention, she felt like she never had time with husband. He stroked her hand until she fell asleep.

When Erin woke up again, a new movie was on and it was light outside. She looked around in confusion and saw that Jay was on the phone. Erin could see Emma asleep in the bassinet they kept in the living room, and she glanced down to see that Henry was sleeping too.

Jay came back over and took his previous spot. "Don't you have work?" she asked.

"I called in. I figured I could entertain the kids while you spend some time catching up on sleep."

"You have no idea how much I love you." Erin carefully sat up and moved so she could sit on Jay's lap. He stroked his fingers through her hair and it wasn't too long before she was asleep again.

Erin woke up to something touching her face. She opened her eyes and saw that Sophia was standing next to her and poking her cheek. Erin sat and saw that Henry had been moved to the loveseat, Jay was laying on the couch, and she was on top of Jay. He was snoring away obliviously.

"Watch the movie, Soph. Sit by Henry."

"I want you." She whined. Erin knew she must be getting sick; she wasn't ever clingy like this.

"Sit right here." Erin patted the spot on the carpet right next to the couch. Sophia sat down and Erin stroked her hair. It didn't take long for her to go to sleep again.

This time, she woke up because of laughter. She sat up and saw that Connor, Henry, and Sophia had gotten into the paint she kept hidden. It was all over the floor and the walls in the dining room.

"Jay." She smacked his chest. He jumped, waking up immediately and nearly shoving her off of him. "Look at your kids."

He looked towards them and groaned. "I'll clean it up."

"I'm going to feed Emma." She picked up the baby, who was laying in her bassinet contently, and started to feed her. She couldn't help but smile at the sight of her paint covered children excitedly showing their father their masterpiece.

"You can take her upstairs. Maybe you can nap with her." Jay suggested.

"That's okay, I'm hungry anyway." Erin went into the kitchen with Emma still attached to her breast. She searched the cabinets for something to eat. "Cereal?"

"Whatever you want is good for me, baby." Jay responded.

"M'kay." She looked at her kids. "Come here, Henry."

The little boy toddled over. She lifted him onto the counter and stripped him down to his diaper, then cleaned the paint off of him. Sophia was next, and finally Connor (who was luckily potty trained during the day, meaning he wore underwear).

Erin had gotten Emma fed, so she swaddled her and put her back in the bassinet. She ran upstairs to grab fresh clothes for the kids. When she came back down, she saw that Henry and Sophia had ripped off their diapers and they were running around. Jay was scrubbing the wall and hadn't even noticed.

"Mama!" Henry called out suddenly. She looked over and saw that he was peeing on the floor.

Erin held in a groan. She waited until he was finished, then put a diaper on him, followed by his favorite dinosaur t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants. Sophia was next and dressed in a purple princess t-shirt and light blue sweatpants. Finally, she put on a shark t-shirt and red sweatpants on Connor. Once the kids were all dressed, she got them over to the dining room table so they could eat.

Jay finally finished cleaning up and he turned around just in time to see his wife in action. Erin shoved bread into the toaster, then started filling sippy cups with milk. She reached out and caught Connor's yogurt right when it almost fell. The toast popped up, so she cut it into halves, spread a little peanut butter on it, and gave a piece to each child. She passed out milk cups, then made two bowls of cereal.

Jay came over and gently grabbed her face. He gave her a kiss. "You're so perfect."

Erin's face immediately flushed. "Let's eat."

"I'm serious, babe. I always knew you would be a good mom, but damn. You're amazing."

"Thank you." Erin wrapped her arms around him in a hug. "Now hurry up and eat while they're distracted. We're going to need food so we have enough energy for this. They can be exhausting."

Jay smiled. "I'm not worried. I know you'll have my back."

Erin kissed his cheek. "Always."

 **Next up…N: Negotiation**


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